Encontre Mi Voz: Consejitos De Mi Madre, Testimonio Del Margen: Experiences Of A Former Chicana Administrator In Student Services At A Hispanic Serving Institution

University of Texas at El Paso University of Texas at El Paso

ScholarWorks@UTEP ScholarWorks@UTEP

Open Access Theses & Dissertations

2023-05-01

Encontre Mi Voz: Consejitos De Mi Madre, Testimonio Del Encontre Mi Voz: Consejitos De Mi Madre, Testimonio Del

Margen: Experiences Of A Former Chicana Administrator In Margen: Experiences Of A Former Chicana Administrator In

Student Services At A Hispanic Serving Institution Student Services At A Hispanic Serving Institution

Carla Cardoza

University of Texas at El Paso

Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.utep.edu/open_etd

Part of the Educational Administration and Supervision Commons

Recommended Citation Recommended Citation

Cardoza, Carla, "Encontre Mi Voz: Consejitos De Mi Madre, Testimonio Del Margen: Experiences Of A

Former Chicana Administrator In Student Services At A Hispanic Serving Institution" (2023).

Open Access

Theses & Dissertations

. 3771.

https://scholarworks.utep.edu/open_etd/3771

This is brought to you for free and open access by ScholarWorks@UTEP. It has been accepted for inclusion in Open

Access Theses & Dissertations by an authorized administrator of ScholarWorks@UTEP. For more information,

please contact [email protected].

ENCONTRE MI VOZ: CONSEJITOS DE MI MADRE, TESTIMONIO DEL MARGEN:

EXPERIENCES OF A FORMER CHICANA ADMINISTRATOR IN

STUDENT SERVICES AT A HISPANIC SERVING

INSTITUTION

CARLA CARDOZA

Doctoral Program in Educational Leadership and Administration

APPROVED:

Jesus Cisneros, Ph.D., Chair

Edna Martinez, Ph.D.

Isela Peña, Ed.D.

Wei-Ling Sun, Ph.D.

Karina Canaba, Ed.D.

Stephen L. Crites, Jr., Ph.D.

Dean of the Graduate School

DEDICATION

I dedicate this study to my family, friends, and members of my academic committee. All

of whom supported and stood by me as I navigated through this journey and ensured that I

reached this goal.

To my amores, my husband and children, your unconditional love gave me the drive to

accomplish this milestone. My husband Guillermo, you are my best friend and one of the most

loving human beings I have met in my life. Thank you for the best 22 years of my life, I look

forward to the rest of our future. Thank you for teaching me uncompromising ways to love. You

have always believed in me and have never given up on me. You inspire me daily to be myself

and fight for what is right. To LuisaFernanda (Nana), my miracle baby girl, and my beautiful son

Memito. Both of you have been the inspiration for undertaking this enormous venture. You

never cease to amaze me, and both make me the proudest mom in the entire world. I love you

more than words can express. To mi ama, who is as strong and steadfast as ever. Ama, usted es

mi porrista y mi ángel de la guarda. Me ha cuidado físicamente y alimentado emocionalmente,

ningunas palabras jamás serán suficientes para poder agradecerle todo su amor y apoyo.

A mis cuates…thank you putting up with my venting and mind-numbing sessions, you

kept me going, and helped me become a better person. I share this milestone with all of you

because without your love and encouragement, none of this could have been accomplished.

And finally, to those who aspire to be Chicana administrators, you deserve to be heard,

respected, and valued. Do not forget that you have a lot of people supporting you, we are with

you. Be proud of who you are, and where you come from. Your voice matters, find it!

ENCONTRE MI VOZ: CONSEJITOS DE MI AMA, TESTIMONIO DESDE EL MARGEN

EXPERIENCES OF A FORMER CHICANA ADMINISTRATOR IN

STUDENT SERVICES IN A HISPANIC SERVING

INSTITUTION OF HIGHER EDUCATION

Carla Cardoza, B.A., M.P.A

DISSERTATION

Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School of

The University of Texas at El Paso

in Partial Fulfillment

of the Requirements

for the Degree of

DOCTOR OF EDUCATION

Department of Educational Leadership and Foundations

THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS AT EL PASO

May 2023

Acknowledgments and Dedication

There are many people who were part of my doctoral adventure emotionally and in the

flesh. My soul knows I was never alone during this amazing experience. For that reason, I would

like to take a moment to thank everyone who helped me earn this degree. Thank you for helping

me throughout the process and for helping me stay well-balanced. Your words of encouragement

and your prayers will always be with me.

Para mi hermosa familia, if not for your love, support, understanding, and encouragement

I know I could have never done it. To my husband, Guillermo, you have been the love of my

life, my support, and my strength throughout this process. You made sure that I remained focus

and met my objective. You cheered me on and never doubted that I would finish. You have

endured my personal and professional difficulties and you have always managed to find ways to

make me see the positive in everything. Thank you for your great love and encouragement.

To my angels, Nana and Memito, always remember that all things are possible. Always

follow your dreams and goals. Thank you for your patience as I engaged in and completed this

degree. Thank you for your understanding when I was absentminded or not present during your

soccer games and school events. You two are my inspiration, all the difficulties of my life

become easier when I am with you. You both are the best gifts papa Dios could have given me.

God blessed my life with you two. I am proud to be your mami and lucky to be part of your life.

Los amo sin medida… yo mas mas mas.

Ama, usted siempre ha sido mi más grande apoyo, aliento e inspiración. Gracias por todo

lo que ha hecho por mí, y gracias por ser la mejor mama del mundo. Sé que cuento con usted en

todo momento y para todo. Sé que siempre seré su “mama chiquita” y su niña fuerte. Gracias por

enseñarme a defenderme en la vida y de la vida. Gracias por ensenarme abogar por lo que es

justo. Gracias por todas las lecciones de vida que me ha dado. Este logro no sería posible sin

usted. Esto es por usted y para usted.

Para todas las mujeres chingonas de la familia Cardoza. Sus sufrimientos, sus alegrías,

sus consejos, sus cuidados y su amor incondicional me fortalecen y me motivan.

Toñita gracias por querer tanto a su flaco, a los niños y a mi. Gracias por apoyarme con

su amor y ayuda. La quiero y le agradezco infinitamente su apoyo.

I am eternally grateful to my amazing committee members for their time and dedication

to helping me through this process: Dr. Jesus Cisneros, Dr. Edna Martinez, Dr. Isela Peña and

Dr. Wei-Ling Sun. Dr. Cisneros, your guidance and honest feedback encouraged me and made

me feel that my work was legitimate and valuable. Thank you for believing in me, for

encouraging me to find and own my voice and for your kindness. Dra. Msartinez, your lessons,

and work has set the stage for students like me to feel confident to challenge our own self-

doubts. You inspired this work; you taught me the value of testimonio guided from an ethic of

pedagogy and care. Dra. Peña, I will never forget that day that we met, I have always admire

your intellect and integrity. You have always inspire me and lifted my spirits, muchas gracias.

Dra. Sun, thank you for opening opportunities for me to learn, appreciate and value the scholarly

importance of qualitative methods.

To my life-long academic, advocacy mentor and friend, Dra. Staudt. You truly inspire

me; you have supported me in ways that go above and beyond the role of mentor and for that I

will forever be grateful. I am honored and privileged to have worked with you, to be your friend

and can honestly say I would not be where I am without you. You have believed in me from the

moment you met me, and I greatly appreciate you.

vii

A mis cuates…thank you putting up with my “venting” and mind-numbing sessions, you

kept me focused, and helped me become a better person. I share this milestone with you. This

was possible because of your encouragement and love. To my colleagues and friends in the

Higher Education Administration program. We frequently turn to each other for motivation and

encouragement. The doctoral journey is challenging and demanding, but having exceptional

peers and going through the process with you made it possible.

For all the people who have said a prayer for me. Thank you!

viii

Abstract

For a very long time, Chicanas have experienced longstanding marginalization and

oppression in higher education. They have been subjected, degraded and their voice silenced due

to long-standing discrimination and oppression. Thus, the number of Chicanas in leadership roles

in higher education is dismal. The purpose of this qualitative study was to examine how I found

my voice through testimonio and self-reflection of my endured experiences and challenges as a

former Chicana administrator in student services at a Hispanic Serving Institution. This study

employed the theoretical frameworks of consejos and consejitos (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches

& Hernandez, 2020) and a Chicana Feminist Epistemology (Delgado Bernal, 1998) as lenses for

understanding how I found my voice through self-reflection (Anzaldua, 1987; Espino et al.,

2012).

The study was conducted using testimonio as a method and methodology. I utilized

testimonio as the research design. Testimonio methodology offered a format to document and

develop understanding about the effects of oppression and the inspiration of pedagogy of the

home, through consejos and consejitos (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020),

which help me endure my personal and professional journeys. Through my testimonio I tell the

story on how my mother’s guidance is indisputably the strength that carried me through

hardships, heartbreaks, and difficult experiences throughout my life and as a former Chicana

administrator in student services at a Hispanic Serving Institution.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements and Dedication ................................................................................................v

Abstract ......................................................................................................................................... vii

Table of Contents ........................................................................................................................... ix

Chapter 1: Introduction ....................................................................................................................1

Problem Statement ..................................................................................................................5

Purpose of the Study ...............................................................................................................6

Significance of Study ..............................................................................................................7

Terminology for Hispanic or Latinx .......................................................................................9

Chapter 2: Literature Review .........................................................................................................13

Chicanas in the United States ...............................................................................................14

Immigration, the Borderland and its Influence .....................................................................16

Higher Education as a Perpetrator: Systemic Racism and Colonization ..............................20

Whiteness, Racism and Racist Nativism .....................................................................22

Gender and Leadership ................................................................................................27

Chicanas in Higher Education Administration ..................................................28

Racial Microaggressions and Stereotypes ...................................................35

Impostor Syndrome .....................................................................................43

Resilience and Resistance to Oppression ..............................................................................45

Theoretical Framework: Chicana Feminist Epistemology and Consejitos ...........................50

Chicana Feminist Epistemology ..................................................................................50

Consejitos .....................................................................................................................51

Chaper 3: Methodology .................................................................................................................53

Research Design ....................................................................................................................55

Testimonio ...................................................................................................................56

Data Collection and Analysis................................................................................................60

Chaper 4: My Testimonio ..............................................................................................................63

Existing as a Borderlander ....................................................................................................63

Familia .........................................................................................................................65

Crossing a Double Border ............................................................................................69

Finding and Embracing my Chicana Identity ..............................................................73

A Blend of Double and Mestiza Consciouness.....................................................................77

Existing in Between: Language, Gender and Race ......................................................79

Resilient Against Oppression .......................................................................................85

Support and Coping Mechanisms ................................................................................97

I am Still Here: Mi Ama’s Consejitos an Oppositional Tool .............................................106

Chapter 5: Conclusion..................................................................................................................108

Discussion of Findings .......................................................................................................108

Implications for Research ...................................................................................................121

Implications for Practice .....................................................................................................125

My Consejos and Consejitos ......................................................................................129

References ....................................................................................................................................132

Vita .............................................................................................................................................167

Chapter 1: Introduction

“A woman who writes has power, and a woman with power is feared.”

― Gloria E. Anzaldúa

De la escuela de la vida: Lo que no me mata, me fortalece. Life has a way of teaching the

greatest and most important lessons. For a very long time, women in all aspects of life have the

need to work harder than men to be considered capable. This is more notable in the workplace

where women must demonstrate their value, competence and brainpower when executing their

work (Verniers & Martinot, 2015). According to the U.S. Census (2022), women encompass

50.5% of the total U.S. population. And minority women (Hispanic, Black, American Indian,

Native American, Asian, Native Hawaiian, other Pacific Island, or two or more races) comprised

20.3% of the population (U.S. Census Bureau, 2022) and 40% of those were college educated

(National Center for Education Statistics [NCES], 2021). While women hold 51.5% of all

professional jobs, they are still considerably underrepresented in leadership positions (Bureau of

Labor Statistics [BLS], 20220). Minimal progress has been made by women in attaining

leadership roles, thus more needs to be done (Rahim et al., 2018). The American Council on

Education (2016) reported that higher education lags with only 30% of college and university

presidents, chancellors, or CEOs (Johnson, 2016). Advancement has been gradual for all women;

nevertheless, for Women of Color, for Hispanic women, inequalities continue in positions of

leadership in higher education.

A study by the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), in 2020, reported the

percent of female, full-time, student service administrators was 69%. However, minority women

in higher education administration positions in student services only accounted for 20.5%. For

Hispanics alone the outlook is troubling as well. As of 2020, Hispanics represented 18.9% of the

U.S. population and were the largest minority group in the United States (U.S. Census Bureau,

2020). Although research demonstrates that Hispanics favor working in higher education since

they view the positions as prestigious and financially rewarding (Fischer et al., 2019; Menchaca

et al., 2016), however, the representation of Hispanics in these roles is inadequate (Carbajal,

2018). For Hispanic women the landscape is even worse, only accounting for 7% of higher

education administrator positions in student services (NCES, 2020).

While research has focused on the lack of minoritized faculty and administrators in

higher education (Hannum et al., 2015; NCES, 2022; Whitford, 2020), there is limited research

that specifically explores Chicana administrators in student services at a Hispanic Serving

Institutions (HSI) and the experiences they endure while navigating a leadership journey. Further

research focused on the reasons why Chicana women lack representation in higher leadership

administration in student services positions and what aspects impede their progress, needs to be

conducted to make advances for future generation of Chicanas (Mejia & Gushue, 2017).

Throughout the decades civil rights groups have attempted to promote diversity and have

made efforts to advance equality; however, racism and discrimination actions are more evident

than before, and the country is further away from attaining equality (Olin, 2020). According to a

study by the Pew Research Center, approximately half of Hispanics in the country reported

suffering prejudice treatment and believed they were unfairly treated due to their race or

ethnicity (Krogstad & Lopez, 2016). This treatment is displayed through many forms of

oppression and marginalization, including microaggressions, which are “everyday verbal,

nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional,

which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely

upon their marginalized group membership” (Sue & Spanierman, 2020, p. 1). Microaggressions

are a daily reality for minorities and People of Color. Microaggressions can seem insignificant,

but they deeply affect the lives of the people they negatively touch (Sue et al., 2007). Entrenched

racism and the adverse effects on minority groups are hardly ever refer to in higher education

literature (Harper, 2012). Recent events in our society have underlined the way racism has

become more overt (Worland, 2020). Then again, for decades our society has undergone racism

that is more elusive. A kind of racism that Bonilla-Silva (2018) termed “color-blind racism” is

harmful to People of Color because it refers to the notion that people do not see race in our

society since race is irrelevant (p.2). This kind of racism is found in society but also in higher

education and it is detrimental to those that it affects (Harper, 2012).

Even though admission to higher education has increased for minority students

(American Council on Education, 2022; Hussar et al., 2020; Strayhorn, 2008), the number of

administrators of color in higher education still lags. The National Center for Education Statistics

or NCES (2020) calculates a 15% increase in the Hispanic student population between 2016 and

2026. Centered on these data, higher education institutions will need to aggressively engage

student services professionals that can effectively represent and connect to the increasing number

of Hispanic students (Bichsel et al., 2018; Chan, 2017; Rapp, 1997; Sagaria & Johnsrud, 1991;

Strayhorn, 2008). Projections from U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (2022) predict that, between

2021 and 2031, there will be a 17% increase in vacant administrator positions that will be

available due to retirements and people who are leaving the profession. There will be an

estimated 17,600 postsecondary administrator positions that will need to be filled annually. The

disparity in the representation of Chicana student services professionals and the isolation and

gender inequity they face create further issues of representation and retention in higher education

(Pritchard & McChesney, 2018). This issue is a social problem representing an environment of

status quo and male domination, discrimination, and deficiency in equitable treatment in the

workforce (Stamarski & Son Hing, 2015). The coping mechanisms used by Women of Color

who endure marginalization and oppression are equally important to study and consider.

The inspiration for this study is the feeling of responsibility and duty to create awareness

about the marginalization and oppression I suffered as a former Chicana administrator and the

guidance provided by my mother through aspirational tips, consejos and consejitos (Delgado

Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020), which helped me confront them by way of self-

reflection and persevere. These aspirational tips are used by Mexican/Chicano and Latino

families to teach children feelings, understanding, and risks about educational institutions and

life (Alfaro et al., 2014; Delgado-Gaitan, 1994). These consejos and consejitos are values rooted

in culture which depict the wisdom of our ancestors and deliver guidance for strength. This

guidance is significant because as a Chicana, I connected with my culture and the honor that

makes me accept my Mexican customs and values in order to persevere challenging

circumstances. Challenges are experienced by Chicana leaders and are not isolated cases; these

challenges are widespread (Leslie & Gelfand, 2008).

From the onset of my graduate studies, I contemplated doing a qualitative study focused

on microaggressions suffered by Latina administrators in higher education. I had decided to

conduct individual interviews and observations with numerous participants. I was set on

conducting interviews with Latina top administrators at several HSIs in the border region. As I

conducted informal conversations with several of the potential participants, they preferred “off

the record” meetings. At a personal level, in casual settings their experiences were always ready

to be told but there was always a rejection to publishing or putting them in writing. There was

uneasiness, and many of them shared that they felt if they participated in such a study, they

would become further targets of ill-treatment by their oppressors. They felt that if anyone in the

institution and their employers found out they had participated in any way in a study like this,

their careers would suffer further negative consequences. Some blamed themselves for the

situations they were in, and others felt they would be harshly judged by others. Even when I

informed them that the information would be kept anonymous and no real names would be used,

they still decided they did not want to participate. Although I had this setback, I chose to carry

on and do my own testimonio, to tell my personal experiences as a former Chicana administrator

in student services at a Hispanic Serving Institution. To tell my testimonio and how through

self-reflection I was able to end my silence and I find my voice. It is important to point out that

when I started my dissertation journey, I was still a Chicana administrator at an HSI institution.

Over the course of my dissertation, there were experiences that drove me out of my role.

Problem Statement

Latina administrators are entering the field of higher education administration but are

encountering early challenges that impact their career trajectories and ability to reach senior-

leadership roles (Alcalde & Subramaniam, 2020; Gagliardi et al., 2017). According to the NCES

(2020), the percent of female, full-time, student service administrators was 69%. Latinx higher

education administrators accounted for 10% of full-time student services staff. Of this group of

Latinx administrators, 3% were Latinx men (Latinos) and 7% were Latinx women. Projections

from U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (2022) predict that, between 2021 and 2031, there will be a

17% increase in administrator positions that will be available due to retirements and people who

are leaving the profession. There will be an estimated 17,600 postsecondary administrators

positions that will need to be filled annually. In addition, the NCES (2020) calculates a 15%

increase in the Hispanic student population between 2016 and 2026. The disparity in the

representation of Chicana student services professionals and the isolation and gender inequity

they face create further issues of representation and retention in higher education. Student

services professionals of color are moving into the field in entry-level jobs and getting stuck in

those positions, therefore they leave (Pritchard & McChesney, 2018). Women of color confront

many challenged because of their gender and ethnicity. These challenges include a lack

acknowledgement for the work they perform and accomplishments they achieve (Masse et al.,

2007). The exclusion Chicana administrators suffer is a societal issue demonstrating an

environment of status quo and male dominated systems, prejudiced, and inequality in the

workforce (Stamarski & Son Hing, 2015).

Purpose of the Study

Johnson (2016) wrote a report for the American Council on Education that reported the

proportion of presidencies in higher education held by women had only increased 4 percent

between 2011 and 2016, growing from 26% to 30%. Even though, women have received more

than 50% of doctoral degrees in the same time frame (Johnson 2016) and women in the labor

market has grown in all areas, including higher education (Yellen, 2020). There are visible

gender gap barriers that exist for women on their journey to top administration in higher

education. Equally concerning are the barriers that Women of Color encounter in education and

in the workforce. The courts, through laws instituted by the Civil Rights Act in 1964 (Stansbury

et al., 1984) and government initiatives such as the National Strategy on Gender Equity and

Equality created by the White House in 2021, have compelled organizations to support equal

treatment in the employment and promotion of women, and to further women’s career

advancement into leadership positions.

The purpose of this study is to gain insight of my lived experiences, challenges,

oppression and marginalization I encountered as a former Chicana administrator in student

services at Hispanic-serving institution, and the self-reflection that helped find my voice. As well

as the familial aspirational messages that inspired me to develop the resilience and survival

mechanism to endure those experiences. I utilized Testimonio to tell those experiences and make

sense of them. Testimonio is a meaningful Latin American oral tradition that unites “the spoken

work to social action and privileges the oral narrative of personal experience as a source of

knowledge, empowerment, and political strategy for claiming rights and bringing about social

change” (Benmayor et al., 1997, p. 153). By telling stories we share knowledge across

generations and reclaim experiences that have been dismissed by power structures, which foster,

maintain, and reinforce policies and practices in institutional systems of power (Delgado Bernal,

2002). I call attention to my mother’s aspirational guidance of consejos and consejitos (Delgado

Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020) and the aspirational messages Hispanics use at home

that edify and inspire perseverance. Through this study, I examine the following research

questions:

RQ1: What experiences of oppression and marginalization I endured as a former Chicana

administrator in student services at a Hispanic Serving Institution that helped me find my voice?

RQ2: What familial aspirational messages contributed to my resistance in navigating these

experiences and helped me find my voice?

Significance of Study

Research indicates that discrimination is an everyday experience for People of Color who

experience forms of harmful stereotypes, biased remarks, and actions of contempt (Sellers &

Shelton, 2003). Extreme forms of patriarchy and whiteness within organizations consist of

hostile behavior and aggressive views about gender and racism (Lim & Cortina, 2005). These

preconceived notions can be particularly damaging for Women of Color. Chicanas confront

many barriers in higher education but even when they succeed to reach the top, they often

continue to encounter gender and racial biases (Eagly & Carli, 2007; Eagly & Karau, 2002).

There is an assumption that women must assume traditional female gender-roles in leadership,

roles that contradict each other. For example, they are expected to be affectionate and noble

whereas at the same time they need to apply features of a leader, such as self-confidence,

boldness, strength, and independence (Eagly & Carli, 2007; Eagly & Karau, 2002). By and large

Chicanas in management roles describe their leadership style as one with integrity, committed

work ethic and service determination (Johnson, 2016). Chicanas also describe themselves as

resourceful, having good listening skills, positive, and strong (Bonilla-Rodriguez, 2011). Still,

the effects of discrimination against them have an adverse emotional and professional impact on

them (Kwate & Goodman, 2015) and are mainly revealed through a blend of racial and gender

microaggressions. The topic of microaggressions against Chicanas in leadership brings

invaluable insight to the literature on the subject, specifically, regarding the limited research on

Chicanas’ experiences of marginalization and oppression faced while working in leadership

positions in student services in higher education. Institutions need to be able to look squarely at

these problems, patterns, and establish systems to reverse these institutional failures (Kwate &

Goodman, 2015).

Biased actions against Chicanas are predominantly revealed in socially suitable ways that

result in gender and racial stereotypes and damaging inequalities which are challenging to

recognize (Swim et al., 2001). Most importantly, these actions serve as a daily reminder that

one’s race and ethnicity are a constant provocation in the world (Harrell, 2000). It is also

important to study the importance of family contributions to the development of individuals in

education and professional live. Familia is imperative to Hispanics. It is not only a common

practice but also a valuable resource to the development of children (Flores, 2016). In spite of

this, education systems in the U.S. have historically dismissed Chicano/Latino family

contributions by way of exclusion and discrimination. Studying the importance of aspirational

messages communicated by Mexican/Chicano parents to their children to socialize, instill values,

and ways to endure hardships (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020) must be

studied to recognize their contributions. As the number of Chicano/Latino students attending

college increase, and the number of Chicanas pursuing careers in higher education administration

rises, it is essential that we look into these experiences and identify the ways marginalization and

oppression are manifested towards Chicanas. As well as cultivating an appreciation for families’

contributions regarding the engagement of parents and development of survival mechanisms.

The significance of this study is to present my experiences of oppression and

marginalization as a Chicana administrator in student services at a Hispanic Serving Institution

and acknowledge how I was able to find my voice. Together with the appreciation of familial

aspirational messages that inspired me to develop resilience and endure these experiences.

Looking into these experiences can assist in having a deeper insight into how to confront these

oppression-centered relations and how to support People of Color in negotiating them (Harrell,

2000). This study also seek to find a validating safe space to self-reflect to tell my testimonio and

heal during the process.

Terminology for Hispanic or Latinx

According to the U.S. Census (2020), the largest Hispanic group in the United States are

Mexicans (63%), Puerto Ricans (8.8%), Cubans (3.8%), and Dominicans (3.5%). While dealing

with persons of Latin American origin, it is essential to appreciate and take into account the

various aspects of their culture. In 1977 the U.S. Office of Management and Budget (OMG)

developed five racial and ethnic groups: White, Asian or Pacific Islander, Black American, U.S.

Indian or Alaska Native, and Hispanic (Lopez et al., 2022). The U.S. government created the

word Hispanic in the 1970s, once Mexican American and other Hispanic groups pushed for the

national government to obtain statistics on the population (Neo-Bustamante, 2020). In 1976

congress approved a law that compelled the U.S. Census Bureau to make an all-embracing

classification that included people who related to Mexican, South American, Central American,

Cuban, Puerto Rican, and other Spanish-speaking country backgrounds. In 1980 the U.S. Census

for the first time used the term Hispanic in a complete population count (Neo-Bustamante, 2020).

In the 1990s, critics argued the term Hispanic meant a connection with Spain and it

reinforced the opinion that all Hispanics share the same history, cultural customs, racial and

ethnic characteristics, and the like (Neo-Bustamante, 2020; Tatum, 2013). Thus, an option term

was developed, Latino. By 1997, the U.S. OMB released a mandate including the term Latino to

government documents and publications. The term Latino first appeared on the 2000 U.S.

census, together with Hispanic. However, according to polling conducted by the Pew Research

Center (Lopez et al., 2022) a period of 15 years half of Americans who identify with Spain and

Spanish-speaking Latin America countries have repeatedly said Hispanic or Latino is the same

for them. Various racial and ethnic groups within the Hispanic culture have used diverse labels to

identify with. For instance, people of Mexican origin residing in different regions of the U.S.

employ distinct terms—people from Texas frequently use the term Tejano, while people from

California frequently use Chicano and Mexican American. Regrettably, individuals from other

groups employ insulting terms to refer to minority groups. Many of the disparaging labels are

used as a reference to the method of migration. For instance, the term balseros is used to classify

people who migrated to the United States in small boats (Tatum, 2013).

These terms carry detailed information about the uniqueness of an individual and

community and are not always interchangeable. Therefore, it is important that when we write

about members of these communities, we need not forget to use the correct terms and primarily

take into consideration how they self-identify. The University of Texas Arlington offer the

following terms for Hispanics/Latinos in the United States and serve as an overview to terms

used (University of Texas Arlington, 2022):

Hispanic - People from Spanish-speaking communities and nations.

Latino - People from communities and nations that speak Romance languages.

Latinx/Latin/Latin@/Chicanx - These variants are used to gender inclusive.

_____-American - Hyphenated terms, such as Mexican American, African American, and

Colombian-American, are used by immigrants, typically to refer to the 2nd and 3rd generations

from the migration. However, many use hyphenated identities after several generations from the

original migration.

Chicano - This term is frequently used by members of the Mexican movement. It is a label for

people of Mexican descent born in the United States. The term became popular and is commonly

used by Mexican Americans as a representation of pride in the course of the Chicano Movement

in the 1960s.

Other Terms - Identities can differ from person to person, and among different nationalities there

are variations.

These terms are not inclusive of all terms that exist. For that reason, it is worth mentioning to

bear in mind the different ways individuals ascertain their identity and in case of misgivings it is

best to respectfully ask for clarification.

Chapter 2: Literature Review

“Books saved my sanity, knowledge opened the locked places in me and taught

me first how to survive and then how to soar.”― Gloria E. Anzaldúa

El aprender es amargura; el fruto es la dulzura. Learning is hard, however, the outcome

is gratifying. I completed this research to tell my lived experiences of oppression and

marginalization as a former Chicana administrator in student services at a Hispanic Serving

Institution. In this literature review, I prepared an overview of the prevailing issues Chicanas

face in the United States. Together with how immigration and the borderland influence our

identities. Furthermore, I focused on workplace inequalities in higher education, in particular the

entrenched systemic racism and colonization based on immigration, race, ethnicity, and gender,

against Chicanas administrators. Revealed through racial and gender stereotypes and

microaggressions, which give rise to feelings of impostor syndrome. I share how I was able to

resist by embracing resilience and thrive on my own terms. Finally, I describe the theoretical

framework guiding this study is Chicana Feminist Epistemology (CFE), which acknowledges the

significance of my personal experiences, my voice as a marginalized Chicana and the collective

knowledge of those who have come before me to oppose institutions of power and advocating

for positive transformation (Delgado Bernal, 1998; Solórzano & Yosso, 2001). As well as the

importance of mi ama’s aspirational messages through consejos and consejitos (Delgado Gaitan,

1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020), which instilled values and ways to endure hardships.

In general, there is a considerable quantity of studies and literature on the comprehensive

topic of leadership (Gini & Green, 2013). Numerous research that have been completed,

evaluate the influence of leadership styles on the operation of organizations and on the impact on

elements such as work culture, efficiency, implementation, and retention (Alonderiene &

Majauskaite, 2016; Siddique et al., 2011; Yang, 2014; Yang & Islam, 2012). The idea of

leadership has changed because of organizational and environmental transformations

(Alonderiene & Majauskaite, 2016). There is a limited research studying the conditions of

Chicana administrators in student services in Hispanic Serving Institutions, and the approaches

they use to navigate marginalization and oppression.

Chicanas in the United States

The U.S. Census (2022) reported that all Hispanics comprised 62 million (18.9%) of the

U.S. population of 331 million. It is estimated that by 2060 the Hispanic population will grow to

be 111 million (28%) of the U.S. population. The largest subgroup of Hispanics is Mexican,

which comprise of 38.1 million (61.6%) of the Hispanic population. According to the report

Hispanic women population comprises 31 million (49.8%) of the Hispanic population. The

female Mexican subgroup comprises 18.7 million (61.3%) of all Hispanic women population.

According to the same report the female population in the U.S. is comprised of 167 million

(50.5%) of the total population. And Hispanic women make up 31 million (18.3%) of the total

U.S. women population and 9.3% of the total U.S. population. It is estimated that by 2050

Hispanic women will make up 25% of the total U.S. women population, a 48% growth

(estimated to be 213.38 million) (U.S. Census, 2022). As the number of Hispanic women

increases it is essential that we look back in history and recognize the importance of the various

contributions and impacts that Chicanas have provided. Perhaps now more than ever, it is equally

important to focus on methods to alleviate these inequalities.

The 1960s was the scenario for the progress of the civil rights movement. During this

time the second wave feminist movement was created to dismantle workplace inequality and to

fight gender discrimination by passing laws that benefitted women (Rampton, 2015). Changes in

the civil rights movement, also started in the 1960s, motivated Black and Chicana feminist

groups to branch out from the white feminist organizations. It is important to emphasize that the

Black and Chicana feminist movements did not derive from the white feminist movement, they

all developed concurrently as separate constituencies (Roth, 2003). Although the different

women movements focused on the issue of women issues, many believed the white feminist

movement was based only on a white agenda and there was a scarcity of focus that benefitted all

women, there was no real focus on issues Women of Color experienced. At the time the Black

feminist movements chose to split from the Black movement, Chicana feminists elected to focus

on working on a greater political presence within the Chicano movement. The first Chicana

feminist organizations began to emerge around in the late 1960s, getting their strength and

members from the broader Chicano and labor movements. Most Chicanas worked with the

Chicano movement, however, during the 1970s they also worked within white women's

liberation movements. For Chicanas, feminism involved more than an exploration of gender and

contained both race and class which affected their daily existence. Yet, White feminist

organizations’ primary focus was on gender, and their adopted political issues proved

insufficient for Chicanas’ struggles of oppression that based on race and class (Garcia, 1989).

Some of the groups that arose from the Chicana Feminist movement were Las Hijas de

Cuauhtémoc at California State University at Long Beach formed in 1969, and the Comisión

Femenil Mexicana Nacional in 1970 (Chávez, 2005). Many other feminist groups of women

from various racial and sexual orientations grew after the 1970s, all led by the concept of identity

politics defined by groups who built their movement with members of their own racial, ethnic, or

sexual orientation group (Collective, 1983; Heyes, 2020). Roth (2004) described the creation of

different movements, such as Chicana feminism, as a function to “organize their own” (p.22),

members of the same racial or ethnic groups. Identity politics gave wave to the concept of

intersectionality, defined at the beginning of the twenty-first century by Black theorists.

Intersectionality maintains there is not one particular oppression working individually, instead

characteristics of class, gender, race, and sexual orientation are interconnected. Therefore it is

important to take this into account when designing political approaches and evaluating existing

conditions (Crenshaw 1990; Hancock 2016).

The notion of the Mexican American women who navigate two cultures, developing a

third identity of “mestiza” was first presented by Gloria Anzaldua in 1987 (p.77). Anzaldua

explained that this third identity occurs naturally for Chicanas because of the way their lives are

shaped in contrast to the dominant culture and other minority groups. As Vera and Santos (2005)

effectively stated, “We have much to say about what it is like to walk in both worlds, including

the pain, isolation, and exclusion found within our experiences” (p. 111).

Immigration, the Borderland, and its Influence

In her book Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza, Anzaldua (1987) describes the

U.S. – Mexico border as a spatial construct

“a dividing line, a narrow strip along a steep edge” (p. 3).

A line created by geographical and sociopolitical realities. She describes this same

border in a poignant image of prejudice and pain, as:

“una herida abierta” -- an open wound where the Third World grates against the first

and bleeds…Before a scab forms it hemorrhages again, the lifeblood of two worlds

merging to form a third country – a border culture…set up to define the places that are

safe and unsafe, to distinguish us from them” (p. 3).

As for the definition of borderlands, Anzaldua makes a distinction of the definition as

“a vague and undetermined place created by the emotional residue of an unnatural

boundary. It is in a constant state of transition. The prohibited and forbidden are its

inhabitants” (p. 3).

Anzaldua’s words describe the borderlands as a peculiar metaphorical space, which is in an

endless state of change and depicts its position and nature as a discriminatory binary for those

who exist in it. I grew up as a borderlander experiencing and seeing the struggles and efforts the

border creates. I am aware that for many who reside away from the reality of the U.S.-Mexico

border, our borderland is merely a standardized image of atrocious violence that is widespread

throughout the border. And although this is accurate, as borderlanders, the reality of our

everyday lives represent numerous frameworks. We live different contexts which are full of

duality, individuality, tradition, originality, love, hate, pain, happiness collaboration, limitation

and other possible impossibilities. As a borderlander, my focus in regards to the border has

always been to dispel and respond to the uniform misrepresentation of my home, my border.

The border that I love despite its profound limitations.

The United States consist of immigrants from around the world who have been coming

since 1776. The poem in the Statue of Liberty, that reads, “give me your tired, your poor, your

huddled masses yearning to breathe free… I lift my lamp beside the golden door” (Lazarus,

1888) may provide some immigrants with optimism and inspire a belief of being embraced in

this country. Then again, this is not the case for all immigrants. Media influences the

perceptions of immigrants by supporting fear and contempt for them. This triggers a negative

opinion of immigrants in which they are regarded as not belonging in this country and

contributes to the idea that they are non-native. Americans’ opinions of the border are highly

predisposed by media. When media reports about the border it is usually about immigration and

it is done in a politically biased way. The stories about the immigration problem and

undocumented immigrants are usually exaggerated and biased. For example, in a 2016 campaign

speech, former president Trump labeled undocumented immigrants as “illegal aliens”, who are

criminals and bring drugs in to the county. A more educated evaluation of the situation shows

that immigrants experience severe human rights cruelties and suffering during their voyage to the

U.S. As soon as immigrants cross the south border into the United Sates, they are branded as

lawbreakers and “illegals” with no rights (Johnson & Trujillo, 2011). This thought targets all

Latinx communities in the whole country, regardless of their citizenship status. This also results

in various practices such as racial profiling and being “othered” (Johnson & Trujillo, 2011, p.

172). Movies such as Archie Mayo‘s Bordertown influence how audiences see Latinx people and

their experiences. In the movie, the main character Johnny was played by an Ukranian actor—his

accent was inconsistent and also just horrible. All Mexican characters came across as simple or

dumb, and every character of color was stereotyped. In the movie, Johnny was labeled a

“savage” and that opinion never changed, even as he gained the success, he thought he needed to

be looked at differently. It’s interesting to watch Bordertown today when we can recognize the

cause of Johnny’s tragic story is not his “visceral” nature but instead the issue is predetermined

by racism, prejudices, and stereotypical behaviors that are impossible to overcome for most

immigrants.

Brunet-Jaily (2011) states, “Borders are not just hard territorial lines – they are

institutions that result from bordering policies – they are thus about people; and for most settled

territories they are predominantly about inclusion and exclusion, as they are woven into varied

cultural, economic and political fabrics” (p. 3). Although different minority groups in our

country have been historically marginalized and purposely left out of the white national identity

of the U.S. One of those groups are Chicanos, who have confronted colonialism and racial

targeting (Solórzano, 2009, p. 394). In the border the identities of Mexicana/o and Chicana/o are

defined by its division, where the “individuals’ racial and ethnic” position is exaggerated

“politically, socially, culturally, and legally” (Bejarano, 2006, p. 60). There are social factors that

force immigrants to modify and fit into the new culture. Hispanics of all origins have very

diverse geographic, social, and economic circumstances, rendering each group within all

Hispanics as unique. To be welcome by the majority, many times immigrants are required to

adapt or acculturate, to be perceived more American (Berry, 1997; Mejia & Gushue, 2017).

Assimilation is described as “the acquisition of language, ideals, and behaviors of the dominant

group” (Tatum, 2013, p. 297). Assimilation subject individuals to remove themselves from their

culture and in its place align with the new culture. In contrast, acculturation is the altering of

one’s behavior to the new culture, but conserving ideals and customs from their own culture

(Berry, 1997; Tatum, 2013). In acculturation, individuals must function in two distinct worlds,

that of the new country and their country. The level of acculturation that migrants engage in

hinges on the level of participation in their own culture or new culture and on the individual’s

intensity of biculturalism (Adames & Chavez-Dueñas, 2016; Berry, 1997; Mejia & Gushue,

2017). Furthermore, when immigrants hold on to their own cultural beliefs and customs and

refuse those of the majority culture this process is called separation. Biculturalism happens when

the individual accepts both the individual’s own cultural customs and those of the new culture,

realizing a dual identity. What is more, for immigrants, a lack of sense of belonging enhances

feelings of displacement. Living in the border causes its residents with the sensation of being

homeless and drifting, just like Anzaldua described. Furthermore, Franco (2002) stated that

because of these feelings of displacement “an individual can be displaced while at ‘home’” (p.

128). Borderlanders are forced to evaluate the contradictory emotions of inclusion and exclusion.

Higher Education as Perpetrator: Systemic Racism and Colonization

“I have had to confront the fact that much of what I value about being Chicana,

about my family, has been subverted by anglo culture and my own cooperation

with it.”― Cherrie Moraga

The demographic composition of the United States is always fluctuating. The Hispanic

population being the largest and fastest ethnic minority group in the U.S., reaching 62 million in

2020 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2022). Even though, Hispanic women make up almost half of the

Hispanic population their low representation in higher education is appalling. This is especially

true in positions of leadership. The NCES (2020) described the percent of minority women in

higher education administration positions in student services only accounted for 20.5%. For

Hispanics women alone the outlook is even more troubling. Hispanic women only accounted for

7% of higher education administrator positions in student services.

Colonization refers to the degree of prevalent forms of common racism that validates

white supremacy in higher education. Even though higher education institutions, especially

Hispanic Serving Institutions (HSIs), have pledged their commitment to the diversification of

their work environments. Keating (2000) states, “we must develop pedagogical practices that

enable us to begin divesting ourselves of this ‘white’ frame of reference by exposing and

resisting its power” (p. 428-429). Antiracist efforts must include dismantling whiteness (Matias

& Newlove, 2017). A drawback to antiracist efforts is white guilt or white fragility (DiAngelo,

2018; Keating, 2000) which stops growth and deters importance away from destroying

whiteness, therefore strengthening white privilege. There is still so much they need to do to truly

address all these issues. Higher education institutions, as well as other organizations, are

colonizing settings full of oppressive conditions and fortified by policies that safeguard the

perpetrators and require those who enter to assimilate. Those who are allowed to enter must

abide by the rules and embrace the system or else jeopardize their jobs when they are a

disruption (Flores Carmona et al., 2018). In these institutions, the status quo is reflected by those

who are allowed to tell the stories from their perspective and minority members feel censured,

discouraged, and isolated (Harris & González, 2012). Historically, workplace settings have given

more power to white people, particularly men, and disregarded minorities, for the most part

minority women.

Unlike Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) who have a principal

written mission to educate black Americans, HSIs do not have a declared mission of serving a

specific population. Flores Carmona and Rosenberg (2021) explained that the fact that these

higher education institutions serve marginalized groups does not mean oppression and

discrimination does not take place there. Many of these institutions are also completely rooted in

oppression, therefore faculty and administrators who have an understanding and knowledge on

diversity are in a precarious situation in these institutions. HSIs are accredited as such by the

Department of Education if they have at least 25% Hispanic enrollment with a minimum of 50%

of the school’s Hispanic students eligible for need-based aid (Hispanic Association of Colleges

and Universities, 2022). Each HSI has its own mission and their missions do not necessarily

align with that of serving Hispanics or minorities. Systemic racism spreads administrative

inaction and unaccountability. The present-day systemic and institutional racism oppresses

minorities and women of color. Chicanas are many times considered as replaceable, and their

performance is repetitively misconstrued (Valverde, 2003). Since there is an absence of secure

spaces for women of color, Chicanas often alter their selves, adjusting, and conforming to the

expectation of being accepted. Chicanas also adopt survival skills and self-initiate strategies with

formal and informal support networks to help them with the everyday challenges they face

(Collins, 2000). In addition, women of color work “twice as hard” to appear credible and contest

being sidelined at work by making their own spaces both professionally and personally

(West, 2019). Although having safe spaces seemed necessary, having to do this, as well as

executing their work duties, lead to increased burnout. This is conflicting to a woman’s sense of

self because women are on a continuous identity-based spectrum of suffering (Ravitch, 2020).

Whiteness, Racism and Racist Nativism

To understand the discrimination and oppression that is rooted in the systems of most

organizations, we need to first try to understand the definition of whiteness, racism and racist

nativism, which afflicts them. Higham (1955) emphasizes the main elements of nativism as

those that work to preserve a national identity constructed on the fear of those who are foreign or

not White. The definition of Whiteness is related to perceptions of who is native. Whites are

traditionally and legitimately thought as the natives of the U.S. (Higham, 1955; Saito, 1997).

Bonilla-Silva (2018) defined White supremacy as a system where power and resources are

inequitably allocated to favor the dominant group and subjugate People of Color. To understand

the power of racism as an indication of white supremacy, we can focus on the meaning of who is

native which is grounded on the established sentiments of who belongs and who does not (Huber

et al., 2008).

Memmi (1968) defined racism as "the generalized and final assigning of values to real or

imagined differences, to the accuser's benefit and at his victim's expense, in order to justify the

former's own privileges and aggression" (p. 140). Memmi stressed the implication of perceptions

of racial differences. Considering the connection between nativism, Whiteness and racism,

Huber and colleagues (2008) defined racist nativism as “The assigning of values to real or

imagined differences, in order to justify the superiority of the native, who is perceived to be

white, over that of the non-native, who is perceived to be People and Immigrants of Color, and

thereby defend the right of whites, or the natives, to dominance” (Huber et al., 2008, p. 42).

Perez Huber (2010) utilized racist nativism to study the role of systemic racism and how

organizations enable racist experiences against those who are seen as non-native. And she found

that allocating standards of non-nativeness continues to rationalize marginalization, exclusion,

harsh actions against People of Color.

Whiteness is represented when white people deny their racial prejudices by statements

that voice they are not racist since they have friends who are minorities (Anderson, 2009;

Cabrera, 2012 & 2014). DiAngelo (2018) argues that white people preserve white supremacy by

stating that white individuals cannot be racist because they are good people. This idea incorrectly

applies racism only to specific people who are bad but it disregards the way systemic racism is

upheld by everyday acts, attitudes, white ideals, customs, and conduct. A persuasive

misconception to whiteness is that it is synonymous with white people (DiAngelo, 2018;

Keating, 2000). Leonardo (2002) stated that whiteness, white people, and white culture are not

equal and we should not think of them as synonymous. Gillborn (2014) posited whiteness “is not

a race; whiteness . . . is an ideology, a form of belief, and a system of assumptions and practices.

It is not a description of a people” (p. 32). In addition, when institutions sustain the notion of

meritocracy they neglect to acknowledge real issues of race and gender. Meritocracy is

described as a social concept that asserts that an individual will prosper if they work hard for

their objectives, ignoring the influence of racism and discrimination factors (Lorber 1984;

Razack et al 2020). Lipsitz (2006) posits that concealing forthright racial inequalities with

concepts of meritocracy and colorblindness safeguards dominant advantages that secure white

dominance, preserves racism and guarantees racial inequality (Anderson, 2017; Bonilla-Silva,

2018).

As with all institutions in the U.S., whiteness is inserted throughout higher education

(Brooks-Immel & Murray, 2017; Cabrera et al, 2017; Latino, 2010). Most institutions tend to

employ performative whiteness, an activity in which institutions issue statements that give the

impression of caring about racial justice and equity without applying significant policy initiatives

that result in systemic change (Sangaramoorthy & Richardson, 2020). At the same time, they

consistently feature these attempts as evidence of being inclusive regardless of whether these

initiatives result in meaningful or measurable improvement in student experiences or outcomes.

Inherently, even when institutions use strategies, such as becoming a Hispanic Serving

Institution (HSI), they fail to make real transformational change, professing the facade of

transformation (Stewart, 2017). Confronting whiteness in HSIs starts with acknowledging how

whiteness works and how it is executed to uphold prejudiced structures. Beyond performative

whiteness, whiteness can also exist through the white denial of responsibility to address racial

inequities and placing the primary responsibility on faculty, staff, and students of color (Latino,

2010). White people’s assertions that they do not see race, therefore when they work with People

of Color they cooperate, connect and assess them the same way as everyone else’s is called

Color evasiveness. Color evasiveness evolved from Bonilla-Silva’s (2018) original theory of

color-blindness, describing the strategy white people use to exonerate themselves from personal

responsibility for racial inequities. In a study conducted by Brooks-Immel and Murray (2017)

they discovered that white executives relate very strongly with color-evasive attitudes, which let

them argue that color was irrelevant and had no influence in their decisions and views. This

study examined how white administrators realize their racial positions and the way whiteness

relates to the institutions they work for. Their research defined five microconstructions of white

supremacy: 1) whites understand racism as being an individual-based occurrence; 2) whites take

a color-evasiveness approach concerning racism in their everyday lives; 3) whites assert that

People of Color perceive race whereas they do not; 4) whites use a range of conversations that

have to do with helping and caring; and 5) whites see race mainly as two-fold; black/white

(Brooks-Immel & Murray, 2017). These microconstructions shed light on the disturbing

instances of whiteness in higher education. These simplifications of racism remove white people

from taking responsibility for dismantling these systems. Not only does white denial of

responsibility add barriers to acknowledging racism, this lack of responsibility places undue

burden on staff and faculty of color to address racial inequity.

The enrollment rates of students of color have been increasing through recent decades,

while there has not been comparable increases in the number of faculty and staff of color in

higher education (Hussar et al., 2020; Strayhorn, 2008). However, as the enrollment of students

of color continues to grow, and the representation of faculty and staff of color remains stagnant,

the labor inequalities expected will also continue to grow. Further, this additional labor often

receives little to no explicit acknowledgement or is valued less in performance evaluations.

Often, it is assumed that staff and faculty of color are content with taking on these

responsibilities. As such, whiteness promotes the false notion that these additional

responsibilities are not legitimate labor, deserving proper acknowledgement and compensation.

Garcia (2019 & 2023) describes whiteness as the central factor obstructing HSIs in their

capacity to meet the needs of students of color. The available literature informs how whiteness

and white supremacy often manifest in higher education. However, research is still in its early

stages in terms of defining how whiteness specifically manifests in HSIs. Cabrera (2018)

expanded on this context by affirming that whiteness does not disappear if individuals feel they

previously held white privilege because institutional racism is greater than white people gifting

their advantages. Therefore, the objective of scholars should be to uncover the level of behaviors

and abuses of whiteness within all aspects of the population (Nayak, 2007). Moreover, higher

education administrators often hold People of Color responsible for educational issues, such as

low graduation rates, and the shortage of People of Color in leadership position, with no

consideration on how whiteness impacts every part of higher education (Cabrera & Corces-

Zimmerman, 2017 & 2019).

A study conducted by Dade and colleagues (2015) found that People of Color who apply

for faculty positions, suffer prejudices in the job interview and hiring process. Lloyd-Jones

(2009) directed a university study examining leadership positions and discovered prejudices in

the conduct towards People of Color. It is vital that we recognize and deal with whiteness in

higher education, with the intention to dismantle the cultural norms that have traditionally placed

People of Color at a disadvantage (Cabrera & Corces-Zimmerman, 2017 & 2019; Singleton,

2013). These biases are often disregarded and rejected because whiteness is problematic to prove

(Bonilla-Silva, 2018). The moment a person of color tries to interfere the customs of an

organization, they turn into a menace to the principles of whiteness (Sue, 2016). Failure to

recognize the historical origins and advancement of racism in the refusal to recognize the origins

and the development of racism in higher education, has added to the erroneous impressions that

racial equity is present (Cabrera & Corces-Zimmerman, 2017 & 2019; Golash-Boza, 2018).

The practices of racist nativism display traditional sentiments of superiority and

dominance of those who perceived themselves as native. My findings exposed racist nativism

experiences that I suffered through practices of disparity and aggression, expressed as intuitional

standards against my language, class, and race. My supervisors and colleagues perpetuated these

actions and I was constantly reminded I did not have the skills to succeed in the institution,

supporting racial stereotypes. Huber and colleagues (2006) described the notion of assumed

racism as something that "goes beyond the internalization of stereotypes imposed by the white

majority about People of Color. It is the internalization of the beliefs, values, and worldviews

inherent in white supremacy that can potentially result in negative self or racial group

perceptions" (p. 184). As a result of this, when other Hispanics employ racist nativist actions

against Hispanics, they perpetuate racist nativism and contribute to their own oppression.

Gender and Leadership

Preconceptions of women leaders as a whole result from the misalignment of people’s

stereotypes about women and leadership. The different gender stereotypes attributed to women

and men in leadership are detrimental for women career advancement into administration or

within administration positions (Heilman, 2001). The Almanac (2018) addressed the

underrepresentation of women in academic administration jobs as the result of male-established

practices and leadership standards that exclude women. These male power permeates every facet

of the workplace and embrace the creation of leadership standards, division of work, and

workplace power systems (McLaren, 2002). Therefore, when women assumed male-gendered

norms they are condemned for being less likeable and socially undesirable and they produce

biases that hinder the leadership performance and career advancement of women (Eagly & Carli,

2007; Eagly & Karau, 2002; McLaren (2002). Significance and influence is assigned to certain

positions (Ingram, 2006). Employees in higher education experience different levels of influence

and benefits that are connected to their professional roles. The position often becomes the

defining factor within the academic hierarchy (Christensen-Mandel, 2019). These inequalities are

evident through persistent disparities in representation, compensation, and lack of advancement.

Cole (2005) explained that women of color who hold roles of importance are not always treated

equally. He further explained that getting “in the house does not mean that you are truly invited

to the table” (p. 14). Prominence transforms into an assessment of the person who has that

position, with people in esteemed roles being regarded as less important (Fuller, 2003). In these

settings, individuals who are support the status quo are recognized as intelligent, rational and

trustworthy (Keltner & Robinson, 1997) as opposed to those who challenge the dominant

structures and systems, who are considered as illogical, uncooperative, and conflictive (Kray &

Robinson, 2001). Kray and Robinson (2001) suggested that those who defy the dominant

majority are inclined to have a critical view of themselves, this might lead to the need to defend

their viewpoint. This aligns with Jost (2019) who described the system justification theory which

sustains people are encouraged to believe that existing dominant society systems are reasonable

and fair. This system is there to assure even those that are marginalized that the status quo is

managing things the way they should. The preference for the status quo permits the structures

and organizations to maintain their practices. The opposing views are required to side with the

established traditions of the institution (Baron & Jurney, 1993; O’Brien & Crandall, 2005;

Robinson & Kray, 2001).

Chicanas in Higher Education Administration

Those Chicanas who do engage in leadership positions in higher education are expected

to perform at higher standards than Whites, both women and men (Haro, 1995; Haro, 2001).

Sherbin and colleagues (2016) explained that 76% of Chicano people in the U.S. feel they need

to act differently and not bring their whole selves to work. Chicanos/Latinos transform their

“appearance, body language, leadership, and communication style” (p. 1). In fact, according to

Allwood and Sherbin (2016), 53% of Chicanas and 44% of Chicano men say they follow

established white male norms. Regularly marginalized groups use a “mask” (Montoya, 1994;

p.35) and behave in agreement with the ruling majority to conform to their standards. Montoya

(1994) associated these actions to that of being “on stage” and how this is “frequently

experienced as being acutely aware of one’s words, affect, tone of voice, movements and

gestures because they seem out of sync with what one is feeling and thinking” (p.14).

Montoya (1994) sums it up by stating:

A significant aspect of subordination is the devotion with which we imitate the styles,

preferences and behaviors of those who dominate us. Lost to the Outsider are those

identities that would have developed but for our real and perceived needs to camouflage

ourselves in the masks of the Master. Lost to all are the variety of choices, the

multiplicity of identities that would be available if we were not trapped by the dynamics

of subordination, of privilege (p.14).

It is undeniable that experiencing oppression is adverse to the overall wellbeing of People of

Color. Among the negative effects that can emerge from these experiences are anxiety, lack of

control, distress, and depression (Nadal et al., 2014). Umaña-Taylor and Updegraff (2007)

described how the higher an individual’s degree of cultural individuality and determination, the

more shielded they will be once suffering discrimination.

Higher education institutions may think they are improving the diversity on their

campuses, either by number of students, diverse activities, equality in human resource personnel,

and programs of study (Anderson, 2008). Despite this, Anderson maintains that a lack of clarity

and focus regarding diversity slows down the crucial progress of institutions which further

prohibits the progress of social justice (Kaltz, 2013). Although there are anti-discrimination laws

nationally there is still a residual amount of institutionalized discrimination that exists.

Institutions continue to favor males blatantly or covertly over females for promotions under legal

premises that men will have greater firmness, skills, and leadership ability than their female

peers.

Collins (2000) conducted a study on the collective experiences of women of color as

student services administrators, illustrated accounts in which institutions of higher education are

described as powerful systems designed to keep women of color in assigned, subordinate

positions to further surpass them. Good et al., (2012) stated that due to their position in lower-

level jobs they were “stereotyped, resented, or even treated with disrespect because they are

perceived as less qualified” (p. 14). Women of color administrators are isolated and assigned to

entry and mid-level positions which prevents them from participating in networking and

mentoring, preventing them from ascending to top administrative roles (Pritchard & McChesney,

2018). This type of marginalization and “female stereotyping” are damaging and negative

(Jackson & Harris, 2007). Women administrators of color have cited their reliance on other

women of color in and out of the institution, to provide a secure space to have fun, cry, and

discuss their experiences with challenges related to discrimination and gender prejudice (Patitu

& Hinton, 2003). Attributable to higher education institutions Chicana administrators must move

around a system that does not effectively serve the Hispanic population.

A study of Hispanic women in higher education and the obstacles they experience as

compared to those of white women is difficult. Demographically nearly half of all Hispanics

claim themselves as White (Etzioni, 2006). Therefore, the comparison of Whites and Hispanics

as a study is almost impossible. In addition, it would be inappropriate because Hispanic is not a

race thus making the comparisons inadequate. While Hispanic women are entering higher

education in record numbers, Women of Color are underrepresented in higher education

administration and academia (Cubillo & Brown, 2003; de los Santos & Vega, 2008). In addition,

they face gender prejudice, pay inequality, low level jobs, and unjust allocation of job tasks

(Leon & Nevarez, 2007; Lindsay, 1999; Valverde, 2003). Chicanas face unfairness on a daily

basis and they suffer a double-blind syndrome an invisible marginality of “being a woman and

being a woman of color” (Turner, 2002, p. 16). They believe their cultural and ethnic identities

prevent them from obtaining positions of leadership (Foley et al., 2002). Some of these barriers

are noticeable characteristics such as their Spanish names, skin color, ethnic appearance,

language, and accent (Foley et al., 2002; Guerrero & Posthuma, 2014; Tran, 2014). Chicanas are

not able to separate the intersection of their identities from the experiences they were having as

higher education administrators (Keating, 2005). The number of Chicana women in leadership

positions in higher education is still low (Montas-Hunter, 2012; Ortega-Liston & Rodriguez

Soto, 2014; Turner, 2002).

The glass ceiling explains why few women experience upward mobility and for Women

of Color, it is the adobe ceiling (Pinto, 2003). The adobe ceiling refers to a thick barrier that you

cannot see through, and it does not break like glass. Describing how it is more challenging to

crack adobe than break glass. Therefore, it is harder for Latinas to make it to the top of

leadership. In a study by Li and Leung (2001) they found that female managers in Singapore

confronted barriers, a glass ceiling, that prevented women from advancing to higher positions of

power for no other reason than for being women (Li and Leung, 2001). The few positions of

leadership in higher education that held by Women of Color are sometimes sadly explained as

efforts to meet institutional quotas (González, 2007; Verdugo, 2003). This produces feelings of

being a token and a severe lack of credibility on these women. There is very limited research

given to Chicanas in higher education administration and the reasons that have influenced their

career advancement. (Martinez, 2005).

In many cases it is problematic to examine the experiences of women of color, given that

most studies study the experiences of all women and not separating their experiences by race.

Cuadraz (2005) argued that research has been inadequate in the categorization of Hispanic

women. A study published by the Center for Talent Innovation (2016) described that almost 76%

of Latinos deliberately alter parts of their selves at work in order to fit in. Latinos are inclined to

modify their look, expressions, communication style, and leadership approach. What is more, of

the 53%, 24% expressed that others have taken or given credit for their work, 22% said peers

have told them jokes that are racist, and 18% say they are not included in social functions after

work (Center for Talent Innovation, 2016). Outside of sex-based and race discrimination, Latinas

grapple with decision between pursuing a profession and having a family. Thomas et al. (2021)

conducted the Women in the Workplace study, a leading all-inclusive study of the condition of

women in America. The report found that 25% of women believed they fail to benefit from

salary increases, promotions, or advance on their career because due to their gender and race.

And a same amount believed it was harder to keep going forward because of their gender

(Thomas et al., 2021). In addition, the findings of the study showed that 20% of females who

took leave from work felt it was damaging to their career, in contrast to 10% of men (Thomas et

al., 2021). Ferrante (2018) found 43% of women in the workforce are leaving the workforce after

having a baby, while only 2% had planned on leaving the workforce due to family reasons

(Ferrante, 2018).

Professionals consider that diversity is essential in fostering better understanding,

innovative ideas, education, doing research, and decision-making (Wiley, 2010). Clement and

Rickard (1992) studied of 210 prominent women student services officers and their work

experiences as women in the workplace. Their results revealed that women were held to

disparate expectations on leadership style and career attainment. Additionally, women reported

that in contrast to their male colleagues, they were required to be more lenient, more accepting of

ignoring the chain of command, more supportive, and more accommodating. Also, although

women are entering higher education in higher numbers than men, they are assigned to lower

ranking positions with less pay (Vasquez, 2002).

Even for women who make it to senior-level positions, adversity does not cease. Patterns

of gender bias persist and considerably play a part in higher education. Women who are in

leadership positions still struggle with being negatively stereotyped, have their reputation

undermined for ability and capability in leadership roles. A study conducted by Dale (2007)

sought to identify the experiences of female administrators who achieved high-ranking roles. The

study consisted of in-depth interviews with 12 female participants, ranging from ages 40 and

older and no ethnicity was identified. The research concentrated on meaningful experiences, and

on individuals that championed and obstructed the professional development and achievement of

the individuals and the ways those individuals perceived these events. Results indicated that

participants felt they were held to a higher criteria, they had to work more intensely than their

male colleagues to be appreciated (Dale, 2007). Research shows that most studies regarding

Hispanic female administrators have been done in two-year community colleges (Gutierrez et al.,

2002; Munoz, 2010). Hansen (1997) studied the particular barriers Latinas presidents and vice

presidents at California community colleges. The participants mentioned racism, sexism, anxiety

and anxiety ensuing from disagreements with the work culture. The study also revealed the

significance of awareness obtained through different experiences such as the importance of

support systems, self-esteem and resiliency. Grady (2002) explained, “Hispanic women have

faced two overriding factors detrimental to their advancement—gender and race” (p. 481).

Further research on the experiences of Chicana leaders in higher education is a subject that has to

be researched. Research that has been conducted is now outdated (Esquibel, 1977; Haro, 1990,

1995).

In 2010, Munoz looked at the experiences Latinas go through on their road to the become

presidents at community colleges. The study found career training, professional membership, and

mentorship are essential to the success of Latinas. The participants also stated the significance of

superiors and supporters who can offer consequential lessons that help them to advance in their

careers. A study conducted by Giscombe and Mattis (2002) discovered four hurdles that

negatively influence the career advancement of African American women. Those hurdles

include: prominent assignments, carefree contacts with influential peers, absence of prominent

supporters, and role models of the same ethnicity.

Women of Color who make it to senior-level positions continue to go through these

experiences (Stuart, 2010). It is important that institutions of higher education respond to the

needs of the population by truly diversifying its leadership ranks (Low, 2010). Diversity in

higher education leadership benefits all members of society and can only strengthen the

workplace setting, not just ethnic minorities (Crosby & Clayton, 2001). Chicanas can contribute

many talents to a higher education institution by means of their gender, ethnic, racial, and

cultural differences (Vazquez, 2002). Since Chicanas are operating at multiple levels of

marginalization in various contexts, they might experience oppression at different levels. It is

challenging to distinguish if race or gender stereotyping is operating or both (Turner, 2002). This

oppression is manifested through microaggressions, limited opportunities, racial and gendered

stereotypes.

Racial Microaggressions and Stereotypes

Pierce and colleagues (1978) coined the term microaggressions as “subtle, often

automatic, and non-verbal exchanges which are ‘put downs’” (p. 66). Microaggressions come

from an oppressive group. Sue et al. (2008) found that people who suffered microaggressions felt

a sense of helplessness, disregard, coerced compliance and loss of self-respect. Sue et al. (2007)

explained racial microaggressions as “brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or

environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile,

derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults toward People of Color” (p. 271). Also, in 2015,

Pérez Huber and Solórzano described racial microaggression as “a form of systemic, everyday

racism used to keep those at the racial margins in their place” (p. 298). Microaggressions are

particularly aimed at People of Color, and they aimed as “verbal and non-verbal assaults in

subtle, automatic, or unconscious forms. They are layered assaults, based on race and its

intersections with gender, class, sexuality, language, immigration status, phenotype, accent, or

surname” (Perez Huber & Solórzano, 2015, p. 298).

In their 2008 study, Sue and colleagues found that People of Color frequently suffer

microaggressions are connected to stereotypes of unintelligence, substandard social

responsibility, views of criminal behavior, and beliefs of dominance of white cultural values. In

addition, Rivera et al. (2010) found Latinxs most often experienced microaggressions associated

with ideas of low intelligence, inferior communication styles and cultural values, foreigners in

their own land, criminality, and disrespect for Latinxs experiences. Moreover, the study

uncovered that Latinxs born outside the United States experience further racial microaggressions

which convey they are inferior or exotic. This as a result of their English speaking abilities,

lower level of acculturation and accent. In many instances, persons responsible for the

microaggressions make remarks that are intended to commend a person, but instead the

comments leave feelings confusion or inferiority. Some examples include, you are so smart, and

you have come a long way (Sue et al, 2008). These comments may sound like compliments, but

they convey negative connotations of dominant views such as—people lack intelligence, they are

not fluent in English, they are deadbeats and everyone with similar traits are the same (Sue et al.,

2008). These assumptions are often due to hegemonic views and stereotypes that are connected

with People of Color and minorities. While microaggressions are often unintentional, these forms

of discrimination in the workplace convey bullying, disapproval, and damaging racial attacks

distressing the work environment, spirit, and efficiency of People of Color (Kohli & Solórzano,

2012; Pérez Huber & Cueva, 2012). Therefore, it is essential to have a fine appreciation of the

effect of recurrent microaggressions and develop systems in which they can be eliminated.

Microaggressions are usually manifested in three categories, microassaults, microinsults

and microinvalidations. Microassaults are the traditional explicit forms of racism. Usually, once

a microassault is performed, the offenders are conscious of what they did (e.g., Calling Mexicans

beaners or greasers). Microinsults are normally slight comments statements that communicate

rudeness and disrespect to People of Color. In most instances, the offender is not aware of the

message that was communicated (e.g., you speak real good English). The most pronounced

microaggressions which are experienced regularly are microinvalidations. Microinvalidations are

demonstrated when a person of color feels like no one is listening to them or they seem invisible

in a room. Purdie-Vaughns and Eibach, (2008) referred to the many intersections women of color

have, which in turn leads to invisibility and marginalization. Microinvalidations are also

manifested when someone tries to question or diminish the experiences of a person who is from

an underrepresented group. For example, if a person of color expresses, they felt disrespected

and someone interrupts declaring there was no disrespect. In most societies, there are feelings

and attitudes about women being less than men. Comments such as “all women are bad drivers,”

“women bitch all the time,” and “women love pink” reveal general expected gender-roles and

actions. The required agreement of these roles, can cause a person feeling ignored and devalued,

as if they are giving in or being dishonest with themselves. This role expectations also appear in

institutions and their systems. In leadership there is an assumption that women must assume

traditional female gender roles and be affectionate and humble, whereas at the same time they

need to apply features of a leader, such as self-confidence, boldness, strength, and independence

(Eagly & Carli, 2007; Eagly & Karau, 2002). By doing so, marginalized women in particular

tend to feel inauthentic and disingenuous but must carry out this dual navigation to fit in (Sue,

2010). In addition, when accomplished women of color administrators go overlooked or

discounted, they experience feeling of invisibility (Torres-Harding, 2012).

Meritocracy perpetuates microaggressions that suggest People of Color are lazy and thus

they fail in their life because they want to. The illusion of meritocracy stipulates that factors such

as race do not play a part in life outcomes. A statement such as, “Look at President Obama… he

made it. So, everyone can do well if they work hard enough…” does not consider other

circumstances such as economic status, family support, education, or living conditions

(Anderson, 2017). Whiteness also propagates microaggressions. Research that looks at racial

microaggressions in the workplace asserts that employers, supervisors and employees support

equal treatment for all, while unintentionally they embrace negative feelings toward People of

Color (Hunter, 2011; Sue, 2010). This creates workplace conflicts where supervisors and

coworkers construe an employee’s attitude, performance, potential for growth, and suitability for

advancement in a different way (Constantine & Sue, 2007; Rowe, 2009). Research into this

phenomenon is focused on the larger institutional climate and tells a disconnected story of the

experiences women of color in higher education experience. These experiences are feelings of

being unwanted, misunderstood, and ignored due to their positions, their gender and race

(Solórzano et al., 2000). For women of color the overlap of race and gender makes them more

susceptible to microaggressions. They are not only considered subordinate to white people, but

also to men of color. Chicanas are victims of racial and gender discrimination and are more

prone to experience microaggressions in the workplace and institutions of education in contrast

to Chicanos (Nadal et al., 2014). In his book The Everyday Sexism Project, Bates (2016)

described the various ways women encounter gender microaggressions in different countries

around the world. Bates described how these microaggressions can be perpetuated at home.

These attacks cause women to feel hopeless, afraid and inferior to men. For example, in Mexico,

ideas such as “En la vida la mujer tres salidas ha de hacer: al bautismo, al casamiento y la

sepultura o monumento,” (In life women have three options, baptism, wedding, and tombstone)

send a message of machismo, supremacy and dominance by men towards women (Newman et

al., 2012). Most of society believes that outcomes of racial and gender microaggressions are

mostly debated at an interpersonal level, however, these consequences also preserve systems of

gender and racial discrimination in the professional setting. Microaggressions reinforce white

superiority by othering people and women of color and considering them inferior.

Microaggressions have their foundation and influence in an unfair, racially hierarchical society.

Spanierman et al. (2004) explains that critics who suggest there is a lack of evidence of

microaggressions committed by white people against oppressed individuals is incorrect and

inaccurate. Although microaggressions can seem elusive and small in scale, for those who are

not directly affected by them, they negatively affect the well-being, cause severe and lasting

harm, while they strengthen damaging stereotypes in society. Racial microaggressions are robust,

factual, and have real effects for People of Color. Traditional racism is direct and harmful,

however, microaggressions impact minority groups in more damaging ways.

As women of color hold executive positions, they face isolation in the workplace

(Sanchez-Hucles & Davis, 2010). There is a great pressure to fit into the system through social

cultural adaptation of dominant values and practices (Cruz & Blancero, 2017). Integration is

particularly difficult considering the literature on the importance of keeping a cultural sense of

self. Women of color who reach executives positions are regularly the only ones of their race and

gender in those positions (Beckwith et al., 2016). In addition, they have less room for mistakes as

they are measured up to their colleagues. Latinas are often believed incompetent due to

damaging stereotypes of meekness and lack of intelligence (Miville et al., 2017). Due to the

negative and stereotypical perceptions of women’s skills, their work is more analyzed and

condemned, preventing them from advancing in their careers. These stereotypes prove the

marginalization faced by women of color not only on the account of sexism, but one that is

further reinforced by racism and classism.

Stereotypes offer the manifestation of gendered expectations. For instance, White women

are thought to communicate and feel emotions that enable associations, on the other hand

Hispanic women are assumed to have unruly feelings, such as being loud and aggressive

(Ghavami & Peplau, 2013; Harris, 2017; Johnson & Shulman, 1988; Yosso, Smith, Ceja, &

Solórrzano, 2009). In addition, Lewis (2000) posited women leaders’ effectiveness was rated

according to the perception of their competence. But their competence was measured by

preconceived emotional stereotypes attributed to females. They were perceived as most effective

when they are impartial, somewhat effective when they are considered unhappy and least

effective when mad.

Gender stereotypes are broadly generalized notions about the behaviors and

characteristics attributed to women and men (Eagly, 1987). Gender stereotypes manifest

themselves not only explicitly and consciously but also unkindly and unconsciously. They are

considered implicit, as opposed to explicit (Greenwald & Banaji, 1995; Greenwald et al., 2002).

Even those who do not endorse stereotypes demonstrate signs of preconceptions (Banaji &

Hardin, 1996; Greenwald & Banaji, 1995; Greenwald et al., 2002). For example, when you ask

someone about who they think is a scientist, they associate it with males not females (Nosek et

al., 2002). Other stereotypes have been suggested that women are too aggressive as compared to

men (Agarwal, 2016). Females are often portrayed as being emotional, caring and in need of

protection. Males are often characterized as being rational, career driven and strong (Eagly &

Karau, 2002; Heilman, 2001). Gender stereotypes of agency are particularly detrimental for

women in the workplace (Heilman, 2001). In the workplace, women of color have been racially

stereotyped as being aggressive or unmanageable (Hall et al., 2012; Nelson, 2008), using a racial

stereotype of the angry Black women. Leadership professionals propose that women might be

too forward because there are limited routes for women leaders. Therefore, this behavior

provokes stereotypes of women leaders as overly hostile (Agarwal 2018).

A 2011 study found that gender-related and racial-related biases and stereotypes about

women’s management and skills hinders women’s career advancement. The study showed that

most of the participants favored working for men instead of women given that women were

believed hard to work for (Akanbi & Salami, 2011). Research demonstrates that biases and

stereotypes about the skills and management of female leaders still persist (Lyness & Heilman,

2006; Skelly & Johnson, 2011). The role congruity theory proposes that since leadership

attributes are assigned to men rather than women, a bias endures against female leaders (Eagly

and Karau, 2002).

A study conducted by Hentschel et al. (2019) assessed current stereotypes of men and

women. Specifically, how men and women are characterized themselves. The study consisted of

628 male and female and the scales represented numerous aspects of defining characteristics of

gender stereotypes, agency, and cooperation. Results indicated male participants usually defined

women as having less self-efficacy than men. Female participants made a distinction among

agency aspects and labelled women as less confident than men, but as equally self-determined

and competent as leaders. Gender stereotypes were also manifested in self-descriptions, with

female participants describing themselves as less efficient than male participants and male

participants rating themselves as less social than female raters (Hentschel et al., 2019).

Chicanas are further marginalized not only on the account of gender but also by racism

stereotypes. Stereotypes Chicanas endure are those of submissiveness and unintelligence all

because they are often presumed incompetent (Miville et al., 2017). Chicana administrators’

actions are frequently scrutinized, and their mistakes are judged with stronger criticism and

disseminated more broadly than those from administrators that are of different gender and

ethnicity (Ferdman, 1999). This scrutiny can cast doubt in one’s self-confidence (Olivas-Luján,

2008). Peters and Miles Nash (2021) conducted a study that found women of color find it hard

to be taken serious in leadership roles. Women of color reported feeling different and

unappreciated. Women of color who are considered angry, women of color are characterized as

loud, bossy, emotional, irrational, aggressive, argumentative, and unpredictable (Donovan, 2011;

Weitz & Gordon, 1993). People not only believe that Hispanic women display more anger than

White women (Durik et al., 2006). In their 2013 study, Ghavami and Peplau revealed that

Hispanic women were many times considered as aggressive, loud, and ignorant. These

stereotypes connect with the labels attributed to Black women. In addition, Hispanic women

were commonly viewed as having low education and intellect (Ghavami & Peplau, 2013; Harris,

2017; Yosso, Smith, Ceja, & Solórrzano, 2009). Unfortunately, once women received this type

of criticism about their actions in their professional positions, many found approaches or

developed other coping mechanisms to communicate in alternative ways. Many times we have to

conform to the workplace expectations and adjust to the white-male expectations of the

organization, diverting attention away from us and reinforcing the gender inequality. In a 2007

study, Clayborne and Hamrick discovered that Black women were inclined to find resources

outside the institution as part of their support system instead of that of their administrators or

coworkers. Yakaboski and Donahoo (2011) suggested that more research is needed to understand

how Chicanas lived experiences influence their careers and what part does race and gender play.

In studies conducted by Schein in 1973 and 1975, she discovered that male and female

participants held the same opinions about the characteristics that effective male leaders

commonly have, for example leadership skills, effectiveness, self-confidence, independence,

assertiveness, power, drive, and aspiration for responsibility. On the other hand, women were

connected with characteristics linked to the compassionate treatment of others. These included

being loving, accommodating, approachable, thoughtful, and understanding, as well as

understanding, quiet, and calm (Eagly & Carli, 2007). In another study, participants reflected the

choices of female leaders and determined they are driven by feelings, as a result participants

were less tempted in hiring women in management roles. These hierarchical dynamics cancel out

women’s prior accomplishments and career goals, which frequently determine their future

pursuits in higher education (Acevedo-Gil et al., 2015; Rodríguez & Oseguera, 2015). These

stereotypes and categorizations relegate and make women of color feel neglected as people.

Impostor Syndrome

Organizations that encourage racial stereotypes on gender roles, and recognize success

and achievement as male virtues, may foster the intensification of impostor syndrome among

women (Gibson-Beverly & Schwartz, 2008; Hoang, 2013). Impostor syndrome is the “inability

to internalize academic success” (Cope-Watson & Betts, 2010, p. 1). Most studies on impostor

syndrome happen among college students in higher education (Cokley et al., 2013; Sanford et al.,

2015). However, impostor syndrome exist in all populations of higher education: students,

faculty, administrators, and staff (Clark et al., 2014; Parkman, 2016). Furthermore, women of

color are more vulnerable because they have to manage family and gender role expectations, and

it is amplify by being a person of historically oppressed class group (Clance et al., 1995). In a

study by Fruhan (2002) he intended to elaborate and expand the knowledge of the impostor

phenomenon. The study interviewed 13 career women to identify emotions of imposture at the

start of their professional lives. Hawley (2019) describes impostor syndrome as a person who

feels their external signs of success are undeserved and fear they will be exposed as a fraud.

Even though both men and women experience impostor syndrome, women are more prone to be

severely impacted (Taylor & Breeze, 2020). Parkman (2016) posits that imposter syndrome in

women is displayed through high levels of diligence and overachieving performance. Women

experiencing imposter syndrome place a huge amount of stress on themselves in order to keep

the facade of being perfect (Parkman, 2016).

Cokely and colleagues (2013) studied the emotional stress minority groups feel because

of racism and discrimination that result in impostor syndrome and Minority Status Stress (MSS).

MSS and impostor syndrome were used to measure the mental wellbeing within a sample of 240

undergraduate psychology students registered in a large university in the southwest between the

ages of 17 to 39 years of age. The participants were Latino/as, Asian American, and African

American and consisted of 148 females, 90 males, and two who did not classified their gender.

The results revealed that African Americans felt the most levels of minority status stress, and that

Asian Americans experienced the highest levels of impostor syndrome. The study revealed the

likelihood that stress and race-related stress in minorities is to some extent due to imposter

syndrome and they are connected to poor mental health. The study determined that for minorities

enrolled in predominantly white institutions it is a taxing experience and that racial stereotypes

added to the escalation of impostor syndrome feelings (Cokely et al., 2013).

Lin (2008) explored the presence of the impostor syndrome among a group of successful

women of color, in order to examine the possible defensive function that could support women

of color to protect against impostor syndrome. Considerable parallels were discovered

concerning impostor syndrome and age, and impostor syndrome and self-esteem. Younger

women were prone to suffer impostor syndrome in comparison to older women (Lin, 2008). In

addition, other studies have found women may hurt other women since they might perceived

them to be a risk on their own jobs. The inadequacy number of job positions in higher education

pit women against each other, competing for limited positions (Meece, 2009; Salles & Choo,

2020). The antagonism of women oppressing other women results in preventing women from

ascending into management positions. (Agarwal, 2016). This phenomenon includes vindictive

references for career advancement, criticizing women to influential people, or holding back

important information (Hannu et. al., 2014)

Resilience and Resistance to Oppression

“In trying to become 'objective,' Western culture made 'objects' of things and people when it

distanced itself from them, thereby losing 'touch' with them.”

― Gloria E. Anzaldúa

“I am what I am and you can't take it away with all the words and sneers

at your command.” ― Cherríe L. Moraga

Resilience is a trait that is characterized by Chicana women administrators. Women of

color have proven that they can overcome roadblocks by turning adversity into positive strengths

(Valverde, 2011). According to Valverde (2011), “Most of the women of color who have been

able to advance into administrative roles in higher education . . . have done so because they have

turned adversity into qualities of character that have made them better as professionals” (p. 51).

Christman and McClennan (2008) found that resilient women leaders displayed

multidimensional gendered leadership and were skilled at fluctuating their reactions and

practices to effectively correspond with the organization’s expectations. Tugade and Fredrickson

(2004) conducted a study with 57 undergraduate students (74% female) between the ages of 17

and 40. The number of students were 35 Caucasian, 7 African American, 8 Asians, 1 Hispanic,

and 6 identified as other or unspecified ethnic background. The study found participants who had

high resiliency evaluated the demanding task as less threatening, in contrast with participants

with lower resiliency.

Whatley (1998) conducted a study that looked at resiliency within educators; whether

resiliency was innate, or a quality developed and polished overtime. Whatley interviewed 12

women concerning their career decisions within education and determined their “intense self-

reflection” (p. 4) allowed them “to transform pain into growth and achieve fulfillment in

personal and professional domains” (p. 4). Whatley suggested self-examination brought about

their capability to overcome hardships, a skill that becomes easier when repeated over and over.

Scholars point out that resiliency lies on one’s ability to rise above and persevere despite

difficulty. According to Sanchez de Valencia (2008), “Mexican American women can develop

resilience through the process of building self-confidence and this process requires the breaking

of negative stereotypes, adopting positive contributions from their Hispanic/Latino heritage and

improving personal talents and abilities” (p. 124). Anzaldua’s entire book, Borderlands,

describes the images of strong and resilient Chicanas who do not give up. Anzaldua writes from

the standpoint of a person who has seen oppression and adversity and survived on the border

each day.

Guinn and colleagues (2009) highlighted Mexican American women administrators and

their resilience. The study examined the pressure and resilience of Mexican American women

between the ages of 20 to 61 years old who lived at the border. The study employed

discrimination aspects to establish which of those factors determine between stress resiliency and

stress vulnerability in women. The findings concluded that the factors that influence the positive

difference between resiliency and helplessness was the levels of educational attainment,

acculturation, and health status. The higher the level of these factors the resiliency (Guinn et al.,

2009). Alfaro and colleagues (2014) conducted a case study centered on a qualitative

longitudinal study which investigated the characteristics that encouraged the educational

achievement of nine Latino students who went from pre-kinder to graduate school into law

school. During the case study of one of the students, the researchers recorded in what ways

consejos influenced and motivated the student during his life and how he embraced and used the

experiences acquired to help him graduate from law school. These consejos inspired confidence

and determination regarding the hurdles encountered. Pedagogies of the home encourage the

value of self-knowledge which facilitates the development of resilience. Delgado Bernal (2001)

defined pedagogies of the home as messages, traditions, and knowledge “that occur at home and

community” (p. 624). This helps Chicanas deal with the hardships they face in their education.

Limited research has focused on the resiliency leadership of Chicanas. Most of the resilience

literature that addresses Chicanas usually refers to persistence skills rather than resilience.

Flores (2016) studied the part mothers perform in the academic achievement of

Mexicana/Chicana first-generation college students. Flores (2016) employed a snowball and

convenience sampling method to choose ten Mexicana/Chicana in Los Angeles area who were

pursuing their doctorate studies and either identified as Mexicana, Mexican, Chicana, Xicana,

Mexican American and/or Latina. The study included their mothers for a total of 20 participants.

The study facilitated separate pláticas with the mothers and the female students. Flores (2016)

employed Anzaldúa’s concept of borderlands to describe the concept as “the geographical,

emotional and/or psychological space occupied by a person (Anzaldua, 1989; p. 632). In

addition, Flores (2016) took from Cervantes-Soon’s notion of “muxeres trucha” (p. 90), women

whose intellect helped them go through and change the borderlands in which they exist as

women of color. Flores (2016) findings did demonstrated that mothers use a “pedagogy of the

borderlands to raise muxeres trucha” (p. 88). Pedagogy of the borderlands includes the

resourceful, resilient, and encouraging ways in which mothers educate their daughters (Flores,

2016). Most of the resilience literature that addresses Chicanas usually refers to persistence skills

rather than resilience and there is limited research focused on the resiliency of Chicanas in

leadership positions in higher education.

Because of self-efficacy, marginalized individuals develop endurance or “the confidence

and skills to act on one’s behalf” (Solórzano & Delgado Bernal, 2001, p. 315-316) and collective

value (Bandura, 2000). Others who hold positions of privilege can also advocate against

oppression and work in ways to undo it (Mio & Roades, 2013). These privileged individuals are

called allies and they are part of influential groups, who can work to alleviate systematic-based

oppression by way of support and advocacy (Washington & Evans, 1991). Munin and Speight

(2010) described an ally as a person who has entitlement and aggressively fights and works

against oppression, the same factor from which they essentially derive their benefits from. Bailey

(1998) suggested that an ally must participate in several actions alone and in public resisting

oppression, thus those actions become part of the ally’s quality—not a one-time deal. Therefore,

the action taken needs to be quantified and qualified to suggest the person is an ally.

The component that differentiates allies from a participant of oppression, is the

components of awareness and taking visible action to end oppressive systems (Asta & Vacha-

Haase, 2012; Case & Hunter, 2012; Mio & Roades, 2013; Washington & Evans, 1991). Allies

that can advocate to change oppressive practices, can be developed in higher education among

academic leaders, such as department chairs, deans, and vice presidents. In addition, those who

were oppressed and have obtained positions of power can become allies to assist in the

dismantling of oppression and discrimination practices. Allies can play an important role in

resisting oppression, challenging, and resisting the ideas believed by others with power, therefore

interrupting the present circumstances of oppression (Bailey, 1998; Mio & Roades, 2013).

Researchers suggests that being an ally requires acting to make a positive change (Asta &

Vacha-Haase, 2012; Case & Hunter, 2012; Mio & Roades, 2013; Washington & Evans, 1991).

Various researchers have indicated that absence of actions show that a person is a contributor to

oppression (Mio & Roades, 2013). In addition, allies must continually participate in advocating

and publicly resist oppression so as to adopt those traits as part of one’s disposition (Bailey,

1998). Allies could perform a key role in the assignment of functions and the dismantling of

oppression against minorities. They can “redirect efforts, form new organizational bodies, and

create climates conducive to cooperation and collaboration among divergent constituencies”

(Mio & Roades, 2013).

Prillitensky (2003) described oppression as “a state of asymmetric power relations

characterized by domination, subordination, and resistance” (p. 129). Oppression is persistent in

our country, at a personal, institutional, and societal level. Out of self-efficacy, marginalized

individuals build resistance or “the confidence and skills to act on one’s behalf” (Solórzano &

Delgado Bernal, 2001, p. 315-316) and collective efficacy (Bandura, 2000). Actions against an

injustice are the simply approach to create social transformation and stop oppression. Those who

are oppressed can resist it and eventually take it down through individuals’ efforts (Washington

& Evans, 1991). Razzante (2018) conducted a study and examined the communicative

experiences of administrators of color in predominately white institutions. He focused on

individuals in leadership positions within diversity, inclusion, or equity initiatives, and

emphasized the dual positionality of marginalization and privilege that administrators of color

occupy. Razzante (2018) concluded that administrators of color use various practices to speak up

and obstruct or dismantle racial beliefs. Therefore becoming allies for fighting oppression by

balancing power and oppression through educating peers on the importance of diversity and

inclusion, creating diversity committees, mentoring students of color, and educating all students

about the systematic, structural, and institutional nature of racism. Studying how these

individuals approach their work and handle day to day interactions, and how that process assist

their minority colleagues potentials, can offer valuable insight for change in the context of higher

education and in the workplace. Chicanas who make it to positions of leadership can navigate

their dual positions of marginalization and privilege, and they can influence, to some extent, their

respective institutions, making them allies (Razzante, 2018). Researching the benefits of joint

efforts from involved collaborators that work to advance equality and equity in the workplace in

higher education. Actions against an injustice are the only way to create societal change and

alleviate oppression.

Even though there is a rising number of research that focuses on Latinx childrearing

customs from a benefit benchmark assessment perspective, there are limited studies that center

on Mexican immigrant parents’ guidance provided to their children to persist and develop

resilience, although Mexican and Chicano parents participate and contribute to their children’s

life in different ways (Alfaro et al, 2014; Delgado- Gaitan, 1994; Lopez, 2001). In the United

States, the research of parent participation has repeatedly been defined from traditional types of

parent involvement and it has rejected the knowledge that comes from engagement practices in

the home.

Theoretical Framework: Chicana Epistemology and Consejitos

I highlight my voice as a former Chicana administrator in student services through the

theoretical lens of Chicana Feminist Epistemology (Delgado Bernal, 1998; Solórzano & Yosso,

2001) and consejos and consejitos (Delgado-Gaitan, 1994; Sánchez & Hernández, 2021).

Chicana feminist epistemology recognizes the importance of the voices of marginalized people

for the purposes of examining and changing structures of power. Chicana feminist epistemology

was the result of the efforts of numerous Black, Native American, and Chicana activists and

scholars in the 1990s (Delgado Bernal, 1998; Solórzano & Yosso, 2001). Chicana feminist

epistemology resists white dominant views for research and applies the political, cultural, and

social characteristics and experiences of Chicanas and other Latinas into the research (Delgado

Bernal, 1998; Solórzano & Yosso, 2001). Chicana feminist epistemology is an emerging

theoretical construction in education research that explains more than just race and gender

(Delgado Bernal, 1998). CFE identifies issues such as, immigration, migration, generational

position, language, English speaking abilities, and Catholicism are predominantly connected to

Chicanas (Delgado Bernal, 1998). Cultural intuition is one of the crucial factors of Chicana

feminist epistemology. The underpinnings of cultural intuition consist of personal experiences,

prevailing literature, professional experience, and analysis of the research (Delgado Bernal,

1998). Cultural intuition allows the researcher to provide a richer and profound significance to

the information (Delgado Bernal, 1998). For far too long, the voices and experiences of Chicanas

were grouped with other minority groups rendering them invisible. CFE gives Chicanas an

opportunity to be heard and gives them an opportunity to tell their stories of survival, struggle,

and resistance (Yosso, 2005).

Consejitos

Delgado-Gaitán (1994) coined the idea of consejos to describe an experience in which

Latino parents communicate aspirational messages to inform their children and instill values

about the significance of education. Consejos are personal experiences that “impress upon their

children how much they care that they succeed in school” (Delgado-Gaitán, 1994, p. 305) and in

life. In 2014, Alfaro and colleagues added to the Delgado-Gaitán’s description of consejos by

describing them as “powerful narratives used by Latino families to transmit feelings, perceptions,

and responses.” (Alfaro et al., 2014, p. 11). Sánchez and Hernández (2021) coined consejitos,

which is an extension of the concept of consejos. Consejitos are the same as dichos. They are

short situational tips, which are informal and are offered by family, friends, and peers, rather

than coming from authority figures. Consejitos depict the wisdom of our ancestors and are

cultural beliefs and values that are embedded to transmit advice for endurance. In the framework

of consejos and consejitos (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020), telling the

stories of their reality allows marginalized groups to gain endurance and help with their self-

preservation (Delgado, 1989).

There is a need to communicate the value and uniqueness of consejo and consejito

practices to acknowledge their real parenting presence in the lives of individuals. Mexican

mothers used what Flores (2016) described as “pedagogy of the borderlands a creative, defying,

and empowering ways in which immigrant working-class mothers raise their daughters” (p. 88).

Pedagogy of the borderlands raise “‘mujeres truchas’, astute women whose intelligence allows

them to navigate the world in which they live as women of color” (p.88). For me, mi ama’s

consejos and consejitos (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020) were the

foundation for my optimism, inspiration, and resolve to endure. Mi ama would always say to me

“si yo pude, tu mas.” If she was able to overcome, there is nothing that could stop me. This

consejo was deep-rooted in me because it assisted me to cope and face obstacles, develop

strength, and realize my objectives. Mi ama is astute even though she did not have formal

schooling, and I consider that her enriching resources have been and continue to be essential to

my survival and growth.

Chapter 3: Methodology

“In every position that I’ve been in, there have been naysayers who don’t believe I’m qualified

or who don’t believe I can do the work. And I feel a special responsibility to prove them wrong.”

~Sonia Sotomayor

This chapter examines why testimonio became my research strategy of choice. I used

testimonio to examine these experiences about my life and make sense of them. Testimonio is a

significant Latin American oral practice that connects “the spoken work to social action and

privileges the oral narrative of personal experience as a source of knowledge, empowerment, and

political strategy for claiming rights and bringing about social change” (Benmayor et al., 1997, p.

153). The intent in writing testimonios was also to bond with readers by way of life events

(Yosso et al., 2001). These stories explore deep emotions and detailed feelings about experienced

microaggressions and the mechanisms I used to endure them. Delgado Bernal and colleagues

(2012) posit that “Chicanas and Latinas have used testimonio as a methodology to transgress and

as a venue to speak against the brutalization against women of color and to disrupt the silence

that women of color have experienced in White patriarchal societies” (p. 40). These stories are

an important aspect of social justice because they can crush compliance, defy the prevailing

conversation on race, and advance the fight for racial changes in all fronts (Delgado Bernal,

2001; Solorzano, Villalpando & Yosso, 2001).

My theoretical framework employs Chicana feminist epistemology (CFE) (Delgado

Bernal, 1998) and consejos and consejitos (Alfaro et al., 2014; Delgado-Gaitan, 1994; Sanchez

& Hernandez, 2021) as a lenses to acknowledge the significance of my personal experiences as a

marginalized Chicana and the collective knowledge of those who have come before me to

oppose institutions of power and to advocate for positive transformation (Delgado Bernal, 1998;

Solórzano & Yosso, 2001). As well as to understand how I found my voice through self-

reflection (Anzaldua, 1987; Espino et al., 2012) and the significance of mi ama’s aspirational

messages through consejos and consejitos (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020),

which taught values and resilience to persist. CFE acknowledges the narratives that result from

all experiences of Chicanas, and examine whose experiences and realities are acknowledged as

sources of wisdom (Delgado Bernal, 1998). CFE encompasses the origin, importance, and

creation of knowledge created by Chicanas. This wisdom focuses on Chicanas’ experiences that

are not evident from conventional research which support the established narrative of the status

quo (Delgado Bernal, 1998).

The second factor of my framework employed for this study are the concepts of consejos

and consejitos. Yosso (2005) proposed an option to the established understanding of cultural

wealth, which centers on ostracized groups to rationalize the endorsement of social order. My

story examines the parenting practices mi ama used and acknowledges the value and uniqueness

of her advice as the foundation of my strength. They reflect my Mexican immigrant mother’s

parenting practices and how they helped me face and resist marginalization and oppression. I

theorized and described teachings of the home and mother daughter teachings. Consejos and

consejitos (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020), expand on the notion of cultural

capital which refers to the strong relation that children and their parents construct to endure in

life (Sanchez & Hernandez, 2021). They are documented parental practices used in many Latinx

homes that illustrate the social wealth gain from home and are regularly taken for granted by

those in power. These values are powerful stories used to transmit feelings, perceptions, and

responses about how to endure hardships and life in general (Alfaro et al., 2014, Delgado-Gaitán,

1994). These consejos and consejitos (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020), are

enriching practices that transmit advice and endurance and allow parents to communicate

emotion and affection at a profound level, while they guide their children. These narratives are

transmitted generation to generation and they teach life lessons through plain truths (Alfaro et al.,

2014; Sánchez & Hernández, 2021).

My path in life has been full of incredible experiences and struggles that have contributed

to my knowledge and my survival. My study provided understanding about my identity and

contributed to the transformation of my consciousness as a Chicana, both as a person and in my

career. In this chapter I summarize the qualitative data collection tools I used for this study. I

discuss the research design, the research question, followed by a description of testimonio plus

its cultural construct, the data analysis and collection, and a summary of my methodology.

Research Design

This qualitative study centered my experiences as a Chicana administrator and utilized

testimonio as the methodology. Chicana feminist researchers have used testimonio as a research

tool for expressing and picturing the lived events of oppressed People of Color and to free them

by validating their experiences while creating awareness and advocating for social justice

(Benmayor et al., 1997; Booker, 2002; Castillo-Montoya & Torres-Guzman, 2012; Elenes, 2000,

2013; Latina Feminist Group, 2001; Pérez Huber, 2009, 2010; Reyes & Rodríguez, 2012). Pérez

Huber (2010) emphasized that testimonios are journeys of the oppressed and marginalized, who

tell their stories to reveal the racial, gendered, and nativistic prejudices committed against them,

to heal, advocate, and be empowered to create a new future (p. 83). I used a consejos and

consejitos (Delgado Gaitan, 1994; Sanches & Hernandez, 2020), plus Chicana Feminist

Epistemology (CFE) to align with my methodology of testimonio for it acknowledges and

validates Chicanas as a contributor of knowledge and challenges the long-standing Eurocentric

epistemological views (Delgado Bernal, 1998, 2002; Bernal & Elenes, 2011; Delgado Bernal et

al., 2012; Elenes, 2000; Pérez Huber, 2009; Solórzano & Yosso, 2000, 2001). This framework

recognizes and validates the power of my collective memory and experiences. In addition to

bringing about awareness of inequalities in higher education and a call for transformation to

oppressive institutional systems and practices (Crenshaw, 1997; Pérez Huber, 2010; Solórzano &

Delgado Bernal, 2001; Solórzano & Yosso, 2001; Villalpando, 2003). The research questions I

addressed were:

RQ1: What experiences of oppression and marginalization I endured as a former Chicana

administrator in student services at a Hispanic Serving Institution that helped me find my voice?

RQ2: What familial aspirational messages contributed to my resistance in navigating these

experiences and helped me find my voice?

Testimonio

“We as women should shine light on our accomplishments and not feel egotistical when

we do. It’s a way to let the world know that we as women can accomplish great things!”

~ Dolores Huerta

Testimonio is a powerful method for research writing that offers an understanding of the

exclusive experiences, struggles, and suffering of many Chicanas (Garcia, 2005). Testimonios

have been widely used to tell experiences, condemn aggressions, and demonstrate struggles. As

Warren (1997) explains, it “represents eye-witness experiences” and offers “evidence for

judgement in the court of public opinion” (p. 22). The Latina Feminist Group (2001) described

testimonio as a practice of personal testimony with origins in Latin America. Testimonio was

employed to record and criticize the incidents of oppression or hostility perpetrated against

subjugated groups. I know that I am not alone in this journey. My research includes my

testimonio to events that are mine, but also that others probably have. Although, I cannot speak

for others, but I can make use of my testimonio to draw awareness to the matters that have an

effect on the welfare of Chicanas in the workplace, specifically academic environments. In my

research I employed testimonio to tell my lived experiences in a higher education setting, to

connect with the struggle that many Chicanas have endured and mi ama’s aspirational messages

that helped me persist.

Characteristically to testimonio is the capability to oppose silence and recover a voice

and a place where formerly overlooked, disregarded, and unheeded social justice issues can be

disputed (Burciaga, 2007). Testimonio “provides another way of seeing” (Burciaga, 2007, p. 66).

Testimonio allowed me to accurately write with honesty, vulnerability, reflection, and sincerity.

As Chicanas, we should not be restrained by someone else’s beliefs and understanding of our

accounts.

“What is considered theory in the dominant academic community is not necessarily what

counts as theory for women of color... Necesitamos teorías (we need theories) that will

rewrite history using race, class, gender and ethnicity as categories of analysis, theories

that cross borders, that blur boundaries – new kinds of theories with new theorizing

methods” (Anzaldúa, 1990, p. 25).

Delgado and colleagues (2012) wrote about the importance of testimonio to make issues public

and allow those who have been oppressed to lash out at the world. In the case of Dolores Huerta,

her experiences generate awareness to the hostilities, prejudices, and disruptions within her life,

representing what others suffer and offering an intimate interpretation of her life experiences that

some of us never saw (Smith, 2019). In the case of Dolores Huerta, her life experiences represent

a multitude of problems for the impoverished female farmworkers. Dolores Huerta’s stories

bring consciousness to the oppression, discrimination, politics, aggression, anguish, and

casualties that continue to occur to many immigrants. Huerta has faced criticism by many,

questioning the authenticity of her experiences. She has been banned from the history textbooks

in Texas and Arizona as too radical (Arias, 2001; Brittin, 1995; Delgado, 1999). Those who

doubt the authenticity of her narrative were those who cannot accept the disturbing experiences

farmworkers go through (Arias, 2001; Brittin, 1995; Delgado, 1999). By using testimonio,

Huerta brought awareness to injustice. Testimonio serve as a teaching tool to “speak to women

centered definitions of teaching, learning, and ways of knowing rooted in Chicana /Latina

theories and visions of life, family community and world” (Delgado Bernal et al., 2006, p. 2).

A universal definition of testimonio does not exist (Carmona, 2011), and testimonios

have historically been relinquished and underused in educational research. In contrast to oral

histories, testimonio undoubtedly appeals for social change (The Latina Feminist Group, 2001).

Flores Carmona (2017) explained, academia is a colonizing setting full of oppressive conditions

and fortified by policies that safeguard the perpetrators. Faculty and administrators who have an

understanding and knowledge on diversity are in a precarious situation in higher education

institutions. However, administrators are careful and often silent in order not to be perceived or

be labeled “troublemakers” (Leslie & Gelfand, 2008, p. 123). This is because of fear of

exclusion, retaliation, and negative evaluations (Leslie & Gelfand, 2008). hooks (1989)

conceived that “talking back meant speaking as an equal to an authority figure. It meant daring to

disagree and sometimes it just meant having an opinion” (p. 5). However, for those who talk

back there are consequences. If administrators are too outspoken, if practices and policies are

challenged, or if they oppose the decisions which infringe on social justice principles, they are

“disciplined for our unwarranted, unprofessional, and non-collegial (mis)behavior and formally

reprimanded for our unprofessional conduct” (Flores Carmona & Rosenberg, 2021, p.25). These

experiences demonstrate how these reprimands, whether small or broad, attempt to penalize

behavior that goes against the status quo. While they feel censured, discouraged, and isolated

(Harris & González, 2012), testimonio can interrupt the separation of knowledge in higher

education, which supports the prevailing status quo set by Eurocentric principles (Perez Huber,

2009a). Administrators know they must challenge the status quo and their experiences must be

shared for change to ensue and to fight for social justice.

After those injuries, the transgressions, and the wounded egos, the process of recovery

starts. One way of doing this is by telling stories which helps restore the self in a cathartic way,

although in the process the pain of every assault and microaggression gets recreated (Flores

Carmona and Rosenberg, 2021). This coincides with Gloria Anzaldúa (2005) on the need to heal

through the “herida abierta,” to “pull the pieces of my [our] life back together” (p. 93). As

Anzaldúa (2005) detailed, through our pain we are able to “connect” to those experiences and

survive (p. 102).

Prior to deciding on using testimonio as my research method, I had decided that the

research methods I would be using were interviews and observations with numerous participants.

I was set on conducting interviews with Chicana top administrators at several HSIs in the border.

Therefore, during my coursework, I conducted a pilot research study for one of my courses.

Personal experience and discussions initially piqued my interest into this topic and encouraged

me to create and run this pilot study. Motivated results from my review of the literature, I was

interested about Chicana professionals on the border between Mexico and the United States.

Particularly, I wanted to hear the experiences of microaggressions and challenges that Chicana

administrators had encountered. I was sure they had experienced such encounters, and I was

interested in knowing how they navigated those challenges. I was sure these Chicanas would talk

openly to me. Flores Carmona and Rosenberg (2021) stated “we assume that the mujeres y

feministas reading about our experiences of being bullied, misrepresented, gaslighted,

threatened, and retaliated against respond by whispering or shouting out their own incidents of

marginalization” (Flores Carmona & Rosenberg, 2021, p.35). However, I was wrong. While

there were plenty of informal revelations of microaggressions these Chicanas had experienced,

none wanted to be formally on the record. As one of them eloquently expressed to me, “I’ve

already gone through enough microaggressions to last a lifetime, so doing this would be

professional suicide.” As I met with all the potential participants, each expressed how they

would rather not be part of something like this. Conversation after conversation it became

obvious to me that these circumstances were not unique to me. Instead, I already knew this was

occurring plenty. As a result of this, I had no doubt I wanted to do my research on this topic;

thus, I elected to use testimonio after reading more about this important methodology.

Data Collection and Analysis

In this study, I used a journal, memories, emails, post its and recollection of my

experiences as a Chicana administrator. When using testimonio as a research methodology and

method, data collection and analysis happen simultaneously (Perez Huber, 2009b). Delgado

Bernal (1998) emphasized that in testimonio Chicanas are at the center of the development of

genuine knowledge. In the context of Chicana Feminist Epistemology, the Chicana is engaged in

the documentation, examination, explanation, and description of her testimonio. My study

openly addresses my positionality as a former Chicana administrator who experienced

oppression in a HSI. I kept a journal for my entire teenage and adult life. This journal allowed

me to express my struggles and accomplishments as well as my frustrations and positive

experiences. As I wrote on this journal during the course of life, I realized that when I became an

administrator in the HSI, I instinctively started differentiated entries. The journal became more

of an unfettering tool, where I wrote dismal recounts of overwhelming oppressive circumstances

I was being subjected to. Although not deliberately intended, at that point, a division of my

written accounts became noticeable once I started my data collection. One section for my

personal experiences and the other for my professional experiences. I gathered my data from

November 2022 through January 2023 in a range of contexts. Every day after work I went to a

coffee shop carrying my laptop along with my books, my journal, emails, and post its (my

papelitos guardados). I would read through my notes, recollect my memories and write. For over

three months, I often found myself crying as I recalled the sadness and anxiety of my

experiences. Even though, in the past I had often reminisce about these experiences and I had felt

sadness, and disappointment. This time the process felt very differently. I noticed that as I

reflected on my experiences and wrote them down, I was overcome by the usual pain and grief,

except now the process lessened the pain. A feeling I had never felt before.

The accounts explore profound feelings about particular experiences that have a

connection to my cultural, gender, and racial identities from my childhood to adulthood. I

provide my testimonio in a sequence that made sense to me as the researcher. No sequence of

importance was used to write my accounts. All my experiences are important. However, I made

sure the numbers of accounts I included were those central to my testimonio. My testimonio used

pseudonyms for all individuals mentioned in the research. My focus was to create links between

my “natural and spontaneous reactions and dispel any notion of a researcher as an independent,

objective observer” (Stacey, 1996, p. 842). When considering the epistemological stance from

which this dissertation is written, the data was my journal, emails, post its and memories. The

process revealed I was eager to tell my testimonio—I found my voice to share with others and I

was able to learn from my experiences. I recognize that memory is flawed, and it is difficult to

recollect precise experiences that demonstrate specifically how we perceived and withstood

those circumstances. Moreover, I recognize there are always two versions to an account, as those

involved in the same situation frequently express it from different view (Owen et al., 2009). But

reflexivity enabled me to write a portion of difficult accounts of my life and shared them with

my readers. Pillow (2003) stated that “To be self-reflexive, then, not only contributes to

producing knowledge that aids in understanding and gaining insight into the workings of our

social world but also provides insight on how this knowledge is produced” (p. 178). Telling my

testimonio gave me a new consciousness, however it was difficult because I had never been so

candid about my complete personal and professional experiences. As I confronted my grief,

embarrassment, memories, and secrets, I elicited memories about my educacion from the home

(Delgado Bernal et al., 2006). Educacion mi ama inculcated that allowed me to persist in higher

education. By recalling and writing my hidden and disregarded stories, I honor my testimonio

and I learned from it (The Latina Feminist Group 2001). By telling my stories I was able to

humanize my testimonio and connect mi ama’s pedagogy and challenges in higher education

administration. Reflexivity of my suppressed domination allow me to discover and identify the

essence of my stories and strength. This self-reflection is important because through it we can get

to a process identified as conocimiento (Anzaldua, 2002). Anzaldúa (2002) described

conocimiento as a practice we endure to come to terms with our ideas, goals, and values with the

intention to move forward with our lives. Conocimiento lets us to mend emotionally, physically

and emotionally from microaggressions. Espino and colleagues (2012) described reflexion as an

extension to testimonio centering on the telling of lived experiences, then retelling those

experiences to loyal peers and finally analyzing those experiences as a group for the construction

of knowledge. This collective dialogue revealed a new method of testimonio that emulates the

inner self, “the inner faces, las caras por dentro” (Anzaldua, 1990, p. xxvii).

Chapter 4: My Testimonio

A nadie desprecies por insignificante que te parezca. In this chapter, I share my

testimonio by employing Chicana Feminist Epistemology, I use my own cultural intuition to

make sense of my experiences. My testimonio is shaped by my own unique life and experiences

(Villalpando, 2004). Throughout this chapter I attempt to honor my culture and mi ama’s

wisdom. This chapter shares life-defining moments in my upbringing and my experiences and

stories as a former Chicana administrator in higher education. I detailed my journey in finding

my identity as a Chicana, try to give voice to my intersecting identities of immigration status,

language and socioeconomic status and how they relate to my experiences as a former Chicana

administrator. I documented my testimonio from my memories, email communications I kept

from my time as an administrator, and from a personal journal that I have kept since my youth. I

include a few excerpts of these accounts to give a sense of the circumstances at that point. My

testimonio reveals the motivation for my career disposition, my experiences and struggles, and

the importance of my mother’s consejitos to resist and survive and thrive from oppression and

marginalization. I share overarching themes that emerged and align with Chicana Feminist

Epistemology and Consejitos, theoretical framework that grounded my study. The major themes

that framed my testimonio are: Existing as Borderlander, Finding my Chicana Identity, A Blend

of Double and Mestiza Consciousness in Higher Education; and I am Still Here: Through Mi

Ama’s Consejitos.

Existing as a Borderlander

Ninguno Ama a Su Patria Porque es Grande, Sino Porque es Suya. Everyone loves their

country because it’s theirs, not because it is big. My story began in Ciudad Juárez, a city that is

situated in the north of Mexico in the border with El Paso, Texas. The two cities are in the wide

desert, edged by low mountains. They both lie one on top of the other, separated by the Rio

Grande River, or Rio Bravo, depending which side of the river you are looking at. There is a

historical context that comprises political, social, and cultural landscapes of the borders on both

sides of Mexico and the United States. Undeniably, its unique history is what defines its people

today. The physical border between Mexico and the United States has been delineated through

different treaties, including the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo which was signed in 1848 after the

war. Through the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, the United States obtained eight of its present-

day states: Texas, New Mexico, California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, and Wyoming.

We know these states as the American Southwest. The Gadsden Purchase of 1853 (or Tratado de

Mesilla how it is known in Mexico) once more modified the dividing line between both

nations—where almost 30,000 miles of Mexico became part of Arizona and New Mexico (Peña,

2019). In our day, El Paso and Ciudad Juarez are placed on that border, marked by a line that

separates the two countries. El Paso and Ciudad Juarez share a history from being the same city

at one point.

Juarez has been called the most violent city in the world, while El Paso, the safest in the

United States (Payan, 2014). For me, Juarez was my home when I was growing up and El Paso

my home all my adult life. I have experienced living in both sides of the border and have called

both cities my home. This border is my hometown. Crossing the border back and forth has been

a way of life for me. I am a proud borderlander, una fronteriza. I am a proud Mexican female

immigrant, an English language learner, a Chicana educational leader, a social justice advocate, a

mother, a wife, a daughter, and a fighter. I endured experiences and challenges which are more

often than not common in our society. As a member of a marginalized group, I live my life

negotiating my multiple identities (Anzaldua, 2005) and enduring interminable oppositions. In

her 1987 book Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza, Anzaldua describes the U.S. –

Mexico border as a spatial construct. A line created by geographical and sociopolitical realities.

She describes the border in a poignant image of prejudice and pain. Similarly, she defines the

borderlands as a peculiar metaphorical spaces, which is in an endless state of change and depicts

its position and nature as a discriminatory binary for those who exist in it.

I grew up as a borderlander experiencing and seeing the struggles and joys the borderland

creates. As a borderlander, my focus in regards to the border has always been to dispel and

respond to the uniform misrepresentation of my home. The home that I love despite its profound

limitations. Immigrants have been coming to the United States looking for a better life than the

one they had in their countries. Embellished media stories speak of an immigration problem that

attracts and undesirable immigrants, who pour into the border bringing violence and crime. As a

borderlander, I constantly cling to my traditions and culture, while navigating those of the

dominant culture, realizing a dual identity. For the borderlander, a sense of belonging enhances

feelings of contrast.

Familia

There is no doubt that my experiences have shaped my identities, and mi ama has been

my greatest teacher. Mi ama always told us stories about her life and that of our ancestors.

Storytelling was a custom that was used every so often at my home. However, at my home as in

many other Mexican family homes, consejos and dichos/consejitos were a tradition that were

used daily to convey stories and life lessons. It was her consejitos which have helped me as a

daughter, mother, wife, educator, and professional. Mi ama would say, “jamás te des por

vencido, lucha y sé fuerte para que puedas conseguir todo lo que quieras lograr, nunca te

duermas en tus laureles,” which taught me to work hard, persevere, and never to be complacent.

Mi ama’s consejitos guided and inspired me throughout my life and assisted me in internalizing

and applying these valuable lessons. I turned these consejitos into actual survival strategies and

coping tools. Mi ama always reminded me that life and opportunities are present to those who

aspire and work for them. Emphasizing that a better life would come if I took advantage of

opportunities presented to me. I witnessed and heard of the sacrifices mi ama endured so that we

could have a better life, and how these hardships reinforced the willpower to thrive and provide

us with the strength required to endure. Mi ama would always say, “El que nace para maceta no

sale del corredor,” which reminded me to not conform. Witnessing mi ama’s determination,

taught me the value of school and work. It showed me to keep moving forward despite obstacles

and challenges. Mi ama always gave us advice on many life issues. The advice I received was on

how to handle adversity, how to handle hardship, and how to live an honest life. Of course, I did

not always see mi ama’s consejitos as valuable. When I was very young, I did not know what

the consejitos meant. So, I would often ask her to just tell me what she was trying to say to me.

Mi ama would instead tell me, “al buen entendedor pocas palabras,” which frustrated me even

more. Little did I know that her words of wisdom would carry me through my hardest moments

as a professional.

Mi ama has insight that goes further than a formal education, and I am certain that the

cultural wealth that she gave our family and communicated to me has been and continue to be

essential to my persistence and development. Mi ama was born in the South of Mexico, in a

small town called Las Viudas, Zacatecas. The literal translation of the town is the widowers. If

you are thinking the reason for that name is due to the number of widows in the little town, then

you guessed correctly. At the age of nine, my grandma moved her four daughters to Ciudad

Juarez. Mi ama’s biggest dream was to go to school and learn how to read and become a medical

doctor. An impossible dream, she had to work to help her mother. When mi ama was nine years

old, she started working in the mercado bringing people’s bags to their cars to get a few coins;

she would help families run errands; and she would even babysit at her tender age. Mi ama

remembers the groceries she delivered for her patrons were wrapped in old newspaper. She

yearned for the day she could learn how to read, as she walked very slowly she tried to figure out

what all the letters meant on the newspaper. One day one of her neighbors in the tenement house

where she lived made her a deal. If she ran errands for him every day, he would teach her how to

read using those old newspapers. Mi ama happily agreed and soon she was reading and writing.

Mi ama raised us to be very appreciative for all the blessings in our lives. In the 1970s it was

very difficult almost impossible for a single woman with no education to be able to provide for

her two children in Ciudad Juarez pre-maquiladoras, but she did. During that time there were

only a few ways you could survive. You could either work in a restaurant/food service

establishment, clean homes in Juarez, venture to El Paso clean homes, or beg on the streets. Mi

ama chose none of those, instead she decided to work in a bar since that would mean more

money. A little bit unorthodox for the era, but then again it was an option.

She would often say “Para vencer, es preciso padecer.” Although things sometimes are

not easy, we always must persevere to succeed. Mi ama did that all of her life. When mi ama

found herself pregnant, a single mother of small toddler, and taking care of her elderly mother.

She knew at that point she could not keep making the same mistakes and she could not work in a

bar all her life. She knew she had to do something different to alter the course of her life. Mi ama

had decided a while back that she wanted to provide a better life for us, and the only way was by

pursuing the American dream by having her baby in the U.S. She had no resources to do this, so

she decided that as her due date got near, she would hang out around downtown Juarez and then

as soon as her water broke, she would rush across the downtown bridge, she would tell the

customs officer that she was going shopping but instead she would head to a clinic located in the

Segundo Barrio by Campbell Street and give birth to her baby. And that is exactly what she did.

She could not execute this plan days before because they would turn her away from the clinic,

unless she paid and was admitted, something she could not do since she did not have any money.

On the other hand, if she did not do this on a timely manner she ran the risk of having a baby on

the wrong side of the bridge. Now that I am a mother, all I can think of is how her resolve was

remarkable. Two days later she was back home in Juarez with her American baby. Many see this

as an irresponsible decision and even a negligent decision, but to me it was just survival and

courageous.

We did not have a lot, but we were never exposed to how economically poor we really

were because we never felt like we were living in poverty or that we were economically poor.

There had to be times where even purchasing bread was financially tough, but mi ama always

provided for us, no matter what. Of course, it came at a price—her presence. Mi ama had to

work, so my brother and I were always by ourselves. She taught my brother and me to do a lot

with little and to fend for ourselves at a very young age. And we always made sure to look after

each other. My brother and I never felt as if we were missing much, as our mom ensured that

any material thing, she could not provide for us was abundantly provided in hugs and love; or,

simply, we just did without. No matter what situations were presented to her, she always made us

feel loved and made the best of the situation. Growing up I was often ashamed of how she was

earning her living. I often asked God for forgiveness for thinking those things about mi ama. I

knew she was trying her best, and that she would rather put herself out there than give us a life of

extreme poverty. However, as a child I was so tired of being teased about her job. Everyone in

the barrio would always call her and us names and made fun of us. It seemed like we were

wearing a scarlet letter because mi ama worked at a bar. She would often tell me, “todo trabajo

es honrado, desafortunadamente ‘cada quien mastica con los dientes que tiene.’” Remember that

I am earning my money rightfully, I have nothing to be ashamed of and neither should you. “El

premio de trabajo justo, son honra, provecho y gusto.”

Throughout all of this, mi ama often talked to my brother and me about the greatness of

putting our cultural knowledge and language at the substance of everything we did. She would

often tell us we did not need much to be successful, all we needed was to accept ourselves, all we

had to have was ganas “para aprender, lo principal es querer.” Although I knew mi ama’s

expectations for us were unassuming given her life experiences. I knew she would always

support us on whatever we wanted to do. The sense of determination mi ama had instilled in me

allowed me to thrive at every phase in my life.

Crossing a Double Border

De bajada hasta las calabazas ruedan, anyone can do what is easy, it is that which is

hard and good that not everyone can do. I have lived in the border all my life, my childhood and

part of my teenage years in Juarez and my later life in El Paso. I still remember the moment I

crossed the border physically from Juarez to El Paso, not to visit as I had done endless number of

times but to live in it. I was 11 years old. The experience was full of pain, anxiety, and longing. I

felt as Anzaldua (1987) described in a “Coatlicue state” (p.48). It was a process of loss, leaving

behind the security of what I known all of my life, leaving my extended family and friends, my

identity as a Juarenze and at the same time a process of rebirth, the process of suffering

resistance, denial, and grief while I went through a new phase in my life in a new space and

identity. I went through this process, enduring pain and accepting my situation, in order to accept

my new mestiza consciousness as a Chicana in the U.S. The experience of living on both sides of

the border provided me with unique situations, new awareness and transformation.

I recall how mi ama got home and woke my brother and I up. She was agitated and very upset

and was telling us to pack up our things because we were leaving to the other side. We arrived in

Denver where mi ama’s comadre greeted us. We stayed in her house along other ten people who

were living there. While mi ama looked for full-time jobs, she helped her comadre clean homes

for a few dollars. Due to all unknowns, mi ama did not enroll us in school. One night as mi ama

and I slept, I heard mi ama crying. When I tried to comfort her she told me “Remember when we

used to go visit your aunt’s ranch in Fresnillo (Zacatecas)? And how we used to pluck corn from

the field? Well, tomorrow we will get up at 3am and we are going to the fields to pick up

cucumbers. It will be the same”. She tried to smile and told me how much fun it would be and

told me soon we would have our own place, and everything would be just right. We got up in the

middle of the night, got ready and we gathered along other people who were already waiting

outside and got on a truck that drove us to a field far away– the field was beautiful; mi ama was

not lying about that but the work was not as enjoyable. We were handed some sacks and given

directions to start picking cucumbers, we were going to be paid $2 for each filled sack of

cucumbers. I thought to myself “I will do 10 sacks, $20 full dollars!” More than what I had ever

seen in my entire life. After a whole hour I had only collected 1/3 of the sack, I was tired and

weak, and I wanted to go home to Juarez. It felt nothing like our visits to my aunt’s ranch. I was

following mi ama, but she was way ahead, picking cucumbers as fast as she could. I would get

up and follow mi ama and pick a few more cucumbers but would get tired over and over. We did

this for several weeks, the hardest work I have ever done in my life. Things did not get any better

for us, my mom could not find a full-time job so we went back to Juarez. Our attempt for the

American Dream had failed.

As an adult, I asked mi ama why she had decided so abruptly move to the United States

that night. She told me that was the moment she had had enough. She explained many horrible

things she had endured working in bars, but that day she saw a dark side of humanity that made

her feel she had to do the right thing. She explained how a poor Rarramuri girl, carrying her baby

on her back, came into the bar asking for “corima” a term in Tarahumara asking to share. Mi ama

explained how a man at the bar laughed at the girl and threw a dollar bill on the floor telling her

to pick it up with her mouth if she wanted it. Soon there were others joining in this awful

spectacle. Mi ama was enraged and voiced her anger at this. However, the manager berated and

struck mi ama instead. Mi ama was shaken and that is when she decided that we had to try our

luck in el otro lado – chase the American dream.

Growing up my life was anything but ordinary. Mi ama worked all night and slept some

of the day, then worked some of the day and repeat. You could say she brought work home when

she would come home drunk. My brother decided to marry the girl he was dating and dropped

out of school and left the house. The loneliness at home was painful and it was a struggle. Two

years later, we made another attempt for the American Dream and moved to El Paso. I hated

every minute of it. We lived in one of the government apartments and I attended a high school

that had many gang-related problems and high drop-out rates. Once again I hoped I would go

back to Juarez. I was in English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL) classes under a

program called HILT (High Intensity Language Training) (Crawford, 1989, 2004; Del Valle,

2003; Ricento, 1998). For those classes, we were bussed to another high school, took classes half

of the day, then we would go back. It was an upsetting experience because we had to get down

from the bus during one of the lunch periods and it seemed we were in full display for all

students to see us. I just remember some of the other students making fun of us and calling us

names. At the time, it felt like the whole experience was done on purpose to humiliate us. The

second year we were not bused to another school, but all ELL students were placed with the

special education needs students. Therefore, we had to endure another layer of name calling. I

used to cry and tell mi ama we needed to go back to Juarez, at least there I knew the language

and the people. As a Mexicana, I struggle with my identity and was unconvinced of my desire to

assimilate or acculturate. On one hand I felt ill-treated everywhere I went, in school by teachers,

staff, and students for not speaking English and being a “Juareña”. At home I could not get used

to my neighborhood. At school, I tried my best to fit in and not to bother anyone. I would just sit

by myself, hide somewhere, not talk to anyone, and just try to be invisible. Teachers would ask if

I was legally here and when I told them I had been born in El Paso, I felt the way they looked

and treated me was like if mi ama somewhat had done something bad for coming to the U.S. and

felt I was being punished for it. One thing that was clear to me was that I did not belong, I was

never invited to be part of any club or activity, and I certainly was not introduced to school

rituals and traditions. For those students who spoke a little bit more of English, it was

particularly more excruciating because they are the ones who understood more of the denigrating

comments coming from those who we expected to look after us. The comments from teachers

were cruel and inexcusable. They would say things as “They are probably taking advantage of

the system like others” or “They should go back to Mexico” or “Bunch of Juareños.” Those

words felt like daggers, they hurt deeply. Our very existence as minority students seemed to

generate feelings of intolerance. Sadly, by this time, I had grown quite familiar to inconsiderate

comments by teachers who wanted to belittle us and our culture. Of course, I felt embarrassed

and helpless once more but had to hold back from protesting. The thought of withdrawing from

school was a constant in my mind.

However, I knew my mom was working hard just trying to make ends meet. Besides mi

ama did not know how to guide me through the education maze and I did not want to create more

problems for us. But once again her wisdom got me through things, she would tell me to

persevere. She would say “mija hay aves que cruzan el pantano y no se manchan,” (there are

bad circumstances in which we must live in but we do not have to stoop low or do wrong). By

now I had learned that as a Mexicana, I had all odds against me, but I also knew I had to keep

going. From the ache of these experiences I learned that I wanted my voice to be heard and to be

treated with respect. Above all, I knew no student should be treated the way we were being

treated. I also had to experience the pain of feeling rejected by my own friends and family in

Juarez. They would call me pocha, I was judged and I felt I did not belong either. Ya no era ni de

aqui ni de alla (I was neither from here or there any longer). In Juarez, my old friends had

entered high school, so they had new friends, new things, and there was no room for me any

longer. I had no friends in Juarez, I had no friends here, and my world continued to be a difficult

place for me. As I went between Juarez and El Paso, I perceived to a greater extent how race and

class functioned as means to separate. Just like for Anzaldúa (1987) the U.S. - Mexican border

"es una herida abierta where the Third World grates against the first and bleeds" (p. 3). The

moment I crossed the physical border I experienced my herida abierta, one that burned and

exuded sorrow and pain, one that was not easily cured and one that remains open.

Finding and Embracing My Chicana Identity

My experience as a borderlander who was born in El Paso, Texas but was raised in

Ciudad Juarez is one of many. I did not speak English, I did not share the same knowledge of

pop culture, and I certainly did not see the world through an American lens. I also had to deal

with a new notion which I had never known or quite understood -- the racialization between

Mexicanos, Mexican Americans, Chicanos and Americans was another struggle that I did not

understand. The concept of people not wanting to relate to the Mexican culture was manifested

by wanting to move away from and negate their ethnic connections, while upholding their white

tenet and American origin, was upsetting and sad to me. This separation generates racism

among Chicano populations (Godreau et al., 2008). In Juarez, I had always known my place. I

knew I was poor and darker girl, but it really did not have anything to do with my race or culture.

It had everything to do with class, color and gender. Here in the United States it was different. I

realized my ethnic, cultural, and linguistic identities were not welcomed. I as many others with

intersecting identities did not fit in.

As I graduated from high school, everyone seemed to be happy that we were not a

teenage pregnancy statistic, a gang-related statistic, or drop-out statistic. I never talked to a

counselor about college. We did hear from the military folks who were always around the school

always trying to get us to enroll, especially poor kids who had turned 18 and were old enough to

enroll without their parents’ permission. My best friend and I were lucky that we had watched

Mexican novelas all of our lives. And we believed they gave us and understanding of how things

worked in the world. Novelas were my career and college readiness planner, they guided me on

issues of education. In my case, at an early age I had decided I wanted to be a bilingual secretary

because secretaries in the novelas had to be educated and they thrived. Growing up the daughter

of a person who worked as a housekeeper and bartender, my dreams were as big as the world I

lived in – not very. My friend’s sister told us how the college had programs for secretaries. I

told mi ama and I still remember her saying “well, if you want to do that it is fine with me, but

do you think you will have enough money to help with the house and still go to that school?” We

took the wrong bus and ended up at the university. We sat down with a counselor, asked for

information about the secretarial program, as he looked at us with a combination of amazement

and kindness. He explained the different degrees the institution offered. We did not believe we

had the brains or the money for this, so we said “okay thank you so much for all your help. We

will think about it and will come back another day.” He smiled and told us, “Have you applied

for FAFSA?” “Did you do such and such assessment?” Our eyes kept getting bigger and bigger.

He explained the process and gave us a checklist. We kept asking questions about the FAFSA

information, it just sounded strange that anyone would give us “free” money. He kept telling us

repeatedly “Do not be scared, FAFSA documents are legit, it is not a scam. It is assistance from

government. Tell you parents if they want to come with you next time to talk to me. But please

fill them out as soon as possible. The funds are on a first come basis.” As I predicted mi ama

was leery about the whole thing especially about the “free” money part. The only time she had

asked for something was government housing, and we only lived there until we had enough

saved for the down payment to buy a little house. She told me “what happened to being a

secretary? Now you want to be a what? I do not know. Ay Carla, tu y tus cosas” referring to my

new found dreams. Now I wanted to get a Bachelors.

After I obtained my bachelor’s degree, I started a full-time job at the university. This was

a great accomplishment for me. Starting this new job was a dream for me. My new job was in

social advocacy and higher education. The initiative was headed by a professor, Kaitlin, who was

a well-established scholar and a respected activist in our community. Kaitlin is the person who

gave birth to me not only intellectually but also politically. I remember her as a distinguished

scholar, the most caring person, and an unwavering advocate for those who are most vulnerable.

The initiative we were working on was new and she made it obvious that she wanted us to

succeed but above all make a difference. I was captivated with Kaitlin’s intellect and

commitment to advocacy. Ironically, although Kaitlin was white, through our work I was

learning from Kaitlin so much about my own heritage. Through our daily work and the

community partnerships we were creating, I became more comfortable with who I was. I was

learning about my own identities and culture, a big leap for me since I had once sworn to never

be called a Chicana or Latina. When I first move to El Paso, when I was asked my ethnicity or

race, I would automatically say “I am Mexicana”. With my closest friends and family I always

shunned the other terms. My ignorance about my own evolving identity was astonishing. I had

bought into the dominant principle, believing that the “smarter” people did not call themselves

Chicanos and they spoke English or Spanish perfectly, and they did not speak Spanglish or with

an accent. Therefore, I did not want to be associated with not-so smart people. I still remember

taking a Chicano Studies class to meet one of my required electives. I felt so uncomfortable with

all the terms used in that class. I felt a detachment from many of the students in the class and the

learning that was happening in it. The word Chicana felt inferior and unnatural to me, it had a

bad connotation, and I could not relate to it. I always felt a sense of embarrassment to be called

Chicana or Latina. I could not see at the time the richness of my cultural diversity. While

working with Kaitlin, it was not long that I began using the terms Chicana and Latina

interchangeably to refer to my identity. However, I was still not ready calling myself a Chicana.

The more I got involved in advocacy that more I wanted to contribute towards social justice in

education in a more meaningful ways. I pursued a career in which I could support students of

color, where I could make a positive change and make an impact with my work. For me, work

meant that I was going to make a difference in someone’s life. It meant having new ideas, being

passionate, being inclusive, and taking risks to make those ideas a reality. But also about the

hostilities and injustices I had to overcome as Chicana. As I entered my dissertation writing

phase I become conscious that for the first time I was embracing calling myself a Chicana and

the gratification I felt doing so.

A Blend of Double and Mestiza Consciousness

Quien Con Amor Trabaja, Al Otro Le Lleva Ventaja.(Those that work on what they love

are ahead of those who don’t). I had so much passion for the work I was doing in my job. I

became the Director of the program and Kaitlin inspired and encouraged me to enroll in graduate

school and obtain my master’s degree in public administration. Several years later, encouraged

by my work, I started a new job at another neighboring university as an administrator. After a

couple of years I was offered a job at the College in the Student Services Division. A great

opportunity for me. I was one of nine administrators, six women and three males. Four of the

women were non-Hispanic and the males were all white and in positions of authority. After

being in the institution for a few weeks, I was called to my supervisor’s office because there was

a complaint from a staff member. As I waited, the executive assistant told me, “you are going to

have a tough time working here because of how you are.” I looked at her and smiling I asked

her, “is that so, how am I?” She said, “don’t get me wrong, you are okay, but they are not ready

for you. They are not used to being told what to do from a person like you, much less a woman.”

After much probing I gathered she meant a young female Chicana, educated, direct, and one who

did not fit the current institutional norms and mold. I thought to myself, “fine, I thrive off

challenges.” As a Chicana, I am a survivor. I have been challenged many times and many have

tried to break me, so I was up for the challenge.

Once again I was living a double consciousness in relation to my race and class, as

described by W. E. B. Du Bois. I was also utilizing my mestiza consciousness to fight against

racial and gender oppression as posited by Gloria Anzaldua. Du Bois’s work on racial/ethnic

and class oppression and Anzaldua’s comprehensive work on gender and sexuality resonated

with the experiences I had endured throughout my life and I was starting to experience in my

new position. In The Souls of the Black Fold, Du Bois (1995) explains double consciousness as

having a double existence, a consciousness that is at once American and Black and one that it is

produced out of oppression and supremacy. Du Bois describe this as "two warring ideals in one

dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder" (p. 45). Du Bois

(1995) maintained Blacks are not allowed to see their true selves, they are made to look for

themselves through a veil, "through the revelation of the other [white] world" (p. 45). Blacks are

given "a peculiar sensation", a "double- consciousness" (Du Bois 1995, p. 45). Anzaldúa (1987)

described a mestiza consciousness as "cultural collision" of "two... incompatible frames of

reference" in the racist, sexist, and homophobic "borderlands" (p.78). Mestiza signifies being of

mixed heritage, Spanish and Indian. Borderlands means both a concrete border between the U.S.

and Mexico or metaphorical spaces, places where different identities touch (Anzaldua, 1987). At

the same time, a mestiza consciousness in the borderlands, disrupts a dual thinking and creates a

place for various voices, ideas, and ways of knowing.

"[L]a mestiza undergoes a struggle of flesh, a struggle of borders, an inner war... The

coming together of two self-consistent but habitually incompatible frames of reference

causes un choque, a cultural collision" (Anzaldua, 1987, p. 78).

In their work, Du Bois and Anzaldua identify their lived experiences of oppression and

similarly recognize the encounter of a gift that appears from these experiences. For Du Bois it

was the gift of second-sight that comes from being behind the veil. The peculiar ability obtained

through oppression, which enables us to perceive the world and our position in it. For Anzaldúa,

this gift emerged as la facultad—the reasoning we develop from our oppression. Anzaldua

(1987) describe la facultad as "when we're pushed against the wall, when we have all sorts of

oppressions coming at us" (p. 38) it is a "capacity to see in surface phenomena the meaning of

deeper realities, to see the deep structure below the surface" and " one possessing this sensitivity

is excruciatingly alive to the world" (p. 38). Through la facultad "we are forced to develop this

faculty so that we'll know when the next person is going to slap us or lock us away. We'll sense

the rapist when he is five blocks down the street" (Anzaldua, 1987, p. 38-39).

Existing in Between: Language, Gender, and Race

Upon joining a College that was designated as Hispanic Serving Institution, I noticed

women in positions of power, so I made assumptions about the institutional culture. I thought I

would improve professionally and felt there was a lot of opportunity for growth. Only to

discover expectations of gender roles were gendered in this setting. In that setting, women of

color were required to be inferior and were not considered as equal peers. Women were regarded

based on their gender and as a result they were required to act and answer in particular ways

because they were women. Women were always expected to provide the food for the office

celebrations, take the meeting minutes, and plan the events. I faced gender- related obstacles

plagued with inequities and stereotype threats combined with a hostile work environment.

Women who were expected to stay in their place, perform as they were directed, and not rock the

boat. That was very clear.

I had my first taste of this on my first leadership meeting. Leadership meetings were held

at least once a month for all directors under the division. We all went around the table providing

updates for our area and asking questions about institutional actions and events. As I asked a

question regarding enrollment and registration, others seemed perplexed that I was not staying in

my lane. One of my peers attempted to put me in my place: “…Well, since that is not your area

you might not be aware of xyz.” I continued explaining that I was simply giving an opinion on

what we could potentially explore before implementing what was being proposed. My colleague

assertively responded with “are you implying that what the vice president is proposing is

wrong?” I explained that I felt everyone’s knowledge base was equally important— but that was

a problem for them. My comments were followed by a gasp from a few of my peers. To make

things worse, the next day I was called into my supervisor’s office, and I was reprimanded

because I was “a little aggressive” with my response during the meeting. I asked her if she really

felt I had done something wrong. And her response was more telling, she just told me that I just

had to learn how to find my place.

13 de abril, 2011

Me siento tan cansada de no saber qué hacer o cómo actuar. Siento que no pertenezco

aquí, pero al mismo tiempo he trabajado muy duro para estar aquí. Trato de colaborar

con mis compañeros pero siento que no casco con ellos, aparte de todo por su forma de

actuar ellos no quieren tener ninguna conexión conmigo. Hoy que Lucilda [my

supervisor] me hablo para ‘regañarme’ fue como una situación surreal. Sé que Lucilda

trata de hacerlo mejor que ella puede y quiere guiarme, a su manera, pero siento que la

verdad ella no tiene ningún poder para poder hacer nada. Al contrario todo lo hace para

mantener a los otros calmados para que no le causen problemas. Hoy que me dijo que le

recordaba a ella cuando estaba joven y que algún día iba aprender cómo manejar mi

lugar, me dio más coraje que orgullo. Aprender mi lugar? Wow… Como me gustaría

que fuera cierto que ella era como yo, y que siguiera siéndolo para poder hacer cambios

que ayuden a aquellos que lo necesitan.

April 13, 2011

I’m so tired of not knowing what to do or how to act. I feel that I don’t belong here, but

at the same time I have worked so hard to be here. I’ve tried to collaborate with my

colleagues but it is obvious we have nothing in common and they have made it clear they

don’t really want to have any connection with me. Today when Lucilda [my supervisor]

to give me a warning, it was a surreal situation. I know Lucilda wants to do the best she

can, and she tries to guide me in her own way, but I feel she has no authority/power to do

much. On the contrary she does everything to keep everyone calm so they don’t cause

any problems for her. Today when she told me I reminded her when she was younger and

that once day I was going to learn how to manage my place, I was more mad than proud.

Learn my place? Wow…. I really would have like that she was like me when she was

younger, and that she continued to be like me so she could make changes for those who

need them the most.

I felt this discrimination originated from my gender and ethnicity but also from the

culture dominance and power that worked to oppress women, but mainly women of color. The

institution was a little different than the previous institutions I had worked at, there was no

support and microaggressions were blatant and showed me I was not wanted as part of the team.

The journey from the start was painful and difficult. From the get-go, I tried to find solace in my

work and tried not to question my abilities and skills. I worked long hours and on weekends. I

implemented new initiatives and I tried to be innovative and resourceful. But I often felt invisible

and struggled with navigating my roles in that institution. I always felt that I had to be the

Whitest version of myself, I avoided being perceived as unintelligent and having to prove others

wrong. These experiences indicated that even within Hispanic Serving Institutions which

advocate for beliefs of diversity and social justice, Chicana professionals are being situated

within the margins of the institution.

As time progressed, the experiences I suffered included supervisors, other top

administrators, and some colleagues, pretended that I was invisible. They did not speak to me

when they walked into the room, at times they would speak to everyone else in the room except

me. On occasion, they would walk up to the person I was talking to, and they would start a

conversation with that person and completely act like I was not there. This clearly had an impact

on my sense of self as a professional. I stopped attending events when I did not have to go.

Experiences ranged from slight acts like not being looked at in the eyes when talked to or simply

being ignored altogether. They also included blatant acts, such as not being invited to meetings

that had to do with my own department and people telling me they had to stop talking to me

because their supervisors had “misgivings” about their affiliation with me. A close colleague

once told me our supervisor had told him that I was not part of committees because I was always

asking questions and I was causing problems. When I asked my colleague what his thoughts

were, I was saddened when he said to me that he believed I was doing the right thing by standing

up for issues that everyone believed were right for our students, but no one had the nerve to ask.

However, he did explain that he would rather stay neutral and not be involved in “those” sort of

things because he had ambitions of moving up. It was hurtful to hear that not even a close

colleague would not stand up for the right thing. It was hard to hear but harder to understand. In

subsequent meetings, he stopped sitting next to me. Despite all, I felt I was doing the right thing,

standing up for those students I had repeatedly promised to look after. I did not want to

compromise my values or beliefs and I wanted to accomplish positive change. Therefore, I

needed to continue standing up and challenge the status quo. As one of my journal entries

demonstrate, the divide between those who wanted to work for our minority students and those

who oppressed them more was exhausting and frustrating.

19 de agosto, 2009

Esta mañana el tener que “dialogar” con Pituca y Petaca fue como hablar con personas

racistas, a las cuales no les importa el bienestar de los estudiantes, fue desgastante y

frustrante. Cuando Petaca dijo que era la culpa de los estudiantes si no sabían cómo

hablar, refiriéndose a los estudiantes de remedial [English]. Me dio tanta mohína por

tanta ignorancia y desdén. Más porque las dos son Hispanas. Y porque Lucilda no dijo o

hizo nada. Nada…. Que le pasa a esta gente? Porque tanto odio para su misma gente.

Estamos aquí para ayudarlos no para hacerlos sentir peor.

August 19, 2009

This morning I had a conversation with Pituca and Petaca, it was obvious they don’t care

about the achievement of our students, it was draining and frustrating. When Petaca

referred to the students who are in English remedial classes and said it was the students’

fault if they didn’t know how to speak [English]. I was so mad to hear such ignorance

and disregard. More because both of them are Hispanic. And because Lucilda said

nothing and did nothing….Nothing. What is wrong with these people? Why do they hate

their own people? We are supposed to be here to help them not to make them feel worse.

Even though there were women who had leadership positions and titles, they were not really

expected to lead. I found it disgraceful that they put those women in a top leadership position but

did not allow them to take the lead or participate as such. My former female supervisor, the vice

president, had been assigned by the outgoing President. My supervisor was a career woman with

a forty-year student services background, an amazing professional. She was a strong Hispanic

woman, who was an outside-of-the-box thinker and tried to lead with fairness. However, often

she was forced to apply the established standards and she would do essentially what they said,

without questioning the status quo. Soon, I realized she very often had to tolerate top

administrators’ attacks in relation to her academic credentials. She only possessed an

undergraduate degree and her superior communicated to her that he expected more of her

academic credentials and gave her an ultimatum to obtain those credentials, or she would have to

be removed from her position. She had often voiced she had no intention of going back and

getting any additional credentials. So, a year later or so, after enduring the ongoing attacks from

supervisors and peers, she stepped down and retired.

During an annual event held by the institution as part of a national grant, the new vice

president, was sitting on a round table that accommodated 10 people. At this point under his

division he had seven directors, including me. As I entered the room and I finished signing in, I

went to greet him and he said, “you can sit wherever you want”. So, I proceeded to find a table.

As my other colleagues entered the room, my supervisor was greeting them and pointing them to

the table where he was sitting. When the event started most directors, except for two of us

Chicana directors, were sitting at the table with him. I could feel how people in the event were

staring at us about this obvious exclusion. During one of the breaks, Alfred, one of the directors

at his table, came and asked, “hey how come you guys are not seating with the team”, so I told

him I did not know, I was not told to sit there. He had not even made an effort for us to sit at his

table. Alfred told me he was going to ask our supervisor about it. Instead, he came back and told

us that our supervisor was being petty and said it was not necessary for us to sit together with

them, but not to worry about it.

Days after the event, I gathered the sufficient strength to ask my supervisor why he had

decided not to include us. But to make matters worse, he dismissed me with a response that

undermined my feelings even more. He told me, “Well you guys could have asked, and my

administrative assistant and someone else could have moved”. Completely missing the point.

Then when I said, “I believe Alfred asked you during the break”, he responded obviously

bothered “I don’t recall. Why didn’t you come and ask me yourself? What is the big deal?” And

he proceeded with the meeting. His response was an attempt to undermine my feelings, and it

worked. I felt so demeaned and so foolish at the same time. Why did I even ask? I generally

never tried to prove these particular situations, given that I did not want to be appear too strong,

too sensitive, or too serious. My supervisor spoke about this to others and things got worse for

me. I was perceived as mean-spirited and aggressive by both supervisors and peers and often led

to less than warm receptions. I learned rather quickly that the College was still organized very

top-down, that one might relate to long-established systems of white male thinking. The

institutional values were pronounced and rigid that even women assumed male-thinking roles

and they, too, oppressed other women. In my experience, other women of authority were very

oppressive to me and carry out a rigid role. Their behavior felt very male-dominating.

16 de febrero, 2016

Me siento algo mal porque Pituca logro sacarme de mis casillas con sus comentarios y

modos tan irrespetuosos y arrogantes. Al parecer solo ellos tienen voz y voto y los

demás, no tenemos ni voz y no existimos. No puedo creer que haya ello esa mueca con

sus ojos [rolled he reyes] enfrente de mi cuando estaba hablando. Y cuando lo traje a

relucir, Raul solo pudo decir su común broma de que “come on we are a team guys.”

Nunca hemos sido un equipo y con la forma que manejan las cosas nunca lo seremos.

February 16, 2016

I feel somewhat bad about letting Pituca get to me, with her conceited and disrespectful

comments and behavior. It is obvious they are the only ones who have a voice and say so,

the rest of us have no voice, and we don’t exist. I can’t believe she rolled her eyes while I

was talking during the meeting. And when I brought it up to her, Raul [assistant vice

president] came up with his usual joke of “come on we are a team guys.” We have never

been a team and we the way things are handled we will never be.

Resilient Against Oppression

I knew about hardship and while I was experiencing adversity in my job, I would

repeatedly tell myself what mi ama had told me plenty of times “Dios aprieta pero no ahoga.” I

could shoulder what was happening and I would prevail. Mi ama’s words echod in my head, “El

que es perico donde quiera es verde”. I was strong and was able to withstand and persevere. So

I kept on, I used that self-doubt to push myself to improve as a leader. It also kept me from

taking my leadership for granted and I had the same awareness of the consequences of my

decisions as an administrator. Especially when people thought I was not prepared, not ready, or

not worthy. I took my leadership very seriously. I was very mindful of how I lead. Nevertheless,

I did adjust my language and behavior for many years to survive. Nonetheless, I did not had

much of a choice. I had to keep up with the practices and any of the consequences.

However, my supervisor was one of those people who displayed his positionality as a

man to let everyone know he disapproved of the contributions of certain individuals, including

me. Not matter the adjustments, my supervisor regularly rolled his eyes, making disapproving

faces when I was talking. He dominated discussions, performing his own knowledge, while

interrupting, talking over, and even ridiculing others, particularly women of color. I recall my

experience when my supervisor started restructuring my department without discussing it with

me. I had numerous staff taken away from department, with no explanation. I was firmly

opposed to this, but soon after I found out my supervisor was depicting me as an unprofessional

angry woman. Knowing this devastated me. He minimized me and tied my response to a

stereotype, instead of exploring how his actions were not merited.

Although there were many opportunities for promotions and I had over twenty years of

experience, I was overlooked and never given the opportunity. The positions were not filled but

the work was still delegated to be done by me. Later the position was filled by a person who was

did not have the qualifications but I believe my supervisor hired a person he could manipulate. I

often suggested leading strategic projects, but I was often dismissed and often marginalized. I

was so sick of this. This had literally gone on my entire career. I was am a strong woman, that is

no secret, but I did not see that as deficiency that I am supposed to overcome. I am very proud to

count strength as one of my qualities, so why was I being punished for that? I confided in a

couple of people who I considered good colleagues and who had been in the institution longer

than I had. I wanted to know if they had some advice on what I could do differently. Their

response was even more confounding, they told me just to go with the grain, to just stay quiet

and do as they tell me and smile. As simple as that! One of them told me “Quite frankly you

come across as aggressive when you ask questions…. If I were you, I would just do the

minimum, get paid and that is all. Ride the wave that is all.” I still remember feeling like, what

the heck just happened? I had already tried to negotiate and adjust some characteristics, but we

were there to do a job and do what was right for those who need us the most, our students. I was

not going to ride the wave on the detriment of the work we had to do for our students. I always

kept this sentiment as the foundation of my social justice struggle and as a professional. I

continued to face much harassment and name calling behind my back became customary. I was

made to feel unwelcome. Speaking while woman in the workplace is a challenge for all women

but if you add the factor of race and ethnicity, then the whole situation gets uglier. It was so

difficult and disrespectful to go into meetings with others, provide my knowledge and

perspective, and be ignored or questioned; however, when a colleague gave the exact same

advice or perspective, they would not be questioned, and they would be praised. If I participated,

I was criticized for being overly “aggressive” and “too strong” and if I did not partake to avoid

all the microaggressions I was accused of not being “good enough”.

My strategy on many occasions when I was manterrupted was to respectfully and

determinedly say, “Excuse me, but I'm going to finish my thought.” On most occasions this

worked but many times I still got the annoyed looks from many of my colleagues. On several

occasions I asked my peers why they had given me the look and I heard “well you were

abrasive.” When I posed the question about being rudely interrupted, they responded with “I did

not see that.” I was not sure if I was being belittled due to my gender or my ethnicity, an

administrator of color, or a blend of these factors. I dedicate a lot of time discerning the reason I

was being treated so badly by my colleagues and supervisor and I lost concentration on being

constructive. All these microaggressions were affecting me in a serious manner. Not knowing

why, they were happening was also making me lose focus.

My supervisor would often harass the women by making them feel inferior, saying there

was always too much “hormones” in the division and always throwing around the employment

contract card. Once a colleague reported him to employee relations and included my name since

I had witnessed a particular incident, and when I got called, I asserted her statement. A woman

supervisor in the personnel office said, “Well…he is just like that. He is not from here and he is

going to leave soon.” I could not believe what I was hearing, was this for real? Why was he

allowed to harass women? How was that okay? But nothing was ever done to him. He was never

spoken to. Instead he continued making many inappropriate comments regarding race and

gender, such as “I am stunned at how much Mexican women like gossip and drama.” Most of the

time no one addressed those remarks.

At the beginning of my professional career, I was once told that as a career woman I

would have to contain my feelings and choose not to inconvenience others with them. I was told

my professional growth would depend on my ability to become conforming, and adaptable to the

organization, characteristics of the White norm (Andersen, 2009; Park, 2009). However, staying

emotionally detached and separating myself from my own identity as a Chicana female

professional in higher education did not correspond with me. By then I knew that to navigate

many situations, I would have to use masks. When felt I had reached a crossroad and I had no

other option, I would often think of mi ama’s consejito “No hay peor lucha que la que no se

hace.” This consejito taught me to try different things to try to solve a problem. I used masks to

negotiate advocacy and continue to be the warrior for social justice. I felt that there was more

relationship with people when they heard what they wanted to hear. This helped to achieve

connections that assisted in accomplishing small achievements. It was a constant negotiation.

Although I had to wear mask, it still allowed me to show up as myself. As a Chicana I had to be

very calculating about how I chose my fights and I had to be very deliberate on my actions so

that I was not seen as the troublemaker (Leslie & Gelfand, 2008). However, I was still pressured

to tone down my identity to be accepted and make others feel comfortable. During a fall

commencement, for example, one of my male colleagues leaned over and said to me, “I like that

you doll up for these events to look your best, and how the red lipstick you wear goes with your

complexion, but I think it is too much, you should tone it down. I do not think Dr. Big Shot

really likes it.” At that moment I wished I could have been like the Honorable Supreme Judge

Sotomayor, who before being sworn into the Supreme Court was told to wear a neutral color

lipstick and nail polish but instead, she unconventionally opted for red. This inspired

Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez to wear her golden hoop earrings and red lipstick to congress

(Cataño, 2019; Ocasio-Cortez, 2019). I instead did not want to get into a battle, so I went to the

restroom and took most of the lipstick off. The battle of being my true self, while also being

careful to not make others uncomfortable, made it hard for me in the institution. I was constantly

judged on appearance and attire. I always leaned to use more formal attire, so I would be taken

seriously in my leadership position. It was critical to dress the part and look the part.

Furthermore, coworkers showed their own stereotypes of how a women must behave. Many

times, I had to endure underhanded compliments that were particularly negative. I was called a

badass wannabe, which is what they thought of me. The negative part of that perception was

being identified as wanting to be assertive, strong, and someone with authority, without actually

being one. If my appearance was different, my gender was different, there would be other

expectations, and I would not be a badass wannabe.

On one occasion as we were planning a yearly school event, I suggested my department

could assist with the planning of logistics for a student event. Sarcastically my supervisor said,

“but we don’t want it to look like a piñata” as everyone laughed a colleague chuckling said, “if

Carla does it will look like Pueblito Mexicano.” Referring to a former Juarez restaurant known

for its Mexican traditional decorations and folklore. She kept laughing as she showed everyone a

picture of an ugly decorated room. I asked her to share so she did, she was so oblivious about

how uncouth her behavior was that she even forwarded the picture to me. Furthermore, my

accent was another way to poke fun of me and further marginalized me. I endured inappropriate

jokes regarding my accent and pronunciation. Every so often I had one-on-one meetings with my

supervisor to provide updates and to receive instructions on what top administration needed us to

do in our areas. Every occasion I had a meeting with him, he would always tell me “What was

that?” “Can you say that again? Sometimes I don’t understand what you are saying.” That was

very stressful and unpleasant for me. On one occasion one of our department work-study

students asked me, “oiga Ms. Cardoza. Who is Charro? Not like a Mexican Charro with the

rolling r but more like with an American accent. The other day I went to deliver some papers to

the other directors’ office, and they referred to you as Charro.” That is when I knew he meant

Charo. I said, “I am not sure Mijo.” The only person I can think they would be referring to be

the Spanish-American singer and comedian Charo, who is known by her uninhibited and

exuberant manner and heavy Spanish accent. Then another person told me she overheard them

nicknamed me Sofia Vergara because of my thick accent. The constant mockery was vicious and

shameful without any consequences.

I had always been self-aware of my accent. I had an accent and I often believed I was

worth less because I did not speak like a real American. During my undergraduate studies, a

professor gave us an assignment to present in front of the class. Many of my peers, including me,

kept apologizing every time we said a word with a heavy accent. Having heard us apologizing

repeatedly he said, “you guys don’t have to apologize for your accent.” One of the students said,

“well you say that because you have a beautiful accent.” Our professor had moved to El Paso

from England. He leaned on his desk and said, “Why do you have to be so Malinchistas?” at that

point all of us could hear a pin drop. He continued explaining. “You are all communication

majors. Of course, you want to excel in communicating correctly and continuously be your best.

However, having an accent is an emphasis of who you are. Remember an accent is the essence of

who we are. Accents are our identities in the flesh. What makes you say my accent is more

beautiful than yours? Is it because mine is from Europe?” He continued telling us to always

embrace that part of our identity, our accent. Thanks to him, I learned to embrace my accent as

part of my own identity. Many of us agonize over, interacting in Spanish with family and

communicating with coworkers and community in English. Anzaldua (1987) describes this

struggle stating that “because we internalize how our language has been used against us by the

dominant culture, we use our language differences against each other” (p. 58). The argument

between those who dispute who is a genuine Mexican, one that speaks English with an accent or

those who contend that Chicanos are those who speaks broken Spanish is not only extremely

hurtful for those who fail to fit the representation but dangerously dividing for every Hispanic or

Latinx (Moraga and Anzaldua, 2002). After many years struggling with the shame of my own

accent. I came to understand is a part of my identity and realized the value and significance of

my bilingual ability (Delgado Bernal, 2001).

During my second year in the doctoral program, I took a class in which my cohort visited

with the cohort ahead of us. The class took place in one of the conference room of the College,

which included two top administrators from the College, who were also in the program. We went

around the table and introduced ourselves, one of the administrators who recognized me reached

out and with a smirk on his face he said, “before you can finish the program, you will either be

divorced or won’t make it to the end.” I honestly did not hear everything he had said so I said,

“excuse me, I did not hear you?” and he repeated the same thing, to the astonishment of one of

my cohort peers who also heard him. During the break, my peer asked me if I knew this man and

if he was teasing or just being a jerk. I was still perplexed by the comment but did know from

past experiences that this individual was neither my friend nor joking.

Although the institution’s top administrators were always encouraging administrators to

participate in different sub-committees and initiatives, most of the time behind doors the message

was “not like that” kind of issue. They would police how and what we could say in those

committees, and the way we should perform in those meetings. I was often told after a meeting

that I should not have said what I said since that was not what top administration wanted me to

say, that it might look like I was defiant. I was told that what I said was undoubtedly

unproductive; to make sure not do that again. Subsequently, I was told I was not prepared for

meetings. I knew that was a directive, a warning, and a way of telling me not to do something

they did not want me to do. I was always professional in my demeanor and never circumvented

protocol; however, I always made sure to give a voice to those issues that needed to be

expressed. Now I was being censored even more.

On one occasion, a colleague called a meeting because she was asked to partner with my

department. The day of the meeting it was very awkward because I had not been invited to the

initial meeting, so she had to basically explain decisions that were already made by my

supervisor on my behalf. She was very polite and kept saying “You let me know if you want to

discuss this further with him and get back to me. However, we have a deadline to meet.” After

the official part of the meeting, she asked if we could walk over to get a coffee and chat. She

proceeded to tell me that from the original meeting, she felt the top administrators did not seem

to want any input in any of the decisions from me. They seemed very hostile towards me. Of

course, she gave me the disclaimer of “if you say I told you these things, I will have to deny

everything”. Finding out that I was not being included in meetings because I was being labeled a

troublemaker and blatantly being treated as a bad apple was one of the most offensive things I

had to endure. These frustrating experiences caused me to feel like my voice did not matter, my

opinions were not validated, and my position had no power.

These doubts were the ultimate impostor syndrome which attempts to convince you do

not belong or you are not good enough. Impostor syndrome was formulated to describe students

in higher education; however, it has been associated to women in professional settings and to

People of Color (Cokley, McClain, Enciso, & Martinez, 2013). Impostor syndrome can be so

intense that it limits one’s capacity to be heard. Impostor syndrome was so intense, no matter

how hard I worked or tried, I never felt I had accomplished anything. I felt I had to work harder

or I had to continually prove myself to others. I minimized my cultural wealth, my talent, and all

that I had to offer. I kept talking myself down instead of recognizing I had come far because I am

intelligent and I deserve to be heard and recognized. My experiences with impostor syndrome

started in the education system when I first came to the United States. One of the attributes of

impostor syndrome is a sense of not belonging. I was an English learner, I encountered

discrimination about language, the way I looked, my clothes, and where I came from and I could

not connect with my peers or teachers. I felt I did not belong. I was placed in the lowest classes,

making me feel dumb, regardless of my previous academic achievements. Now as an

administrator I experienced the internal conflict of not belonging and I felt I was not good

enough. The sensation of being a fake, caused me extreme uneasiness as I embraced the

mentality that I did not merit any praise for my achievements and I did not consider I deserved

them (Clance & Imes, 1978; Cowman & Ferrari, 2002; Harvey & Katz, 1985; Parkman, 2016).

I often thought I am still the fearful girl full of uncertainties and problems. That girl still

skeptic day after day, out of insecurity and misgivings. How could the daughter of a Mexican

single mother with no education dream to get far in life? I felt undervalued in many ways but I

also felt that maybe they were right and I was not bright enough to be in the position I was.

However, I often got my self-motivated again by thinking but I am the first in my family to seek

a doctoral degree and I am not going to let them down. In spite of all of this, I kept going by

reminding myself of mi ama’s consejitos and inspiration. I used the motivating resources that my

mother provided as support and encouragement when I was disheartened.

At this point I realized I had to be my own champion. I decided to move forward,

making inroads and learning from those experiences—I tried to move forward and tried to

examine the barriers, and hardships and tried to learn from them. I had to learn how to believe in

myself. So, I tried something different in order to navigate and negotiate oppression. I began to

work through community. Community for me were the coworkers who had mutual interest in

social justice and those students who continued to inspire me. Things seemed a little better if I

abided by the rules of the institution. However, I still struggled with stereotypes around my race

and class. I continued to face hostility and lacked support as I tried to assert my position as a

leader. Every day it was stressful to go into work. My supervisor was blunt with me, started

leaving me out of meetings on my own projects and gave others my responsibilities. The

outbursts on me were ruthless and personal. He appeared to relish this. He was in a position of

authority, and I could not do much about it. My self-worth was defeated because so much of my

personal identity was linked with my professional career. I felt like a disappointment and was

ashamed.

I did not leave even though the atmosphere was unpleasant or contentious, instead I spent

years being unhappy. The reasons for staying include pragmatic concerns like a secure paycheck,

benefits and the time I had already invested. There were emotional reasons that stopped me from

gathering the strength to look for a new job. I was in a very negative and dark place. I was

depressed and down, therefore, it was very hard to propel myself into searching for a job. I felt

hopeless and did not want to make a move, believing I would not land on my feet. I stuck to a

bad situation out of fear that a new job, it might not work out. I often felt I did not deserve better

or that I would not be able to find anything in my field of work. Many times, I believed that I

was worthless, and I was lucky to be there. I was trapped in a ridiculous notion of, I have a good

job, and it would be unwise to leave and give up this security. I was afraid to quit, and no one

would hire me. I had different concerns simultaneously, and it they were enough to keep me

locked in place. I hoped my job would get better with time, despite strong signs to the contrary. I

was good at justifying my situation with commonsensical reasons, even though I knew they were

false. I also worried so much what my family and others would think. My financial situation was

not solid, and I was afraid I would be unable to handle a transition period. I certainly wanted a

new job lined up before leaving my job. As time progressed, I was afraid of the unknown, of

starting new all over. I dreaded the job-search process, with all its stress and emotional

consequences. I worried that I did not have the right skills for a better job. I was concerned that I

had spent so much time vested on my job, I did not strengthen my network enough to help me

land a new job. My confidence in my ability to find a better job was completely missing. I

worried about the lack of good job opportunities in my profession. I was afraid the next job

would be worse or have a longer commute. I experienced a painful loss of identity. I felt this

situation was defining me, I was not a successful professional therefore I felt like a loser. I could

not find the strength and motivation, and let others and the situation define me. I had fallen into a

devastating attitude of thinking ‘I am a loser. I will never get any job. I will probably have to

start all over, cleaning restrooms. I cannot live on that salary. We will be homeless.’ On and on.

I fell into a negative loop that was knocking me down. I was mad at myself because I felt I could

have done more to prevent it. I blamed myself for not doing better.

The emotional state I was in did not make things better but I knew I had to carry on. One

of mom’s consejos was always on my mind, “El que entra a la iglesia aguanta la misa”. If you

the situation. I needed to make it work. My family was always there to support me and validate

me. This is how I started pulling myself up and started moving forward again. Mi ama spoke to

me and told me to never forget “Dios acude siempre a la mayor necesidad.” God had always

been there for me and had always proved his presence, why was I questioning things this time?

She reminded me of the many times God had helped me in my life, even when I did not realize it

at the time. She reminded me that I had a lot of things to be grateful for and although at that point

in my professional career things appeared bleak, I had accomplished a lot.

Talks of eliminating my department and my position started. Of course, institutions of

higher education have issues with budget. That issue is a constant struggle in higher education—

the eternal budget dilemma. Having no support for my role or for the very existence of my

department within the institution was disheartening. It was an uphill battle because I was fighting

not only for students but my staff and myself. It took a lot of strength to fight and always push

my way into a place just to subsist. My supervisor was abusive, and he showed outright hostility

towards me. For that reason, mi ama often told me “De juez de poca conciencia no esperes justa

sentencia,” it is asinine to expect righteousness and integrity from people who are ill-equipped to

do a job or people who have no ethics to carry out their duties. Once my supervisor had called

me into his office to discuss the paperwork to fill my department’s administrative assistant

position. Position that I had vacant for over a year. When I entered his office, he looked

annoyed and started the conversation abrasively telling me he was aware that I truly needed an

administrative assistant but before he could approve, he wanted me to forfeit two of my other

vacant positions because he needed the funds for a project he had. When I told him I could not

do that, because I needed those two positions to appropriately run my department, given that it

had not been long since he had stripped down my department. With a smirk and exasperated he

countered, “do you want an administrative assistant or not?” I was so perplexed at the way he

always treated me, I just kept looking at him without saying a word. Finally, I regained my

courage, and I told him “I need my three vacancies to run my department. But if you want my

two vacancies, please put it in writing so that I may be able to ask for others.” He was furious.

He took a piece of paper he had in front of him, scribbled on it, stood up, threw the paper at me

and said, “there. Do not ever forget I am your boss.” I was livid but had to keep my composure.

All I could think of was “how can this man treat others this way?” I reported the abuse to Human

Resources, but he denied it and instead said I was being problematic. From there, things just got

worse for me. He had issues with most, if not all, of leadership in our division and problems

started ensuing among all of us. He started asking for an indefinite number of things from me.

Using vague excuses to write me up or admonish me. At that point I knew that was it was open

season. An administrator was let go, one resigned, and one retired.

Support and Coping Mechanisms

My supervisor’s harassment reached new levels. I could see the writing on the wall and

knew it was different this time. He called a meeting between the department responsible for

technology, my department, and his area to meet and discuss changes to the website in relation to

my department. There had been some legislative mandates that dealt with students we assisted,

and those changes needed to be reflected on the website due to federal funds that were allocated

to the institution. I had already requested some of these changes repeatedly in the past to no

avail. But now it was necessary for the institution to make this happen. My staff member,

Catalina, and I arrived at the meeting, and patiently waited for 30 minutes. Then from technology

department the director and manager arrived along with my supervisor and his technology

assistant. None of them greeted Catalina or I, they just kept having their conversation and sat

down. After a good ten minutes, my supervisor began the meeting making eye contact only with

the males in the room, completely ignoring Catalina and me. He talked about unrelated website

issues and began criticizing how my department’s webpage was neglected by my department,

how I had not done anything to revise or update the webpage even though he knew the webpage

could only be managed by his department. He went on and on undermining me and my

department and when he paused and asked me a question, I took the opportunity to correct with

documentation some the misinformation he had just presented. At that point, the Director

responded abruptly with a smirk “I think we finished talking about those issues a while back.

Let’s move on to what we are going to do from here on.” I politely agreed and talked about what

we needed to do next for the initiative, which were projects I had previously asked for, but were

never done. At that point, the Director interrupted me and said, “Well, we will not be able to do

that because in the past your department was…” to which I responded, “Director I thought we

were going to move forward and focus on what we are going to do next.” He turned to look at

my supervisor and he raised his voice and he responded with “You know, we don’t have to do

anything for your area.” my supervisor’s IT assistant interjected and pointed out those changes

were needed to meet the guidelines required by the federal government and it would also assist

my department in revamping the content of our webpage. The director and manager continued to

argue why they felt they could not do those changes and instead they could just do an easy fix on

the main page so that the requirements were met. My supervisor agreed and told them he thought

that was the best thing to do. It was a solution that did not make sense, and it was a solution I did

not want and that is all they seemed to care about. After the meeting was over. I asked Manuel if

he could stay for a few minutes so I could discuss something with him. I explained to him that

my perception was he always talked at me and not to me. I proceeded to ask if something had

happened to create such animosity towards me, and that I believed we needed to work together

and be professional towards each other to serve the students who are our primary mission. With a

grin he told me “I am always professional, anything else?” I said no and thank him for his time.

A couple of days later I heard from Human Resources that I needed to send an apology letter to

the technology department for having been rude during the meeting. My supervisor agreed with

this assessment, and I was given five days to comply. My supervisor’s assistant got an email

also, and he reached out to me. He was telling me he disagreed with what was happening, and he

told me he saw the situation the other way around, but he could not do anything. He was afraid

of the retaliation from my supervisor if he went against him. He could not help me. Three weeks

later he resigned, and he sent me an email detailing all that had happened. Regrettably, it was a

little too late. I had already written a pseudo-apology, one of those in which you say sorry-not

sorry. Of course, a week later my supervisor set up a meeting to discuss the situation with HR.

21 de mayo, 2021

La secretaria de mi supervisor me hablo para decirme que mi supervisor quería reunirse

conmigo para platicar sobre los cambios que necesitamos hacer en la página [de

internet]. Me imagino que no es para eso pues la verdad es tan desorganizado y

valemadre con las cosas del trabajo que es lo menos que le importa hacer. Mi sexto

sentido me dice que va a pasar algo más. Veremos que sorpresa me tienen.

May 21, 2021

My supervisor’s secretary called me to let me know that he wanted to meet with me to

talk about the website changes. I really don’t think it is about that, he is disorganized

and could not care less about work. My gut tells me something is going to happen. I’ll

just have to see what surprise he has for me.

100

22 de mayo, 2021

Esta mañana, Melissa de recursos humanos, me hablo para decirme que le caí muy bien

porque las dos somos de Juárez. Y que me quería ‘ayudar’ para poder salir de este

“problema” sobre la junta que tengo mañana con el mentecato de mi supervisor. Actué

como si supiera de lo que estaba hablando, aunque no sabía nada sobre el “problema”

al que se refería. Pero mi sexto sentido nunca me falla, la junta no es para discutir la

página. Resulta que la junta es con HR también, que sorpresa! De seguro es para

seguir con sus necedades y torpezas. Le pregunte qué es lo que está pasando pero me

dijo que solo me pedía que en la junta me quedara totalmente callada y solo estuviera de

acuerdo con todo lo que ellos dijeran. Que de todos modos él ya estaba por irse de la

escuela. Que tristeza y coraje me da ver que los problemas y vilezas en este lugar se

arreglen con callar a la víctima, ignorar los problemas y a premiar a los tiranos.

Veremos qué es lo que pasa. Por mientras sigo en búsqueda de otro trabajo, pero no ha

salido nada. No puedo ni concentrarme en lo que quiero hacer.

May 22, 2021

This morning, Melissa from HR, called me to tell me that she liked me because we were

both from Juarez. And that she wanted to ‘help’ me get out of the “problem” the subject

of the meeting I have with my supervisor tomorrow. I acted as if I did know what she was

talking about—even though I did not know yet it was about the “problem”. But my gut is

never wrong, the meeting is not to discuss the webpage. It turns out the meeting includes

HR too, what a surprise! I am sure it is about his absurdities. I asked her what was

happening was but she only told me all she wanted me to do during the meeting was to

stay completely quiet and to be in agreement with everything they had to say. She did say

that my supervisor was about to leave the school. I was so sad to know in the institution

they wanted to fix all the problems and oppressions with silencing the victims, ignoring

the issues and reward the tyrants. I suppose I am going to have to wait and see what

happens. In the meanwhile, I have been looking for a job, but I haven’t found anything. I

can’t even concentrate on what I want to do.

23 de mayo, 2021

La junta resultó todo una emboscada, mi jefe empezó la junta diciendo que no íbamos

hablar de la página porque el tenia preocupaciones más grandes sobre mí. Y luego

metió a la junta a los de HR. Aunque Melissa ya me había dicho, me sentí muy

aprensiva, no solo era una persona de HR si no dos. Mi corazón estaba a mil por hora,

pero logre mantenerme calmada. Desafortunadamente todo resulto como ya había

pensado. Pero lo más triste es que me hicieron sentir nuevamente como si yo fuera la

culpable de todo. Melissa comenzó por decir que todo lo que mi jefe quería era el

bienestar de nuestra división y que estaban ahí para ayudar. Hablo y hablo por

aproximadamente 5 minutos-- la verdad me costó tanto mantenerme tranquila y callada

pero lo hice. Sin embargo empezó a decir que mi jefe era una persona inteligente y con

muchos planes de los que yo podría aprender mucho. Pero que mi actitud agresiva, mi

falta de comprensión y con mi continua persistencia estaba haciendo las cosas más

difíciles. Pero que él estaba dispuesto ayudarme si yo hacía exactamente lo que él me

dirigiera. Fue entonces cuando tomo una pausa y me pregunto si estaba de acuerdo.

101

Desafortunadamente mi disimulo no pudo seguir y comente que yo también quería lo

mejor para que tuviéramos un lugar de trabajo efectivo para el bienestar de los

estudiantes. Y pregunte, que había hecho o porque se me estaba categorizando como

agresiva, terca e ignorante? Lo cual no fue del agrado de nadie y Melissa estaba

obviamente molesta, me imagino porque me había dicho que me quedara callada. Mi

jefe intervino para comentar que el solo hecho de que había dicho eso demostraba mi

forma de ser renuente y adversaria. Después de eso el tono de la junta se tornó

despectivo y dominante por parte de mi jefe y HR. Melissa me dijo que obviamente yo no

quería una resolución o que quizá no estaba entendiendo bien (válgame no puedo creer

el tono tan prejuicioso ya mero le faltaba decirme que si me lo tenía que decir en

español. Ya no sabía si decir algo, reírme, llorar, salir corriendo o que. Que de ahí en

adelante nuestra comunicación solo sería por medio de correos [electrónicos].

Terminaron la junta y me dijeron que me retirara. Mi mi cuerpo se sentía helado y mi

mente no podía entender el enfado hacia mi persona. Pareciera que mi sola presencia

era detestada. No había cosa que hubiese podido decir o hacer que fuera de su agrado.

Sé que las cosas pasaran como deben pasar, y confió en que estaré bien pero no se me

hace justo ni merecido.

May 23, 2021

The meeting was an ambush, my supervisor started the meeting saying we were not going

to discuss the website, because he had concerns about me that were bigger. And then he

let the HR people into the meeting. Even though Melissa had already told me, I felt very

apprehensive, it was not only one HR person but two. My heart was racing, but I was

able to stay calm. Unfortunately, everything turned out as I had already thought. But the

saddest part was that what they were telling me was putting all the blame on me. Melissa

started telling me that all my supervisor wanted to do was for the benefit of our division,

and that she was there to help. She talked and talked for about 5 minutes— I tried to stay

calm and quite to I did. However, when she started saying my supervisor was an

intelligent man with many ideas and plans from which I could learn. But that my

aggressive attitude, my lack of understanding and my stubbornness was making

everything more difficult. But that he was willing to help me if I did everything he asked

me to do. At that point she took a pause and asked me if I was in agreement. I could not

stay quiet and told them I also wanted the best so that we could have an effective place

for our students. And I asked what had I done or why was I being labelled as aggressive,

stubborn, and dumb. None of them were pleased with my question, and Melissa was

visibly upset, I guess because she had told me to stay quiet and I did not. My supervisor

intervened and said that as they could see from my words I was always unwilling and

defiant. After that the tone of the meeting was rude and forceful from HR and my

supervisor. Melissa told me that obviously I did not want a resolution or that maybe I

was not understanding correctly (my goodness the prejudice was unbelievable—they just

needed to ask if I needed everything translated into Spanish. I didn’t know whether to

reply, laugh, cry, run out of the room or what to do. Melissa said from the point forward

she would only communicate with me through email. They concluded the meeting and

asked me to leave. My body was cold, and my mind could not understand why they hated

me so much. It seemed that my presence was loathed. There is nothing I could have said

102

or done that would have pleased them. I know things will happen as they are suppose to.

And that I will be fine, I just don’t think it is fair or that I deserve it.

The conversation started with a supervisor from personnel opening remarks on how they

were there because they wanted to help us both come to a positive and amicable understanding.

She proceeded to address me and say she needed me to understand that my supervisor was an

intelligent, determined, and confident male who was only trying to manage his division to be the

best. And how my aggressive behavior and my persistent attitude was only causing unnecessary

disruption in the division. I could not help but be perplexed at the spontaneity of the words she

was using. Defining a male as intelligent, determined, and confident but then again stating that I

was aggressive and persistent, as if to say I was being stubborn. As she paused and asked if I had

any questions, I responded with a resounding yes. I am almost sure she expected me to stay

quiet. After all she had called me the day before and had advised me to just stay quiet. She told

me she liked me because I was a nice “girl”, so she wanted to suggest that I just went along with

what my supervisor said and just agree to everything. To basically stand down and take it and not

to argue with him. At that time, I could not believe she, a Chicana female leader in Human

Resources was asking me to do that. I thanked her for her advice but instead during the meeting I

had the audacity to ask her about her word choices. I was not ready to be part of a charade and

plain injustice. “Permitir una injusticia es abrir el camino a todas las que siguen”, I had heard

mi ama say many times that to allow one injustice would sanction many more in the future.

“Tanta culpa tiene el que mata a la vaca como el que le jala la pata.” Those who are bystanders

during an injustice become accomplices. The personnel supervisor looked at me flustered and

said, “are you insinuating something?” To which I said, “I think it is only fair for me to know

why you described me as aggressive and stubborn?” At that point, she doubled down and she

told me that by the single fact that I was “fighting” back, I was proving their point. A few days

103

later I was asked to provide all sort of documents such as timesheets for the last ten years, then to

provide all of the timecards from timeclock for all employees, although the institution had never

instituted a policy for timeclocks, then I was asked to send another thing, then the next, a few

day later I got an email putting me on administrative leave pending resolution on the IT issue, the

HR meeting, and the Fair Labor Standard Act (FLSA) issue. What FLSA issue? I tried to ask

questions but of course there were no answers. I guess you can say I had seen the writing on the

wall many times, but I had decided to see the glass half full. But now it was right there in front

of me.

What sustained me in the difficult times were the teachings mi ama provided along with

the experiences that have molded me. These experiences and lessons maintained me throughout

the hardship and I encouraged me to keep going. I often talk to mi ama and sometimes I feel that

she did not imagine that my prospects for an education and a better life represented undergoing

grief and pain. I myself did not realize that my education attainment and desire to follow a

career would put me in this unexpected position where I am in an unceasing struggle. I, like

many, foolishly believe that getting an education would give me a stability and independence.

While education has provided me with advantages that mi ama and most of my family did not

have, such benefits were thrusting me into adverse borders. These borders conflicted with the

dreams and aspirations mi ama and I had and the professional experiences that were confining

me. Leaving me to question my choices and often feeling crushed and invalidated.

A week before I was supposed to attend a two-week Yale Seminar on Senior Leadership.

Instead, I received an email telling me, “You have been placed on administrative leave.” I had so

many questions: What did this mean? Why was I in this situation? How would I handle this

situation? How would this affect my family and my career? As I began my leave, I entered an

104

emotional state of despair. However, mi ama did not come to my aid to tell me how hopeless

things were. She told me “Si los haz toreado cornudos, cuantimás los toreas sin cuernos. Carla,

me sorprende,” mi ama reminded me that I had faced worst difficulties in my life, so this was a

no brainer. “Mas vale que digan aquí corrió, que aquí murió”, she always stressed the fact that

no job is ever that important to die for. Literally dying for. At this point in my life, I was

suffering from emotional and health issues.

25 de septiembre, 2019

Ahora que volví a la escuela por tercera vez. Ha sido tan difícil, este señor no me deja en

paz. Petaca es una barbera y mala persona, ella es la que me vio en la universidad

cuando iba a una de mis clases y de seguro ella fue la que le dijo que volví a la escuela y

por supuesto me dijo que debía estar en todos los eventos que son por la tarde y que no

pensaba que yo podría ir a la escuela. El estúpido me dijo que él me recomendaba que

fuera a clases de inglés para que así trabajara en mi inglés y me fuera mejor en la

escuela en un futuro. Dios sabe que de verdad quiero terminar mis estudios pero la

verdad siento que no tengo las fuerzas. El profesor X me dijo esta semana que no podía

faltar una vez más y que le gustaría que tuviera un poco más de empeño para terminar.

Me sentí tan avergonzada, y sé que tiene razón. El lunes tuve que ir a emergencias

porque me sentí tan mal. Los mareos, los escalofríos y los dolores de cabeza no son

buena señal. Mi médico me cambio la medicina de la presión [alta] y me pregunto si

tenía mucho estrés – claro que solo le dije “algo”. Ni modo de que me ponga a decirle

al pobre todas las cosas por las que me siento tan hostigada. Me recomendó que me

relajara un poco. Como me gustaría poder hacerlo! Mis angelitos y mi mama me

necesitan, y me preocupa tanto que les sirvo más viva que muerta. Necesito salirme de

este lugar que me tiene así.

September 25, 2019

Now that I went back to school for the third time. It has been very hard, this man is

ruthless. Petaca is such a brownnoser and mean person, she saw me at the university

when I was going to one of my classes. And I am sure she is the one who told him I am

back in school. The other day he told me that I was going to have to attend to all of the

evening events and that he didn’t think I could go to school. The idiot even told me that

his advice was for me to take English classes so that I could work on my English and that

way I could do better in school. God knows I do want to finish my studies but I don’t feel

I have the strength. My professor told me this week that I could not miss class one more

time and that he would like me to be more committed to my studies. I felt so embarrassed

and I know he is right. Monday I had to go to the emergency room because I felt so sick.

The dizziness, chills, and headaches are not a good sign. My doctor changed my high

blood pressure medication and asked me if I had a lot of stress – of course I just said

“some”. I wasn’t going to tell the poor man all of my problems. He recommended that I

105

relax. I really wish I could! My little angels and my mom need me, and I really worry that

I am more useful to them alive than dead. I really need to get out of this place.

I came to realize this situation was affecting me deeply, and my health and was suffering.

Also that self-loathing feeds on itself and you lose perspective, which makes you lose

confidence. Mi ama and husband kept telling me, “Al mal tiempo buena cara,” always be

positive even when facing bad moments and “Si no puedes encontrar tu final feliz, tal vez es

hora de buscar un nuevo comienzo,” for those times when you cannot find your happy ending,

then it might be time to look for your new beginning. They kept telling me not to give up. That

there was a possibility my greatest achievements were still ahead of me. That I was not done.

They repeatedly told me these messages. One day I was moping around, mi ama told me “Por

Dios Carla, tu tienes que ser fuerte y ‘A dios rezando y con el mazo dando’,” she wanted me to

stand up and dust off and start working not just hoping. Mi ama has always had a way to focus

on what we have and to know who we are, never based on what others think but on what we

think of ourselves. Slowly I reflected on all the positive possibilities and began to believe that

there was life after all of this. I was reminded I was strong enough to endure the challenges with

strength and lessons learned. I learned that overcoming challenges set in motion the development

of conocimiento which improves the efforts we do in helping and advocating for others.

Al Mal Paso, Darle Prisa. You must be strong and make hard decisions. After 15 years in

the institution, I ultimately decided to step down from my higher education administration career

and left a twenty-plus-year career following years of repeated oppression. I decided to put an end

to the situation and resigned. I left by my own accord since that was the best decision for me.

The other choice could have been worst and more painful. Besides I do not think that is me. At

times I tried not to think about that too much because it did trouble me. I was finally accepting

my new reality but also new realities were coming along and incited other questions: had I been

106

blackballed? Higher Education in El Paso is a very small circle. Would I even be able to find a

job? Some days were harder than others. On the days I lost all confidence, I remembered mi

ama’s consejitos and got the strength to continue. I knew I could still do great things, things of

value. I could still make a difference in the lives of students through education. I have not

regretted it. It has hurt but I have not regretted it. Even to this day, no matter how hard it has

been, I still have zero regrets about quitting. Looking back, it was certainly a bold decision

because I had been with this institution for a long time and in higher education even longer. It

felt wild to enter a void of not having anything lined up. I also knew I had given all my best. My

supervisor got another job in another city and a short time after that he was put on administrative

leave and was fired. There is a consejito that mi ama would often tell me about ending bad

things, “Muerto el perro se acabo la rabia”. Many believed that once this person left the

College, everything was going to be better. However, although he had a lot to do with it, the

institutional culture is the main problem.

I am Still Here: Through Mi Ama’s Consejitos

Dios Da y Dios Quita Según Su Sabiduría Infinita. God will always provide an adequate

amount of what you need. I have persistently been subjected to negative stereotypes, ignored,

criticized, and disregarded just for being me. Fortunately, the lessons I acquire throughout my

life have been very valuable in my personal and professional perseverance (Villenas et al., 2006).

This chapter has allowed me to present stories of my life. Beginning with my life in Ciudad

Juarez, crossing the physical and emotional borders, my journey as a Chicana administrator in

higher education and how these experiences have been entangled by struggle, pain, oppression,

resilience and survival. These struggles have influenced the course of my life. I have given up

107

but also I have found the strength to keep going. I felt it was important to write about resilience

and how mi ama’s consejitos played a major part in my survival.

The resilience she taught me with her wise advice, helped me pull through and survive

throughout my life. It was resilience that sustained me for 25 years in higher education and now

in k-12 education. And lastly, it is strength and spirit that encourage me to get through each day

as I completed this dissertation. As I sit here, I continue to focus on my work in education

helping students. I think I have also done this because it has been a mechanism to deal with the

experiences in my own life. Throughout my life I have purposely tried to contribute in creating

places that safeguard fair and inclusive systems that ensure the just treatment of all students. I

still remember a conversation with my husband, telling me “Tu sabes quién eres y estás segura

de ti misma, entonces no necesitas demostrarle nada a nadie. Sigue trabajando por lo que siempre

haz trabajado. Por lo que te apasiona, la educacion” (You know who you are and are certain of

yourself. Remember you do not have to show anything to anyone. Keep working for what you

have always worked for. Work for those things that are your passion, education). The painful and

dehumanizing experiences which caused me to conform and wear masks needed to end and I

needed to reclaim my own identities with no apologies.

108

Chapter 5: Conclusion

“No te revientes, reata que es el último jalón”

The purpose of this study was to tell my lived experiences of oppression and

marginalization as a former Chicana Administrator in Student Services at a Hispanic Serving

Institution. In the findings, I share some of the dominant racist systems held by the institution

and the ways I felt marginalized and oppressed. In particular, the microaggressions suffered,

which often caused me to endure other challenges and barriers such as imposter syndrome. I also

share how my mother’s pedagogy of the home helped me navigate those painful experiences,

find my voice and realize la senda (path) to conocimiento-- devoid of self-victimization and

encouraged to follow a new vision. I share the need for Hispanic Serving Institutions to change

ingrained dominant systems to improve Chicana administrators’ success and retention. I identify

how my testimonio contributes to the existing literature and how this research can be expanded

further. I also share implications for research and practice.

Discussion of Findings

In this research study I shared my testimonio as a Chicana administrator in a Hispanic

Serving Institution in the Southwest U.S. I share my experiences with borderlands as a Chicana,

my path to administration in higher education, my professional experiences as an administrator

in student services, how I felt mistreated to achieve my self-defined goals in the institution and

how I was able to thrive by leaving. Higher education often pushes the voices of Chicanas to the

margins. Through my testimonio, I was able to tell my story in my own words. Chicana Feminist

Epistemology brings to the center the experiences of Chicanas as producers of knowledge in the

research process and as the driving force for research analysis. CFE is rooted from the

epistemological standpoint of Chicanas and it studies their intersectional identities addressing

109

sexuality, citizenship, immigration, class, language, gender, and religion (Delgado Bernal, 1998).

In addition, Delgado Bernal (1998) through CFE regards borderlands as “geographical,

emotional, and/or psychological space occupied by mestizas” (p. 561). A factor of CFE, is

cultural intuition, which offers a unique standpoint that guides the research process and gives

meaning to the data (Delgado Bernal, 1998).

While higher education institutions claim that women of color have the same

opportunities, these institutions are immersed in white dominant values, cater to the success of

the majority (Castellanos & Gloria, 2007), and function of systemic racism. As such, career

advancement and retention rates are dismal for women of color. Through my testimonio, I shared

how my experiences at Institution B had been unjust and, many times, painful as I confronted

blatant racism and discrimination, which led to stress, imposter syndrome, and lack of sense of

belonging. I shared how I was mistreated, which impacted my health, and career trajectory.

However, I also shared examples on how I draw on familial practices to help me navigate these

challenges and prevail on my own terms (Anzaldua, 1987). I was able to find wisdom from mi

ama in order to heal.

From Duelo to Conocimiento

I share my story to serve as a representation for other Chicanas who are faced with

adversity and who might find encouragement in reading my story. I write my story with an

understanding of who I am as a daughter, mother, professional, leader, colleague, and learner—

and someone who has always had a strong desire for social justice. As the demographics in the

United States and in institutions of higher education experience an increase in Chicano/Latino

student enrollment, predominantly women, which is the nation’s number one growing minority

(U.S. Census, 2020), it is essential to make certain these institutions appoint a significant number

110

of Chicana administrators who can relate and be a champion for those students. The literature

review shows a number of women are working in higher education campuses and serve in

student services divisions. However, non-Chicano males, occupy the high-ranking positions that

involve policymaking and fiscal accountability. Therefore, it is essential that institutions try to

find ways to create programs that promote diversity, more specifically for Chicanas, in senior

administrator positions in student services. Even though there is an inadequate representation of

Chicana administrators relative to the number of Chicano/o/Latina/o students, it is essential to

create plans that can grow the amount of qualified Chicanas who are prepared to move into the

profession. Betts and colleagues (2009) indicated that “As colleges and universities expand the

leadership pipeline, it is essential that institutions make a commitment to increasing diversity

within administration through the recruitment process, professional development, advancement,

and retention” (p. 4).

Testimonio afforded me a setting where I was able to candidly share my papelitos

guardados (Latina Feminist, 2001), confessing numerous painful experiences, and moving ahead

in my recovery process. Testimonios set the foundation to be able to describe my experiences

while I navigated, negotiated and resisted. Also, by sharing my story it helped me put myself

back together and mend. It took me a while to be convinced that pursuing a testimonio, was a

worthy cause for my dissertation work. It is not in my humble disposition to believe that I have

much to contribute as is the case for many scholars of color; after all, I was almost a statistic.

However, these stories are an important aspect of social justice because they can crush

compliance, defy the prevailing conversation on race, and advance the fight for racial reform in

all fronts. Fortunately, the more I shared my personal journey, the more encouragement I

received to have my story told and heard (Anzaldúa, 1987; Delgado Bernal, 1998; Delgado

111

Bernal, 2002; Delgado Bernal et al., 2012). I wanted to be able to contrast the impact of telling

my testimonio alongside the effects of the process of sharing it with others.

Siskind & Kearns (1997) explained that “institutionalized bias” which is not in favor of

women, one in which gender-bias incidents, stereotyping, and hostile-authoritarian persecution

are commonly reported (p. 511). In spite of the prevalence of discrimination in institutions,

women will stay quiet if the norms of the institution disregard women. Research shows that

filing complaints with the Human Resources department or any other entity within an

organization, seldom results in corrective action workload (Leslie & Gelfand, 2008). As a result,

silence about discrimination and prejudice in the workplace becomes the norm. Silence becomes

a systemic practice in order to prevent being viewed as a troublemaker, avoid retaliation, avert

rejection and exclusion, fend off adverse appraisals, and other negative consequences such as

larger. Therefore, women will only report discrimination if they perceived the institutional

cultural respects and protects women but will not do so if the setting is one that diminishes and

ignores them. And this was the case for me, I did not feel I could go to Human Resources-

Employee Relations and file any claims. Human Resources had made it clear to me, they did not

value women and certainly did not support us (Leslie & Gelfand, 2008; Siskind & Kearns, 1997).

Testimonio requires us to reflect on our memories and recall past experiences, that often

times are very painful and traumatic events. In spite of this the main intention of testimonio is to

foster confidence and optimism about our future expectations (Reyes & Curry Rodriguez, 2012).

Studies about testimonios reveal that people often referenced the emotions they experienced by

aggressions they received. I feel that it “allowed me to reflect and come to a realization about my

own resiliency to the multiple forms of racism I experienced” (Perez Huber & Cueva, 2012, p.

405). In addition, it is important to look and further the studies which bring attention to the

112

methods used to overcome these acts of racism and aggression (Perez Huber & Cueva, 2012).

Methods such as self-reflection, a practice that allow us to be able to produce oppositional spaces

against the oppression and racism we faced (Yosso, 2005; Yosso et al., 2009).

I share my story to serve as a representation for other Chicanas who are faced with

adversity and who might find encouragement in reading my story. I write my story with an

understanding of who I am as a daughter, mother, professional, leader, colleague, and learner—

and someone who has always had a strong desire for social justice. As the demographics in the

United States and in institutions of higher education experience an increase in enrollment of

Chicano/Latino student, predominantly women, which is the nation’s number one growing

minority (U.S. Census, 2020). It is essential to make certain institutions appoint a considerable

number of Chicana administrators, individuals who can relate and fight for those students. The

literature review shows most of the women working in higher education campuses are employed

in student services divisions.

Time and again women decide to stay quiet relating to topics of discrimination because of

the prospect of characterization as a troublemaker, concerns of retribution or being left out from

professional decisions, adverse evaluations, and demanding work assignments (Leslie &

Gelfand, 2008). Incidents of gender and race bias, stereotyping, and antagonistic harassment

against women of color have been documented in higher education institutions, a culture which

is described as institutionalized bias. Research shows that filing complaints to the Human

Resources department or any other entity within an organization, seldom results in corrective

action. Therefore, women who face discrimination will only report these occurrences if they

perceived the work environment validates and appreciates them, otherwise they will not. This

was the case for me, I did not feel I could go to Human Resources-Employee Relations and file

113

any claims. Human Resources had made it clear to me, they did not value women and certainly

did not support us (Leslie & Gelfand, 2008).

I suffered being ignored and I was not worthy of the same opportunities as other

colleagues. I described experiences where my peers delivered negative messages and frequently

used microaggressions. My example of being mocked for my ethnicity is another occurrence of

institutional systemic behaviors. I explained the chilly climate I experienced from my peers. And

how these exchanges affected my self-confidence. My testimonio included an unwelcoming

work environment and labels others used to describe me (Pérez Huber & Cueva, 2012). The use

of sexist language that generated an atmosphere in which women are not included. I described

the microaggressions, which included disregard, behaviors and verbal communication which

maintain the idea that women are not worth the same prospects or opportunities men enjoy.

Chicanas in leadership roles have experienced oppression through microaggressions, flagrant

racist comments and being ignored (Kohli & Solórzano, 2012). While microaggressions are often

unplanned, these forms of discrimination convey intimidation, disparaging, and harsh racial

offenses that damages the work environment, the spirit, and efficiency of People of Color

(Majumdar et al., 2019; Constantine & Sue, 2007; Hunter, 2011; Nadal et al., 2014; Sue, 2010).

Stereotypes offer the manifestation of gendered expectations attributed to females and males.

Women of color who are considered angry women of color are characterized as loud, bossy,

emotional, irrational, aggressive, argumentative, and unpredictable. People not only believe that

Chicanas display more anger than White women, but also that, in general, Chicanas are simply

“angry” (Donovan, 2011; Miville et al., 2017; Nelson, 2008; Weitz & Gordon, 1993). Chicanas

are further marginalized not only on the account of gender but also by racial stereotypes.

Employers often judge women decision-making based on the stereotypes of frame of mind and

114

feelings attributed to gender, therefore they are less inclined in hiring women for leadership role

(Brescoll, 2016; Fabes & Martin, 1991; Fischer & Evers, 2010). As a result of this, Chicanas are

assumed incompetent and by and large hired for lower-level jobs where they feel typecast,

dislike, and disregarded (Agarwal, 2018; Archer, 2004; Salles & Choo, 2020).

Chicanas who take on leadership roles in higher education are scrutinized harsher and are

evaluated using higher standards than their white women and men counterparts (Haro, 1995 &

2001). They are seen as replaceable and their actions are regularly misconstrued, thus their work

is bigger and more demanding (Valverde, 2003; West, 2019). The stereotypes against them

create a segregating work setting, opposition from management and peers, and a challenge

balancing work and family (Acevedo-Gil et al., 2015; Heilman, 2001; Yakaboski &

Donahoo, 2011).

In many ways I contradicted the stereotype of a Woman of Color and therefore many

people were opposed to it. The women of color stereotypes are those that represent women of

color as submissive, indecisive, aggressive, emotional, and subordinate (Agarwal, 2018; Archer,

2004; Jackson & Harris, 2007; Salles & Choo, 2020). Those stereotypes imply we are weak.

When I exerted my authority and knowledge, I was regarded as hostile or I was completely

disregarded. This caused me to doubt and question my abilities and competence. Being a strong

competent female leader was treated as a flaw. And in spite of my ample experience and

credentials, many times I was overlooked for career advancement opportunities. A lot of

candidates with lesser qualifications were selected for new opportunities and promotions. I

always dealt with the burden of discrimination and a long-standing systemic practice to uphold

the status quo. I did not conform to those racial and gender stereotypes generating uneasiness in

supervisors and peers. This discomfort always left me doubting myself and my actions. My

115

actions were scrutinized and misrepresented and I was kept at a distance by those who regarded

me as hostile and menacing. My conduct was considered severely and censured, and the

institutional values believed me to be unpleasant. The systemic discrimination especially among

high-ranking networks in the institution worked against me. I was subjected to deliberate and

understated messages telling me I was incompatible for any career advancement. The prevailing

culture and systems endorsed the white-male notions, and high-ranking female leaders adhered

to the network norms and acted towards other women similarly.

Open Wounds: Sage Wounds

Racism is a persistent systemic factor that afflicts the fabric of higher education

institutions. Racism upholds the concept that those from the dominant group remain a superior

participant and beneficiary of education (Baber, 2015; Cabrera, 2012 & 2014; Johnson, 2016;

Museus et al., 2015). This belief is embedded in the institutional, cultural, and individual actions

within organizations. Institutional factors include organizational policies, practices and behaviors

that are embedded in the daily actions of the institution. Colonization represents the nuances and

persistent forms of racism that maintain white dominance in higher education. Higher education

is a colonizing setting supported by policies and institutional systems that foment

marginalization and oppression systems, while safeguarding the perpetrators. Those who are

allowed to enter must abide by the rules and embrace the system or else jeopardize their jobs

when they are disruptions. Contained by the historical framework of oppression, the decolonized

imaginary is a means to disclose the voices of Chicanas who have been silenced (Perez, 1999).

This imaginary space is for defiance against domination and Chicanas move within the

predominant culture and the marginalized community. Chicanas fight and create stories which

are the voices of marginalized (Flores Carmona et al., 2018; Passel et al., 2011).

116

Most institutions tend to employ performative whiteness, an activity in which institutions

issue statements that give the impression of caring about racial justice and equity without

applying significant policy initiatives that result in systemic change (Cabrera, 2012, 2014;

Cabrera & Corces-Zimmerman, 2017 & 2019; Cabrera et al, 2017; DiAngelo, 2018). As with all

institutions in the U.S., whiteness is injected throughout higher education and exist through the

white denial of responsibility to address racial inequities (Garcia, 2019 & 2023; Gillborn, 2014;

Golash-Boza, 2018). It is important to note that whiteness, white people, and white culture are

not one and the same (Bonilla-Silva, 2018; Leonardo, 2002). While many HSIs may possibly be

supportive in to improving the support to Chicano/Latino students, the institutionalized

whiteness precludes them from making meaningful institutional transformations (Hubbard &

Stage, 2009; Scott et al., 2022; Smith-Aguilar, 2022). Whiteness does not disappear because

structural racism is deeper than white people bargaining privilege. Intrinsically, even when

institutions of higher education become HSIs, they fail to make real transformational change,

notwithstanding the appearance of change (Scott et al., 2022). Scholars agree that by virtue of

being an HSI, it does not indicate that the institution is committed to being a Chicano/Latino-

serving institution and truly working for the benefit of Hispanic students (Brooks-Emmel &

Murray, 2017; Cabrera, 2018; Flores Carmona & Rosenberg, 2021; Garcia, 2017).

The first research question sought to communicate experiences of oppression and

marginalization that I suffered as a former Chicana administrator in student services at a

Hispanic Serving Institution and how does this reflection helped me find my voice. Doing this

study encourage me to reveal details about me and my life. I am now aware of the ways I created

and interpreted dominant notions, such as equality and freedom. I also understood how I resisted

and confronted oppression in my daily work, even when I did not realize it. Now I understand

117

and appreciate how during my life and professional journey, I acquired immense understanding

of myself as a Chicana feminist in addition to the new found desire to continue navigating my

identities. The second question sought to focus on the dichos mi ama taught me to be resilient

and confront challenges. Yosso (2005) described how the community cultural wealth offered by

Communities of Color through cultural knowledge, aptitudes, and talents are regularly taken for

granted in society. My testimonio recognizes how mi ama’s cultural wealth provided through

her knowledge and teachings of consejitos. My testimonio talks about my challenging

upbringing and negative experience as a Chicana administrator at an HSI. My reflection gave

rise to negative feelings, but these feelings did not totally defeat me. I pressed forward and found

a glimmer of hope. I ended my testimonio empowered to make a positive change in my life. I

redirected the negative sentiments that resurfaced while recalling my experiences, to a

consciousness of liberation and motivation. Consejos and consejitos are messages, traditions, and

education taught in the home to transmit confidence and determination to face the hurdles in

education and life (Delgado-Gaitán, 1994; Sanchez & Hernandez, 2021). Consejos and

consejitos focus their examination on the experiences of Hispanic/Chicana mothers through a

strategic, social, political, and cultural perspective (Delgado-Gaitán, 1994; Sanchez &

Hernandez, 2021). Even if institutional oppression may not be easily undone, inspiring Chicanas

to be aware and resilient is essential in order to support Chicanas in higher education leadership.

I believe mi ama laid the foundation for my hard work and persistence (Alfaro et al., 2014;

Auerbach, 2007; Espino, 2016; Lerner et al., 2017; López, 2001, 2006). Mi ama communicated

consejos and consejitos through life lessons and storytelling. She talked about stories and dichos

to motivate me to achieve my goals and improve my life (Alfaro, et. al, 2014; Delgado Bernal,

2001; Delgado-Gaitán, 1994; Flores, 2016).

118

Anecdotes are an important part of Mexican/Chicano families because they create self-

confidence and build endurance towards the hardships experienced outside of the home

(Christman and McClennan, 2008). Underrepresented groups use cultural wealth and aspirational

messages that convey knowledge, skills, and abilities to endure and oppose discrimination,

bigotry, and other forms of harassment (Alfaro et al., 2014; Auerback, 2007; Delgado- Gaitan,

1994; Guinn et. al, 2009; Lopez, 2001; Yosso, 2005). Throughout my experiences I make

references to pain, healing and resistance from this suffering. I refer to healing as Anzaldúa’s

(2015) definition of the word as “taking back the scattered energy and soul loss wrought by

woundings” (p. 87). She further describes, “Healing means using the life force and strength that

comes with el ánimo to act positively on one’s own and on others’ behalf” (p. 89). In her book

Chicana and Chicano mental health alma, mente, y corazon, Flores (2013) defines trauma as

“Experiences of devaluation irrespective of their source and form result in soul wounds. When

the essence of a person—his or her appearance, sexuality, culture, and language—are demeaned

and devalued, the spirit suffers. Likewise, the hearts and minds of Chicanas and Chicanos who

are marginalized and othered will suffer” (p. 44). Just like learning, the process of healing is by

no means ever completed as there is constant change that can happen. We are always learning

and healing. In order to begin the healing process, we need to first admit to the pain we have

endured—the “soul wounds” (Flores, 2013; p. 44). During this process we also experience

desconocimiento, a process which makes us face situations and shortcomings we might not want

to admit to. Anzaldúa (2015) defined desconocimiento as “Death and destruction shock us out of

our familiar daily rounds and forces to confront our desconocimientos, our sombras—the

unacceptable attributes and unconscious forces that a person must wrestle with to achieve

integration. They expose our innermost fears, forcing us to interrogate our souls” (p. 16). These

119

steps move us closer to conocimiento, which is the toughest part of the process. Anzaldúa (2002)

described conocimiento as to “aja” moment (p. 540). A change within ourselves to learn from

our process and be able to impart knowledge to others -- a shift towards healing. I always knew

that I carried many things inside my being but did not know this trauma could lead to healing and

conocimiento, until I was writing this dissertation. Writing this dissertation was very painful but

also very illuminating. Writing this dissertation was very painful, I realized I had been carrying

a lot of pain and that was not good for my well-being but realized I had to confront these painful

experiences head-on. I never realized the intense pain I had within me until during one of my

many visits to the coffee shop— the place I visited to write. I found myself weeping

uncontrollably, it was then when I realized how traumatic and liberating these experiences were.

Anzaldúa (2015) described this coping mechanism as susto. She wrote, “During or after any

trauma, you lose parts of your soul as an immediate strategy to minimize the pain and to cope—

hecho pedazos, you go into a state of susto” (p. 87). I recognize this feeling as a shock but also as

a duelo. Mi ama called always talked about the importance of afrontar el duelo— suddenly

confront an unexpected loss or dispossession. Duelo is the sudden realization of losing someone

or something in your existence. El duelo implies an awareness of a loss (of someone or

something) that results in different emotions that in the long run helps you accept the loss and

sets healing in motion. Duelo comprises different emotions such as sadness, outrage, denial,

acceptance and learning. I realized I had been carrying a lot of pain and that was not good for my

well-being but knew I had to confront these painful experiences head-on and in the process gain

knowledge.

120

Death and Rebirth: Not a Victim, a New Vision

My duelo of these situations helped me process the lost pieces of myself when I saw mi

ama suffer all sort of indignities. I lost pieces of myself when I moved from Juarez to El Paso

and I felt I did not belong. I lost pieces of myself when in school I was referred as a Juareña and

knew I was looked down at. I lost pieces of myself when I could not get pregnant after 10 years

of marriage. I lost pieces of myself when people did not acknowledge my participation, and

ignored my input. I lost pieces of myself when I felt my language skills were being judged and

made fun of. I lost pieces of myself when I was referred as a hostile Chicana, just for using my

voice, I lost pieces of myself when my boss negated the opportunity to attend my college

courses, and I had to drop out of the doctoral program for the second time. I lost pieces of myself

when I was pushed out of my job as administrator in higher education, l lost pieces of myself

when I realized my 25-year career in higher education might end. I am conscious that as a first-

generation Chicana, I will continue to endure losses in my life and while the process of healing

will be hard, I have also learned that I am committed and resilient. That I will be able to

withstand duelos and process them in pursue to new conocimiento.

It is important to also note that pain and duelo have allowed me to find my consciousness

and acknowledge my own strength and abilities. Anzaldúa (1987) described the Coatlicue state

as part of this process. A process of death and rebirth that she had to suffer, in order to transform

pain into an increased awareness. For Anzaldua, the Coatlicue state is “a prelude to crossing”,

that occurs because we have yet to embrace our borderlands identity. Because of this, we have

yet to live up to our full potential and in doing so we delay the growth of our souls (p. 48).

Anzaldua (1987) defines this as the denial to accept the mestiza position, “I don't want to know, I

don't want to be seen. My resistance, my refusal to know some truth about myself brings on that

121

paralysis depression-brings on the Coatlicue state. At first I feel exposed and opened to the depth

of my dissatisfaction. Then I feel myself closing, hiding, holding myself together rather than

allowing myself to fall apart” (p. 48). The process of pain is what Anzaldúa describes as the

transformation into a new consciousness. At first that consciousness is a creation of different

pieces put together, which subsequently encourages your willpower to seek conocimiento.

Anzaldúa’s call to embrace the ghastly through a death of pain, but in the end it is a rebirth for

growth and renovation, living through hardship and pain, then bringing about transformation.

The fact that I did not realize the presence of these traumas or know how to confront them, does

not mean that I did not wish to fix them with agency, even though I often escaped my reality

through excuses and denial. Writing this study provided me with the process necessary to admit

and endure pain by relieving those experiences-- an emotional death. While at the same time I

was able to transform that pain into a new consciousness—a rebirth of my soul. This rebirth is a

transformative condition that allows me to convert the pain and demeaning perceptions of myself

into healing benefits and a new birth.

Implications for Research

To challenge the colonization of higher education institutions, might appear like a

specific solution and although many recognize these establishments are dated, oppressive, and in

general inequitable. Transforming these institutions is hard and problematic, mostly when the

status quo benefits considerably. However, some changes can be done if executive management

take part on setting an example of the expectations on how institutional culture should be

regarded and accomplished. Senior leadership should be determine to deal with these situations

urgency and objectivity. The systems in place should be a reflection on the investment and

commitment of the institution. During the onboarding process, institutions should dedicate

122

resources for training on the significance of opposing and removing dominant standards of

power and making sure replication of oppressive practices come to an end. Top leadership

should devote time to evaluate any level of oppressive transgressions against People of Color.

Leadership should make a powerful commitment in addressing negative and archaic systems in

relation to inequalities and oppression, therefore providing the groundwork for genuine

transformation to occur.

It is important that institutions of higher education respond to the needs of the population

by truly diversifying its leadership ranks. Diversity in higher education leadership benefit all

members of society and can only strengthen the workplace setting, not just ethnic minorities.

Experts in the academy believe diversity is important in fostering and introducing new practices

of reasoning, instruction, knowledge, doing research, and solving problems (Wiley, 2010).

Chicanas can contribute many talents to a higher education institution by means of their gender,

ethnic, racial, and cultural differences (Crosby & Clayton, 2001; Low, 2010; Vazquez, 2002).

There is a lack of research that focuses on Chicanas administrators in student services. The

existing research of Chicana administrators has primarily taken place within community

colleges, and the focus has been on their journey to the presidency (Munoz, 2010). There are

many hurdles affecting the upward mobility of women of color, and they include the absence of

senior-level jobs, insufficient number of informal connections with prominent peers, nonexistent

support of high-ranking sponsors, and absence of role models of the same ethnicity (Beckwith et

al., 2016; Esquibel, 1977; Gutierrez et al., 2002; Munoz, 2010). Future research should focus on

understanding the role microaggressions and lack of institutional support systems play on why

Chicana administrators make the decision to leave the profession. I cannot say that going into

higher education administration was a dream for me. One motive was the absence of

123

information about the opportunities in education administration. In fact, my awareness on the

various career opportunities within higher education was lacking. Exploration of the research,

data, and analysis on this topic should be done performed in order to shed light on the matter (de

los Santos & Vega, 2008; Rivera, 2010). Future research can also examine the different

experiences Chicanas administrators have depending on their generation. It would be valuable to

address in what ways the impostor syndrome plays a part in the experiences of Chicanas as

administrators in higher education. The literature on the study of the impostor phenomenon

within the Chicana community is minimal. Studies on impostor syndrome were first focused on

college students and white women Cokley et al., 2013; Sanford et al., 2015), therefore extending

this research to better understand how Chicanas administrators in higher education endure

impostor phenomenon and how they combat it is extremely important.

Instead of fomenting the divide of administrators according to divisions and only valuing

staff depending on areas, we should work to positively reimagine the academy. As a Chicana

administrator I perceived that many times student services programs are not regarded as a

valuable or provider of resource in the institution. In rethinking the way higher education

institutions establish their standards of legitimacy, it is imperative that they recognize, and share

stories of how colonial approaches inflict pain and wounds on all levels to marginalized and

oppressed populations in the institution. Sharing my experiences helped me find light in the dark,

I captured the essence that I lived through my testimonio. Despite confessing painful stories of

my experiences, I embraced my agency and resistance which made me feel genuine and

authentic. Institutions need to uplift and regard all ways of knowing as legitimate. A far more

basic approach is for departments to constantly verify that their programs, policies, and

124

concentration are supporting Chicanas and women of color or are they accomplishing the

opposite—advancing exclusion and sustaining dominant and oppressive systems.

In addition, further research should focus on examining how Chicano children understand

the lessons and guidance of their parents. Instead of determining parental involvement by

appearances at school events, we should reflect how family influence children’s goals in

education by the accumulation of cultural resources and methods of social wealth at home

(Auerback, 2007). Mexican mothers are actively engaged in their children’s life by engaging in

verbal conversations and guidance. A well-known parental custom in many Hispanic homes is

the utilization of consejos and consejitos (Alfaro et al., 2014; Delgado-Gaitán, 1994; Sanchez &

Hernandez, 2021). Despite of its use in Hispanic homes, there is not a lot of research about these

resources as a form of parental involvement and tool for perseverance both for educational and

professional purposes (Alfaro et al., 2014; Espino, 2016; Lerner et al., 2017; López et al., 2022).

Research should focus on the contributions of parental cultural assets from generation to

generation, in order to understand the accumulation of assets within Chicanas (Yosso, 2005), and

the resources that are essential for their success (Moll & González, 2004; Vélez-Ibañez &

Greenberg, 1992). Regrettably, this concept has not gained mainstream prominence in the

educational research literature. More studies on consejos and consejitos in Latino families should

also be done to supplement the data of consejo-giving behaviors on their children’s lives.

Social justice inevitably encompasses and values diversity, in terms of both

demographics and ideas. The conception of accomplishing diversity in an institution does not

mean that that institution values the ideals of social justice. In reality the application of diversity

efforts is only a consequential strategy to avoid executing real social justice efforts (Ahmed,

2012; Anderson, 2008; Iverson, 2012; Jones, 2006; St. Clair, 2006). Those who hold positions of

125

privilege can advocate against oppression and work to undo it. These allies can work to end

systematic-based oppression by way of support and advocacy to end oppressive systems.

Furthermore, members who share the same race and ethnicity and who have made it to positions

of leadership can navigate their dual positions of marginalization and privilege, and they can

influence, to some extent, their respective institutions (Asta & Vacha-Haase, 2012; Bailey, 1998;

Case & Hunter, 2012; Mio & Roades, 2013; Munin & Speight, 2010; Razzante, 2018;

Washington & Evans, 1991). Social justice advocacy is indispensable in higher education in

order to assert a socially just society (Ahmed, 2012). Social justice requires transformation and a

departure from the status quo, and it lies on the belief that people will contribute to good of all

society (Iverson, 2012). In my own experience I believe that if I could explain how intense

chingones is, it will be with the visualization of the determination and spirit I have had. The

appreciation for my beliefs and ideals and the respect and honor I have for mi ama and her

guidance. The power of testimonio is giving us the power to completely understand these

feelings and have a better appreciation of my own internal role with embracing a conquered

mentality. This apprehension kept me from truly exploring, accepting and employing an attitude

of belonging and empowerment (hooks, 2000). The notion that I could exist and function from a

principle of appreciation and care was unusual and unrealistic to me. As I have gone through the

path of administration, I understand that in freeing myself of trepidations and adopting self-

respect and determination, the possibilities are endless.

Implications for Practice

Chicanas and other marginalized groups cannot achieve change alone. This change

entails commitment from everyone in the institution to be agents of change. Commitment

requires motivation from those who embrace the status quo to relinquish their advantages which

126

oppressed members do not enjoy. Top leadership should rethink higher education, do the

groundwork that is required to construct a fair and unbiased and alleviate dominant and

oppressive systems. Some of these efforts are simple and can be implemented at very little cost.

Top administrators could conduct continuous meetings with Chicana professionals and listen to

their main challenges and take on a couple of initiatives that address those concerns. Senior

administrators can connect with skilled administrators and encourage them to consider senior

administration positions in the future. This is valuable because there are times, professionals are

dealing with the impostor syndrome, and thus having a senior administrator select them can help

improve with self-confidence. If institutions are really devoted to accomplishing their Hispanic

Serving Institution (HSI) significance, they must assess how they are assisting the Chicana

professionals who are supporting Chicano/Latino students.

Another endeavor is to improve upon the characterization of professional development as

it relates to Chicana administrators. The creation of spaces that foster professionals should be

done at all levels of administration. One method of promoting leadership development for

Chicana professionals includes a financial commitment to sustain programs, travel costs,

coaching for mentors, clearly defined objectives, and program evaluation (Ehrich et al., 2004).

The regular assessment of these programs can help with modifications and improvements.

Institutions should assist women of color to develop connections with successful women of color

in the institution, so they feel supported. Offering mentorship programs for Chicanas in the

course of their career advancement in student services is vital. Committed mentors can support

Chicanas as they ascend the leadership ranks. Mentors can support and provide coaching and

periodically make professional endorsement for promotional opportunities (Hannum et al., 2015;

Huang, 2012). I believe there is value in having Chicana administrator mentors that can relate

127

with other Chicanas. There also needs to be accountability from those senior administrators that

are non-Latina/o so they can also assist and empower Chicana administrators.

Another leadership development initiative is partaking in online webinars or workshops

and finding peers in similar roles or with related career interests in other institutions to connect

via social media and in person. Another way to promote professional development is to arrange

casual get-togethers or trainings to assist women of color connect with other mentors. This could

offer women of color encouragement to help develop their confidence. Institutions can also host

network programs and casual connections with other prominent leaders. An additional

suggestion is for institutions to host leadership workshops that emphasize issues that women of

color confront and how to succeed in those situations. These events would include other

members, but the core agenda would be on the matters that women of color, face, such as dealing

with harassment and microaggression. It is essential to have others participate in events that deal

with oppressive topics to educate on the effects and elimination of these practices. What is

missing is studies that address methods of dealing with microaggressions and recommendations

on how to generate understanding and engagement from all individuals so everyone assumes an

obligation to accept and correct those actions (Solórzano et al., 2000). Those who perpetuate

oppression are frequently oblivious in what ways their comments and actions cause detrimental

damage. Therefore, bringing attention to this matter is important. They must be told exactly

what they are doing, they need to be mindful of their actions, and engage in the process with

sincerity.

Microaggressions can also ensue among all women. I described being mocked and

disregarded by other women. Therefore, women and men in the institution should go through

programs to learn how to shun and stop microaggressions. All the institutions must be trained

128

and recognize the problems of microaggressions within the institution. These trainings should be

conducted by external experts in conjunction with Employee Relations departments.

Microaggressions are characteristically not aggressive or blatant. In my experience these subtle

remarks and incidents could have the greatest effect on a person. It is critical for top

administration and others to realize the incidents Chicana administrators are enduring and find

solutions. Institutions should conduct regular evaluations of their gender environment to include

external reviewers to recommend observations from a different standpoint. This way trainings

presented could be fashioned according to the review on the environment and culture of the

institution. These trainings should emphasize the effect of microaggressions on Chicanas and

other groups, and outline methods in which to identify personal prejudices.

To tackle the looming scarcity of skilled administrators there is a need to identify

professional pathways and offer professional education to enhance the number of professionals

for senior positions in administration (Betts et al., 2009). Another recommendation is to focus on

the development of training courses for interested future higher education administrators in

graduate school. These graduate courses should focus on a curriculum that embraces themes

People of Color entering higher education administration would confront. Themes like diversity;

oppression; racism; management expectations for women of color; career advancement guidance

advice and challenges, with a focus on women of color; navigating and negotiating campus

social and political environments; navigating oppression and marginalization as minorities;

networking advice and events; and examination of higher education paradigms. The courses

should be required to guarantee a diverse student body. In addition, institutional spaces, websites

and social media should transmit positive messages that they belong. It is important that

institutions introduce methods to better portray women in the institution.

129

My consejos and consejitos

The idea that one person within the intricate system of higher education can generate

change is honorable, but greatly unlikely provided the history within higher education of

marginalization and oppression of women, especially women of color. It is my hope that my

testimonio will find ways to influence and contribute to the efforts to support and elevate skilled

Chicanas into senior roles within the division of student services. To close this chapter, I present

guidance for future generations of Chicana administrators with the use of consejos and

consejitos. The following recommendations are provided to contribute to strengthen the Chicana

presence and voices within the division of student services. However, this recommendations are

also pertinent to other People of Color. I believe that the consejos and consejitos are formidable

assortment of observations that connect individuals. The benefit of these consejos and consejitos

is to empower other Chicanas about the journey and how some pathways have been paved by

previous generations.

“Quien de los suyos se separa, Dios le desampara”

Family support serves as the basis of strength for us Chicanas. I was fortunate to have

had a mother whose personal experiences inspired me, motivated me, and encouraged me to

endure. Even if your family may not entirely appreciate your journey, include them in the

various developments involved along your journey. Your family and friends will be there for you

and will be impressed by what you do no matter what. Knowing portions of your journey will

assist them in finding approaches to better encourage you. Always remember who you are and

where you came from.

“Tu importas mucho”

130

As a Chicana always be proud of who we are, no apologies. There will be many instances

that will push and challenge you to concede your true self. Be determined. Always remember

you matter. Always be who you are, appreciate that we are all unique and that is good thing. You

must to embrace those contrasts. Allow your identity to lead you, be bold about your passion for

advocacy and your commitment to social justice. You are in control of your life, and you are the

only one who knows what is good for you. You will not know everything and that is okay. Ask

for help and find support when you need it. You can never stop trying. You need to recognize

that things are going to be difficult. Have the courage to survive and face the pain that will

improve your life. Follow your dream and work for it. You will meet people who do not believe

in you, always endure. Be open to chase your dream someplace else. Do not be defined by

anyone. Be proud, you are valuable and belong.

“Si se puede”

Yes you can. It might be tough road but if you really want something, you can reach it.

Never give up on what you want, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. You might get

disheartened at times, there might be obstacles, but you must keep trying. Making it all the way

through is worth it. Strategize and be proactive. Take charge of your career, plan, and inform

yourself. Be conscious of the settings you are going to be in. Know how they really see you.

Learn to cultivate networks and coalitions. Appreciate and leverage opportunities. Be open to

issues that impact change. Adjust and do not take no for an answer. Do not take no as a failure,

on the contrary it should be an incentive to continue. Do not take yourself out of the game. Fine

tune and adjust. Keep an objective outlook. What is important is how you act in response to

hardship that matters.

131

“Construye redes de apoyo”

Look for people who can mentor you. Find someone you can talk to about different

things, someone who is going to positively challenge you and a supporter. Give back in return.

Create a network with other Chicanas. Lift up other Chicanas.

“Cuando llegues no te olvides en ayudar”

As soon as you get to a good place, do not forget to help the person trailing you.

Construct a path where we are permanently lending a hand to others and helping them get to

where they want to go. Remember it is not a competition. It is not about being the most

accomplished or smarter, it is about perseverance. Once you are committed to accomplishing

something, it is about persistence to accomplish it and disregard all the negative around you. Do

not look out just for yourself. Remember that what any of us do, will affect how the next

generation will be judged. We always want it to be better for those coming after us.

“Quien pierde su fe no puede perder más”

I never stopped believing. I believed that as a first-generation student in my family, it was

doable to earn a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree and a doctoral degree. Even in the darkest

moments in my professional career, I believed it was possible to keep going and start again if I

had to. All this was possible because of those who loved me, guided me, taught me to have

confidence and believe in myself.

132

References

Acevedo-Gil, N., Santos, R. E., Alonso, L., & Solórzano, D. G. (2015). Latinas/os in community

college developmental education: Increasing moments of academic and interpersonal

validation. Journal of Hispanic Higher Education, 14(2), 101–127.

Adames, H. Y., & Chavez-Dueñas, N. Y. (2016). Cultural foundations and interventions in

Latino/a mental health: History, theory and within group differences. Routledge.

Agarwal, B. (2018). The challenge of gender inequality. Economia Politica, 35, 3–12.

Agarwal, P. (2018). Here is why organizations need to be conscious of unconscious bias.

Agarwal, S. (2016). Women bullying women (WBW) at workplace: A literature review. Journal

of Applied Management-Jidnyasa, 8(1), 57-65.

Ahmed, S. (2012). On being included: Racism and diversity in institutional life. Duke University

Press.

Akanbi, T. A., & Salami, A. O. (2011). Women in managerial positions: Problems and

prospects. Journal of Business and Organizational Development, 3, 47–59.

Alcalde, M. C., & Subramaniam, M. (2020). Women in leadership: Challenges and

recommendations. Inside Higher Ed.

Alfaro, D. D., O'Reilly-Díaz, K., & López, G. R. (2014). Operationalizing consejos in the P-20

educational pipeline: Interrogating the nuances of Latino parent

involvement. Multicultural Education, 21(3/4), 11.

Allwood, N., & Sherbin, L. (2016). Latinos at Work: Unleashing the Power of Culture. New

York, New York. Retrieved from talentinnovation.org

Alonderiene, R., & Majauskaite, M. (2016). Leadership Style and Job Satisfaction in Higher

133

Education Institutions. International Journal of Educational Management, 30(1), 140-164.

https://doi.org/10.1108/IJEM-08-2014-0106

American Council on Education. (2022). Students of Higher Education Today.

https://www.acenet.edu/Documents/Basic-Facts-Of-Higher-Education-Students-2

022.pdf.

Anderson, J. A. (2008). Driving change through diversity and globalization: Transformative

leadership in the academy. Sterling, VA: Stylus.

Anderson, M. D. (2017). Why the myth of meritocracy hurts kids of color. The Atlantic, 27.

Anderson, W. (2009). Traveling white. Re-Orienting Whiteness, 65-72.

Anzaldua, G. (1987) Borderlands/La Frontera: The new mestiza: San Francisco: Aunt

Lute Books.

Anzaldúa, G. (1990). Making face, making soul = Haciendo caras : creative and critical

perspectives by feminists of color (1st ed.). Aunt Lute Books.

Anzaldúa, G. E. (2002). now let us shift... the path of conocimiento... inner work, public acts. In

G.E. Anzaldúa & A. L. Keating (Ed.), This bridge we call home: Radical visions for

transformation (pp. 540-578). New York, NY: Routledge

Anzaldúa, G. (2005). Let us be the healing of the wound: The Coyolxauhqui imperative-La

sombra y el sueño. In C. Joysmith & C. Lomas (Eds.), One wound for another/Una herida

por otra, 92–103. Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México.

Anzaldúa, G. (2015). Light in the dark/Luz en lo oscuro: Rewriting identity, spirituality, reality.

Duke University Press.

Archer, J. (2004). Sex differences in aggression in real-world settings: A meta-analytic

review. Review of general Psychology, 8(4), 291-322.

134

Arias, A. (2001). Authoring Ethnicized Subjects: Rigoberta Menchú and the Performative

Production of the Subaltern Self. PMLA, 116(1), 75–88.

Asta, E. and Vacha-Haase, T. (2012). Heterosexual ally development in counseling

psychologists: Experiences, training, and advocacy. The Counseling Psychologist, 41,

493-529.

Auerbach, S. (2007). From moral supporters to struggling advocates: Reconceptualizing parent

roles in education through the experience of working-class families of color. Urban

Education, 42(3), 250-283.

Baber, L. D. (2015). Examining post-racial ideology in higher education. Teachers College

Record, 117(14), 5-26.

Bailey, A. (1998). Privilege: Expanding on Marilyn Frye's' Oppression'. Journal of Social

Philosophy, 29(3).

Banaji, M. R., & Hardin, C. D. (1996). Automatic stereotyping. Psychological science, 7(3),

136-141.

Bandura, A. (2000). Exercise of human agency through collective efficacy. Current directions in

psychological science, 9(3), 75-78.

Baron, J., & Jurney, J. (1993). Norms against voting for coerced reform. Journal of Personality

and Social Psychology, 64(3), 347.

Bates, L. (2016). Everyday sexism. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press.

Beckwith, R. M., Friedman, M. G., & Conroy, J. W. (2016). Beyond tokenism: People with

complex needs in leadership roles: A review of the literature. Inclusion, 4(3), 137-155.

Bejarano, C. (2006). Latino youths at the crossroads of sameness and difference: Engaging

135

border theory to create critical epistemologies on border identities. In C. A. Rossatto, R.

Lee Allen, & M. Pruvyn (Eds.), Reinventing critical pedagogy: Widening the circle of

anti-oppression education, 49–62. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefied.

Benmayor, R., Torruellas, R. M., & Juarbe, A. L. (1997). Claiming cultural citizenship in East

Harlem:" Si esto puede ayudar a la comunidad mia...". Latino cultural citizenship:

Claiming identity, space, and rights, 152-209.

Bernal, D. D., & Elenes, C. A. (2011). Chicana Feminist Theorizing: Methodologies,

Pedagogies, and Practices: Dolores Delgado Bernal and C. Alejandra Elenes. In Chicano

School Failure and Success,118-138. Routledge.

Berry, J. W. (1997). Immigration, acculturation and adaptation. Applied Psychology, 46, 5-68.

Betts, K., Urias, D., & Betts, K. (2009). Higher education and shifting US demographics: Need

for visible administrative career paths, professional development, succession planning &

commitment to diversity. Academic Leadership: The Online Journal, 7(2), 6.

Bichsel, J.; Li, J.; Pritchard, A.; & McChesney, J. (2018). Professionals in Higher

Education Annual Report: Key Findings, Trends, and Comprehensive Tables for the

2017-18 Academic Year (Research Report). CUPA-HR.

Bonilla-Rodriguez, D. M. (2011). A profile of Latina leadership in the United States:

Characteristics, positive influences, and barriers. ProQuest database.

Bonilla-Silva, E. (2018). Racism without Racists: Color-Blind Racism and the Persistence of

Racial Inequality in America. 5th edition. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield

Publishers, Inc.

Booker, M. 2002. Stories of violence: Use of testimony in a support group for Latin American

136

battered women. In Charting a new course for feminist psychology, ed. L.H. Collins,

M.R. Dunlap, and J.C. Chrisler, 307–21. Westport: Prager.

Brescoll, V. L. (2016). Leading with their hearts? How gender stereotypes of emotion lead to

biased evaluations of female leaders. The Leadership Quarterly, 27(3), 415-428.

Brittin, A. A. (1995). Close Encounters of the Third World Kind: Rigoberta Menchu and

Elisabeth Burgos’s Me llamo Rigoberta Menchu. Latin American Perspectives, 22(4),

100–114.

Brooks-Immel, D. R., & Murray, S. B. (2017). Color-blind contradictions and Black/White

binaries: White academics upholding whiteness. Humboldt Journal of Social

Relations, 39, 315-333.

Brunet-Jailly, E. (2011). The state of borders and borderlands studies 2009: A historical view

and a view from the Journal of Borderlands Studies. Eurasia Border Review, 1(1), 1-15.

Burciaga, M. R. (2007). Chicana Ph.D. students living nepantla: Educación and aspirations

beyond the doctorate. Doctoral Dissertation, University of California at Los Angeles.

Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. Department of Labor, Occupational Outlook Handbook,

Postsecondary Education Administrators. Retrieved February 14, 2023,

https://www.bls.gov/ooh/management/postsecondary-education-administrators.htm

Bureau of Labor Statistics, “Employed persons by detailed occupation, sex, race, and Hispanic or

Latino ethnicity.” Retrieve February 28, 2023, https://www.bls.gov/cps/cpsaat11.htm

Cabrera, N. L. (2012). Working through whiteness: White, male college students challenging

racism. The Review of Higher Education, 35(3), 375-401.

Cabrera, N. L. (2014). Exposing whiteness in higher education: White male college students

137

minimizing racism, claiming victimization, and recreating white supremacy. Race

Ethnicity and Education, 17(1), 30-55.

Cabrera, N. L. (2018). Where is the racial theory in critical race theory?: A constructive criticism

of the crits. The Review of Higher Education, 42(1), 209-233.

Cabrera, N. L., Franklin, J. D., & Watson, J. S. (2017). Whiteness in Higher Education: The

Invisible Missing Link in Diversity and Racial Analyses. ASHE Higher Education

Report, 42(6). John Wiley & Sons.

Cabrera, N. L., & Corces-Zimmerman, C. (2019). Beyond “privilege”: Whiteness as the center of

racial marginalization. Marginality in the urban center: The costs and challenges of

continued whiteness in the Americas and beyond, 13-29.

Cabrera, N. L., & Corces-Zimmerman, C. (2017). An unexamined life: White male racial

ignorance and the agony of education for students of color. Equity & Excellence in

Education, 50(3), 300-315.

Carbajal, J. (2018). Women and work: Ascending to leadership positions. Journal of Human

Behavior in The Social Environment, 28(1), 12-27.

doi:10.1080/10911359.2017.1387084.

Case, A. D., & Hunter, C. D. (2012). Counterspaces: A unit of analysis for understanding the

role of settings in marginalized individuals’ adaptive responses to oppression. American

journal of community psychology, 50(1), 257-270.

Castillo-Montoya, M., & Torres-Guzmán, M. (2012). Thriving in our identity and in the

academy: Latina epistemology as a core resource. Harvard Educational Review, 82(4),

540-558.

Cataño, A. (2019). WOC Are Cheering Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for Wearing Hoops to

138

Inauguration. Retrieved May 12, 2019,

https://remezcla.com/lists/culture/alexandriaocasio-cortez-hoops-inauguration/

Center for Talent Innovation (2016). Latinos Who Repress Their Persona Are More Likely to

Rise in the Organization. Retrieved July 2022, https://coqual.org/wp-

content/uploads/2020/09/LatinosatWork_PressRelease-CTI.pdf

Chan, J. (2017). Racial identity in online spaces: Social media’s impact on students of

color. Journal of Student Affairs Research and Practice, 54(2), 163-174.

Chávez, M. R. (2005). Despierten hermanas y hermanos! Women, the Chicano movement, and

Chicana feminisms in California, 1966–1981. Stanford University.

Christensen-Mandel, E. M. (2019). Rankism in higher education: A critical inquiry of

staff experiences. ProQuest Dissertations and Theses database.

Christman, D. E., & McClellan, R. L. (2008). Living on barbed wire: Resilient women in

higher education administration. Educational Administration Quarterly, 44, 3–29.

Clance, P. R., Dingman, D., Reviere, S. L., & Stober, D. R. (1995). Impostor phenomenon in an

interpersonal/social context: Origins and treatment. Women & therapy, 16(4), 79-96.

Clayborne, H. L., & Hamrick, F. A. (2007). Rearticulating the leadership experiences of African

American women in midlevel student affairs administration. NASPA Journal, 44(1), 123-

146.

Clement, L. M., & Rickard, S. T. (1992). Effective Leadership in Student Services. Voices from

the Field. Jossey-Bass Inc.

Cokley, K., McClain, S., Enciso, A., & Martinez, M. (2013). An examination of the impact of

139

minority status stress and impostor feelings on the mental health of diverse ethnic

minority college students. Journal of multicultural counseling and development, 41(2),

82-95.

Cole, J. (2005). Transcending boundaries to build a new academic leadership. Presidency, 8(1),

14–17. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ79616.

Collective, C. R. (1983). The Combahee river collective statement. Home girls: A Black feminist

anthology, 1, 264-274.

Collins, P. H. (2000). Gender, Black feminism, and Black political economy. Annals of the

American Academy of Political and Social Science, 568, 41–53.

Constantine, M. G., & Sue, D. W. (2007). Perceptions of racial microaggression among Black

supervisees in cross-racial dyads. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 54, 142–153.

Cope-Watson, G., & Betts, A. S. (2010). Confronting otherness: An e-conversation between

doctoral students living with the Imposter Syndrome. Canadian Journal for New Scholars

in Education/Revue canadienne des jeunes chercheures et chercheurs en éducation, 3(1).

Crawford, J. (1989). Bilingual education: History, politics, theory, and practice. Bilingual

Education Services.

Crenshaw, K. (1990). Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence

Against Women of Color. Stanford Law Review, 43(6): 1241–1299.

Crenshaw, C. (1997). Resisting whiteness' rhetorical silence. Western Journal of

Communication, 61(3), 253-278.

Crosby, F. J., & Clayton, S. (2001). Affirmative action: Psychological contributions to

policy. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy, 1(1), 71-87.

Cruz, J. L., & Blancero, D. M. (2017). Latina/o professionals’ career success: Bridging the

140

corporate American divide. Journal of Career Development, 44(6), 485-501.

Cuadraz, G. H. (2005). Chicanas and higher education: Three decades of literature and

thought. Journal of Hispanic Higher Education, 4(3), 215-234.

Cubillo, L., & Brown, M. (2003). Women into educational leadership and management:

International differences?. Journal of Educational Administration, 41, 278–291.

Dade, K., Tartakov, C., Hargrave, C., & Leigh, P. (2015). Assessing the impact of racism on

Black faculty in White academe: A collective case study of African American female

faculty. Western Journal of Black Studies, 39(2).

Dale, D. C. (2007). Women Student Affairs leaders: Advancing and succeeding in higher

education senior leadership teams. Drexel University Library.

de los Santos, Jr., A. G., & Vega, I. I. (2008). Hispanic presidents and chancellors of institutions

of higher education in the United States in 2001 and 2006. Journal of Hispanic Higher

Education, 7(2), 156-182.

Del Valle, S. (2003). Language rights and the law in the United States: Finding our voices.

Delgado Bernal, D. (1998). Using a Chicana feminist epistemology in educational research.

Harvard Educational Review, 68 (4), 555-582.

Delgado Bernal, D. (2001). Learning and Living Pedagogies of the Home: The Mestiza

Consciousness of Chicana students. International Journal of Qualitative Studies in

Education. Vol. 14, Issue 5.

Delgado Bernal, D. (2002). Critical Race Theory, Latino Critical Theory, and critical raced

gendered epistemologies: Recognizing students of color as holders and creators of

knowledge. Qualitative Inquiry, 8, 105-126.

Delgado Bernal, D. (2006). Learning and living pedagogies of the home: The mestiza

141

consciousness of Chicana students. In D. Delgado Bernal, C. A. Elenes, F. E. Godinez, &

S. Villenas (Eds.), Chicana/Latina education in everyday life: Feminista perspectives on

pedagogy and epistemology, 113–132. Albany, NY: State University of New York Press.

Delgado Bernal, D., Burciaga, R., Flores Carmona, J., (2012). Chicana/Latina

Testimonios: Mapping the Methodological, Pedagogical, and Political. Equity &

Excellence in Education, 45(3), 363-372.

Delgado Bernal, D., Elenes, A., Villenas, S., & Godinez. (2006). Transforming

borders: Chicana/o popular culture and pedagogy. Lanham, MD: Lexington Books.

Delgado‐Gaitan, C. (1994). Consejos: The power of cultural narratives. Anthropology

& Education Quarterly, 25(3), 298-316.

Delgado, F. P. (1999). Rigoberta Menchu´ and testimonial discourse: Collectivist rhetoric

and rhetorical criticism. World Communication, 28, 17–29.

Delgado, R. (1989). Storytelling for oppositionists and others: A plea for narrative.

Michigan Law Review. Vol. 87. No. 2411.

DiAngelo, R. (2018). White fragility: Why it's so hard for white people to talk

about racism. Beacon Press.

Donovan, R. (2011). Tough or tender: (Dis)Similarities in White college students’ perceptions of

Black and White women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 35, 458–468.

Durik A., Hyde J., Marks A., Roy A., Anaya D., & Schultz G. (2006). Ethnicity and gender

stereotypes of emotion. Sex Roles, 54, 429–445.

Eagly, A. H. (1987). Reporting sex differences.

Eagly, A. H., & Carli, L. L. (2007). Through the labyrinth: The truth about how women become

leaders. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press.

142

Eagly, A. H., & Karau, S. J. (2002). Role congruity theory of prejudice toward female

leaders. Psychological review, 109(3), 573.

Elenes, C. A. (2000). Chicana feminist narratives and the politics of the self. Frontiers: A

Journal of Women Studies, 21(3), 105-123.

Espino, M. M. (2016). “Get an Education in Case He Leaves You”: Consejos for

Mexican American Women PhDs. Harvard Educational Review, 86(2), 183-205.

Espino, M. M., Vega, I. I., Rendón, L. I., Ranero, J. J., & Muñiz, M. M. (2012). The process of

reflexión in bridging testimonios across lived experience. Equity & Excellence in

Education, 45(3), 444-459.

Esquibel, A. (1977). The Chicano administrator in colleges and universities in the Southwest.

University of New Mexico, Albuquerque.

Etzioni, A. (2006). Don’t ‘brown’ the Hispanics. Nieman Reports. 60(3), 64-68.

Ferdman, B. M. (1999). The color and culture of gender in organizations. In G.N. Powell

(Ed.). Handbook of Gender and Work, 17-34. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications.

Ferrante, M. (2018). The Pressure is Real for Working Mothers.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/marybethferrante/2018/08/27/the-pressure-is-real-for-

working-mothers/#7c14af322b8f

Fischer, A.H., & Evers, C. (2010). Anger in the context of gender. In M. Potegal, G. Stemmler,

& C. Spielberger (Eds.), International handbook of anger, (349- 360). Springer: New

York.

Fischer, S., Barnes, R. K., & Kilpatrick, S. (2019). Equipping Parents to Support Their

Children’s Higher Education Aspirations: A Design and Evaluation Tool. Educational

Review, 71(2), 198–217. doi:10.1080/00131911.2017.1379472.

143

Flores, A. I. (2016). De tal palo tal astilla: Exploring Mexicana/Chicana mother-daughter

pedagogies. University of California, Los Angeles.

Flores, Y. G. (2013). Chicana and Chicano mental health alma, mente, y corazon. University of

Arizona Press.

Flores Carmona, J. (2017). Pedagogical border crossings: Testimonio y reflexiones de una

Mexicana académica. Journal of Latinos and Education, 3(1), 1–7.

Flores Carmona, J., Hamzeh, M., Bejarano, C., Hernández Sánchez, M. E., & El Ashmawi, Y. P.

(2018). Pláticas∼ testimonios: Practicing methodological borderlands for solidarity and

resilience in academia. Chicana/Latina Studies, 18(1), 30-52.

Flores Carmona, J., & Rosenberg, L. (2021). Telling to heal: Mending our fractured

Mindbodyspirit. Journal of Women and Gender in Higher Education, 14(1), 24-39.

Foley, S., Kidder, D. L., & Powell, G. N. (2002). The perceived glass ceiling and justice

perceptions: An investigation of Hispanic law associates. Journal of Management, 28,

471-496.

Franco, D. (2002). Re-placing the border in ethnic American literature. Cultural Critique, (50),

104-134.

Fruhan, G. A. (2002). Understanding feelings of fraudulence in the early professional lives of

women. Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology.

Fuller, J. M., (2003). Discourse marker use across speech contexts: A comparison of native and

non-native speaker performance. Multilingua, 22(2), 185–208.

Gagliardi, J. S., Espinosa, L. L., Turk, J. M., & Taylor, M. (2017). American college president

study 2017. American Council on Education. Center for Policy Research and Strategy.

Garcia, A. M. (1989). The development of Chicana feminist discourse, 1970-1980. Gender &

144

Society, 3(2), 217-238.

Garcia, J. M. (2005). La forma narrativa de la memoria colectiva. Polis: Investigación y análisis

sociopolítico y psicosocial, 1(1), 9-30.

Garcia, G. A. (2017). Defined outcomes or culture? Constructing an organizational identity for

hispanic serving institutions. American Educational Research Journal, 54, 111S-134S.

Garcia, G. A. (2019). Becoming hispanic serving institutions: Opportunities for colleges and

universities. Johns Hopkins University Press.

Garcia, G. A. (2019). Defining “servingness” at hispanic-serving institutions (HSIs): Practical

implications for HSI leaders. American Council on Education.

Garcia, G. A. (2023). Transforming Hispanic-serving institutions for equity and justice. Johns

Hopkins University Press.

Ghavami, N., & Peplau, L. A. (2013). An intersectional analysis of gender and ethnic

stereotypes: Testing three hypotheses. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 37(1), 113-127.

Gibson‐Beverly, G., & Schwartz, J. P. (2008). Attachment, entitlement, and the impostor

phenomenon in female graduate students. Journal of College Counseling, 11(2), 119-132.

Gillborn, D. (2014). Racism as policy: A critical race analysis of education reforms

in the United States and England. In The Educational Forum, 78(1), 26-41. Taylor &

Francis Group.

Gini, A., & Green, R. M. (2013, September 25). The leadership flavor of the month. Chicago

Tribune. https://www.chicagotribune.com/opinion/ct-xpm-2013-09-25-ct-perspec-0926-

leadership-20130926-story.html

Giscombe, K., & Mattis, M. C. (2002). Leveling the playing field for women of color in

145

corporate management: Is the business case enough?. Journal of Business Ethics, 37(1),

103-119.

Golash-Boza, T. M. (2018). Race and racisms: A critical approach (p. 528). Oxford, UK:

Oxford University Press.

González, C. (2007). Building sustainable power: Latino scholars and academic leadership

positions at US institutions of higher learning. Journal of Hispanic Higher

Education, 6(2), 157-162.

Good, J. J., Moss-Racusin, C. A., & Sanchez, D. T. (2012). When do we confront? Perceptions

of costs and benefits predict confronting discrimination on behalf of the self and

others. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 36(2), 210-226.

Grady, M.L. (2002). Latina administrators. In A.M.M. Alemán & K.A. Renn (Eds.), Women in

higher education: An encyclopedia, 478-482. Santa Barbara, CA: ABC-CLIO, Inc.

Greenwald, A.G., & Banaji, M.R. (1995). Implicit social cognition: Attitudes, self-esteem, and

stereotypes. Psychological Review, 102, 4-27.

Greenwald, A. G., Banaji, M. R., Rudman, L. A., Farnham, S. D., Nosek, B. A., & Mellott, D. S.

(2002). A unified theory of implicit attitudes, stereotypes, self-esteem, and self-

concept. Psychological review, 109(1), 3.

Growe, R., & Montgomery, P. (1999). Women and the leadership paradigm: Bridging the gender

gap. National Forum of Educational Administration and Supervision Journal, 17E, 1–7.

Guerrero, L., & Posthuma, R. A. (2014). Perceptions and behaviors of Hispanic workers: A

review. Journal of Managerial Psychology.

Guinn, B., Vincent, V., & Dugas, D. (2009). Stress resilience among border Mexican American

women. Hispanic Journal of Behavioral Sciences, 31(2), 228-243.

146

Gutierrez, M., Castaneda, C., & Katsinas, S.G. (2002). Latino leadership in community colleges:

Issues and challenges. Community College Journal of Research and Practice, 26, 297-

314.

Hall, J. C., Everett, J. E., & Hamilton-Mason, J. (2012). Black women talk about workplace

stress and how they cope. Journal of black studies, 43(2), 207-226.

Hancock, A. M. (2016). Intersectionality: An intellectual history. Oxford University Press.

Hannum, K. M., Muhly, S. M., Shockley-Zalabak, P. S., & White, J. S. (2015). Women leaders

within higher education in the United States: Supports, barriers, and experiences of being

a senior leader. Advancing Women in Leadership Journal, 35, 65-75.

Hansen, V. L. (1997). Voices of Latina administrators in higher education: Salient factors in

achieving success and implications for a model of leadership development for Latinas.

The Claremont Graduate University.

Haro, R.P. (1990). Latinos and executive positions in higher education. Educational Record,

71(3), 39-42.

Haro, R. (1995). Held to a higher standard: Latino executive selection in higher education. The

leaning ivory tower: Latino professors in American universities, 189-207.

Haro, R. (2001). The dearth of Latinos in campus administration. Chronicle of Higher

Education. Retrieved October 02, 2022, from

http://chronicle.com/jobs/2001/12/2001121101c.htm.

Harper, S. R. (2012). Race without racism: How higher education researchers minimize racist

institutional norms. The Review of Higher Education, 36(1), 9–29.

Harrell, S. P. (2000). A multidimensional conceptualization of racism-related stress: Implications

for the well-being of people of color. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 70(1), 42–57.

147

Harris, A.P., & González, C.G. (2012). Introduction. In Gutiérrez y Muhs, G., Niemann, Y.F.,

González, C.G., & Harris, A.P. (Eds.), Presumed incompetent: The intersections of race

and class for women in academia, 1-14. Boulder, CO: University Press of Colorado.

Hawley, K. (2019). I—What is impostor syndrome? In Aristotelian Society Supplementary

Volume, 93(1), 203-226. Oxford University Press.

Heilman, M. E. (2001). Description and prescription: How gender stereotypes prevent women's

ascent up the organizational ladder. Journal of social issues, 57(4), 657-674.

Heilman, M. E. (2012). Gender stereotypes and workplace bias. Research in organizational

Behavior, 32, 113-135.

Hentschel, T., Heilman, M. E., & Peus, C. V. (2019). The multiple dimensions of gender

stereotypes: A current look at men’s and women’s characterizations of others and

themselves. Frontiers in psychology, 10, 11.

Heyes, Cressida, "Identity Politics", The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Fall 2020

Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.), retrieved from

https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/fall2020/entries/identity-politics/.

Hispanic Association of Colleges and Universities. (2022). Hispanic Serving

Institutions Definitions. https://www.hacu.net/hacu/HSI_Definition1.asp

Hoang, Q. (2013). The impostor phenomenon: Overcoming internalized barriers and

recognizing achievements. The Vermont Connection, 34(1), 6.

hooks, B. (1989). Talking back: Thinking feminist, thinking black (Vol. 10). South End Press.

hooks, B. (2000). Feminist theory: From margin to center. Pluto Press.

Hubbard, S. M., & Stage, F. K. (2009). Attitudes, perceptions, and preferences of faculty at

148

Hispanic serving and predominantly Black institutions. The Journal of Higher

Education, 80(3), 270-289.

Huber, L. P., Johnson, R. N., & Kohli, R. (2006). Naming racism: A conceptual look at

internalized racism in US schools. Chicano-Latino L. Rev., 26, 183.

Huber, L. P., Lopez, C. B., Malagon, M. C., Velez, V., & Solorzano, D. G. (2008). Getting

beyond the ‘symptom,’ acknowledging the ‘disease’: Theorizing racist

nativism. Contemporary Justice Review, 11(1), 39-51.

Hunter, R. L. (2011). An examination of workplace racial microaggressions and their effect on

employee performance. Ann Arbor, MI: ProQuest UMI Dissertation Publishing.

Hussar, B., Zhang, J., Hein, S., Wang, K., Roberts, A., Cui, J., ... & Dilig, R. (2020). The

Condition of Education 2020. NCES 2020-144. National Center for Education Statistics.

Ingram, P. D. (2006). Commentary: The ups and downs of the workplace. Journal of Extension,

44.

Iverson, S. V. (2012). Multicultural competence for doing social justice: Expanding our

awareness, knowledge, and skills. Journal of Critical Thought and Praxis, 1(1).

Jackson, S. & Harris, S. (2007). African American female college and university presidents:

Experiences and perceptions of barriers to the presidency. Journal of Women in

Educational Leadership, 5(2) 119-137.

Johnson, J. T. (2016). Professions and power. Routledge.

Johnson, J. T., & Shulman, G. A. (1988). More alike than meets the eye: Perceived gender

differences in subjective experience and its display. Sex Roles, 19, 67–79.

Johnson, K. R., & Trujillo, B. (2011). Immigration Law and the US–Mexico Border:¿ Sí se

puede?. University of Arizona Press.

149

Jones, J. M. (2006). From racial inequality to social justice: The legacy of Brown v. Board

and lessons from South Africa. Journal of Social Issues, 62(4), 885-909.

Jost, J. T. (2019). A quarter century of system justification theory: Questions, answers,

criticisms, and societal applications. British Journal of Social Psychology, 58(2), 263-

314.

Kaltz, S. (2013). Perspectives of Women in Science: past and present. University of Otago.

Keating, A. (2000). Investigating" Whiteness," Eavesdropping on" Race". JAC, 426-433.

Keating, A. (2005). Entre mundos/Among worlds: New perspectives on Gloria Anzaldúa. New

York, NY: Palgrave Macmillian.

Keltner, D., & Robinson, R. J. (1997). Defending the status quo: Power and bias in social

conflict. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(10), 1066-1077.

Kohli, R., & Solórzano, D. G. (2012). Teachers, please learn our names! Racial

microaggressions and the K–12 classroom. Race Ethnicity and Education, 15(4), 441–

462.

Kray, L. J., & Robinson, R. J. (2001). Partisanship and the status quo. European Journal of

Social Psychology, 31(4), 321-335.

Kring, A. M., & Gordon, A. H. (1998). Sex differences in emotion: expression, experience, and

physiology. Journal of personality and social psychology, 74(3), 686.

Krogstad, J. M., & Lopez, G (2016, June 29). Roughly half of Hispanics have experienced

discrimination. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from

https://www.pewresearch.org/facttank/2016/06/29/roughly-half-of-hispanics-have-

experienced-discrimination/

Kwate, N. O. A., & Goodman, M. S. (2015). Racism at the intersections: Gender and

150

socioeconomic differences in the experience of racism among African

Americans. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 85(5), 397–

408. https://doi.org/10.1037/ort0000086

Latina Feminist Group. (2001). Telling to live: Latina feminist testimonios. Durham, NC: Duke

University Press.

Latino, N. M. (2010). Unmasking Whiteness: A framework for understanding inclusive

leadership at a predominately White institution. University of Denver.

Lazarus, J. (1888). Emma Lazarus. Century, 36, 875.

Leon, D.& Nevarez, C. (2007). Models of Leadership Institutes for Increasing the Number of

Top Latino Administrators in Higher Education. Journal of Hispanics in Higher

Education, 6, (4).

Leonardo, Z. (2002). The souls of white folk: Critical pedagogy, whiteness studies, and

globalization discourse. Race ethnicity and education, 5(1), 29-50.

Lerner, R. M., Wang, J., Hershberg, R. M., Buckingham, M. H., Harris, E. M., Tirrell, J. M.,

& Lerner, J. V. (2017). Positive youth development among minority youth: A relational

developmental systems model. Handbook on positive development of minority children

and youth, 5-17.

Leslie, L. M., & Gelfand, M. J. (2008). The who and when of internal gender discrimination

claims: An interactional model. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes,

107, 123–140.

Lewis, K. M. (2000). When leaders display emotion: How followers respond to negative

emotional expression of male and female leaders. Journal of Organizational

Behavior, 21, 221–234.

151

Lim, S., & Cortina, L. M. (2005). Interpersonal Mistreatment in the Workplace: The Interface

and Impact of General Incivility and Sexual Harassment. Journal of Applied Psychology,

90(3), 483–496.

Lin, S. A. (2008). The imposter phenomenon among high-achieving women of color: Are

worldview, collective self-esteem and multigroup ethnic identity protective?. Fordham

University.

Lindsay, B. (1999). Women chief executives and their approaches towards equity in American

universities. Comparative Education, 35(2), 187-199.

Lipsitz, G. (2006). The possessive investment in whiteness: How white people profit from identity

politics. Temple University Press.

Lloyd-Jones, B. (2009). Implications of race and gender in higher education administration: An

African American woman’s perspective. Advances in Developing Human Resources,

11(5), 606–618.

Lopez, G. (2001). The value of hard work: Lessons on parent involvement from an (im) migrant

household. Harvard educational review, 71(3), 416-438.

Lopez, M. H., Krogstad, J. M., & Passel, J. (2022). Pew Research Institute. Who is Hispanic?.

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2022/09/15/who-is-hispanic

Lorber, J. 1984. Women physicians: careers, status, and power. New York: Tavistock

Publications.

Low, K. C. P. (2010) ‘Values Make A Leader, the Confucian Perspective’. Insights to a

changing world, 2010(2), p. 13-28.

Lyness, K. S., & Heilman, M. E. (2006). When fit is fundamental: performance evaluations and

152

promotions of upper-level female and male managers. Journal of Applied

Psychology, 91(4), 777.

Majumdar, D., & Martinez-Ramos, G. (2019). An examination of the association between

microaggression and well-being among Latina/os of Mexican-descent in the United

States. Michigan Sociological Review, 33, 10-24.

Martinez, R. O. (2005). Latino demographic and institutional issues in higher education:

Implications for leadership development. In D. J. Leon (Ed.), Lessons in leadership:

Executive leadership programs for advancing diversity in higher education. New York:

17-56.

Masse, J., Miller, E., Kerr, K., & Ortiz, A. (2007). Negotiating middle ground: The experiences

of midmanagers of color in student affairs. In Robert L. Ackerman (Ed.), The mid-level

manager in student affairs: Strategies for success, 155-176. National Association of

Student Personnel Administrators. Inc.

Matias, C. E., & Newlove, P. M. (2017). Better the devil you see, than the one you don’t:

Bearing witness to emboldened en-whitening epistemology in the Trump era.

International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, 30(10), 920-928.

McLaren, M. (2002). Feminism, Foucault, and embodied subjectivity. Albany, NY: State

University of New York Press.

Meece, M. (2009). Backlash: Women bullying women at work. New York Times, p-BLJ1.

Mejia, S. B., & Gushue, G. V. (2017). Latina/o college students’ perceptions of career barriers:

Influence of ethnic identity, acculturation, and self-efficacy. Journal of Counseling &

Development, 95(2), 145–155. doi:10.1002/jcad.12127.

Memmi, A. (1968). Dominated man; notes toward a portrait. Beacon Press.

153

Menchaca, V. D., Mills, S. J., & Leo, F. (2016). Latina titans: A journey of inspiration.

Administrative Issues Journal: Connecting Education, Practice, and Research, 6(2), 96–

115. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1137534.pdf.

Mio, J. S., & Roades, L. A. (2013). Building bridges in the 21st century: Allies and the power of

human connection across demographic divides. In Culturally Diverse Mental Health,

119-132. Routledge.

Miville, M. L., Arredondo, P., Consoli, A. J., Santiago-Rivera, A., Delgado-Romero, E. A.,

Fuentes, M. A., Cervantes, J. M. (2017). Liderazgo: Culturally grounded leadership and

the National Latina/o Psychological Association. The Counseling Psychologist, 45(6),

830-856.

Montas-Hunter, S. (2012). Self-Efficacy and Latina Leaders in Higher Education. Journal of

Hispanic Higher Education, 11(4), 315–335. Retrieved August 2022:

https://doi.org/10.1177/1538192712441709

Montoya, M. (1994). Mascaras, Trenzas, y Greñas: Un/Masking the Self While Un/Braiding

Latina Stories and Legal Discourse. Chicana/o Latina/o Law Review, 15(1).

Munin, A., & Speight, S. L. (2010). Factors influencing the ally development of college

students. Equity & Excellence in Education, 43(2), 249-264.

Munoz, M. (2010). In their own words and by the numbers: A mixed-methods study of Latina

community college presidents. Community College Journal of Research and Practice, 34,

153-174.

Museus, S. D., Sariñana, S. A. L., & Ryan, T. K. (2015). A qualitative examination of multiracial

students' coping responses to experiences with prejudice and discrimination in

college. Journal of College Student Development, 56(4), 331-348.

154

Nadal, K. L., Griffin, K. E., Wong, Y., Hamit, S., & Rasmus, M. (2014). The impact of racial

microaggressions on mental health: Counseling implications for clients of color. Journal

of Counseling & Development, 92, 57–66.

National Center for Education Statistics. (2020). Table 314.40: Employees in degree-granting

postsecondary institutions, by race/ethnicity, sex, employment status, control and level of

institution, and primary occupation: Fall 2020 (Digest of Education Statistics).

Washington, DC: United States Department of Education. Retrieved from

https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d21/tables/dt21_314.40.asp

National Center for Education Statistics. (2021). Table 322.20: Bachelor’s degrees conferred by

postsecondary institutions, by race/ethnicity and sex of student: Selected years, 1976-77

through 2019-20 [Data set]. Washington, DC: United States Department of Education.

Retrieved from https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d21/tables/dt21_322.20.asp.

National Center for Education Statistics. (2022). Characteristics of Postsecondary

Faculty. Condition of Education. U.S. Department of Education, Institute of Education

Sciences. Retrieved December 16, 2022, from

https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/csc

Nayak, D. (2007). Equity and education. Journal of Educational Planning and

Administration, 21(3), 257-273.

Nelson, L. (2008). Racialized landscapes: whiteness and the struggle over farmworker housing in

Woodburn, Oregon. Cultural Geographies, 15, 41-62.

Newman, M. A., Carabí, À., & Armengol, J. M. (2012). Beyond Don Juan: Rethinking Iberian

Masculinities. Men and Masculinities, 15(4), 343-345.

Nosek, B. A., & Banaji, M. R. (2002). (At least) two factors moderate the relationship between

155

implicit and explicit attitudes.

O’Brien, L. T., & Crandall, C. S. (2005). Perceiving self-interest: Power, ideology, and

maintenance of the status quo. Social Justice Research, 18(1), 1-24.

Ocasio-Cortez, A. (2019). [AOC]. (2019, January 4)"Lip+hoops were inspired by Sonia

Sotomayor, who was advised to wear neutral-colored nail polish to her confirmation

hearings to avoid scrutiny. She kept her red" [Tweet]. Retrieved August 2022:

https://twitter.com/AOC/status/1081284603850174467

Olin, A. 2020. “America is more diverse than ever, but diversity doesn’t equal equality.” Rice

Kinder Institute for Urban Research. Retrieved December 15, 2022, from

https://kinder.rice.edu/urbanedge/america-more-diverse-ever-diversity-doesnt-equal-

equality

Olivas-Luján, M. R. (2008). Evidence-based management: A business necessity for

Hispanics. The Business Journal of Hispanic Research, 2(2), 10-26.

Ortega-Liston, R., & Rodriguez Soto, I. (2014). Challenges, choices, and decisions of women in

higher education: A discourse on the future of Hispanic, Black, and Asian members of

the professoriate. Journal of Hispanic Higher Education, 13, 285-302.

Owen, J. A. T., McRae, C., Adams, T. E., & Vitale, A. (2009). Truth troubles. Qualitative

inquiry, 15(1), 178-200.

Park, J. J. (2009). Are we satisfied?: A look at student satisfaction with diversity at traditionally

white institutions. The Review of Higher Education, 32(3), 291-320.

Parkman, A. (2016). The imposter phenomenon in higher education: Incidence and

impact. Journal of Higher Education Theory & Practice, 16(1).

Passel, J. S., Cohn, D. V., & Lopez, M. H. (2011). Hispanics account for more than half of

156

nation’s growth in past decade. Washington, DC: Pew Hispanic Center, 1-7.

Patitu, C. L., & Hinton, K. G. (2003). The experiences of African American women faculty and

administrators in higher education: Has anything changed? New Directions for Student

Services, 104, 79–93.

Payan, T. (2014). Ciudad Juarez: A perfect storm on the US–Mexico Border. Journal of

Borderlands Studies, 29(4), 435-447.

Peña, Y. C. H. (2019). La Linea Se Converte en Rio. Una Cronica de la Frontera. Francisco

Cantú. Aldea Mundo, 24(47), 104-106.

Pérez, E. (1999). The decolonial imaginary: Writing Chicanas into history. Indiana University

Press.

Perez Huber, L. (2009a). Challenging racist nativist framing: Acknowledging the community

cultural wealth of undocumented Chicana college students to reframe the immigration

debate. Harvard Educational Review, 79(4), 704–729.

Perez Huber, L. (2009b). Disrupting apartheid of knowledge: Testimonio as methodology in

Latina/o critical race research ´ in education. International Journal of Qualitative Studies

in Education, 22(6), 639–654.

Pérez Huber, L. (2010). Using Latina/o Critical Race Theory (LatCrit) and racist nativism to

explore intersectionality in the educational experiences of undocumented Chicana college

students. Educational Foundations, 24, 77-96.

Pérez Huber, L., & Cueva, B. M. (2012). Chicana/Latina testimonios on effects and responses

to microaggressions. Equity and Excellence in Education, 45(3), 392-410.

Pérez Huber, L., & Solorzano, D. G. (2015). Visualizing everyday racism: Critical race theory,

157

visual microaggressions, and the historical image of Mexican banditry. Qualitative

Inquiry, 21(3), 223-238.

Peters, A. L., & Miles Nash, A. (2021). I’m every woman: Advancing the intersectional

leadership of black women school leaders as anti-racist praxis. Journal of School

Leadership, 31(1-2), 7-28.

Pierce, C., Carew, J., Pierce-Gonzalez, D., & Willis, D. (1978). An experiment in racism: TV

commercials. In C. Pierce (Ed.), Television and Education (pp. 62–88). Beverly Hills,

CA: Sage.

Pillow, W. 2003. Confession, catharsis, or cure? Rethinking the uses of reflexivity as

methodological power in qualitative research.International Journal of Qualitative

Studies inEducation16, no. 2: 175–96.

Pinto, A. (2003). The dense, impenetrable adobe ceiling; sage advice from seasoned

Latina Cecilia Preciado Burciaga. The Hispanic Outlook in Higher Education, 14.

Pritchard, A., & McChesney, J. (2018). Focus on Student Affairs, 2018: Understanding Key

Challenges Using CUPA-HR Data. College and University Professional Association for

Human Resources.

Purdie-Vaughns, V., & Eibach, R. P. (2008). Intersectional invisibility: The distinctive

advantages and disadvantages of multiple subordinate-group identities. Sex Roles, 59,

377–391.

Rahim, G., Akintunde, O., Afolabi, A., & Okikiola, O. (2018). The glass ceiling conundrum:

Illusory belief or barriers that impede women’s career advancement in the workplace.

Journal of Evolutionary Studies in Business, 3(1), 137-166.

Rampton, M. (2015). Four waves of feminism. Pacific University Oregon, 25, 1-10.

158

Rapp, J. L. (1997). Staff diversity: The need for enhancing minority participation in student

affairs. College Student Affairs Journal, 16(2), 73-844.

Ravitch, S. M. (2020). Flux leadership: Leading for justice and peace in and beyond

COVID-19. Perspectives on Urban Education, 18(1), 77–100.

Razack, Saleem, Torsten Risør, Brian Hodges, and Yvonne Steinert. 2020. “Beyond the Cultural

Myth of Medical Meritocracy.” Medical Education 54(1):46–53.

Razzante, R. J. (2018). Intersectional agencies: Navigating predominantly White institutions as

an administrator of color. Journal of International and Intercultural

Communication, 11(4), 339-357.

Reyes, K. B., & Curry Rodríguez, J. E. (2012). Testimonio: Origins, terms, and resources. Equity

& Excellence in Education, 45(3), 525-538.

Ricento, T. (1998). National language policy in the United States. Language and politics in the

United States and Canada: Myths and realities, 85-112.

Rivera, D. P., Forquer, E. E., & Rangel, R. (2010). Microaggressions and the life experience of

Latina/o Americans. In Rivera, D. P., Forquer, E. E., & Rangel, R. (Ed.), Racial/Ethnic

Manifestation of Microaggressions, 59-83. New York, NY: Wiley & Sons.

Robinson, R. J., & Kray, L. (2001). Naïve realism and the search for social change and

perceived legitimacy. The psychology of legitimacy: Emerging perspectives on ideology,

justice, and intergroup relations, 135.

Rodríguez, L. F., & Oseguera, L. (2015). Our deliberate success: Recognizing what works for

Latina/o students across the educational pipeline. Journal of Hispanic Higher Education,

14(2), 128–150.

Roth, B. (2003). Second wave Black feminism in the African diaspora: News from new

159

scholarship. Agenda, 17(58), 46-58.

Roth, B. (2004). Separate roads to feminism: Black, Chicana, and White feminist movements in

America's second wave. Cambridge University Press.

Rowe, M.W. (2009). Literature, Knowledge, and the Aesthetic Attitude. An International

Journal of Analytic Philosophy, 22(4), 375-397.

Sagaria, M. A., & Johnsrud, L. K. (1991). Recruiting, Advancing, and Retaining Minorities in

Student Affairs: Moving from Rhetolic to Results. NaSPA Journal, 28(2), 105-120.

Salles, A., & Choo, E. K. (2020). Queen Bee phenomenon: a consequence of the hive. The

Lancet, 395(10228), 940.

Sanchez de Valencia, B. L. (2008). Transformation of Latinas into influential business leaders in

the United States: A grounded theory study. University of Phoenix.

Sánchez, N. C., & Hernández, E. (2021). Consejitos as a counter-hegemonic peer leadership

practice. In Studying Latinx/a/o Students in Higher Education (pp. 79-90). Routledge.

Sanchez-Hucles, J. V., & Davis, D. D. (2010). Women and women of color in leadership:

Complexity, identity, and intersectionality. American Psychologist, 65, 171-181.

Sanford, A. A., Ross, E. M. R. M., Blake, S. J., & Cambiano, R. L. (2015). Finding courage and

confirmation: resisting imposter feelings through relationships with mentors, romantic

partners, and other women in leadership. Advancing Women in Leadership Journal, 35,

31-41.

Sangaramoorthy, T., & Richardson, J. B. (2020). Black lives matter’ without black people. Inside

Higher Ed.

Schein, V. E. (1973). The relationship between sex role stereotypes and requisite

management characteristics. Journal of applied psychology, 57(2), 95.

160

Schein, V. E. (1975). Relationships between sex role stereotypes and requisite management

characteristics among female managers. Journal of applied psychology, 60(3), 340.

Scott, B. L., Muñoz, S. M., & Scott, S. B. (2022). How whiteness operates at a hispanic serving

institution: A qualitative case study of faculty, staff, and administrators. Journal of

Diversity in Higher Education.

Sellers, R. M., & Shelton, J. N. (2003). The role of racial identity in perceived racial

discrimination. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(5), 1079-1092.

Sherbin, L., Hewlett, S. A., & Rashid, R. (2016). Who perceives bias, what bias costs

corporations, and how to reduce it--a new study by the Center for Talent Innovation

offers answers. PR Newswire.

Siddique, A., Aslam, H.D., Khan, M., & Fatima, U. (2011). Impact of Academic Leadership on

Faculty's Motivation and Organizational Effectiveness in Higher Education System.

International Journal of Academic Research, 3(3), 730-737.

Singleton, K. (2013). Review of Microaggressions in everyday life: Race, gender, and sexual

Orientation.

Siskind, T. G., & Kearns, S. P. (1997). Gender bias in the evaluation of female faculty at The

Citadel: A qualitative analysis. Sex Roles, 37, 495-525.

Skelly, J. J., & Johnson, J. B. (2011). Glass ceilings and great expectations: Gender stereotype

impact on female professionals. Southern Law Journal, 21(1), 59.

Smith, K. (2019). Dolores Huerta’s Life of Indefatigable Resistance. Facing History &

Ourselves. https://facingtoday.facinghistory.org/dolores-huertas-indefatigable-life-of-

resistance.

Smith-Aguilar, S. (2022). Seeking to serve or $erve? HispanicServing Institutions’ race-evasive

161

pursuit of racialized funding. AERA Open, 7(1), 1–15. doi:10.1177/23328584211057097

Solórzano, D. G., Ceja, M., & Yosso, T. (2000). Critical race theory, racial

microaggressions, and campus racial climate: The experiences of African American

college students. Journal of Negro Education, 69, 60–73.

Solórzano, D. G., & Delgado Bernal, D. (2001). Examining transformational resistance through a

critical race and latcrit theory framework: Chicana and Chicano students in an urban

context. Urban Education, 36(3), 308-342.

Solórzano, D. G., & Yosso, T. J. (2001). Critical race and LatCrit theory and method: counter

storytelling: Chicana and Chicano graduate school experiences. International Journal of

Qualitative Studies In Education, 14(4), 471-495.

Solórzano Jr, R. (2009). From “Spanish choices” to Latina/o voices: Interrogating technologies

of language, race, and identity in a self-serving American moment. University of

Massachusetts Amherst.

Spanierman, L. B., & Heppner, M. J. (2004). Psychosocial costs of racism to whites scale

(PCRW): construction and initial validation. Journal of counseling psychology, 51(2),

249.

St. Clair, A. L. (2006). Global poverty: The co-production of knowledge and politics. Global

Social Policy, 6(1), 57-77.

Stacey, R. D. (1996). Complexity and creativity in organizations. San Francisco: Berret

Koehler.

Stamarski, C. S., & Son Hing, L. S. (2015). Gender inequalities in the workplace: the effects of

organizational structures, processes, practices, and decision makers’ sexism. Frontiers in

psychology, 6, 1400.

162

Stansbury, K., Warner, L. S., & Wiggins, T. (1984). Women in Leadership and Implications

for Affirmative Action.

Stewart, D. L. (2017). Language of appeasement. Inside Higher Ed, 30.

Strayhorn, T. L. (2008). The role of supportive relationships in facilitating African American

males' success in college. Naspa Journal, 45(1), 26-48.

Stuart, D. (2010). Cracking through the glass ceiling: [Some tips on how aspiring women

directors can chip their way through the glass ceiling.]. Company Director, 26(2), 30-33.

Sue, D. W. (2010). Microaggressions in everyday life: Race, gender, and sexual orientation.

Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.

Sue, D. W. (2016). Race talk and the conspiracy of silence: Understanding and facilitating

difficult dialogues on race. John Wiley & Sons.

Sue, D. W., & Spanierman, L. B. (2020). Microaggressions. Marginality, and Oppression: An

Introduction.

Swim, J. K., Hyers, L. L., Cohen, L. L., & Ferguson, M. J. (2001). Everyday sexism:

Evidence for its incidence, nature, and psychological impact from three daily diary

studies. Journal of Social issues, 57(1), 31-53.

Tatum, C. M. (2013). Latino culture: Background and history. In Encyclopedia of Latino

Culture: From Calaveras to Quinceaneras, 1, 17-99. Santa Barbara, CA: ABC-CLIO,

LLC.

Taylor, Y., & Breeze, M. (2020). All imposters in the university? Striking (out) claims

on academic Twitter. In Women's Studies International Forum, 81, 102367.

The Chronicle of Higher Education Almanac (2018). Issue 2018-2019, August 27,

2018.

163

The National Center for Education Statistics (2018). The Condition of Education 2018.

U.S. Department of Education.

Thomas, R., Cooper, M., Cardazone, G., Urban, K., Cardazone, G., Bohrer, A., &

Mahajan, S. (2021). Women in the Workplace 2020. McKinsey and Company.

Torres-Harding, S. R., Andrade Jr, A. L., & Romero Diaz, C. E. (2012). The Racial

Microaggressions Scale (RMAS): a new scale to measure experiences of racial

microaggressions in people of color. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority

Psychology, 18(2), 153.

Tran, A. G. (2014). Family contexts: Parental experiences of discrimination and child mental

health. American Journal of Community Psychology, 53(1), 37-46.

Tugade, M. M., & Fredrickson, B. L. (2004). Resilient individuals use positive emotions

to bounce back from negative emotional experiences. Journal of personality and social

psychology, 86(2), 320.

Turner, C. S. V. (2002). Women of color in academe: Living with multiple marginality. Journal

of Higher Education, 73(1), 74–93.

Umaña-Taylor, A. J., & Updegraff, K. A. (2007). Latino adolescents ’mental health: Exploring

the interrelations among discrimination, ethnic identity, cultural orientation, self-esteem,

and depressive symptoms. Journal of Adolescence, 30(4), 549-567.

University of Texas Arlington (2022). Mexican, Mexican-American, Chicano, and Latinx

History in the Archives: Home. University of Texas Arlington. UTA Libraries. Retrieved

June 22, 2022, from https://libguides.uta.edu/c.php?g=1006646

U.S. Census Bureau (2020). Hispanic or Latino origin 2020: ACS 5-Year Estimates Detailed

Tables. Retrieved from https://data.census.gov/table?y=2020&d=ACS+5-

164

Year+Estimates+Detailed+Tables&tid=ACSDT5Y2020.B03001

U. S. Census Bureau (2020). Quick facts United States, population estimates, February 28, 2022.

Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Commerce. Retrieved from

https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/US/LFE046221.

U.S. White House. (2021), Fact sheet: National strategy on Gender Equity and Equality.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2021/10/22/fact-sheet-

national-strategy-on-gender-equity-and-equality

Valverde, L. A. (2003). Leaders of color in higher education: Unrecognized triumphs in harsh

institutions. Walnut Creek, CA: Alta Mira.

Valverde, L. A. (2011). Women of color: Their path to leadership makes for a better higher

education for all. In Women of color in higher education: Turbulent past, promising

future. Emerald Group Publishing Limited.

Vasquez, M. J. T. (2002). Complexities of the Latina experience: A tribute to Martha

Bernal. American Psychologist, 57(11), 880–888.

Vera, H., & Santos, E. D. L. (2005). Chicana identity construction: Pushing the

boundaries. Journal of Hispanic Higher Education, 4(2), 102-113.

Verdugo, R. R. (2003). Discrimination and merit in higher education: The Hispanic professorate.

In L. Jones & J. Castellanos (Eds.), The majority in the minority: Retaining Latino/a

faculty, administrators, and students in the 21st century (pp. 241-254). Sterling, VA:

Stylus Books.

Verniers, C., & Martinot, D. (2015). Perception of students’ intelligence malleability and

165

potential for future success: Unfavorable beliefs towards girls. British Journal of

Educational Psychology, 85(3), 289–299. doi:10.1111/bjep.12073.

Villalpando, O. (2003). Self-segregation or self-preservation? A critical race theory and

Latina/o critical theory analysis of findings form a longitudinal study of Chicana/o

college students, International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, 16(5), 619-

646.

Villenas, S. A., Godinez, F. E., Bernal, D. D., & Elenes, C. A. (2006). Chicanas/Latinas

building bridges. Chicana/Latina education in everyday life: Feminista perspectives on

pedagogy and epistemology, 1-9.

Warren, K. B. (1997). Narrating Cultural Resurgence: Genre and Self Representation for Pan-

Mayan Writers. In Auto/Ethnography: Rewriting the Self and Social, 21–45.

Washington, J., & Evans, N. J. (1991). Becoming an ally. Beyond tolerance: Gays, lesbians, and

bisexuals on campus, 195-204.

Weitz, R. & Gordon, L. (1993). Images of black women among Anglo college students. Sex

Roles, 28, 19-34.

West, K. (2019). Testing hypersensitive responses: Ethnic minorities are not more sensitive to

microaggressions, they just experience them more frequently. Personality and Social

Psychology Bulletin, 45(11), 1619-1632.

Whatley, A. (1998). Gifted women and teaching: A compatible choice? Roeper Review, 21(2),

Whitford, E. (2020). There are so few that have made their way. Inside Higher Education.

Wiley, J. W. (2010). The impact of effective leadership on employee engagement. Employment

Relations Today, 37(2), 47-52.

166

Worland, J. (2020). America’s long overdue awakening to systemic racism. Time Magazine.

Yakaboski, T. & Donahoo, S. (2011). In Re(Search) of Women in Student Affairs

Administration. Empowering women in higher education and student affairs: Theory,

research, narratives, and practice from feminist perspectives, 270-286.

Yang, Y.F. (2014). Studies of Transformational Leadership: Evaluating Two Alternative Models

of Trust and Satisfaction. Psychological Reports, 114(3), 740-757.

https://doi.org/10.2466/01.04.PR0.114k27w2

Yang, Y.F., & Islam, M. (2012). The Influence of Transformational Leadership on Job

Satisfaction: The Balanced Scorecard Perspective. Journal of Accounting &

Organizational Change, 8(3), 386-402. https://doi.org/10.1108/18325911211258353

Yellen, J. L. (2020). Brookings Institute. The history of women’s work and wages and how it has

created success for us all. Retrieved August 2022: https://www.brookings.edu/essay/the-

history-of-womens-work-and-wages-and-how-it-has-created-success-for-us-all/

Yosso, T. J. (2005). Whose culture has capital? Race, Ethnicity and Education, 8(1),

69- 91.

Yosso, T. J., Smith, W. a, Ceja, M., & Solórzano, D. G. (2009). Critical Race Theory, Racial

Microaggressions, and Campus Racial Climate for Latina/o Undergraduates. Harvard

Educational Review, 79(4), 659–691.

Yosso, T., Villalpando, O., Delgado Bernal, D., & Solórzano, D. G. (2001). Critical race theory

in Chicana/o education.

167

Vita

Carla Cardoza was born in El Paso, Texas, and was raised in Ciudad Juarez. She attended

high school in El Paso, Texas, and graduated in 1988. After graduation, she attended the

University of Texas at El Paso, where she earned a Bachelor of Arts and later a Master of Public

Administration with a specialization in government and nonprofit studies in 2003. She earned her

Doctor of Education in Educational Leadership and Administration from the University of Texas

in El Paso in May 2023.

She is the cofounder of the Center for Civic Engagement at the University of Texas at El

Paso, where she was the founding Director. She is the cofounder of the Nonprofit Enterprise

Center, a nonprofit dedicated to support nonprofits with technical assistance and development.

She worked as a nonprofit consultant for more than 15 years. She worked as an adjunct instructor

for more than 10 years teaching college courses as a government teacher. She worked for more

than 25 years as an administrator in higher education. She is currently the president for Lydia

Patterson Institute in El Paso, Texas.

Carla will continue to work in the field of education and dedicate herself to help ensure

students become college and career ready and help them their potential. She is married and has

two children, Guillermo and LuisaFernanda.

Carla’s dissertation, “Encontre Mi Voz: Consejitos de mi Madre, Testimonio del Margen:

Experiences of a Former Chicana Administrator in Student Services at a Hispanic Serving

Institution” was supervised by Dr. Jesus Cisneros.

Carla can be reached at [email protected]