BROS Written by Billy Eichner & Nicholas Stoller © 2022

BROS

Written by

Billy Eichner & Nicholas Stoller

INT. BOBBY’S PODCASTING STUDIO - DAY1 1

BOBBY LEIBER records his podcast. He’s surrounded by photos

with celebrities and media personalities, plus copies of his

book GAY LINCOLN and LGBTQ history books he’s written. He

livestreams to Instagram so Bobby talks straight TO CAMERA.

BOBBY

Hi everyone and welcome to

Bobbyland, the podcast where I,

your host Bobby Leiber, take you on

a journey through LGBTQ history

and, much more importantly, my own

problems and whatever I feel like

talking about. As always, Bobbyland

is brought to you by Bagel Drone.

And this is a big day because as of

today Bobbyland is available

exclusively on PODIFY and today wew

are celebrating one million

subscribers! First caller!

FIRST CALLER

Hi Bobby! Any plans for more

children’s books?

BOBBY

Not at the moment. As some of you

know, I wrote a children’s book to

help parents teach kids about gay

history, which no one bought. Turns

out four year olds don’t want to

hear a bedtime story about Martina

Navratilova.

SECOND CALLER

Bobby! Will we see you on TV again

soon? Love when you’re on MSNBC!

BOBBY

Yes! I’ll be all over promoting my

latest book, GAY LINCOLN, so tune

in - and don’t worry I won’t just

be talking about gay stuff, I’ll be

covering a wide variety of topics.

SMASH CUT: Bobby shouting on various cable news shows.

MSNBC:2 2

BOBBY

ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS GAY!

CNN:3 3

BOBBY

LEONARDO DiVINCI WAS GAY!

POD SAVE AMERICA:4 4

BOBBY

JAMES DEAN WAS GAY!

TODAY SHOW WITH HODA KOTBA5 A5

BOBBY

INSPECTOR GADGET WAS GAY! Inspector

Gadget was a toxic, cis white gay

man. And, quite frankly, yet

another example of how for decades

Hollywood has glamorized law

enforcement!

BACK TO THE PODCAST...5 5

THIRD CALLER

Bobby, I love you but I was

wondering if you had any thoughts

about the negative reaction to your

docuseries? It’s currently rotten

on Rotten Tomatoes.

BOBBY

Can I be honest? I don’t give a

shit about Rotten Tomatoes. I’ll

have the folks at Rotten Tomatoes

know that that Bobbyland will soon

be the first podcast to ever be

released on vinyl! And I finally

got the footage from my Queer Eye

audition! Check it out exclusively

on the Bobbyland app!

SMASH CUT: BOBBY’S QUEER EYE AUDITION. 6 6

A large bearded Southern straight guy stifles tears as he

looks in a mirror. The Queer Eye guys are all crying. Bobby

does not cry.

BOBBY

I’m sorry but I’m not sad. This is

just not sad. You gave him a

haircut and a pair of pants.

(MORE)

The Queer Eye guys shoot Bobby a dirty look. Bobby scrunches

his face and tries to cry, to no avail. He shrugs.

BACK TO THE PODCAST...7 7

FINAL CALLER

Hi Bobby, this is Sarah. Whatever

happened with that movie you wrote?

BOBBY

Oh right. The movie.

CUT TO: Bobby pitching to THREE STRAIGHT EXECS - TWO MALE, 8 8

ONE FEMALE - WHO ARE NODDING ALONG, BUT CLEARLY GETTING MORE

AND MORE FREAKED OUT.

BACK TO THE PODCAST9 9

BOBBY

These big movie producers came to

me and said “we want you to write a

rom com about a gay couple. But

something for everyone, something a

straight guy might even like and

watch with his girlfriend!” And I

said “Something a straight guy

might like?” Like what exactly? Am

I gonna be in the middle of some

high speed chase and then all of a

sudden fall in love with Ice Cube?

Am I gonna get buttfucked by the

Rock while we're both, I don’t

know, dealing with a volcano?” And

they said “We just want a movie

that shows the world straight and

gay relationships are the same.

Love is love is love.” And I said

“Love is love is love? No it’s not!

That’s bullshit! And I left.

FINAL CALLER

Why did you do that?

BOBBY

Because I don’t trust them. You

can’t trust these people. Honestly

it’s for the best. I’m not the

right person to write a rom com

anyway.

(MORE)

BOBBY (CONT'D)

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 4.

In exciting news, I remain very

horny and I’m being honored as the

Cis White Gay Man of the Year at

the LGBTQ Pride Awards tonight!

INT. - THE LGBTQ PRIDE AWARDS - STAGE 10 10

An NFL player is on stage accepting his award. It says OUT *

LGBTQ Athlete of the Year on the screen behind him. *

NFL PLAYER *

Being in the NFL I never thought I *

could come out. For years I had to *

suffer as a hot, ripped gay person *

living my life in private. But this *

last year has really shown me how *

amazing life can be when you are *

finally, publicly hot. *

The audience applauds. *

ANNOUNCER (V.O.) *

And now please welcome Emmy and *

Tony winner Kristin Chenoweth! *

Kristin Chenoweth walks onstage. *

KRISTIN CHENOWETH *

Good evening. What an honor for me *

to be here tonight. On my head *

tonight is a hat depicting the *

Stonewall Riots, where thanks to *

butch lesbians, trans women and *

especially trans women of color, *

the Queer Liberation movement *

began. And now, the award for Cis *

White Gay Man of the Year. Now, *

please welcome the winner of this *

year’s Cis White Gay Man of the *

Year Award, LGBTQ author, *

historian, and not just a podcast *

host but a self proclaimed “pod- *

cactivist” Bobby Leiber! *

Ancient hieroglyphics of two Egyptian men touching noses

appear on a screen behind her. An actual historic image.

BOBBY

Meet Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum,

the Bert and Ernie of Ancient

Egypt. Many scholars believe they

are the first recorded same-sex

couple in history!

BOBBY (CONT'D)

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 4.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 4A.

Here we see them touching noses,

which represents kissing, the most

intimate physical contact allowed

in hieroglyphics. They were even

buried in the same tomb! Yet to

this day, there are historians who

refuse to accept these men were

lovers and insist they were

brothers instead.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 4A.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 5.

They say we don’t have enough proof

they were in love and they focus on

their doubts. Thus began five

thousand years of gay love stories

erased from history! No history of

gay love affairs to teach us about

love and how to love each other. No

LGBTQ wing in the Natural History

Museum or the Smithsonian. No LGBTQ

wing in the Smithsonian but they

have Archie Bunker’s couch? Well,

this erasure ends today. I’m

thrilled to announce we are opening

the first National LGBTQ History

Museum!

INT. GOLD’S GYM11 11

Bobby’s on a treadmill next to a hot, ripped guy named JOEL.

BOBBY (V.O.)

Because these Egyptian men weren’t

lovers! No! They were brothers!

JOEL

Whatcha listening to?

Bobby looks at his phone. It’s a Barbra Streisand song.

BOBBY

The Weeknd.

Bobby lies. He’s clearly not as confident as he puts on.

BOBBY (V.O.)

These two men weren’t boyfriends!

Of course not! They were just BROS!

PUSH IN ON THE HIEROGLYPHIC of the TWO MEN TOUCHING NOSES.

TITLES UP: BROS

Bobby works out in trendy new fitness classes:

A CROSSFIT CLASS - Bobby’s in ok shape but can’t keep up with 12 12

the other buff gay guys there.

TREADMILL CLASS - They run on treadmills. A buzzer goes off 13 13

and you have to run across the room and start chopping wood.

DON LEMON FITNESS CLASS - Bobby and DON LEMON wrestle each 14 14*

other to the ground.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 5.

OMIT SCENE 15 15

POGOTON CLASS - Bobby and a bunch of guys all jump around on 16 16

pogo sticks with touch TV screens attached to them. CODY

RIGSBY instructs.

WORLD WAR I CARDIO - Bobby and his best friend HENRY are both 17 17

in this class. Bobby runs down a trench, has to grab someone

who’s pretending he’s been shot, sling him over his shoulder

and run across “no man’s land.” Bobby falls, dropping the

guy. He watches as another guy, AARON SHEPARD, a handsome,

very built dude passes him and very quickly scales a large

rock climbing wall. Bobby rolls his eyes and mutters.

BOBBY

Climbing a mountain. What a useful

skill in Manhattan.

Henry is fixated on a very ripped hot shirtless guy with a

“perfect” body.

INT. BOBBY’S APT - LATER THAT AFTERNOON18 18

Bobby scrolls through Grindr. He gets a message from a guy.

They text in the fake-jock/bro tone gay guys sometimes use

when texting on sex or dating apps to sound more masculine.

GRINDR GUY

HEY WHATS UP

BOBBY

HEY WHATS UP

GRINDR GUY

LOOKING? INTO?

Bobby types “Bottom” but deletes it and types “I’m

versatile.”

INT. GRINDR GUY'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS19 19

Bobby walks in. The guy takes off his clothes. Bobby takes

off his. No one speaks. The guy starts making out with Bobby

intensely. He pushes Bobby into bed and starts jerking off.

The guy leans over to finish on Bobby. Bobby grimaces. The

guy hands him “Frozen”-themed birthday napkins to wipe off.

BOBBY

Why do you have Frozen themed

napkins with Olaf on them?

GRINDR GUY

Oh, they’re left over from my

niece’s birthday party. Sorry.

Bobby wipes his crotch off with the napkin.

BOBBY

Oh. Well, poor Olaf is just covered

in cum. Sorry Olaf. I gotta go.

Bobby rushes to get dressed in silence and walks out.

MUSIC CUE: “OUR LOVE IS HERE TO STAY” by NAT KING COLE

EXT. STREET20 20

Bobby awkwardly tries to throw the sticky napkin into a

garbage can on the street. He walks around the city. INTERCUT

with doing his podcast.

INT. PODCASTING STUDIO 21 21

BOBBY

For me, the cold and awkward Grindr

hookup is often followed by a walk

around the city by myself. Even

though it was odd and unsatisfying

and you didn’t even know the

person, you’re still feeling this

kind of post-sex warmth and

wistfulness, only there’s no one

there to share that feeling with,

because you leave their apartment

immediately because they’re always

weird and you’re a normal person.

And maybe I’ll text or call one of

my friends. And between the weird

sex with strangers you don’t like

and conversations with friends you

love that you don’t have sex with,

you cobble together a version of a

romantic, single life. And it’s

fine. It’s a lot more than what a

lot of other people have in this

world. And you try to remember

that.

EXT. THE LGBTQ MUSEUM 22 22

Bobby’s on Instagram Live outside a construction site.

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 8.

BOBBY

I’m coming to you today from the

future LGBTQ museum! Today the

board is deciding which exhibit

belongs in the final wing. We have

people on the board from all across

the LGBTQ community - everyone is

really excited and totally getting

along!

INT. LGBT MUSEUM BOARDROOM - DAY23 23

A tense, panicky room. No one’s getting along. Everyone is *

snapping at each other. *

BOBBY

Ok people! It’s getting late! We *

still need a donor to fund the *

exhibit in the final wing. And no *

one wants to donate until they know *

what the exhibit is. As you all *

know, Pier One Imports was supposed *

to make a big donation but they *

went bankrupt and have been bought *

by the Taliban. So now that the *

Taliban owns Pier One Imports we *

are short 5 million dollars. We’ve *

already pushed our opening twice *

and we’re running out of time. We *

need to figure out which exhibit *

belongs in the final wing. We need *

new ideas and we need them now. *

CHERRY, an angry, cranky lesbian academic stands up.

CHERRY

We need to be bold! You know that

blue whale hanging in the Museum of

Natural History?

She shows a slide of the blue whale.

CHERRY (CONT'D)

What about that but instead of a

blue whale it’s a lesbian?

Cherry shows a slide of the blue whale having been replaced

by a huge sculpture of JODIE FOSTER dangling in the air with

open arms as if she’s welcoming people to the exhibit.

ROBERT

I like the idea of a sculpture but

why a lesbian and not a bisexual?

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 8.

ROBERT (CONT'D)

Can’t it be some sort of big,

dangling bisexual?

ANGELA

What about a transgender woman from

an Indigenous nation?

CHERRY

Oh goddammit Angela, what about the

400 lesbians who fought in the

Civil War?

BOBBY

Well, they weren’t lesbians

necessarily, some were trans men,

some were women who dressed as men

so they could fight.

ROBERT

Stop. This building is a rare

chance to legitimize and validate

the history of bisexuals.

BOBBY

Oh here we go.

ROBERT

We say LGBTQ but we always skip

over the B. People don’t even

believe we exist! This is a chance

to change that. I want a Hall of

Bisexuals. Like Disney’s Hall of

Presidents. The most important

bisexuals throughout history. I

want a stage full of animatronic,

talking bisexuals. Talking and

moving and gesturing bisexuals.

Bisexual holograms. Bisexuals

soaring above you, everywhere you

look, everywhere you turn!

BOBBY

We get it, Robert.

ROBERT

Please don’t interrupt me.

Everyone’s always attacking me!

WANDA

Robert, I want you to know that I

hear you and I love you.

Angela rolls her eyes.

ROBERT (CONT'D)

10.

TAMARA

Well, I actually kind of like that

cause it is so funny. I mean, we’re

funny, creative people! The museum

should reflect that.

BOBBY

I mean sure to a certain degree but

this isn’t the Museum of the Wacky

Gay Neighbor. Let’s not turn

ourselves into a joke. I think we

should just expand the AIDS

Memorial and end on that. And,

again, respectfully Tamara, you’re

just here to document this for

social media so please leave the

brainstorming to us.

TAMARA

Well my mother is Cuban and I will

not be silenced.

BOBBY

Your mother is Cuban? My mother is

dead! I mean talk about someone who

currently has very limited

opportunities!

TAMARA

Well I have feelings and thoughts

and ideas and they are valid and

I’ll be sharing each and every

single one of them.

ANGELA

Well this may be controversial but,

I don’t think the AIDS Memorial

needs to be 4 rooms.

BOBBY

Excuse me?

ANGELA

I’m just saying, I don’t want this

place to be all pain and heartache.

I see it as more of a victory lap!

BOBBY

You don’t want a proper AIDS

Memorial? This city should have an

entire AIDS Museum! We have a

museum dedicated exclusively to

trains!

10.

10A.

ROBERT

But does it need to be the final

exhibit? The message we leave

people with?

ANGELA

It is a little unseemly to have the

AIDS Memorial drop you off in the

gift shop.

CHERRY

A lesbian wrote America the

Beautiful! Where’s her exhibit?

Katharine Lee Bates, a lesbian in

1893 - she scrawled the lyrics on a

napkin! You can go to her house in

Virginia - they have the napkin!

TAMARA

I’ve got it. What if the museum

ends with a recreation of a queer

wedding? A happy ending!

EVERYONE BUT BOBBY

Oh I love that!/That’s so sweet!/

My parents would love that!

BOBBY

And people can get engaged and

WANDA

Oh that’s gorgeous!

BOBBY

No! I’m joking. That’s terrible.

It’s too conventional and

sentimental. We need people to

rethink history through a queer

prism - show them the history we’ve

been denied for thousands of years -

not comfort them with another gay

wedding. It’s a museum, it’s not

Schitt’s Creek.

EVERYONE

Oh I love Schitt’s Creek!/I miss

that show!/My parents love Schitt’s

Creek!

BOBBY

Ok enough.

10A.

11.

ANGELA

I just want it to be about love. So

much of the museum is about

suffering. I think a wedding might

make people happy.

BOBBY

But a wedding’s not everyone’s idea

of a happy ending! It’s old

fashioned, heteronormative

bullshit! I don’t live in Schitt’s

Creek ok? I live in Manhattan. The

exhibit shouldn’t be about settling

down, it should be about freedom!

ROBERT

Well, here’s an idea for an exhibit

- what about a huge sculpture of

two eyes rolling at the thought of

my entire existence?!

Robert storms out.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT24 24

Bobby runs in late to dinner to meet his friends: TINA and

her husband EDGAR, his married friends PETER and PAUL, their

new friend MARTY and married couple TOM and LUCAS.

BOBBY

Hi, hi, sorry.

PAUL

Is everything ok?

BOBBY

Everyone at the Museum hates me, I

don’t know what to do. I’m going to

be the least welcome member of the

gay community since Jeffrey Dahmer.

TINA

Oh Bobby, you’ll love this - last

week we went to a bar mitzvah - the

theme was RuPaul’s Drag Race.

EDGAR

The invitation said “At the

ceremony he’ll become a man and at

the party he’ll become a woman.” We

had the best time!

11.

11A.

BOBBY

Amazing. How are you guys, Lucas?

LUCAS

Well, our surrogate just hit three

months. And... not only that...

11A.

12.

TOM

We’re having TRIPLETS!!!!!

EVERYONE

AHHHH!/Congratulations!/Amazing!!

BOBBY

Triplets? Oh my god. Why?

TOM

We didn’t really have a choice!

TINA

Oh my god this is amazing. We’ll

give you all our baby clothes.

PETER

And we’re around whenever you need

us.

They all turn to look at Bobby. Then, awkwardly:

BOBBY

When they are older... I will get

them tickets to things.

MARTY

Guys, I’m so sorry, I have to run -

night shift at the bar. Great

seeing you guys! Congrats boys!

Marty squeezes Peter and Paul’s shoulders oddly and leaves.

BOBBY

Wait, didn’t you have an

announcement too? Did I miss it?

PETER

No! We waited for you. Ok. So, I

totally know this is a little weird

and unexpected but, ok so, the

reason we’ve been hanging around

with Marty so much is that we

are...kind of... dating him.

BOBBY

What do you mean?

PETER

I mean, we’re dating him. Together.

Like, as a couple. We’re seeing

him. I guess it’s kind of like a...

thrupple situation.

12.

13.

BOBBY

Like, you’re having threesomes?

PAUL

Well, we met him at a party and we

got drunk and yeah we hooked up.

But then we started to hang out a

lot and we realized it was more

than just sex. We just really like

each other’s company.

PETER

I know it sounds crazy but it’s

weirdly normal. He’s very chill.

BOBBY

Well it sounds so chill! I mean,

just hearing about it, I feel so

relaxed. Oh my God - you’re Peter,

Paul and Marty.

PAUL

We knew you’d like that.

EDGAR

How long has this been going on?

PAUL

Like, six months?

BOBBY

SIX MONTHS??? It’s been going on

six months and you didn’t tell me??

PAUL

Well, we didn’t know how serious it

would get.

BOBBY

Serious? You didn’t know how

serious it would get? How serious

can it be? I mean, what are you

gonna do next? Tell your

grandmother?

SMASH CUT:

INT. COUNTRY HOUSE, GEORGIA25 25

The PHONE RINGS in a country house in Georgia. A CHARMING OLD

LADY, PAUL’S GRANDMA, answers the phone.

13.

14.

PAUL’S GRANDMA

Hello?

PAUL

Hi Grandma!

PAUL’S GRANDMA

Oh hi sweetie!

PAUL

Gram, Peter and I have some news.

PAUL’S GRANDMA

Yes?

PAUL

Well, this is something I’ve

dreamed of telling you for a long

time but... Peter and I are jointly

fucking a third person!!!

Paul’s grandma screams in joy!!

PAUL’S GRANDMA

Oh my goodness!!! Oh honey,

congratulations! Joe, it’s Paul! He

and Paul are jointly fucking

someone else!

PAUL’S GRANDPA

Oh how wonderful! It’s a throuple!

CUT BACK TO THE DINNER: 26 26

PETER

Look, Paul and I are always the

priority. Marty knows he’s just a

special guest and that nothing is

going to change that.

BOBBY

A special guest? You’re fucking him

- it’s not Bob Newhart doing 3

episodes of The Big Bang Theory.

PAUL

We’ll be fine. We trust each other

enough to do this.

BOBBY

Wow. I don’t think I could ever

trust anyone that much.

14.

(MORE)

15.

PAUL

That’s sad.

BOBBY

It’s sad? That I don’t want to be

in a thrupple? I don’t even want to

be in a couple! Just be careful.

You’re my friends and I love you

and it’s a slippery slope. We’re

men. Men dating men. Love is not

love. We are selfish and horny and

stupid. I am too! Someone called

into my show the other day and

asked me why I’m still single. You

wanna know why? Because I’ve been

gay my whole life and I don’t trust

these gay motherfuckers.

PETER

Well you might want to see a

therapist because that’s fucked up.

BOBBY

Wait, why do I need to see a

therapist? Because I don’t need to

be in a relationship? Oh because

you guys think that means I have

some deep rooted issues or

something - but I don’t. I’m fine!

I am perfectly fine! Maybe you’re

the ones with issues. Ohhh - ever

think about that?

PAUL

Bobby -

BOBBY

Maybe you’re the ones who are

judgmental about me and my life!

With your triplets and your

thrupples! Well great, maybe now

all the thrupples can babysit all

the triplets!

PETER

Bobby, I didn’t mean -

BOBBY

You think you’re so progressive?

Let me tell you something - with

your open marriages and your babies

and your thrupples - I think maybe

the most progressive thing you can

be is alone! That’s radical!

(MORE)

15.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

(MORE)

16.

You want me to support your

marriages, fine! But then you have

to support me - a happily single,

not co-dependent, basically

celibate person on Twitter!

TINA

And are you happy?

BOBBY

I am happy. I am a very happy

person.

A teenage girl approaches.

TEENAGE GIRL

Mr. Leiber, I’m sorry, I love your

podcast, can I get a selfie?

BOBBY

Sure!

Bobby switches on a scary over the top smile for the selfie.

He looks insane. The girl snaps her pic and walks away.

Bobby’s face switches back to a despondent expression.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Shit I’m late. I told Henry I’d

meet him at this party. I wanted to

run home and change first. Fuck.

TINA

Aren’t you just going to take your

shirts off anyway?

BOBBY

No! This is not 2003. You have a

very cliched view of what gay men

do at a party.

INT. DANCE CLUB - NIGHT 27 27

The dance floor at the club is filled with shirtless men.

Bobby stands in his turtleneck with his best friend HENRY.

BOBBY

So what app is this for again?

HENRY

It’s a new hookup app my company is

launching. We’ve had Grindr, we’ve

had Tinder, and now we have

Zellweger.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

(MORE)

16.

HENRY (CONT'D)

17.

It’s for gay guys who want to

obsess about actresses and then

jerk each other off. Can you

believe Grindr has been around for

13 years?

BOBBY

Wow. Grindr, the 9/11 of romance.

Time flies when you’re pretending

it’s fun.

HENRY

Bobby I had sex with a 60 year old.

BOBBY

60??

HENRY

I didn’t know! He didn’t have an

age on his profile! He was nice -

great body. And he had this big

grey beard. I felt like Mrs. Claus!

ANGLE ON THE DANCE FLOOR where everyone stares down at their

phones, swiping. In a sea of heads all looking down, Aaron

Shepard looks up at Bobby. It’s brief but their eyes connect.

HENRY (CONT'D)

There’s that guy Aaron.

BOBBY

I don’t know who that is.

HENRY

He’s at the gym sometimes. He’s

so hot but so boring.

BOBBY

Well, what else is new?

HENRY

Oh my god - that’s the 60 year old!

They watch the 60 year old with the long grey beard dance.

BOBBY

That body. My god. He’s ripped.

HENRY

I know! It's like if someone

injected steroids into Dumbledore.

HENRY (CONT'D)

17.

18.

Suddenly, Aaron appears next to Bobby. He is SHIRTLESS and in

jeans, with a ripped body and a baseball cap. He initiates

conversation but he is quiet and seems shy.

AARON

Hey. What’s up.

BOBBY

Hey. What’s up.

HENRY

Oh hey. Aaron, this is Bobby. Want

a drink? I’m getting a ShitRocket.

BOBBY

A Shitrocket? What’s that?

HENRY

It’s like a Redbull but stronger.

BOBBY

Oh. Terrible name.

HENRY

Yeah. They’re sponsoring the party.

BOBBY

Oh. Shitrocket and vodka I guess.

Henry dances off. Aaron stands there hiding under a baseball

cap, nodding subtly to the beat.

AARON

Not a club guy?

BOBBY

No, I like clubs.

Beat. They stare out at guys dancing on the dance floor.

AARON

You look angry.

BOBBY

I do? I’m not. That’s just how I

look. People always tell me I look

angry but I’m not. I’m not angry.

AARON

I think I saw you fall down at

World War I cardio.

18.

19.

BOBBY

Ah. Yes. Thanks for reminding me.

It’s a beautiful legacy. We’re all

just very proud.

Beat.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

I hear you’re extremely boring.

AARON

What? Who said that? I’m not boring.

BOBBY

I don’t know. A lot of people.

AARON

Oh. That sucks.

BOBBY

No, I’m just kidding. Sorry I’m

really bad at flirting. And I’m

also the type of person who tells

you I’m flirting, which is so sexy.

AARON

Oh, that’s ok. Why are you flirting?

BOBBY

Why am I flirting? Um... I don’t

know. I do not know.

AARON

Well I’m not that boring. I’m just

shy sometimes.

BOBBY

Ohhh yeah, you look really shy.

AARON

Why do you assume you know about

me?

BOBBY

You came up to me and said I look

angry! Look it’s fine. If you’re a

basic bitch, be a basic bitch.

You’re certainly not alone here and

if I looked like you, I’d probably

be a basic bitch too.

AARON

You’re really bad at flirting.

19.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 20.

BOBBY

I’m not flirting anymore.

AARON

I think you are.

BOBBY

Oh God. Anyway...what do you do?

AARON

Like, for work? I’m an estate

planner. I write people’s wills.

BOBBY

Oh, interesting. Do you like that?

AARON

Yeah, sure. When I was a kid,

whenever I would meet someone the

first thing I would think is who’s

this person gonna leave their shit

to when they die. I really wanted

to be part of the legal logistics

of that.

Bobby laughs.

BOBBY

Actually the head of The LGBTQ *

Senior Center called me and was *

looking for someone with your

skills to do some pro bono work for

them.

AARON

What’s that? *

BOBBY

It’s the community center for LGBTQ

senior citizens. We’ve never had as

many openly gay seniors as we do

right now. And there are some very

specific issues that pop up around

LGBTQ death!

AARON

Sounds really fun.

Bobby points to someone on the dance floor.

BOBBY

Wow, that man will just not stop

vogue-ing. He’s been vogue-ing since

we got here. Several hours now.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 20.

21.

They both laugh. Aaron notices a ripped go-go boy dressed as

a baseball player dancing on top of a small stage.

AARON

That guy’s hot.

BOBBY

He is.

AARON

I’m supposed to fuck him and his

boyfriend later.

BOBBY

Oh. Cool. That must be hard for

such a shy person. My god look at

your abs. You’re like a tortoise.

AARON

I’m like a tortoise?

BOBBY

Yeah. And that’s your pretty,

protective shell that everyone

likes and that you can hide in when

you’re feeling scared and shy.

AARON

Harsh.

BOBBY

Are you on steroids?

AARON

Ha. No.

Bobby looks at Aaron’s body. He can’t help but be attracted

to him. Similarly, even though Bobby is a bit of a dick,

Aaron is amused and drawn to his directness.

AARON (CONT'D)

You having fun?

BOBBY

I mean, I guess. I’m 42. If I was

straight I’d be home right now,

getting fat on my couch, dealing

with kids or, I don’t know, doing

whatever straight white people do.

I think they sit at home watching

things with Jason Bateman.

Aaron laughs. Bobby laughs too. They clink Shitrockets.

21.

(MORE)

22.

AARON

I listen to your podcast.

BOBBY

Ohhhh. So is that why you’re

talking to me? Cause I’m famous?

AARON

You’re not really that famous.

Aaron winks at him. Bobby is offended. He looks at the dance

floor. And when he turns back around, Aaron’s gone.

BOBBY

Where did he go? (he looks around,

doesn’t see Aaron). Oh my god.

Henry returns.

HENRY

Where’d he go?

BOBBY

I don’t know! I hate these people.

(Bobby starts singing) “I hate

these people! I hate everyone here!

I mean I love them as a community!

But I hate them individually!”

JUMP CUT TO LATER: 28 28

Bobby’s at the bar. Aaron appears.

BOBBY

Hey. Where’d you go?

AARON

I don’t know. Nowhere.

BOBBY

Who you here with?

AARON

My usual crew.

Aaron points out a group of bro-y buff dudes, most shirtless.

BOBBY

Oh all your boring friends!

AARON

You’re an asshole. They all do

really well actually.

(MORE)

22.

AARON (CONT'D)

23.

The one doing poppers is the global

head of marketing for Ralph Lauren.

BOBBY

Oh! Well if anyone deserves to blow

off some steam!

They watch a guy in a leather harness dancing with a fan.

AARON

Gay guys are so stupid.

BOBBY

Oh my God, I know! I. know! Gay

guys are usually the absolute

smartest or, like, the dumbest

people I’ve ever met. But we’ve

been smart enough to brand

ourselves as being smart and

clever.

AARON

Yup. I’ve hooked up with guys and

then after I’ll make a joke or say

something sarcastic and the guy

does not understand that I am

making a joke. Literally does. not.

understand. satire.

BOBBY

I love you. I’ve never been in love

with anyone in my life but you’re

the first one.

AARON

Can I be honest? I think we’re

moving too slowly!

Bobby tries to kiss Aaron. Aaron turns to avoid it. Suddenly

the lights strobe. Aaron is gone.

INT. DANCE FLOOR 29 29

HENRY

What were you and Aaron talking

about for so long?

BOBBY

Oh just about how a lot of gay guys

are secretly really stupid!

HENRY

Oh! How fabulous!

AARON (CONT'D)

23.

24.

HARNESS GUY WITH A FAN

WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bobby’s face gets hit repeatedly by the harness guy’s fan.

Bobby

Hey! Can you watch it with your

enormous fan? (to Henry) He keeps

ghosting me. We’re having a good

time and then he disappears.

Suddenly Aaron passes by. Bobby makes a move towards him.

HENRY

Bobby, let it go. He’s a dick.

BOBBY

No! I will not let it go! I do not

let things go.

The harness guy dances up to Bobby again.

HARNESS GUY WITH FAN

(to Bobby)

Why aren’t you dancing???

BOBBY

Would you leave me alone? I’m

dancing ok? What do you want me to

do, the fucking Nutcracker Suite?

Bobby bounds towards Aaron, who’s with the baseball player guy.

AARON

Hey. What’s up?

BOBBY

What’s up? I tried to kiss you and

you wouldn’t kiss me back. Is

what’s up.

AARON

I’m sorry. I told you I’m shy.

BOBBY

Oh please. You’re not shy. What are

you into? Some boring, ripped dude

with no opinions?

AARON

No I like someone who’s physically

very frail and won’t stop talking.

24.

25.

Bobby goes for the kiss. After a slight hesitation, Aaron

leans into it and kisses him back. It’s an intense kiss.

BOBBY

Come home with me.

AARON

I can’t.

BOBBY

Why? Cause you have fuck the fake

baseball player and his husband?

AARON

I don’t know what to tell you.

Bobby’s fed up and turns to leave. Aaron calls after him.

AARON (CONT'D)

Hey! Take my number.

BOBBY

Absolutely not.

AARON

Why?

BOBBY

Why? Because I’m one of the smart

ones, asshole. What a shock -

you’re an emotionally unavailable

gay man. Join the club. No one’s

more emotionally unavailable than

me! No one! I pride myself on that.

Here’s my number if you wanna hang.

Or not. As Humphrey Bogart said to

Ingrid Bergman at the end of

Casablanca, “sext me when you’re

drunk!”

Bobby turns to leave and is caught in a group of intense

vogue dancers who refuse to stop vogue-ing in his face.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Oh god, they cannot stop vogue-ing!

They cannot stop vogue-ing! Excuse

me, I’m sorry, I know you’re vogue-

ing but can I please go home?!

Bobby busts through the dancers and runs out of the club.

25.

26.

INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT NIGHT30 30

Bobby swipes through Grindr and texts with a new guy. You’ve

Got Mail plays on basic cable in the background.

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

WHATS UP?

BOBBY TEXT

NOT MUCH. U?

Bobby gets bored of the same texting routine.

BOBBY TEXT (CONT'D)

US TEXTING EACH OTHER ANONYMOUSLY.

IT’S JUST LIKE YOU’VE GOT MAIL!

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

HAHA. LOL. DICK PIC?

BOBBY TEXT

LOL. SORRY, NO. THINK ABOUT YOU’VE

GOT MAIL - MEG RYAN WOULD NEVER

SEND U A PICTURE OF HER GENITALIA.

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

HAHA. LOLOL. CAN I SEE UR ASS?

BOBBY TEXT

DON’T HAVE ASS PIC, SORRY.

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

NEED TO SEE ASS PIC THO!

BOBBY TEXT

DON’T HAVE ASS PIC!!!

HANDSOME GRINDR GUY TEXT

NOT GONNA MEET UNLESS U SEND ASS

PIC! MUST SEE PIC OF ASS!

INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER31 31

In a panic, Bobby takes a series of ass photos in the mirror.

He looks at the pics. His ass looks blown out and flat.

BOBBY

It’s too fucking flat!

He stretches his arm as far as possible while bending over to

find a better angle. He falls over while taking it. Bobby

then furiously shaves his butt with an electric razor. He

cuts his ass cheek - now he’s bleeding.

26.

(MORE)

27.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

MY FUCKING ASS IS BLEEDING? NO! HOW

AM I GONNA SHIT NOW? NO FUCKING or

SHITTING?! I CAN’T FUCK! I CAN’T

SHIT! I’M NOT A PERSON! GODDAMMIT!

Bobby frantically shaves a hairy shoulder. He only shaves one

shoulder to save time. He poses seductively and takes a pic.

INT - BOBBY’S LIVING ROOM - A FEW MOMENTS LATER 32 32

BOBBY TEXT

TOOK THIS JUST FOR YOU, BRO.

Beat. Bobby has been blocked.

BOBBY

HE BLOCKED ME???

Bobby sinks into the couch, totally defeated. There’s a

“Christmas in June” Hallheart holiday movie marathon on TV.

HALLHEART ANNOUNCER (O.S.)

Hallheart proudly presents our

first bisexual holiday film, the

award winning “Christmas With

Either,” part of our holiday movie

marathon.

Bobby crawls into a fetal position and watches it.

INT. AARON'S OFFICE - NEXT MORNING 33 33

Aaron sits across from a new client MELVIN FUNK, a wealthy,

very blunt, older gay man with a chip on his shoulder.

AARON

How can I help you today, Mr. Funk?

MELVIN

I need to adjust my will. I will no

longer be giving any money to my

sister.

AARON

Alright. May I ask why?

MELVIN

Because I hate her. She’s a

terrible person. And I hate her

husband too. Also can’t stand my

niece. 7 years old. Hateful.

(MORE)

27.

MELVIN (CONT'D)

28.

Also, I’m dying. I have pancreatic

cancer.

AARON

I’m so sorry to hear that.

MELVIN FUNK

So I need to figure out where my

money goes.

AARON

Any spouse or child? Family member

or friend you’re close with?

MELVIN FUNK

No, no and no.

AARON

Well, sometimes it helps to close

your eyes and think of who really

means the most to you.

MELVIN closes his eyes for 3 seconds and opens them.

AARON (CONT'D)

Who is it?

MELVIN FUNK

Honestly? Cher.

AARON

Oh. Ok. So...you want to leave

$100,000 dollars to.. Cher?

AARON’S RECEPTIONIST

Mr. Shepard, I’m sorry to

interrupt. Mrs. Bailey passed away.

MELVIN FUNK

God, this is so depressing.

AARON

I’m sorry, Melvin, I can’t imagine

what you’re going through.

MELVIN FUNK

I mean your job. What a downer.

INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT MORNING34 34

Bobby wakes up suddenly. His phone buzzes.

MELVIN (CONT'D)

28.

29.

AARON TEXT

HEY WHATS UP.

Bobby doesn’t recognize the number. Another text...

AARON TEXT (CONT'D)

IT’S AARON. HOW’S GRINDR?

BOBBY TEXT

A DREAM. I SPENT 45 MINUTES TAKING

A PICTURE OF MY OWN ASS.

INT. AARON'S OFFICE - INTERCUT 35 35

AARON TEXT

DID U HOOK UP?

Bobby thinks about his reply and lies.

BOBBY TEXT

YUP.

AARON TEXT

NICE BRO. YOU MUST HAVE A HOT ASS.

BOBBY TEXT

YES I MUST. HOW R U? HOW WAS GROUP

SEX WITH THAT FAUX-CHICAGO CUB?

AARON TEXT

IT WAS FUN. THEY INVITED ME BACK

TOMORROW. THEIR SURROGATE IS

PREGNANT AND THEY’RE HAVING A

GENDER REVEAL ORGY. U SHOULD JOIN.

BOBBY

A GENDER REVEAL ORGY. JAMES BALDWIN

WOULD BE SO PROUD.

AARON

LOL. I WOKE UP LAUGHING ABOUT U SO

RUDELY CALLING ME OUT ON MY SHIT.

BOBBY TEXT

YOU DESERVED IT, BITCH. HONESTLY

I’M IMPRESSED - YOU MIGHT BE MORE

EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE THAN I AM!

AARON TEXT

WELL MAYBE WE CAN BE EMOTIONALLY

UNAVAILABLE TOGETHER...

29.

30.

BOBBY TEXT

“MAYBE WE CAN BE EMOTIONALLY

UNAVAILABLE TOGETHER?” WHO’S

WRITING YOUR TEXTS? MAROON 5?

AARON

FUCK OFF.

BOBBY

JK! IF U WANNA HANG OUT, LET’S HANG

OUT. WERE U ASKING ME TO HANG OUT?

AARON

I’M DOWN FOR WHATEVER.

BOBBY

OK. SAME.

AARON

COOL.

BOBBY

SOUNDS GOOD.

AARON

SO...TOMORROW? OR I CAN DO

WHENEVER.

BOBBY

YEAH I’M GOOD FOR WHENEVER. AND WE

CAN DO WHATEVER.

AARON

YEAH I DON’T CARE WHAT WE DO.

BOBBY

YEAH ME NEITHER.

AARON

SO... TOMORROW? AND HONESTLY WE CAN

DO WHATEVER.

BOBBY

YEAH. I CAN DO WHATEVER AND I CAN

DO IT WHENEVER. THAT WORK FOR YOU?

AARON

YEAH DEFINITELY THAT WORKS.

BOBBY

TEXT IN THE MORNING AND SEE HOW WE

FEEL?

30.

31.

AARON

COOL. AND IF TOMORROW DOESN’T WORK

WE CAN DO IT ANOTHER TIME.

BOBBY

YEAH ANOTHER TIME DEFINITELY WORKS

FOR ME.

AARON

YEAH ME TOO.

BOBBY

SOUNDS GOOD.

Aaron and Bobby both stare at their phones utterly confused.

EXT. CHURCH - AFTERNOON36 36

Bobby and Aaron walk by a church with stained glass windows.

AARON

Those windows are pretty.

BOBBY

Which? Oh. Wow, I have walked by

here like 9000 times in my life and

I have never noticed those.

AARON

Really? What else are you missing?

BOBBY

Churches creep me out.

AARON

The windows are pretty though.

BOBBY

Yeah, I have a hard time

forgetting about the other stuff.

You think stained glass windows

have ever included gay couples?

AARON

I’m gonna say no.

BOBBY

Exactly. History has erased gay

love stories so we don't grow up

learning how to love each other. I

did a whole Ted Talk about it.

31.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 32-33.

AARON

I’m sure you did. I had an idea for a

show called The Masked Ted Talk. It’s

a combination of the Masked Singer

and a Ted Talk, so like you’d have a

person giving a speech about female

empowerment but they’re dressed like

a giant caterpillar.

BOBBY

You’re, like, secretly very funny.

AARON

Thanks. I usually keep those things

to myself but I thought you might

appreciate it.

OMITTEDA37 A37*

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 32-33.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 34.

EXT. STREET - LATER THAT DAYB37 B37

Bobby & Aaron walk and talk.

AARON

You grew up here, right? Your

parents still in the city?

BOBBY

No, my parents both passed away

actually.

AARON

Oh I’m sorry.

BOBBY

Yeah, thanks. It wasn’t recent. My

mom died when I was in college and

my dad died like 7 years ago- A BEE

A BEE A BEE A BEE A BEE A BEE!

Suddenly a bee is flying very close to Bobby’s face and lands

on him. He panics. He’s flailing and trying to swat it.

AARON

Stop swatting - you’ll kill it!

BOBBY

That’s what I want to do!

AARON

The bees are dying. Don’t you read?

BOBBY

Yes, about gay stuff and movies!

Bobby freezes in a very awkward position. Aaron gently

removes the bee from the back of his neck and sets it free.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 34.

(MORE)

35.

AARON

See? No reason to kill it.

BOBBY

Well, I’m sure you’re very turned

on now watching me flail around

like the one white dancer in In the

Heights.

AARON

Sorry, I’m a big animal person.

BOBBY

So, what should we do now? Movie?

AARON

Sure. What’s your favorite movie of

all time?

BOBBY

My favorite movie of all time? I

don’t have a favorite movie. What

am I, twelve years old? Why, what’s

your favorite movie?

AARON

I don’t know. Maybe...The Hangover?

BOBBY

The Hangover?! The Hangover is your

favorite movie of all time? How

many movies have you seen? One?

AARON

It’s a funny movie!

BOBBY

Kinda! And do you remember one of

the first lines in that movie?

BOBBY (CONT'D)

“Paging Dr. Faggot!”

AARON

“Paging Dr. Faggot!”

BOBBY (CONT'D)

That’s right. “Paging Dr. Faggot”

is the first line of the highest

grossing comedy of 2009. And no one

ever talks about it! We’re just

supposed to laugh it off. That

whole era of weird bro comedies was

so fucked up.

(MORE)

35.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 36.

And they say “well that’s how guys

like that talked.” And I’m like, oh

yeah, you know why people liked The

Hangover? Historical Accuracy. But

then I’m lame if I complain about

it!

AARON

You’re very intense.

BOBBY

Yes.

AARON

Life’s too short to take it that

seriously.

BOBBY

Really? I think life’s too short

not to take it that seriously.

Bobby notices the movie poster for The Treasure Inside.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Oh, The Treasure Inside. It’s

supposed to be really good. (TBD

Prestigious Actor) and Nick play *

closeted frontiersmen in Jonas the *

California Gold Rush of 1849. Of

course it has to be two straight

guys. Straight guys are always

allowed to play gay and gay men are

hardly ever allowed to play

straight. They’re worried the

audience won’t believe it. And I’m

like - look at the shit people

believe! Star Wars, Transformers,

Spider Man - people won’t believe a

gay man can play straight but they

believe in fucking Chewbacca?

AARON

So do you want to see it or not?

BOBBY

Of course! I’m dying to!

INT. MOVIE THEATER - MOMENTS LATER37 37*

Bobby and Aaron watch trailer for an animated movie A *

DIFFERENT DANNY. *

THEN LATER-- *

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 36.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 36A.

ANGLE ON TBD our two Prestigious Actors in the back of a *

barn. Actor 2 draws water from a well, wiping his face with *

his shirt.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 36A.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 37.

Actor 1 reaches behind Actor 2 and helps him pump the water. *

It gradually becomes subtly sexual.

ACTOR 1 *

What brings ya to Treasure, Oregon?

ACTOR 2 *

I’m here with the traveling opera.

ACTOR 1 *

I don’t care much for op-er-a.

ACTOR 2 *

Neither did I at first.

Suddenly Actor 2 pulls away. *

ACTOR 2 *(CONT'D)

What are you doing?

ACTOR 1 *

I don’t know.

They kiss and fall to the ground, about to have anal sex.

BOBBY

No lube?

AARON

I don’t think they had lube in 1849.

They didn’t even have, like, highways.

BOBBY

I’m going to call it. As soon as

penetration happens the camera is

going to sensitively drift away.

Actor 1 is about to penetrate Actor 2. Actor 2 screams in *

pain/ecstasy and the camera sensitively drifts away.

AARON

Shit! You called it!

An older straight woman turns around and shushes them.

STRAIGHT OLDER WOMAN

Shhh!!! How rude!

BOBBY

Oh, you know what lady? We only get

one movie about gay people a year.

The least you can do is let me rip

it to shreds!

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 37.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 38.

ANGLE ON THE SCREEN: Actor 2 enters Actor 1’s barn. *

TBD PRESTIGIOUS ACTOR

Git. Git out. Just git. Git.

MUSIC CUE: “Che Gelida Manina” from La Bohème. Actor 1 runs *

away, tears in his eyes, through a field.

Bobby and Aaron tear up, but hide it from each other. The

lights come up.

STRAIGHT OLDER WOMAN

That was brilliant. Just brilliant.

INT. MOVIE THEATER LOBBY - MOMENTS LATER - NIGHT38 38

BOBBY

Well, it got me in the end.

AARON

Yeah. But why does it always have

to be so tragic?

BOBBY

I don’t know. Philadelphia,

Moonlight, Milk, Brokeback - happy

endings don’t win Oscars. People

love seeing us miserable.

JOSH EVANS, a handsome, very bro-y dude, and a WOMAN approach.

JOSH

Wait - Aaron Shepard?!

AARON

Josh Evans?? Holy shit! Sup, dude?

Haven’t seen you in forfuckingever!

JOSH

Aaron and I played hockey in high

school! This is my fiancé Samantha.

SAMANTHA

Hey!

AARON

Nice to meet you. This is Bobby.

BOBBY

Nice to meet you. We just saw The

Treasure Inside. Which if you do

not want to see gay sex I highly

recommend.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 38.

39.

JOSH

Oh. Ok. Nice.

AARON

Just some dumb movie.

SAMANTHA

Oh wait - I wanna see that! Gay

guys are my jam.

Bobby grimaces at that.

AARON

What’re you doing here?

JOSH

Just on a little trip! First time

in NY actually. This city is sick!

BOBBY

This is your first time in New York

and you’re going to a movie?

JOSH

Yeah. Deadpool 7 just opened!

BOBBY

Deadpool 7? Weren’t there only 2?

JOSH

Yeah! They skipped right to 7! Ryan

Reynolds is fucking crazy like that!

SAMANTHA

Ryan Reynolds is such a badass.

BOBBY

He really is.

AARON

Sounds awesome! Good seeing ya bro!

JOSH

You too bro. Nice meeting you, Bob.

BOBBY

Bob?

Josh and Samantha head off.

AARON

Jesus. That’s so crazy. I never run

into anyone from home.

39.

40.

BOBBY

Totally, bro. Just some dumb movie, bro.

AARON

He’s a dude from my tiny high

school who I played hockey with 800

years ago. I wasn’t about to get

into a dissertation on gay cinema.

BOBBY

No, I get it. No I thought he was

sick, I thought he was just

extremely sick. They were both very

lovely, very sick people.

AARON

God I had the biggest crush on him

in high school.

BOBBY

Of course you did! Dumb, bro-y,

straight acting men! Like I said!

EXT. BOBBY’S BUILDING - LATER 39 39

They approach Bobby’s building. Bobby gestures to it.

BOBBY

Well, like the bearded lady in the

Greatest Showman, this is me.

They look at each other. As Bobby goes in for a kiss, Aaron

points out Bobby’s doorman.

AARON

Dude. Your doorman.

BOBBY

C’mon, let’s not be the guys in the

movie who only kiss in the bottom

of a mine in what is now Oregon.

Aaron gets a text. It’s a hot pic of the faux-baseball player

and his husband. He shows Bobby the pic.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

The faux Chicago Cub?

AARON

Yeah, his husband just sent this.

BOBBY

Whoa. They are really hot.

40.

41.

AARON

Yeah. Mike and Doug. They’re just

these big, rugged, roided out

meatheads. Not the brightest but...

sweet guys. You wanna go over there?

BOBBY

Now? Wait - are you ditching me

again to fuck the baseball

cosplayer and his husband?

AARON

I’m not ditching you, I’m inviting

you! They want us to come over. You

should come!

BOBBY

What? No. I thought you were gonna

come upstairs.

AARON

Look, I don’t do the one on one

relationship thing very well. If I

come upstairs, it becomes a whole

thing. You should just come with me.

Seriously, it would be fun!

BOBBY

What? No. Are you crazy? See this

is why I don’t get involved -

because you people are insane. I

thought this was a date and then

we’d - anyway, whatever. I

appreciate the invite but I can’t.

AARON

Ok. Maybe another time.

BOBBY

Ok. Well... have fun! Goodnight!

Aaron turns and walks away. He looks down at the pic of the

hot couple and then turns around and shouts back at Bobby.

AARON

Bobby! Wait!

INT. - AN APT. 40 40

MUSIC CUE: “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. Tight on Bobby and Aaron

making out tenderly. They talk sweetly, almost whispering.

41.

42.

BOBBY

Hey, I had a really nice time today.

AARON

Me too.

BOBBY

I never go on dates but it was fun.

AARON

Yeah. I had a great time too.

We hear light slurping sounds and pull out to reveal the

baseball player and his husband on their knees sucking Aaron

off. Bobby sits there naked and uncomfortable right next to

them, with his hands folded covering his privates.

BOBBY

(whispering, to Aaron)

Hey, I’m gonna go.

AARON

Is everything ok? Is this weird?

BOBBY

Oh no, no, totally fine, I’m just

gonna go.

Bobby puts on his clothes and leaves.

INT. TINA AND EDGAR’S HOUSE - DAY41 41

TINA

Thanks for coming. We’re convinced

Brian is gay and I think it’s good for

him to have his gay uncle around.

BOBBY

Of course! I will always be here to

be a good guncle to my g’nephew.

BRIAN and his sister HANNAH run in, ages 8 and 5.

BRIAN

Uncle Bobby, will you read my

report? It’s about Freddie Mercury.

TINA

He’s obsessed with Bohemian Rhapsody.

42.

(MORE)

43.

BOBBY

Wow. And like that movie does your

report take a story about one of

the great gay icons and make it

about that one time he maybe slept

with a woman?

TINA

Bobby. He’s eight. Plus I thought

Freddie Mercury was bi.

Bobby rolls his eyes. He keeps checking his phone.

TINA (CONT'D)

What are those gifs of Liam

Hemsworth?

BOBBY

This guy I went out with won’t stop

bothering me.

TINA

A guy? Really? A Grindr guy?

BOBBY

Nope. I met him in real life.

TINA

Bobby! That’s fantastic. So when

are you seeing him again?

BOBBY

Probably never. He’s like this

wannabe “bro”, you know? He’s smart

but it’s like he never got over

wanting to be this dude. And I see

the guys he looks at. They’re all

like him. And that’s not me.

EDGAR

Is he a top or a bottom?

HANNAH

Bottom! Bottom!

Hannah starts doing a dance where she shakes her bottom.

TINA

Oooh bottom dance!

BOBBY

Oh God. Gay sex was more fun when

straight people were uncomfortable

with it. Fuckin’ Schitt’s Creek.

(MORE)

43.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

44.

Maybe we should stop talking about

anal sex in front of your children.

TINA

Oh please, it’s a natural part of

life! Bobby - ask him out again! You

never like anyone - give it a shot!

BOBBY

I do need a plus one for this work thing.

EDGAR

A work thing? With lots of

celebrities and fancy people? You

gonna peacock to impress him?

BOBBY

No, it’s just a fundraiser for the

museuem and I need to bring

someone.

TINA

Are you gonna be on stage?

BOBBY

No, I am not going to be on stage.

Who do you think I am? Some sort of

narcissistic sociopath?

INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM - NIGHT42 42

Bobby is on stage hosting a fundraising party for the Museum.

Aaron sits in the crowd, a bit shy and uncomfortable but

clearly mesmerized by Bobby and the event.

BOBBY

Ok, let’s hear it once more for

John Legend and Chrissy Teigen,

who insisted on coming and

performing tonight without even

being asked! They literally just

showed up and refused to leave!

Everyone, there are rock paintings

in Zimbabwe that date back to the

year 8000 BCE which depict

homosexuality. If only the men on

those paintings could’ve lived

10,000 years to see a character

come out on It’s Always Sunny in

Philadelphia. Please give

generously so the Museum can tell

all the stories in between that

have never been told. Goodnight!

BOBBY (CONT'D)

44.

45.

ANGLE ON: Aaron who sits at a table with other board members.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Hey - are you ok? Sorry I left you

alone. You wanna see the Museum?

AARON

Are you sure? We can stay.

BOBBY

No, let’s just go. Before Andy

Cohen tries to steal you away from

me. He has a four year old - you

don’t need that baggage.

INT. MUSEUM LOBBY - CONTINUED. 43 43

AARON

Dude, you were awesome. I could

never do that. Speak in front of

all those people? You run in some

fancy circles, I didn’t realize.

BOBBY

It’s not always that glamorous. You

should see the fights we have. I’m

dreading tomorrow. I’m pitching my

Lincoln exhibit for the final wing.

How’s work for you?

AARON

Fine. Dealing with a very sad rich

man, Melvin Funk. He’s dying. And

he has no idea who to leave his

money to cause he’s totally alone.

BOBBY

God, that’s so sad.

AARON

Yep. So that’s what I do.

BOBBY

Maybe you should do something else.

AARON

Nah. It’s fine.

BOBBY

Yeah it’s fine if you wanna hate

your life and be miserable. Oh

wait, let’s go this way.

45.

46.

INT. FUTURE LGBTQ MUSEUM - THE AIDS MEMORIAL 44 44

Bobby walks Aaron into a room with a gigantic electronic wall

dedicated to those who have died of AIDS.

INT. LGBT MUSEUM - THE LEGENDS PAVILION45 45

They walk through beautiful displays of photos and artifacts.

BOBBY

This is the Legends Pavilion.

Unsung heroes from LGBTQ history.

This is We’wha, a revered

transgender Native American “two-

spirit” from the Zuni tribe in the

1800’s. She was accused of

witchcraft and sent to prison.

(moving on)

Magnus Hirschfeld was a doctor who

founded the Sex Institute of Berlin

in the 1930s, which carried out the

first advocacy for LGBTQ rights. It

was burned to the ground and

destroyed by the Nazis.

(moving on)

This is Bayard Rustin, a close

adviser to Dr. Martin Luther King

and chief organizer of the March on

Washington. Rustin was openly gay,

even in the face of some homophobes

in the Civil Rights Movement, who

at one point set up a committee to

determine whether it was worth

keeping him around. What do you

think? Incredible, right?

AARON

It’s like all AIDS and Nazis and

homophobia. It’s a bit of a downer.

BOBBY

Well it’s a painful history. People

need to experience it.

AARON

I’m just giving you my reaction.

BOBBY

Well what did you think it was going

to be, “A Night at the Gay Museum?”

46.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 47.

AARON

You laugh, but every one of my

relatives loves that movie. You

should maybe do something like that

where the things talk at you.

BOBBY

Where the things talk at you? Like

what? A hologram of Kenan Thompson *

as James Baldwin? Seth Meyers as *

Harvey Milk? Amy Schumer as Eleanor *

Roosevelt? *

AARON

Honestly people would love that shit!

BOBBY

No offense but that’s the dumbest

thing I’ve ever heard.

Wanda and Angela run into the hall.

WANDA

Bobby! We have Debra Messing’s

agent on Zoom. It’s urgent. Debra’s

worried she’s on the verge of

getting cancelled. She said in an

interview that she was “the Viola

Davis of Tufts” and people are mad.

He said she may want to make a big

donation to the Museum to save

face. And she’s loaded.

BOBBY

Oh my God! Ok I’m coming. Aaron,

I’ll be back in 5!

Bobby leaves. Aaron sees himself reflected in the glass of an

empty display, seeing himself in the context of history and

all these icons. In his mind’s eye the display’s blank plaque

changes to: “POPULAR ON GRINDR. HATED HIS JOB. WORKED OUT A

LOT.” WIDE SHOT of Aaron alone in this beautiful exhibit

surrounded by heroes. He feels small and lost in comparison.

INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM - THE LEGENDS PAVILION 46 46

Bobby runs back in to find Aaron. Aaron is gone.

BOBBY

Aaron? Where are you?

Bobby looks at his phone.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 47.

48.

AARON TEXT

SORRY. HAD TO GO. C U.

BOBBY TEXT

EVERYTHING OK?

Aaron doesn’t reply. Bobby calls him. Aaron doesn’t pick up.

BOBBY

Fuck!!!

INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM BOARDROOM - THE NEXT MORNING 47 47

A distracted Bobby sits with the board before his Lincoln pitch.

The board waits impatiently as he texts Aaron again. We see his

phone as he scrolls through multiple unanswered texts.

WANDA

Bobby! Whenever you’re ready.

BOBBY

Oh. Ok great. Um -

Bobby sits up and pulls it together to begin his pitch.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

People wonder if America is ready

for its first gay President - I say

we already had one. For the final

wing, please consider The Lincoln

Letters: A Gay American Love Story.

For years, historians have

speculated about Lincoln’s

sexuality. He shared a bed and

exchanged romantic letters with two

different men, Joshua Speed and

David Derrickson, Speed for many

years-

ROBERT

I’m stopping you. It won’t work,

Bobby. You can’t say Lincoln was

gay.

WANDA

Well, I think it’s interesting. And

why not be a little controversial?

ROBERT

Because there’s not enough

evidence.

48.

48A.

BOBBY

Well there you have it - no

evidence of love! Of course we

don’t have enough evidence Robert -

we weren’t allowed to exist!

ROBERT

Lincoln was married to a woman and

had three children. He wasn’t gay,

Bobby - at most he was bi!

48A.

49.

ANGELA

Well if you ask me, Lincoln is just

another cis white man.

CHERRY

Just another cis white man? He’s

Abraham Lincoln!

ANGELA

Not according to @wokecunt.

BOBBY

Who the hell is @wokecunt?

ROBERT

A hugely popular TikTok historian.

WANDA

Gigantic influencer.

TAMARA

@wokecunt is my hero.

BOBBY

Well, with all due respect to Woke

Cunt, she’s not on the board of

this Museum.

ANGELA

But it’s not even accurate. We all

know James Buchanan came before

Lincoln and he was the first gay

President. He was hooking up with

Senator and future Vice President

William Rufus King. You just don’t

want to mention that Bobby because

Buchanan was a Conservative prick.

ROBERT

And Hitler was gay too!

BOBBY

Ok we’re not talking about that!

WANDA

People! Enough! Let’s vote on it.

Everyone writes down which exhibit they want and slips it to

Wanda. Bobby looks at his phone. Still no text from Aaron.

WANDA (CONT'D)

Ok. We have two votes for Great

Bisexuals of the World...

49.

49A.

Robert smiles and flips off Bobby.

WANDA (CONT'D)

And three votes for The Lincoln

Letters. Lincoln wins.

BOBBY

YES!!!

Robert looks pissed. A RECEPTIONIST knocks urgently. Everyone

looks toward the door. The receptionist pokes their head in.

RECEPTIONIST

Debra Messing is in the building!

Bobby checks his phone again. Still no text.

49A.

(MORE)

50.

BOBBY

Goddammit!

WANDA

Are you ok?

BOBBY

Yes. I’m fine. I am totally fine.

INT. LGBTQ MUSEUM - LOBBY - MOMENTS LATER48 48

A frazzled Bobby rushes towards Debra Messing.

BOBBY

Hi there, Ms. Messing --

DEBRA MESSING

Please call me Debra. I love this

space! How did you find it?

BOBBY

What? Oh. Yeah. I don’t know.

DEBRA MESSING

Are you OK, dear? You seem a little

flustered. Trust me, I know I’m

Debra Messing but I’m only human.

BOBBY

Oh. I’m sorry Debra. Boy problems.

DEBRA MESSING

Ohhhhh.

BOBBY

He was actually here last night. I

brought him with me to the

fundraiser and then out of nowhere

he just left. And I keep texting

him and he won’t get back to me. I

don’t know what’s happening.

DEBRA MESSING

Well, I’m so excited for this tour -

BOBBY

I mean, what do you think that is?

If I may ask. Is he just not

interested in me? Or did something

really come up? And why the hell am

I even thinking about it? Because I

am never distracted like this. This

is not who I am!

(MORE)

50.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

51.

And I’m like do I keep texting him?

Do I call him? Do I go over to his

house?? What do I do?

Debra’s smile is now frozen.

DEBRA MESSING

I have spent the last twenty-five

years listening to every gay guy on

Earth complain to me. I am not my

fucking character. I’m not every

gay man’s best friend. I’m just out

in the world thinking I was going

to get a tour of a museum. But no.

Instead I get a bunch of tedious

complaints I’ve heard eight

thousand times before. Did I waltz

in here and lay all my shit on you?

I’m a divorced single mother -- you

want to hear what that’s like?

BOBBY

No, I mean, I’m so sorry --

Wanda, Cherry and Angela rush in.

CHERRY

What’s going on here?

DEBRA MESSING

Do you have some personal shit you

want to complain about to me?

CHERRY

No --

DEBRA MESSING

Of course not. Because lesbians

have their shit together! I gotta

go. I lose my sitter in an hour.

Debra Messing exits.

WANDA

Bobby, what is going on with you?

We’re down to the wire. If Debra

doesn’t donate we’re almost out of

options. Figure this out, Bobby!!

BOBBY (CONT'D)

51.

52.

INT. NEW WORKOUT CLASS - “XXXTREME BALLPIT” 49 49

Bobby, Henry, Tina, Tom and Lucas wade through a colorful

ball pit lifting weights above their heads in the new class

XXXTREME BALLPIT.

TINA

What do you mean he just left?

BOBBY

I mean one minute he was in the

museum and the next he was gone.

Like Casper that Fucked Up Ghost.

This asshole has somehow gotten

into my head and he has me acting

like a crazy person! And now we

don’t know if Debra Messing will

donate! And if she doesn’t, we’re

fucked! This is not who I am! I

don’t know what’s happening to me!

HENRY

Aaron doesn’t have his shit

together. You deserve better.

Suddenly, Tom and Lucas start squealing in delight.

TOM

Wait! Our surrogate texted us this

new sonogram! Look at our babies!!!

Tina and Henry race towards Tom and Lucas in the ballpit.

LUCAS

Bobby, look!

TOM

Look - one almost has toes!

BOBBY

Quite an accomplishment. Sorry I

was actually going through

something...

TOM

Oh stop moping about your one night

stand. What did you expect?

BOBBY

What did I expect? Well I didn’t

expect him to just ditch me like

that. What I did expect was that

you two would adopt!

52.

53.

LUCAS

Excuse me?

BOBBY

No it’s wonderful. I’m just saying

at one point you said you would

only adopt.

LUCAS

Tom decided he wanted his own kids.

BOBBY

Well ok but you said your

grandfather was a racist and an

anti-semite so what’s so great

about your DNA that you so

desperately had to spread it

around?

Bobby laughs at his own joke but the others don’t.

LUCAS

Gee Bobby, it’s just so hard to

figure out why you would’ve scared

Aaron away.

TINA

Ok settle down various gays. Look,

maybe Aaron’s not the one but you

liked going out with him, right?

Maybe it’s a sign you should go on

some dates!

BOBBY

I don’t know. I’m not a going-on-

dates person, you know that. I’m

better off alone - all these guys

are full of shit! You can’t trust

them! And here’s the worst part -

no one ever looks like their

pictures! You meet them on some app

and then you meet them in person

and they’re always exactly 30%

uglier than how they looked in

their photos. It’s not fair!

INT. BOBBY’S APT - LATER THAT DAY 50 50

Bobby scrolls through Tinder. We see a brief MONTAGE of Bobby

matching with guys and then meeting them in person.

53.

(MORE)

54.

When he meets them, WE SEE THEIR FACES MORPH from their

perfect Tinder selfie into the real face sitting across from

Bobby on a date, which is always 30% less attractive.

Finally, he matches with SAM, a cute guy... and the face is

accurate!

EXT. CAFE - DAY 51 51

Bobby and Sam drink beers. They’re laughing and having fun.

SAM

So, have you ever had sex with a

woman?

BOBBY

As a matter of fact I have.

(joking) Do you know someone by the

name of... Kate Winslet?

SAM

I don’t.

BOBBY

Oh. Ok. I didn’t have sex with her.

She’s an actress. Really you don’t

know her? Titanic?

SAM

Never saw it.

(MORE)

54.

SAM (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55.

Not a big movie guy. *

But I read a lot! *

BOBBY *

Oh cool. I read a lot too. I *

actually just finished that new *

Walt Whitman biography. Have you *

read it? Ok, this is crazy. Did you *

know Walt Whitman, America’s *

greatest poet of the 19th century, *

published a magazine about men’s *

physique under a pseudonym? It was *

called “MANLY HEALTH” - it was a 13 *

part series basically teaching men *

how to build muscle and look hot. *

Walt Whitman did this! *

SAM *

No way. *

BOBBY *

Yeah! “America’s poet.” Meanwhile *

if he were alive today, he wouldn’t *

have time to write “Leaves of *

Grass”, he’d probably just be Chris *

Pratt’s trainer. Personal trainers *

are the new poets! *

SAM *

I feel like he’d probably be some *

kinky jock-sniffing leather queen *

with his cock in a cage. *

BOBBY *

Exactly! *

SAM *

Have you ever worn one of those? *

BOBBY *

A cock cage? *

SAM *

Yeah one of those little metal *

cages that trap your penis so you *

can’t get hard until your master *

unlocks it? *

BOBBY *

No, but I’ve seen them - *

SAM (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55A.

SAM *

So my boyfriend put me in one, real *

hot, but then I broke up with him, *

and he was so angry, he wouldn’t *

give me the key. And then my *

grandpa died. *

BOBBY *

Oh my god. *

SAM *

Yeah. And I had to go back to *

Michigan for the funeral. But there *

was no way I was getting through *

airport security with that thing *

on. So I rent a car, drive nine *

hours to Ann Arbor, nonstop, then I *

have to sit through my grandpa’s *

funeral in a cock cage. *

BOBBY *

That is very strange. *

SAM *

Yeah. But it was also kinda hot. *

Like my dick still belonged to *

Ethan. *

BOBBY *

Wow. (beat). And you’ve done all *

that but you’ve never seen Titanic? *

INT. SAM’S APT. - BEDROOM 52 52

Sam and Bobby are shirtless, making out on Sam’s bed.

SAM

You’re really hot.

BOBBY

You too.

SAM

You like your nips played with?

BOBBY

Um, sure.

Sam pinches one of Bobby’s nipples. Bobby lets out a quiet

“ouch” sound. Mildly painful but Bobby doesn’t mind.

SAM

You like that?

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55A.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55B.

BOBBY

I think so.

Sam pinches one nipple a little harder. Then the other.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Ow. Ow.

Then Sam pinches the other one. Then the first one again.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Ow. (beat) Ow. Ow.

SAM

You like that? Have you ever tried

these?

Sam leans over to his night table and pulls out what look

like 2 small, soft black rubber knobs from the drawer.

SAM (CONT'D)

They’re called nipple plumpers.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 55B.

56.

BOBBY

They’re called what?

SAM

They suction on to your nipples.

They make ‘em really swollen and

sensitive.

BOBBY

Oh. OK. (as Sam puts them on) Ow.

Ow.

Sam puts the nipple plumpers on Bobby’s nipples. Sam is now

alternating between Bobby’s nipples, pinching them one by

one, slowly pinching harder and harder, with Bobby saying

“ow! ow!” every time but enjoying it. This escalates. Sam’s

now really going after Bobby’s nipples, sometimes one by one,

sometimes both at the same time, handling them as if Bobby’s

nipples are the console in some intense video game. This

builds to where Sam has both his fists yanking both nipples

at the same time, shaking Bobby’s entire body that way. Bobby

is flailing and convulsing in ecstasy as Sam shakes him

intensely, rocking him back and forth.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Oy oy oy oy oy oy oyyyyy!

Sam goes for one more really intense pinch with both hands.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Ahhh!! Ok, ok that’s enough. I need

a break. Let’s take them off.

SAM

Oh, ok sure. God that was hot.

Sam tries to take them off. But they’re not coming off.

SAM (CONT'D)

They’re really suctioned on there.

He pulls them again.

BOBBY

Ow. Ow.

Sam goes for it and pulls harder. Bobby screams “OW!!! OW!!!”

but they’re still stuck.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

What the fuck??

SAM

I’m sorry - they’re stuck!

56.

57.

BOBBY

YA THINK? Just let me do it.

Bobby grabs at them himself, pulling hard, to the point where

he rocks himself into a fetal position trying to get them off

- but they won’t come off.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Fuck! What am I gonna do? Why did

you put these on me?

SAM

I’m sorry! This doesn’t usually

happen - hold on let me pour some

lube on there and they’ll slip off.

Sam gets his lube bottle and pours it on Bobby’s chest, then

sets the bottle aside. It falls off the bed and drips on to

the floor. Bobby starts to gently massage the lube into the

suction cups on his very sore chest, which turns Sam on.

SAM (CONT'D)

God you look hot right now.

BOBBY

Are you jerking off?

SAM

I’m sorry! You’re so hot!

BOBBY

Stop it! Oh my god what am I gonna

do? They won’t come off! They won’t

come off! I’m panicking!

Bobby shoves Sam aside. He jumps up from the bed. As his feet

hit the floor, Bobby slips on the lube and falls down.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

OW!!! I SLIPPED ON THE LUBE!

SAM

Oh my god are you ok?

Sam jumps off the bed to help him and Sam slips on the lube

too. Bobby gets himself up, slipping and sliding on the lube

as he yanks his clothes on.

SAM (CONT'D)

I’m so sorry, I really am. I had a

really good time tonight.

57.

58.

BOBBY

I DIDN’T!!! THIS IS WHY I DON’T DO

THIS!

Bobby leaves and slams the door.

INT. - AARON’S OFFICE53 53

Aaron is in his office on Facetime with his mom, ANNE.

ANNE

Your brother is here. Say hi!

Anne pans over to JASON SHEPARD, 42, playing a video game.

JASON

Sup.

AARON

Sup.

ANNE

Never get divorced, Aaron.

JASON

Never get married.

AARON

Ok mom, I’m at work so-

ANNE

Oh wait - I almost forgot to tell

you! You remember Josh Evans?

AARON

From high school? Yeah. I just ran

into him and his fiancé here.

ANNE

Well, they just broke up. And you

wanna know why? Because he’s gay.

AARON

Wait - what? Josh Evans? No.

ANNE

Yes! People are shocked! But I’m

happy for him! Anyway he’s moving

to NY soon so I gave his mom your

number so you guys can hang out

and, I don’t know, be gay I guess.

58.

59.

CUT TO LATER: AARON WATCHES JOSH EVANS’S HEARTFELT COMING OUT 54 54

IG STORY. JOSH IS SUPER BRO-Y, VERY DIFFERENT THAN BOBBY.

JOSH EVANS

I’m so nervous. Geez. Well here

goes. I’m definitely embarrassed by

how long this took me but I’m told

everyone does this in their own

time. And I’m sorry this took me 35

years but I’ve been empowered by my

heroes, Colton Underwood and Carl

Nassib, to say that, as it turns

out, I’m gay.

AARON

Holy shit.

Aaron looks at old FB photos of him and Josh on the hockey

team. At the prom with girlfriends. Dressed in hunting gear.

INT. PETER AND PAUL’S APT - BEDROOM - NEXT MORNING55 55

Peter, Paul and Marty are all cuddling in bed together. As

they wake up, each one very sweetly says good morning to the

two others individually so we hear “good morning” nine

separate times.

PETER/PAUL/MARTY

Good morning...good morning...good

morning...good morning...good

morning...

PETER

Wait Bobby’s calling me.

Peter picks up and puts Bobby on speaker.

BOBBY

Hey. Did you guys get my long

voicemail about Aaron?

PAUL

Oh so now you want our opinion?

BOBBY

Oh stop it c’mon you know I love

you, I want your advice.

PETER

Do you want us to be honest?

PAUL

He sounds like a total basket case.

59.

60.

MARTY

I’d move on.

BOBBY

Who is that? Is that fucking Marty?

PETER

Yeah. Marty’s here.

BOBBY

Thanks for chiming in, Marty.

INT. BOBBY’S APT. - THAT NIGHT 56 56

Bobby’s at home, making dinner, singing to himself while

periodically glancing over at his phone.

BOBBY

(singing)

“Don’t call him, don’t call him, do

not caaaaall himmm”

Bobby stares at his phone. Then, he grabs it and calls Aaron.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Hey. It’s me. Call me if you’re around.

DING. A text.

AARON TEXT

HEY WHATS UP?

Bobby calls Aaron again. It goes to voicemail again.

BOBBY TEXT

WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER UR PHONE?

AARON TEXT

WHO TALKS ON THE PHONE?

BOBBY TEXT

HAHA. WHAT’S UP?

AARON

SORRY I HAVEN’T REPLIED. JUST BUSY.

BOBBY

NO WORRIES. SAME. WANNA HANG SAT?

Dots appear and then disappear 3 times. Bobby squirms.

AARON TEXT

SURE.

60.

61.

EXT. CENTRAL PARK MEADOW - DAY57 57

BOBBY

You sure you don’t want to join me

on this gigantic blanket?

AARON

Nah, I’m good.

CUT TO A WIDE OVERHEAD SHOT. Aaron lies on the grass, next to

Bobby’s very large blanket which has plenty of room.

BOBBY

So, what’s up? I haven’t heard from you

in a bit. Which is fine I guess but-

AARON

Wait sorry - you’ll love this. I

just got crazy news. That old high

school buddy of mine we ran into -

BOBBY

The sick one?

AARON

Yeah. He just came out. Broke up

with his fiancé. I had no clue!

BOBBY

Wow. Well, good for him I guess.

When did you come out?

AARON

In college. To my brother.

EXT. MONTANA WOODS - FLASHBACK - DAY58 58

Aaron and his brother Jason are on a hunting trip in Montana.

Aaron is 20 and Jason is 22. They are in heavy hunting gear.

It is quiet.

AARON

I need to tell you something.

JASON

What’s up?

AARON

I’m gay.

JASON

Ha. Yeah right. You fucking with

me?

61.

(MORE)

62.

AARON

Nope.

Jason takes this in and then fires off a ton of loud gun

shots. It’s very jarring. Aaron flinches at the shots.

BOBBY (V.O.)

You came out to your brother while

you were hunting bighorn sheep?

AARON (V.O.)

Yup. How about you?

INT. YOUNG BOBBY’S PARENT’S LIVING ROOM - DAY (FLASHBACK)59 59

SPLIT SCREEN between the hunting trip and young, 12 year old

Bobby in his parents’ living room belting “Maybe” from Annie

while Bobby’s proud parents watch and beam.

BOBBY (V.O.)

It was pretty similar to yours.

As young Bobby sings on one side of the screen, Jason fires a

loud round of gun shots on the other side which overlap with

Bobby’s song. Jason yells -

DANNY

Got ‘er!

BOBBY’S PARENTS

Bravo!!! BRAVO!!!

Bobby’s very supportive parents give him a standing ovation.

EXT. CENTRAL PARK MEADOW - AS BEFORE60 60

AARON

You were a confident little gay boy.

BOBBY

I guess so, yeah. Are things ok

with your brother now?

AARON

We’re fine. I mean, I don’t talk to

him about guys or anything. But

it’s fine.

Bobby clocks Aaron staring at some hot frat boys playing football.

BOBBY

Look, I need you to be honest. You’re

not into me, right? I’m not your type?

It’s fine, I can handle it. I just

need to know.

(MORE)

62.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

63.

Because I don’t do this very often -

and this is why - so please just tell

me so I don’t waste my time.

AARON

Bobby, it’s not that. You’re a

handsome guy.

BOBBY

Then why are you being so weird and

passive aggressive?

AARON

Look, you’re just... you’re just very

intense and you have very high

expectations for people.

BOBBY

So what’s wrong with that?

Aaron turns away.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

You like dumb guys.

AARON

What?

BOBBY

You heard me. You like these big,

dumb, basic, conventional idiots.

Why? I don’t get it. You’re smart.

AARON

I don’t know. I told you I like to

keep things simple. It’s just how I

am. It’s just easier. Not everyone

is looking to be challenged ok?

BOBBY

I don’t have to challenge you! I

can be simple! I can be chill! I’ll

be chill like your boys! Look,

Aaron! Look how chill I am!

Bobby sprawls out on the blanket, attempting very awkwardly

to look relaxed. Aaron laughs then looks back at the football

players roughhousing, clearly fixated on them. Suddenly,

Bobby shoves Aaron hard.

AARON

Hey! What are you doing?

BOBBY (CONT'D)

63.

64.

BOBBY

I’m pushing you! I’m pushing you! I

can be tough! Don’t stereotype me!

Bobby shoves him hard again.

AARON

Stop it!

BOBBY

No! I’m just giving you what you

want! You want aggression, tough

guy? You want a fucking fight?

Bobby pushes Aaron. Aaron pushes Bobby back. It escalates. The

guys wrestle on the lawn. The football players rush over.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS

Hey calm down! Let’s cool it boys!

Suddenly, Aaron and Bobby are passionately making out. Not

knowing what to do, the football bros slowly back away.

AARON

My place is near here.

BOBBY

Let’s go the fuck home.

MUSIC CUE: “It Might Be You” from Tootsie

INT. AARON’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY61 61

Aaron and Bobby are making out and wrestling on the bed,

playfully slapping, punching, shoving each other and pulling

each other’s hair. Things get increasingly kinky, all set to

the song IT MIGHT BE YOU. They each do hits of poppers and go

crazy on each other, they get lube out and start using it,

they consensually choke each other, they spit on each other,

Aaron sticks his whole hand in Bobby’s mouth, Bobby licks

Aaron’s biceps, maybe Aaron gives Bobby a rim job if there’s

a way to film that, etc etc. Eventually this turns into sex.

Aaron’s on top. Air gets stuck in Bobby’s butt as Aaron

thrusts, creating fart noises.

BOBBY

(with each fart noise)

Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry.

AARON

It’s ok. Just relax.

64.

65.

Aaron smiles. Bobby smiles too. They connect. Bobby takes a

deep breath and lets go. No more fighting. It’s intimate.

INT. AARON’S BEDROOM - NIGHT62 62

Aaron and Bobby lay in bed. Aaron’s looking at his body.

BOBBY

That was fun.

AARON

It was. I love how your chest goes

in like that.

BOBBY

Yes it’s called a concave chest.

One of my many asymmetries. Thanks

for pointing it out.

AARON

I think it’s cool! I love how hairy

you are. You’re like Austin Powers!

BOBBY

Never thought I’d date someone who

knows Austin Powers but not Debra

Messing. Where did I go wrong?

AARON

Date someone? Um, are we dating?

BOBBY

Um, no. We’re not dating. I like to

think of it less as dating and more

as punching each other followed by

you listing off all my physical

deformities. We’re not dating. We

don’t date people, remember?

AARON

Oh I remember.

Bobby cuddles next to Aaron. They both look slightly

terrified. Bobby closes his eyes and allows himself to put

his weight on Aaron. Aaron starts petting his hair gently. We

watch the guys let go and relax into each other.

BOBBY

It’s so annoying how good a warm

body feels laying on another warm

body.

65.

(MORE)

66.

AARON

Yeah.

BOBBY

You are really good at sex. Like,

really good!

AARON

Ha, thanks. I guess everyone has

something they do well.

BOBBY

What are you talking about? You’re

good at your job.

AARON

I am. Except I hate it. It’s

stressful and it’s depressing and

it’s so fucking boring. I hate it.

Aaron dwells on this. Suddenly, he sits up abruptly, forcing

Bobby to do the same. He looks at Bobby very intensely.

AARON (CONT'D)

Ok I need to tell you something.

BOBBY

Oh no. Ok...

AARON

There was something I wanted to do.

When I was younger.

BOBBY

Oh. Cool. What was it?

AARON

I...I wanted to make little

chocolates.

Bobby stares at him completely dumbfounded.

BOBBY

You wanted to make little

chocolates?

AARON

Yeah. I was obsessed with chocolate

as a kid. I would look up all the

different chocolate brands in the

encyclopedia and see how they were

made.

(MORE)

66.

AARON (CONT'D)

(MORE)

67.

And I don’t mean just like M&Ms, I

mean like Ferrero Rocher and Amadei

in Tuscany and all these fancy

European chocolates. I used to tell

my parents I was going to the

arcade at the mall and then sneak

off to the Godiva. I loved how all

the chocolates were wrapped and I

thought about how I would design

them. And I knew my shit, I was

really serious about it. But what

was I gonna do with that? What was

I gonna be?

BOBBY

A chocolatier!

AARON

I’ve never told anyone that.

BOBBY

Why’d you tell me?

AARON

I don’t know. You have this big,

exciting life. I didn’t come from

one of those families where you

were encouraged to “find your

passion” or turn your hobby into a

career or whatever. I was just

supposed to get a good job that

paid well. My parents wanted me to

go to law school, so I did. Got a

good job, made good money. I did

what I thought I was supposed to

do.

BOBBY

But why don’t you just quit? Do

something else. Life is short. You

don’t need to stay in your

miserable job. You could be out in

the world, I don’t know, making

fudge! A hot gay chocolatier? Are

you kidding? You’d be huge!

AARON

Stop. I’m not quitting my job. You

make it sound so easy.

BOBBY

Well no, it’s not easy. It’s never

easy. You know what I have to do

this weekend?

AARON (CONT'D)

(MORE)

67.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

68.

I have to drag my deformed body up

to Provincetown and beg donors for

money. We need 5 million dollars or

we won’t make our opening. And it’s

Pride up there so the Museum has a

float in the parade but we can’t

just have any float cause the board

wants to do something special

so...ya know... nothing’s easy.

AARON

Oh. Well, maybe I could come?

BOBBY

To P-town?

AARON

Yeah. Could be fun. I mean it’s no

big deal if you don’t want me to.

BOBBY

No, I mean...sure...could be fun.

AARON

No big deal. Either way.

BOBBY

Ok. Yeah. Sure. Let’s do it.

Bobby leans back and they both look nervously up at the

ceiling. What are they getting themselves into?

EXT. GUEST HOUSE - PROVINCETOWN, MA. 63 63

Aaron and Bobby turn down a picturesque back lane and drive

up to a guest house. LOUIS, a gay man (60s) answers the door.

LOUIS

Welcome, welcome. I’m Louis. Let me

show you to your room.

INT. GUEST HOUSE - CONTINUOUS64 64

Louis walks Bobby and Aaron down the hallway of his house.

BOBBY

This house is so beautiful. How

long have you had this place?

LOUIS

Well I’ve been coming to P-town

since 1976.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

68.

69.

Aaron and Bobby notice the walls decorated with photos of a

group of young men from the late 70s.

AARON

Who are those guys?

LOUIS

That one’s me!

BOBBY

Whoa! Amazing! Look at you! You

were so hot!

Louis gives Bobby a withering glance.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

I mean, you’re still so hot.

Louis look at them and raises his eyebrows really high up.

AARON

Wow your eyebrows go really high

up.

He raises them even higher.

AARON (CONT'D)

Now they’re even higher up.

BOBBY

Do any of these other guys still

come up here?

LOUIS

Oh no. By 1996 I think six of the

seven were gone. And I lost track

of the other one. Then I bought the

house in ‘99 when I realized that,

miraculously, I might actually

survive!

AARON

Wow. I’m so sorry.

LOUIS

What? Oh, thank you. What’re you

boys up to today?

BOBBY

I have a work thing this afternoon.

AARON

Then we’re just gonna take it easy.

69.

70.

LOUIS

Take it easy? You’re in P-town! Go

out. Have fun! You’ll be dead soon.

Here’s your room.

Louis opens a door to their room. It has a gorgeous view of

the bay.

INT. GUEST HOUSE BATHROOM - LATER65 65

With the shower on, Aaron injects his butt with a small

syringe. Bobby knocks fast, walks in, sees it and runs out.

BOBBY

Oh shit - sorry! I thought you

were in the shower!

AARON

Why are you just walking in here?

Aaron sighs and looks in the mirror. Bobby knows he saw

something he shouldn’t.

AARON (CONT'D)

It’s just testosterone.

BOBBY

Isn’t that dangerous? Like for your

liver and balls and stuff?

AARON

Nah. Half the guys I know use it.

BOBBY

Yeah but half the guys you know are

roided out morons.

AARON

You don’t seem to mind when you’re

obsessing over my body.

BOBBY

Well... Ok. Um, I need to shower.

Aaron walks out and sits on the bed, embarrassed. Suddenly,

he hears Bobby in the shower singing “She’s Like the Wind”

along to the radio.

EXT. MODERN OCEANSIDE HOUSE - DAY66 66

Bobby and Aaron approach a lovely beachside house.

70.

71.

AARON

You have a really nice voice.

BOBBY

What?

AARON

I heard you singing in the shower.

BOBBY

Well, that’s mortifying.

AARON

Wait, so, you’re asking this guy to

donate the remaining 5 million?

BOBBY

No way. If I can get one million

out of him I’ll take it. You don’t

want to scare anyone off by seeming

too needy. Kind of like with you!

AARON

Who’s Lawrence Grape again?

BOBBY

Biggest gay TV producer on the

planet. Gay and groundbreaking.

AARON

Did he do Modern Family?

BOBBY

No he did not do Modern Family.

AARON

My mom loves Modern Family. It made

her ok with me being gay.

BOBBY

Oh god.

The door flies open to reveal LAWRENCE GRAPE, TV MOGUL. He is

ageless and wearing what must be a $20,000 sweat suit that

says “SOLANGE WAS HERE?” on it.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

You must be with the museum. Come

in!

INT. LAWRENCE GRAPE’S HOUSE - DAY67 67

Bobby sits across from Lawrence. Aaron sits next to Bobby.

71.

72.

BOBBY

Mr. Grape, we’re thinking the final

wing will be about Lincoln.

Lawrence is distracted as he excitedly dresses his two

puppies in ridiculous pride outifts for the parade. One is an

adorable small dog, the other is a very large greyhound.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

Love it, love Lincoln.

BOBBY

Few people realize our greatest

president was also --

Lawrence continues to futz with the costumes and the puppies.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

President. First gay president. Wow

look at those outfits.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

I had these made! And several

fittings later, here we are! (to

the dog) Who’s a proud puppy? Who’s

the proudest puppy? So this is a

Lincoln museum?

Lawrence struggles to put some sort of pride hat and little

pride shoes on the dogs.

BOBBY

No. It’s an LGBTQ museum, the

world’s first, we spoke last year -

LAWRENCE GRAPE

That damn bush.

Lawrence looks past Bobby and Aaron out the window. Bobby and

Aaron look behind them at a bush that’s growing outside.

LAWRENCE GRAPE (CONT'D)

My neighbor planted that fucking

bush and it blocks my view. Can you

believe that?

Lawrence abruptly leaves. In the BG we see him walk outside,

start to yank on the bush and argue with his neighbor.

BOBBY

This is a nightmare. He only cares

about putting pride outfits on his

dogs.

72.

(MORE)

73.

AARON

Ok, from my experience at my job,

weird rich people like to be

listened to. Maybe ask him what

he’s interested in.

BOBBY

But I don’t care what he’s

interested in! Fuck! Listening. Ok,

I’ll try it.

Lawrence returns.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

Boys, I have to get going -

Beat. Aaron nods at Bobby.

BOBBY

Lawrence, tell me - what do you

think should go in the museum? It

could be anything, anything at all.

Lawrence thinks. Bobby is about to speak, Aaron stops him.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

The final wing of the museum should

be a haunted house of gay trauma.

BOBBY

What?

LAWRENCE GRAPE

You get in a cart on a track and

you hear some muted 1950s music,

like Richie Valens or something --

BOBBY

So this is a ride?

Aaron puts his hand on Bobby’s arm.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

Yeah it’s a fucking ride. Unless

you think a ride is too much --

BOBBY

No, not at all. Tell me more.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

We find ourselves in an intimate

little bar with some young

animatronic men.

(MORE)

73.

LAWRENCE GRAPE (CONT'D)

74.

And the men turn to dance with each

other when suddenly BOOM! A cop car

smashes through the wall and police

show up and there’s sirens and

batons and voices screaming and the

cart takes off roller coaster style

and then there’s blood everywhere

and a monster with Reagan’s face

chases the cart backwards down the

hallway Pirates of the Caribbean

style and then boom we shoot out

into the light and...it ends happy

on like a rainbow or something.

Point is we gotta shove people’s

faces in our trauma. Force them to

confront it: this is what it was

like being a gay man in the 20th

century.

Bobby doesn’t know what to say.

BOBBY

A gay trauma-coaster. Very

provocative! But I’m not sure we

can afford that.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

Ok. Well, it was lovely meeting you-

AARON

Mr. Grape - I’m not a creative guy

but I am a money guy. And I can

tell you to accomplish what you

want, we’d need more than a little

donation. We need five million

dollars. And you won’t just get

your gay trauma-coaster. You get

the Lincoln exhibit, you get all of

it. You rewrite history for the

entire LGBTQ community. You’re a

storyteller, Lawrence. And this is

the ultimate story.

LAWRENCE GRAPE

But you already pushed the opening

twice. Is this really happening?

BOBBY

It’s happening! I promise!

LAWRENCE GRAPE

Five million seems like a low

number to rewrite history. I’m in!

LAWRENCE GRAPE (CONT'D)

74.

75.

BOBBY

Oh my god, really??? Thank you!!

LAWRENCE GRAPE

Congrats on my money. Happy Pride!

EXT. LAWRENCE GRAPE'S HOUSE 68 68

Bobby and Aaron step out of the house.

BOBBY

OH MY GOD AARON! YOU’RE A GENIUS!

“You’re a storyteller?” Where the

hell did that come from?

AARON

I told you - I’m good at talking to

weird rich folks. It’s the only

thing I know how to do. I could

tell he had more money to spend.

BOBBY

Aaron! This is crazy! I don’t even

know what to say! Thank you! Shit,

I’m late! I’ve gotta get on the

float. See you after?

Bobby kisses Aaron quickly. As Bobby runs off:

BOBBY (CONT'D)

I kissed you! Are we kissing each

other now? I don’t know! Bye!

EXT. COMMERCIAL STREET IN PROVINCETOWN - THE PRIDE PARADE 69 69

We’re in the middle of the Pride Parade. All 6 Museum board

members are on a float to promote the LGBTQ Museum. They are

dressed in skin tight, spandex modern dance costumes - full

body stockings which cover their heads so only their faces

stick out. They begin doing an absurd modern dance on the

float as a tribute to black LGBTQ icon Alvin Ailey, which

they clearly choreographed themselves.

The small float just ahead of theirs is filled with fabulous

drag queens in colorful outfits blasting club music and

dancing. The float just behind theirs is the Gay Bear float,

filled with shirtless, plus-sized gay bears guzzling beers,

eating, dancing and getting rowdy as they blast Classic Rock.

75.

76.

While doing a particularly feminine looking dance step, Bobby

looks down at the crowd and locks eyes with Aaron, who’s now

tipsy and watching the parade with his friends. Bobby is

mortified wearing this deeply unsexy costume.

Next to Aaron are 3 young, drunk, Gen Z queer friends, all in

costume dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West, complete

with green faces etc, all holding phones. They notice Bobby

on the float. Aaron overhears them as they snicker.

WITCH #1

Ugh, why does Bobby Leiber get to

run the gay museum? I can’t stand

him.

WITCH #2

I know. He’s so loud and obnoxious.

He is way too much. And he’s not

even cute!

WITCH #3

He has no style. If you’re gonna be

that irritating at least wear cool

shoes or a fun sock.

WITCH #1

Oh my god you have to tweet that!

WITCH #3

No one likes him except for

straight people and old queens.

WITCH #2

Plus he looks like when Shrek turns

back into a human.

Witch #2 shows them a pic of human Shrek on his phone. It

does look like Bobby. They all snicker and cackle. As the

witches cackle and laugh, a drunk Aaron butts in.

AARON

Hey who the fuck are you guys?

WITCH #1

Excuse me? We’re the Gay Twitter

Witches. Everyone knows us and

everyone wants to be us. We have

126,000 followers.

WITCH #2

And we’re not afraid to tell it

like it is while selling makeup.

76.

77.

AARON

Do you even know Bobby? He’s

actually a good person and he works

his ass off.

WITCH #1

Well he must’ve worked his ass off

cause it’s totally flat! And who

the fuck are you, you fucking

roided out pretty boy?

WITCH #3

Oh my god an old white muscle queen

who thinks he’s still relevant? Is

it 1998? Am I watching Third Rock

from the Sun?!

WITCH #2

You’re old!

A drunk Witch #2 shoves Aaron.

AARON

Hey! Don’t do that.

He shoves Aaron again.

AARON (CONT'D)

I’m warning you -

WITCH #3

Bring it on, you do nothing, old,

capitalist, cis gay bro-bot!

Aaron shoves him back. BOBBY AND WANDA ARE now at the front

of their float, giving a speech to the crowd.

BOBBY

Pride Week is so important, because

it’s not just a party, it’s about

solidarity -

The Gay Twitter Witch shoves Aaron. Aaron shoves him back.

WANDA

Today is a day about self-love and

about loving and respecting our

community -

The Gay Twitter Witch SLAPS Aaron. Aaron tries to slap back

but misses.

77.

78.

BOBBY

We may have a long way to go but

we’ve also made so much progress -

THE GAY TWITTER WITCHES ARE NOW KICKING AARON IN THE SHINS. A

SMALL BRAWL BREAKS OUT IN THE CROWD. One of the gay twitter

witches calls after security.

GAY TWITTER WITCH

Officer please - someone from Gen X

just touched me!

ANGLE ON THE BEAR FLOAT where a bunch of bears eat and grill

burgers, hot dogs and ribs.

SUDDENLY, A BEAR ON THE BEAR FLOAT NOTICES THE FIGHT

WANDA

Most of all we want to say we love

you and we’ve never been so proud!

ROWDY BEAR

PRIDE FIGHT!!!!!

The rowdy drunk bear throws food at Aaron and the gay

witches. The drag queens get hit.

ANGLE ON THE DRAQ QUEEN FLOAT

DRAG QUEEN

Oh we never get to do this. I am so

ready for this.

ANGLE ON A GROUP OF LESBIANS

LESBIANS

Oh let’s do this. It. Is. On.

ANGLE ON A GROUP OF GUYS DRESSED AS CUB SCOUTS

CUB SCOUT GUY

You heard the bear!

EVERYONE

Ahhhhhhh!

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE AT THE PRIDE PARADE! Some of the bears

are fighting, some of the bears are scared and crying. The

bears and drag queens jump off their floats and start

fighting in the crowd.

ANGLE ON DRAG QUEEN and a BEAR holding each other and sort of

fighting awkwardly with one hand while both are filming each

other with the other hand.

78.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 79.

BEAR

I need approval before you post

that.

DRAG QUEEN

I need approval before you post

that!

The drag queen float stops short and one of the drag queens

throws up on an adorable grandma below her chanting “I Love

My Gay Son!” (ALT: Chanting “Love is love is love!”)

ANGLE ON A STRAIGHT FAMILY

STRAIGHT LIBERAL MOM

I support you! I support you all!

PAULA, a lesbian, punches the straight mom. *

PAULA *

We don’t need your support!

STRAIGHT LIBERAL DAD

Please don’t hurt us! We never

watched POSE but wew’ve supported

Billy Porter from afar!

ANGLE ON A GROUP OF BORED GAYS standing right next to the

fighting but completely blase and unfazed.

BORED GAY

This is so boring.

SECOND BORED GAY

There are not hot guys here.

BORED GAY

Shoud we just do our drugs now?

Drag queens, lesbians and bears all push, shove and throw

punches. The bored gays lean in.

BORED GAY (CONT'D)

Do you know where the house party

is? (they ignore him. He leans in

again but just as unfazed.) Do you

know guys know where the house

party is?(he gives up) I’ll text

Garrettt.

SECOND BORED GAY

Should we just do our drugs now?

ANGLE ON LOUIS AND HIS FRIEND, an OLDER GAY

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 79.

80.

OLDER GAY

I don’t understands why these

children are fighting. The fight is

over - we won!

LOUIS

Exactly. Pete Buttigieg proved that

gay men can be exactly what gay men

have always wanted to be -

Secretary of Transportation.

Bobby and Wanda look down at the crowd and see Aaron in the

middle of the fight.

BOBBY

Oh my god.

ROBERT sneaks up on Bobby.

ROBERT

Well, well, well...looks like your

little boyfriend RUINED PRIDE.

Wanda’s still at the mic talking to the crowd.

WANDA

We hope to see you all at the LGBTQ

Museum! REPRESENTATION MATTERS!

Cut back to all the queers in the crowd fighting. Bobby jumps

off the float, heads into the crowd and drags Aaron away.

AARON

They were making fun of you!

BOBBY

Aaron you can’t hit people!

AARON

Those gay twitter witches hit me

first! I was defending you!

BOBBY

You were?

AARON

Yeah!

Bobby looks at Aaron, surprised and touched by this.

BOBBY

Well, physical violence is never

the answer but...thank you.

80.

81.

Bobby touches Aaron’s face softly.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Is your head okay?

Aaron nods.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

C’mon. Let’s go. Fucking Pride.

The bored gays walk past them.

SECOND BORED GAY

Should we just do our drugs now?

EXT. GUEST HOUSE, PRIVATE BEACH - SUNSET 70 70

Aaron comes out of the water. He looks insanely hot. Bobby

sits on the beach admiring Aaron as Aaron walks over to him.

BOBBY

I still can’t believe what you did

with Lawrence. That was amazing.

Aaron shrugs.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

It’s not too late, you know? You

could quit your job. You could do

anything! Open a chocolate shop!

AARON

I’m not quitting my job to open a

chocolate shop. I don’t have your

confidence.

BOBBY

I’m not that confident.

AARON

You’re literally the most confident

person I’ve ever met. Like, to a

fault. It’s actually scary.

BOBBY

Trust me - it’s all an act. You

think I sing well now? I was even

better when I was a kid. Had

American Idol existed then I

would’ve been the gay guy with an

amazing voice who comes in second.

Aaron laughs.

81.

82.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

So then I started taking acting

classes and in college my musical

theater teacher told me I had a

"gay walk" and a "flamboyant

quality" which would “limit my

options.” Then for grad school I

went to one of the best journalism

schools in the country, and a

professor - this closeted queen who

was married to a woman - pulled me

aside and thought he was doing me a

favor when he told me that I should

stick to writing because my voice

was too gay to do the news on TV.

My gay history books? Every single

publisher I met with told me there

wasn't enough of an audience for

it. I was always "too gay" or "too

niche" or I made people

uncomfortable. And if you hear all

of that for years, no matter who

you are, you start to worry that

maybe it's true. But what else was

I going to do? That's who I am! So

I just put my head down and I did

the work and I just hoped that,

somehow, against all odds, all

those other people were somehow

wrong.

(beat)

And they were. Which is why you

can’t trust anybody.

Beat.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

TMI?

Aaron doesn’t respond right away. Then:

AARON

Want another beer?

BOBBY

Sure.

Aaron pops open two beers and sits down next to Bobby.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Did I weird you out? Was that too

much?

Aaron grabs Bobby and kisses him passionately.

82.

83.

MUSIC CUE: “Love and Affection” by Joan Armatrading

BOBBY (CONT'D)

God I love this song.

Bobby gets up, closes his eyes and starts doing a strange,

stiff dance, only swaying his head while his body is still.

AARON

That’s an interesting dance.

BOBBY

Excuse me? At least I dance!

AARON

I can dance.

BOBBY

Oh really? I’ve never seen it.

Aaron stands close to Bobby. He then starts spastically but

passionately flailing his arms and legs to the music, like

doing little jabs with them. He is rhythmless but his passion

is adorable. Bobby starts to crack up. Aaron’s movements get

bigger and wilder as he spastically dances around Bobby.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

And you don’t think you have

confidence?

WIDE SHOT of Bobby doing his weird stiff dance while Aaron

does his flailing dance around the beach as the sun sets.

INT. GUEST HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT A71 A71

Bobby and Aaron make sweet love. Aaron is on top. Then

suddenly he flips over.

AARON

Fuck me.

BOBBY

Um, are you sure? When was the last

time you did that?

AARON

It’s been a while. But I want to.

Bobby flips him over and tops him for the first time. In the

throws of passion, Bobby starts singing along to the song we

hear underscoring the scene - “SHE’S LIKE THE WIND.”

83.

84.

AARON (CONT'D)

I love your voice but could you

maybe not sing during sex?

They laugh and collapse on each other.

OMITTED71 71

84.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 85.

EXT. GUEST HOUSE - AFTERNOON72 72

Aaron and Bobby drive back to NYC.

MUSIC CUE: Bette Midler’s cover of “Beast of Burden”

INT. WORLD WAR I CARDIO CLASS73 73

Aaron and Bobby now take the class together. We can tell by

the changing colors on the leaves in the park that its now

fall. Bobby’s the “hurt soldier.” Aaron carries him through

the class.

INT. BOBBY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 74 74

Bobby works at his desk. Aaron starts kissing his shoulder.

BOBBY

Hon, I can’t now. I’m working.

Aaron walks off. Then, from the corner of frame, a soft penis

and balls appear and rest gently on Bobby’s shoulder. Bobby

turns, startled. Aaron scoops Bobby up romantically.

EXT. STREET - DAYA 75 A 75*

Bobby, Aaron, Tina, Edgar and Hannah all trick or treat in *

Minions costumes. Brian is dressed as Freddie Mercury. *

INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - THANKSGIVING NIGHT75 75

It’s a big Thanksgiving dinner. Bobby’s friend group, along

with Aaron, eat a big holiday meal. The friends love Aaron.

EXT. STREET - A CHRISTMAS TREE LOT 76 76

Aaron and Bobby struggle carrying a large Christmas tree.

EXT. STREET 77 77

Aaron and Bobby struggle to carry a HUGE 6 ft tall menorah.

INT. THE CHOCOLATE SHOPPE - MANHATTANA78 A78

Bobby and Aaron walk through a lovely sweets shop that’s

decorated for the holidays. They’re buying treats for Bobby’s

holiday party.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 85.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 85A.

We see chocolate Santas, Rudolphs, snowmen etc. Aaron points

out little chocolates he likes and passionately describes

them to Bobby.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 85A.

86.

INT. BOBBY’S APARTMENT 78 78

A big holiday party. A crew of handsome gays spill in,

including Josh Evans. Aaron and Bobby mingle separately.

JOSH

Holy shit! Aaron! What’s up man? I

was wondering when I’d run into you!

AARON

How’s it going man? Wow. Congrats

on everything.

JOSH

Yeah, it’s crazy. I met these guys

at the gym and they invited me.

AARON

Awesome. Glad you’re here. What

have you been up to?

JOSH

I got a new tat today. Just to

like, remember this moment. It’s

the Empire State Building but

instead of King Kong, that’s me.

And in my hand, instead of that

lady, I’m holding a smaller me.

Josh lifts his shirt to show Aaron. Bobby watches from across

the room. Josh is ripped. Aaron looks impressed and flexes

his bicep to show Aaron his tattoo. Bobby clocks all of this.

INT. BOBBY’S APT. - LATER THAT NIGHT 79 79

Everyone is super drunk now and things are getting rowdy. Two

large Santas are making out with each other. Aaron is standing

with Josh, waving some mistletoe. He calls Bobby over.

AARON

Bobby, come over here.

A drunk Bobby walks over. Aaron grabs him and they make out.

AARON (CONT'D)

Josh wants to kiss you too. Don’t

blame him. It’s the mistletoe!!!

Bobby looks at Josh, who seems like he’s into it. Bobby and

Josh make out. Then Aaron makes out with Josh. A very short

muscular man walks up to them.

86.

87.

STEVE

Hi, I’m Steve.

AARON

Hi Steve!

JOSH

Hi Steve!

Bobby is not as thrilled about Steve.

INT. BOBBY’S BEDROOM 80 80

A four-way ensues. Aaron is making out with Josh on the bed.

Bobby and Steve are awkwardly staring at each other.

STEVE

Hey I’ll give you a massage if you

give me a massage.

BOBBY

Uh ok.

Bobby starts massaging Steve.

STEVE

Lower. Lower. Higher. Right there!

I got real tight ham strings.

Bobby finds himself giving Steve an intense sports massage,

kneading his thighs like dough.

STEVE (CONT'D)

Harder please.

BOBBY

I am not a professional masseur.

Bobby looks over and Aaron is now really going at it with

Josh.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Aaron. Aaron. I think we’re done

here!

All of a sudden, Henry bursts in.

HENRY

Ignore me! I think my scarf is in

here. I cannot lose another scarf!

BOBBY

Oh my God!

All four guys scramble to get under the sheets to hide their naked

bodies. Henry looks at Aaron and Bobby in bed and they crack up.

87.

88.

INT. BOBBY’S APT - THE NEXT MORNING 81 81

Bobby and Aaron are hungover and cuddle on the couch. Aaron

gets a text from his mom.

AARON

Ugh sorry my mom won’t stop texting

me.

BOBBY

When do your folks get here again?

AARON

The 21st. She wants to do the whole

“magical Christmas in NY” thing.

They love sightseeing.

BOBBY

Well, if you need me I’ll be home

alone hate-watching Hallheart

Christmas movies. Though if I’m

being honest sometimes I’m not sure

I’m hate-watching them. I may just

be...watching them. I’m only human.

AARON

(hesitant)

Well... would you wanna spend

Christmas with me? And...my folks?

BOBBY

Really? Are you sure? Cause I’m

totally fine alone.

AARON

No! You shouldn’t be alone. That’s

crazy.

BOBBY

I don’t know... Are you sure?

AARON

Yeah.

BOBBY

Well...ok! Yeah, that would be fun!

You’re sure?

AARON

Yeah. Just don’t mention my whole

job thing. They’re very proud I’m a

lawyer.

88.

89.

BOBBY

Of course. And no one knows this

city better than me! I will plan

the ultimate New York Christmas.

AARON

Amazing. Just keep in mind my

parents are quiet folks from a

small town upstate. They’re sweet

but, you know, just be chill.

BOBBY

I can be chill!

Aaron gives him a look.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

I promise I won’t embarrass you.

EXT. STREET IN NYC - NIGHT82 82

Bobby shows Aaron’s parents and his brother holiday windows.

BOBBY

And Mrs. Shepard, those are the

first holiday windows to ever

feature genderless puppets telling

the story of A Christmas Carol.

Which is so important. There were

never LGBTQ characters in the

stories we read as kids. There’s

no gay Cinderella. There’s no

lesbian Rapunzel. There’s no non-

binary Ebenezer Scrooge.

AARON

I think they get it.

ANNE

New York is so fun. I’ve always

wanted to bring my students here!

BOBBY

Jason next time you should bring

your kids!

ANNE

They were supposed to come but they

wanted to stay home with their mom.

JASON

Yeah. It’s OK.

89.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 90.

Aaron can tell Jason is upset. He makes eye contact with

Jason. Jason looks back at him but no one says anything.

ANNE

Boys, we have to go! I told Josh

Evans we’d meet him at the

Hallheart Christmas Movie Pop Up

Village!

AARON

We’re seeing Josh Evans?

BOBBY

THERE’S A HALLHEART CHRISTMAS MOVIE

POP UP VILLAGE???

EXT. HALLHEART CHRISTMAS VILLAGE - LATER83 83

A pop up “holiday village” in Bryant Park. *

ANNE

This is so beautiful!

Josh enters wearing shorts in winter like a total psychopath.

ANNE (CONT'D)

Oh, there’s Josh!

JOSH

Hey fellas! How’s Hallheart Village

treatin’ ya? You see that gay movie

they did? That was kinda dope.

BOBBY

Yeah. For years they ignored us.

Now their audience has gotten 10%

less homophobic so we’re a new

demographic they can sell shit to.

I mean, look at these movies.

Bobby points at a display with all the Hallheart movie

posters.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

“Have Yourself A Heteronormative

Little Christmas.” “Homosexual

Atheists in Toyland.” “It’s A

Wonderful Life But With Gay Guys.”

“Home Alone But With Sarah

Paulson.” “Have Yourself A Merry

Little Nas Xmas.” And “How the

Grinch Stole Chris!” It’s pathetic.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 90.

91.

AARON

I assumed you’d think it was

progress?

BOBBY

Well I don’t.

AARON’S MOM

Josh! Come get skates! I want you

and Aaron on the ice for old time’s

sake! Bobby, Aaron and Josh played

hockey together in high school!

Josh heads towards her.

AARON

Can’t you take it down a notch?

BOBBY

What’re you talking about?

AARON

We’ve only been with my parents two

hours and you’ve already mentioned

transgender mannequins, HIV

prevention and you pointed out the

route for the 1976 Dyke March.

BOBBY

They’re fine. What is your problem?

AARON

I’m nervous ok? I’ve never

introduced them to anyone. I don’t

want them to get weirded out. I

just wanna have like a chill,

normal time.

BOBBY

I’m just being myself.

AARON

Well can you maybe be a little bit

less of yourself? Just for like 3

hours? I want them to like you.

BOBBY

(hurt but covering)

Oh. Ok. Sure. I’ll just...be quiet.

PETER

BOBBY!!! Oh my god, hi!!!

91.

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 92.

Suddenly they all turn around and PETER, PAUL, AND MARTY are

walking towards them holding hands. *

AARON

(under his breath)

Oh Jesus Christ.

BOBBY

We should go. We have a

reservation.

AARON

Where’s dinner again?

INT. THEME RESTAURANT - NIGHT84 84

A very flamboyant singing waiter is finishing up belting out

“I’M FLYING” from Peter Pan either on a small stage or in

between the tables at a restaurant where the servers

sometimes break out into song.

SINGING WAITER

(singing to a track)

“I’m flying...look at me, way up

high, suddenly here I am, I’m

flyyyyinggggg!”

The diners including Aaron’s family applauds.

AARON

How’re the Polar Bears doing, dad?

(to Bobby)

That’s the team Josh and I were on.

Bobby smiles and nods. He doesn’t seem like himself. He’s

clearly trying hard to seem quiet and not say much.

BRUCE

Haven’t won all year. I told Josh

they need you boys to come back!

They all laugh. Bobby puts on the weird “polite” smile again

and nods without making sound.

ANNE

Bobby, you seem quiet tonight. Is

everything alright?

BOBBY

Me? Oh yes I’m fine. I’m sorry, I

hope I didn’t talk too much today.

This is actually how I usually am.

I’m very quiet.

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 92.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

93.

Very quiet and just very, very

normal. Most people think I’m

straight.

Aaron sighs. His parents are confused but laugh politely.

ANNE

Well, thank you again for planning

such a lovely day. It was perfect.

BOBBY

You’re so welcome, Mrs. Shepard.

ANNE

But you have to stop calling me

Mrs. Shepard. You sound like one of

my students! Call me Anne.

BOBBY

Ok I will!

AARON

Mom’s been teaching 2nd grade for

almost 40 years now.

BOBBY

That’s so great. Good teachers are

so important, now more than ever.

ANNE

Thank you, I agree! And Aaron says

you’re working in an American

History Museum?

BOBBY

Well...yes. Yes it is. It’s an

American History Museum.

Bobby takes a sip of his drink.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Well, specifically, it’s an LGBTQ

History Museum. It’s actually the

first major queer history museum in

America. Do you teach your students

any gay history? I know in a few

states they’re finally teaching it.

ANNE

Well I teach 2nd grade so, no.

BOBBY

Ah. Right. I see.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

93.

94.

Bobby takes a sip of his drink.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Out of curiosity, why not?

ANNE

Well, second grade - I think

they’re a little young for that.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m sure that

history is fascinating, I just

think that’s a little young.

BOBBY

Right, right. I understand.

(beat)

I don’t think so though.

AARON

Bobby.

BOBBY

If I may disagree. Respectfully.

Honestly that’s the best time to

teach them - when they’re young.

That way they have an appreciation

for LGBT people before they start

bullying each other or hating

themselves if they’re gay.

ANNE

Well, maybe you’re right.

Anne takes a sip of her drink.

ANNE (CONT'D)

Feels a little young though.

BOBBY

Oh totally. I get it.

Bobby takes a sip of his drink.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

It’s not though. You should think

about it. Illinois passed a law

that mandates LGBT history be

taught in elementary schools. So

did New Jersey.

ANNE

Oh I know, dear. It just - it just

feels a little young.

94.

(MORE)

95.

BOBBY

I understand. I’ll drop it! Agree

to disagree!

ANNE

Cheers to that!

They all laugh and clink glasses.

BOBBY

It’s not really that young though.

It’s not that young.

AARON

Can you please drop this?

BOBBY

Well no I can’t. We’re talking

about gay kids here, it’s

important. Look at the things we

teach kids all the time. We keep

gay people a secret to 5 year olds

but they literally know everything

about mermaids??

AARON

Oh my God.

BOBBY

I’m telling you - one of the things

that saved me is that my parents

exposed me to gay stories when I

was young. When I was 12 years old

we saw a Broadway play called “Love

and Compassion” about gay men

spending a summer on Fire Island.

And all of a sudden the curtain

goes up and there are 7 completely

naked gay men on stage. There I am

at age 12 - sitting in between my

mom and dad - looking at 7 soft

penises. And it. was. wonderful.

And then two men start kissing. And

then they start talking dirty. At

one point one of them yelled out

“Pound my prostate! Pound my

prostate!” - Anne, I swear I didn’t

even know what that was! But it was

amazing. It had a profound effect

on me. To know that I could sit

there with my parents and see seven

soft penises - seven penises, Anne -

I was 12 - and to know my parents

were ok with that?

(MORE)

95.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

96.

My point is, we need to remove the

stigma from all of this so gay kids

can feel good about themselves. I

mean, look at Aaron and how much he

hates his life-

AARON

Bobby -

BOBBY

I’m just saying, there is a direct

correlation between how unhappy you

are and what you didn’t learn about

your potential as a child -

AARON

Bobby. What is wrong with you? He’s

just performing. This is what he

does.

BOBBY

Performing? This is the truth about

gay kids, some of whom are in your

class, Anne. We’re all accountable!

AARON

Enough. Seriously. I will kill you.

ANNE (V.O.)

(with real worry and

concern)

Aaron - you hate your life?

Suddenly waiters start to sing the “RAMA LAMA LAMA” bridge

from “We Go Together” from Grease while they dance joyously

around the table, circling the family.

EXT. THEME RESTAURANT - NIGHT. 85 85

Bobby and Aaron wave goodbye as the parents drive off.

BOBBY

Well your brother’s a real

chatterbox.

Aaron remains silent. He hails a cab.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Hey. Are you mad?

BOBBY (CONT'D)

96.

97.

AARON

(clearly mad)

Me? Nah. I’m great. Josh is texting

me. I’m gonna go to this bar.

BOBBY

I think we should talk about this.

AARON

Oh you wanna talk more?

BOBBY

I think it’s more important than

going to party with Josh the Self

Loathing Giant who took 35 years to

come out.

AARON

Not everyone’s you, Bobby.

BOBBY

Ok but 35 years? My god, J.R.R.

Tolkien took less time with his

journey.

AARON

God, you are fucking relentless.

Aaron gets in a cab and slams the door as it drives off.

BOBBY

Fuck!!!

Bobby paces. He jumps in a cab and follows Aaron.

INT. GAY BAR86 86

Bobby walks through the bar but can’t find Aaron.

EXT. GAY BAR ALLEY 87 87

Josh and Aaron are in an alley outside the bar. They’re drunk

and kinda flirty. Josh tries to kiss him. Aaron pulls away.

AARON

Whoa whoa whoa -

Josh tries again. This time Aaron lets it happen.

97.

98.

EXT. GAY BAR ALLEY - CONTINUOUS88 88

Bobby walks outside and sees Aaron and Josh making out.

BOBBY

Aaron! What the fuck are you doing?

Aaron pulls away from Josh.

AARON

Oh shit. Bobby it’s nothing, we

were just playing around.

BOBBY

You were just playing around? What

the fuck is wrong with you??

JOSH

This is my fault. I’m sorry man. I

kissed him. It’s not his -

BOBBY

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!

Josh stumbles away.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

What the hell are you doing?

AARON

Bobby, calm down.

BOBBY

My God I was so fucking stupid! I

knew it from the beginning and I

tried to tell myself it wasn’t

true! Cause I see the guys you look

at Aaron! All these wannabe

straight fucking bros, at the club,

in the park. Everywhere we go.

Josh? Fucking Josh??

AARON

That’s not true-

BOBBY

Then just go be with them Aaron! If

that’s what you want. But I will

not let you drag me into this any

further and I will not let you

break my heart. I am too smart for

that.

98.

(MORE)

99.

AARON

Bobby! God! Let me speak! You think

you’re so perfect? You think you

never do anything wrong? Why did

you say that shit about me in front

of my parents? I begged you not to

embarrass me. But you couldn’t help

yourself! What is wrong with you?

BOBBY

Oh don’t turn this around on me.

This is all on you. “Tone it down,

Bobby.” “Take it down a notch,

Bobby.” “Can’t you just be a little

bit less of yourself?” Fuck you.

How dare you. You don’t think I

know what that means? You don’t

think I know what that’s code for?

You don’t think I’ve heard that my

whole fucking life? I didn’t come

this far just to have a self-

loathing sad aging frat boy tell me

I’m embarrassing. All of a sudden I

embarrass you? I will not apologize

for who I am. I will leave that to

you.

AARON

Oh my God Bobby I am so sick of

this whole self-righteous act. Stop

being so fucking dramatic. I wasn’t

asking you to “change who you are.”

I was just asking you to be

sensitive about my insecurities in

front of my parents. And yes I know

that’s pathetic for a 38 year old

man but I’m a fucking human ok? And

I just wanted you to be a little

understanding. But no - you had to

turn it into The Bobby Show and

make it about you like you always

do. Who does that? I got drunk and

kissed an old friend behind a bar.

I’m not saying it was right. And

I’m sorry. But don’t act so

virtuous because you’re just a

selfish mess like the rest of us.

BOBBY

But what exactly were you so

embarrassed by today? Huh? That’s

what I want to know. That I talked

about what I do? That I sound the

way I sound?

(MORE)

99.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

(MORE)

100.

That I couldn’t keep up with you

and Josh during your little hockey

game? Or that no matter how much

you like me I am still not as hot

to you as a real man? Isn’t that

right Aaron? Just fucking say it

because I already know.

Aaron doesn’t respond. Bobby is devastated.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

I can’t believe I trusted you.

Simple men. With bad taste. Never

trust them.

AARON

You can trust me -

BOBBY

It’s fine. I’m fine. But you are

who you are, Aaron. You like what

you like. And I know how this ends.

And it does not end well for me.

And we don’t have to put each other

through this. Isn’t that the great

thing about being guys like you and

me? Because I have never needed

this. Until now. And I am mad at

you for making me want it.

Bobby starts to walk off.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Look, maybe we’re just not

relationship people. I guess we

knew that. It’s ok. We tried.

Bobby starts to walk away, fighting back tears. As he does a

man approaches with a clipboard.

PRODUCER

Bobby, I’m so sorry but do you mind

signing this release?

BOBBY

Wait, what? Release for what?

PRODUCER

There are cameras here. We’re

filming a new Netflix series.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

(MORE)

100.

PRODUCER (CONT'D)

101.

It’s called “Dude, Where’s My

Dude?” It’s like “Dude Where’s My

Car” but instead of looking for a

car we follow these hot, recently

out male athletes looking for love

with other hot recently out male

athletes. We’re following Josh

Evans in this episode.

BOBBY

Are you fucking kidding me? Get the

fuck out of here!! You’re filming

Josh Evans? You think it’s hard to

be gay for 6 weeks? Try being gay

for 40 fucking years!!!

A camera crew rushes up to Bobby. He pushes them away and

storms off.

INT. BOBBY'S APARTMENT - NEW YEAR’S EVE89 89

A sad, disheveled Bobby is curled up watching TV. The apt is

a mess. Empty pizza boxes, whiskey, and candles from a

menorah melted on to a copy of GAY LINCOLN.

HALLHEART TV ANNOUNCER

“And now, Hallheart proudly

presents our first polyamorous

holiday film, “A Holly, Poly

Christmas.”

On TV, 7 lovers stand on a pretty, Christmas-y street.

POLYAMOROUS MAN

Look! It’s snowing! It’s snowing on

all 7 of us!!!

The 7 lovers on TV all embrace. Bobby tears up. He switches

to watching a Queer Eye makeover and now sobs uncontrollably.

BOBBY

What is happening to me???

But Queer Eye gives him an idea...

EXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY90 90

Bobby FaceTimes with Henry.

BOBBY

I want steroids.

PRODUCER (CONT'D)

101.

102.

HENRY

What? No you don't. You’re insane.

BOBBY

I just want to try it!

HENRY

Bobby -

BOBBY

I keep working out but I don’t get

bigger! I wanna be big.

HENRY

But how big do you wanna be?

BOBBY

I wanna be big like The Rock. I

wanna be so big people think I’m

headed back to Jumanji. I wanna be

fucking HUGE.

HENRY

You know steroids don’t make you

big on their own, right? You still

have to work out and you can’t miss

the window.

BOBBY

I know! Let’s do it!!!

INT. BOBBY’S BATHROOM - DAY91 91

Bobby's nervous to give himself the steroid injection. He

closes his eyes and jabs the needle in. It hurts.

INT. CRUNCH GYM - LATER THAT DAY92 92

Bobby sees Joel about to bench press. He walks over to

introduce himself but loses his confidence. In SLO-MO, Bobby

turns his baseball cap around to look more like a BRO. Bobby

changes his personality and does a fake, deep, bro-y voice.

JOEL

Sup.

BOBBY

Sup.

There are two 45 lb plates on the bar. Joel loads up six more

plates, way more than Bobby could possibly help him with.

102.

103.

JOEL

Can you spot me bro?

Joel lies down under the bar and starts to strain on the bar.

JOEL (CONT'D)

Gonna need some help here, bro.

Bobby strains, turning red, as he attempts to lift the bar.

BOBBY

Yeah bro. I got it, bro.

This is rapidly turning into a slow motion emergency, where

NEITHER Bobby nor Joel can lift the bar.

JOEL

Gonna need some help bro.

BOBBY

(to a passive stranger)

Gonna need some help here, bro.

No one stops. Then, using all possible strength, Joel

verrrrrrrry slowly lifts the bar up onto the rack while Bobby

grunts along with him. They both catch their breath, then:

JOEL

So... hope you don’t mind me asking

this but...you wanna get a juice?

BOBBY

Fuck yeah bro. Love juice.

INT. JOEL’S APARTMENT - LATER93 93

PAN FROM half empty juices to Bobby and Joel hooking up.

Joel’s apt is full of Rangers memorabilia. They finish.

JOEL

Would you, uh, wanna hang out

sometime? Maybe watch a game?

Bobby accidentally drops the bro voice and speaks normally.

BOBBY

Um, oh yeah, sure, I’ll give you my

number.

JOEL

Whoa. What the fuck happened to

your voice?

103.

104.

BOBBY

Oh shit. So, um, I’m sorry, I know

this is really weird. When I walked

up to you, I just kinda did this

voice. To see what you would think.

But it’s not my real voice. I’m so

sorry, I know that’s really weird.

JOEL

Holy Shit. Dude are you a serial

killer? Are you gonna fucking kill

a bro right now?

BOBBY

No, no, I’m not killing a bro, I’m

sorry, I’m really sorry, I’ll just

get my clothes and go, so sorry.

JOEL

You need to leave right now.

Bobby starts frantically putting on clothes.

BOBBY

Ok. But one question. If I had used

my real voice, when I came up to

you, would you have been attracted

to me?

JOEL

Wow. That’s really sad. But yeah. I

think so. Always thought you were

cute in the locker room.

As he walks out, Bobby walks past a Barbra Streisand poster.

BOBBY

Streisand?

JOEL

Of course. I love her. Streisand

fucking rules.

BOBBY

Oh. Ok. I’m so sorry. Goodbye.

INT. BOBBY’S APARTMENT - DAY94 94

Bobby gives himself another steroid shot. Again, he screams.

He gets a text: EMERGENCY MEETING. LINCOLN EXHIBIT DEAD.

104.

105.

INT. MUSEUM, LINCOLN EXHIBIT - DAY95 95

A manic Bobby charges into a chaotic meeting where the board

and other museum employees are discussing replacing the

Lincoln exhibit. Movers are carrying out a Lincoln statue.

BOBBY

What are you doing? NO! STOP!!!

WANDA

Bobby! The Lincoln exhibit is

cancelled. People are threatening a

boycott. They’re pulling donations.

There's simply not enough proof!

BOBBY

You wanna put Lincoln back in the

closet? FINE! I'll put him back in

the fucking closet!

Bobby wrestles the statue away from the movers and throws

Abraham Lincoln in a closet. He slams the closet shut.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Are you happy now? Abraham Lincoln

is back in the closet where you

want him to be! I'm on steroids!

CHERRY

Get a hold of yourself, Bobby!

TAMARA

Bobby, calm down and let's move on.

Angela and I have proposed that the

final exhibit be called Post-Gay.

BOBBY

Post-Gay???

ANGELA

Just being "gay" is old news.

TAMARA

Exactly! This will be a tribute to

bisexuals, non-binary people,

intersex people, asexuals,

aromantics, polyamorous couples and

open marriages. No boring,

heteronormative gay people. All the

possibilities. It’s so exciting!

105.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 106.

BOBBY

What? So now I’m too gay for Aaron

but I’m too straight for you? What

do you want? Should I just be some

big flaming queen you can laugh at

and not take seriously? Or maybe I

should just pretend I’m straight so

guys will want to fuck me? SOMEBODY

PLEASE TELL ME EXACTLY HOW GAY I’M

SUPPOSED TO BE! I mean, you won’t

even let poor Abraham Lincoln be

gay now??

WANDA

Because he wasn't gay, Bobby!

ROBERT

HE WAS BI!

BOBBY

Ok ENOUGH! You need Lincoln to be

straight! You need Lincoln to be

bi! Why can't he just be gay? You

wanna know why? Because you don't

want to be gay, Robert! You're

trying to hold on to some bullshit

shred of masculinity!

ROBERT *

(hurt) *

Are you serious? *

WANDA *

Once again our love stories are

being erased from the record! Which

is one of the reasons we're so

fucked up when it comes to love! If

you can't see it, you can't be it!

You know who said that?

CHERRY

Buddha?

BOBBY

No! Gayle King! You wanna get rid

of our stories, fine! Let's get rid

of them! I have roid rage!

In a swift move, Bobby grabs a gay pride flag and flips the

flagpole over like a weapon. Next to him is a bust of Pete

Buttigieg. He raises the flagpole as if he's about to

demolish the statue.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 106.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 106A.

ANGELA

Bobby, NO!

Angela and Cherry grab the gay pride flag. They fight over it *

in the world's gayest tug of war. Angela yanks it hard, it

rips in two, sending Bobby tumbling to the ground.

WANDA

Angela and the lesbians, HOLD HIM

DOWN!

Angela and the lesbians run and pin Bobby to the ground.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 106A.

(MORE)

107.

CHERRY

You're on steroids?

ANGELA

You can't tell.

BOBBY

You’re all fired!

WANDA

You can’t fire us. It’s a

nonprofit!

ANGELA

You know what? I don’t need this

shit!

CHERRY

Me neither! Lesbians, disperse!

ANGELA

You think kids are gonna wanna come

here? No one likes museums! They’re

boring as shit! Why would I go to a

fucking museum when I can sit in my

living room, put on my VR goggles

and instantly be living in Tokyo?

So as long as we’re all airing our

grievances can I be honest? I hate

the museum and I really fucking

hate storytelling!

There are GASPS in the crowd when Angela says she hates

storytelling. And maybe whispers amongst the crowd of “She

said she hates storytelling! and “She doesn’t like telling

stories!”

ANGELA (CONT'D)

We have too many goddamn stories!

All we do is tell stories! Read

stories, watch stories! Watch

documentaries about the making of a

story! History turns into a story

which turns into some exhausting

thinkpiece about the story which

gets read more than the actual

story itself! I’m sick of it! I’m

sick of it all! I’m sick of reading

things and I’m sick watching

things! Maybe the final wing should

be a big empty room where people

can go to just shut the fuck up! I

don’t want to tell stories!

(MORE)

107.

ANGELA (CONT'D)

107A.

I just want to live! DOESN’T

ANYBODY JUST WANT TO LIVE?!

Angela storms out.

WANDA/CHERRY/TAMARA/ROBERT

Yeah! I quit!/Me too!/Enough is

enough!

They all leave.

BOBBY

Good! LEAVE! All of you! I don’t

need anyone! I’ll open this place

alone if I have to! I’ll do it all

alone!!! Shit! My window! My

workout window!

INT. FITNESS CLASS - “CANDLELIGHT CROSSFIT.” - DAY96 96

Bobby runs to meet his friends at a late night Crossfit class

lit by candlelight. He is a broken man.

HENRY

Oh my God - are you okay?

BOBBY

No, Henry. No I’m not. I lost it

all. The board quit which means

we’re not going to make our opening

which means donors are going to

pull their funding which means the

entire museum is going to fall

apart. All because I tried to be a

bro and I have roid rage.

HENRY

Roid rage? You only did steroids

twice.

ANGELA (CONT'D)

107A.

108.

BOBBY

Henry, you don't understand.

(Bobby starts crying)

I have roid rage.

HENRY

Bobby, people with roid rage aren't

openly weeping. Sweetheart, Aaron

broke your heart so you’re falling

apart.

BOBBY

That’s not it. My heart is fine.

I’m fine. I’m like you. I don’t

need a relationship and I tried to

have one and it didn’t work because

I’m not a relationship person and

I’m better on my own.

HENRY

No Bobby, you’re not like me at all

because I’m happy right now and

you’re miserable.

BOBBY

I wasn’t until I met Aaron!

PETER

You were unhappy then too. That’s

why you judge people so harshly.

Like you judged us. You try to act

like you don’t need anyone but

clearly you do. It’s ok. You’re

human. Technically.

PAUL

Of course the board walked out.

Because you don’t trust anyone

else’s point of view. You don’t

think about where they’re coming

from. Maybe they just got scared.

Maybe, just maybe, not everything

is a personal attack on you.

BOBBY

Oh my God. Maybe you’re right.

Maybe...you’re right and...I’m

wrong? Is that even possible?

MARTY

Of course they’re right. That’s why

I love them.

108.

109.

HENRY

If I were you, I’d go back to the

board, apologize profusely and

really listen to what they have to

say. Before something else you love

passes you by.

BOBBY

I love you boys. Thank you.

They hug. Then all of their phones ding. They look down.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

OH MY GOD THE BABIES! WE GOTTA GO,

WE GOTTA GO!

INT. HOSPITAL MATERNITY WARD - DAY97 97

CUE SONG: "Love is Simple" by KD LANG. Bobby watches from the

sidelines as everyone takes turns holding the adorable

triplets. He misses Aaron. He’s the only one who feels alone.

INT. HOSPITAL CHAPEL - DAY98 98

Bobby walks by a hospital chapel with stained glass windows.

He gets an idea.

INT. MUSEUM BOARDROOM - THE NEXT DAY99 99

BOBBY

I brought cookies from Levain. And

brownies that are vegan. And

crudités for the diabetics among

us.

CHERRY

Get to it.

ROBERT

The clock is ticking.

WANDA

Now in the interest of empathy, I

said we’d hear him out. But I do

have a hard out in twenty, Bobby.

BOBBY

Look, I know I’ve been a very

angry, judgmental person. Now,

anger can be good sometimes. For

years it was the fuel I needed to

keep going -

109.

(MORE)

110.

CHERRY

I’m bored.

BOBBY

When I was starting out, I’d get

upset when I saw another gay man

succeed, not because I didn’t think

they were worthy, but because I

thought it meant there wouldn’t be

room for me. It wasn’t that long

ago the straight world didn’t allow

for that many of us to really

succeed in a big way -

TAMARA

Oh my god, remember straight

people?

ANGELA

Yeah. That was a cute moment.

BOBBY

So I decided I’d be the most

determined, the strongest, the

loudest, the least penetrable and I

would just steamroll over everyone,

and, over time, that turned me into

this self-centered, angry, control

freak. But the truth is, this is

the only community that I love

being a part of. You’re my people -

and we fight like crazy and we

always have - but you’re my people,

and I’m very sorry I was so rude

and that I talked down to you. I

should’ve shown you more respect.

There is no group of people I love

and respect more. That’s the truth.

And I’m just very embarrassed and

I’m so, so sorry.

ROBERT

Man, that shit you said about me -

BOBBY

Especially to you, Robert. Here’s

the thing - when I was growing up,

sometimes guys said they were bi to

avoid admitting they were gay. It

was a way of hiding, a way of

holding on to their masculinity in

order to save face or something.

(MORE)

110.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

111.

I don’t want young gay boys to

think they can’t just be gay, if

that’s what they really are. I just

want them to know that’s ok. That’s

all I’ve ever wanted.

ROBERT

I understand that, and of course I

want that too! But times have

changed, man. Things don’t have to

be black and white. Life is short,

Bobby. I’m not going to deprive

myself of love just to fit into

your limited understanding of the

world. And that’s not me hiding,

I’m not ashamed, this is just who I

am. And it hurts when someone tries

to tell me who the fuck I am.

Especially someone who is supposed

to be on my side.

BOBBY

You’re right. And I’m so sorry. And

you shouldn’t have had to explain

all of that. But I appreciate it.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry to all of you.

Wanda stands up. Gives Bobby a good hard look.

WANDA

Bobby, I want you to know that I

hear you. And... I forgive you.

BOBBY

You do?

Wanda looks at Cherry.

CHERRY

Yeah, me too. You can be a self

centered prick but I guess we

should give you a chance to redeem

yourself.

TAMARA

I was never that upset with you to

begin with. It’s been fun watching

you melt down actually!

BOBBY (CONT'D)

111.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 112.

Everyone looks at Robert for his response.

ROBERT

Well, I give you credit for owning

up to your hypocritical bullshit.

Most people are too proud to do

that. I’m not gonna lie, I’m still

angry. But if we just keep fighting

that’s all we’re ever doing. And I

insist on progress. Not just for

our LGBTQ heroes but for our LGBTQ

assholes too. Like you. So... I

forgive you Bobby.

BOBBY

Thank you so much, Robert. I know I

don’t deserve this. Thank you.

CHERRY

How about you Angela? You still

hate museums? Are you still gonna

quit this place to go out and live

your life?

ANGELA

Well, I realized that in order to

live my life, I need health

insurance. So yeah, I’ll come back. *

WANDA

Well then, we should probably

discuss the final exhibit. And may

I remind you we open in two weeks!

BOBBY

I had a thought actually.

ROBERT

Oh here we go.

CHERRY

That didn’t take long!

BOBBY

No. It’s not my idea. It’s actually

inspired by what you all said. It’s

about love and hope and freedom and

history but mostly it’s about...

(Bobby looks at Tamara) all the

possibilities.

Tamara takes out her airpods. Reveal she’s been listening to *

music. *

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 112.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 112A.

TAMARA *

Sorry, what? *

BOBBY *

Consider this just the beginning of *

the conversation.

Bobby rolls out presentation materials. They smile at them.

ANGELA

I have some ideas too!

BOBBY

Yes please! Bring it on. Let’s

bring all the ideas on.

INT. GAY CLUB - NIGHT100 100

Aaron and Josh hang at a club. Aaron shouts over the music.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 112A.

(MORE)

113.

AARON

Did you read that Atlantic article

about the gender binary being a

relatively new construct?

JOSH EVANS

Nah. Dude there are so many guys

here I can’t focus. Wanna dance?

AARON

No, I’m good. Not much of a dancer.

But you go have fun.

Josh dances off. Aaron is alone. He looks around and realizes

it’s not the same without Bobby. He opens Instagram and sees

that Bobby’s at the same club.

Aaron confronts Bobby.

AARON (CONT'D)

Hey. Can we talk?

EXT. GAY CLUB - NIGHT101 101

Bobby sits down on a bike in a row of stationary Citibikes.

Aaron sits down on one across from him.

BOBBY

What’s up?

AARON

Bobby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,

Bobby. I was angry and I got caught

up in the moment. It wasn’t right.

And I should’ve never asked you not

to be yourself. That was awful. I

just panicked.

BOBBY

Are you still hanging out with him?

You must’ve hooked up with him.

AARON

No. Not at all. He’s really sweet

but... he’s really stupid. Gay guys

can be really stupid remember?

BOBBY

How could I forget?

AARON

I miss you so much. I know I fucked

up. But this is new for me too.

(MORE)

113.

AARON (CONT'D)

114.

And you blew up in front of my

parents and I was embarrassed. And

angry. And, to be honest, it felt

like you were doing it on purpose.

BOBBY

I was. And I’m sorry, that wasn’t

fair. I shouldn’t have handled it

like that. But that doesn’t change

the fact that you are infatuated

with a certain type of guy - and

that isn’t me.

AARON

Look, you’re right - I always

pictured myself with a guy like -

BOBBY

Like Josh.

AARON

Yes. A guy like Josh.

BOBBY

He’s hot. Very symmetrical.

AARON

He is hot. And yes, very

symmetrical. Too symmetrical.

Simple. Conventional. Basic as

hell. Not someone that actually

makes me happy. My whole life I’ve

always done what I thought I should

do, never what I want to do. Never

what really made me happy. And you -

you are very different for me.

You’re not afraid to take up space

in the world - and you challenge me

- which at the beginning freaked me

out because who the hell wants to

be challenged? - but I love it.

You’re what’s been missing. I know

I fucked up but please accept my

apology and give me another chance.

Please. I miss you so much.

BOBBY

I miss you too. A lot. I didn’t

realize until after we broke up

that there were actually a few

months there where I was - what do

they call it - ”in a good mood?”

AARON (CONT'D)

114.

(MORE)

115.

Aaron smiles and puts his hand on Bobby’s knee. Bobby puts

his hand on Aaron’s hand gently.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

But no. I can’t. I’m sorry. My

whole life I’ve prided myself on

being self-aware and self-

reliant and self-possessed. And

it didn’t matter. Because at the

end of the day, I just ended up

in the street looking at you and

Josh and thinking “I’m not

enough for him.” That is not who

I am.

AARON

Bobby, I’m sorry. I feel awful. But

don’t throw this away because of

one mistake! That’s crazy!

BOBBY

I don’t know what to tell you.

AARON

Say you’ll give me another chance!

BOBBY

I can’t.

AARON

Why not?

BOBBY

Because I don’t trust you.

AARON

I love you.

BOBBY

I love you too. You made me realize

that maybe I am just another basic

bitch who wants some love in his

life. As much as I hate to admit

it.

AARON

I know! And I’m here. You’re gonna

ignore that and punish us forever?

I mean, what are we gonna do?

BOBBY

I don’t know. Go back to our lives

I guess?

(MORE)

115.

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 116.

I have to go open “America’s first

gay history museum” remember? The

board decided the final wing should

be above love. The one subject I

don’t know a goddamn thing about.

MUSIC CUE: “Love and Affection” by Joan Armatrading.

They sit in silence on their stationary Citibikes as we get a

wide shot of them against the dark city sky. Bobby gets up.

He looks back at Aaron. Aaron stares back. Bobby walks away.

AARON

Hey!

Bobby looks back at him. Aaron has tears in his eyes.

AARON (CONT'D)

If you don’t trust me, that’s fine.

But if for some reason, under all

that strength and all that

confidence, you still don’t trust

that you’re lovable enough, I’m

here to tell you I am living proof

that you’re wrong.

Bobby takes that in, a bit taken aback by how much Aaron

understands him. But he turns and walks away.

INT. THE LGBTQ SENIOR CENTER - MANHATTAN - DAYA102 A102*

A common room at a community center for LGBTQ senior

citizens. A group of 3 elderly adorable old queens sit around

on chairs and gossip. Aaron walks in arm in arm with Melvin

Funk, who clearly doesn’t want to be there.

MELVIN FUNK

I’m not leaving my money to these

old queens.

AARON

I told you that’s not why we’re

here.

MELVIN FUNK

Then why are we here?

AARON

Because, Mr Funk, it’s never too

late to make friends.

MELVIN FUNK

Oh, take me home!

BOBBY (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 116.

117.

Just then, Melvin and Aaron walk past the three old queens

and listen to them gossiping.

ROGER

Well if they ever do the movie

version of the Sunset Blvd musical,

it has to be Glenn Close!

JERRY

Well Glenn would commit suicide if

it wasn’t her but I’d rather see

Cher.

MAX

I think Meryl would be good.

Melvin can’t help himself and chimes in.

MELVIN FUNK

No, no, no, you’re all wrong. Two

words: Diana. Ross.

ROGER/JERRY/MAX

Oh I love that!/That’s brilliant!/

That’s genius!

Melvin yanks himself away from Aaron, pulls up a chair and

starts gossiping with the queens. Suddenly, an even older

queer person who’s sitting in a chair nearby calls after

Aaron.

COLMAN

Son, what’s your name?

AARON

I’m Aaron.

COLMAN

Hi Aaron. I’m Colman Yiddlesworth.

AARON

Hello Mr. Yiddlesworth.

COLMAN

Can I ask you a question Aaron?

Will you hold my hand? You’re very

cute.

AARON

I’m not sure I’m allowed to do that

sir.

117.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 118.

COLMAN

Oh do an old faggot a favor and

hold my hand! You’ve got your whole

life ahead of you! I’m fading fast!

We only go around once, sugarbutt.

Aaron smiles and reaches out his hand. Colman takes it and

squeezes it gently. After a beat, Colman playfully slaps

Aaron’s butt.

AARON

Now Mr. Yiddlesworth that isn’t

appropriate.

COLMAN

I’m a 92 year old non-binary

pansexual. Cancel me.

Aaron laughs and sit down next to Colman. They sit there in

silence holding hands. It’s sweet and a little sad.

INT. AARON’S BEDROOMAB102 AB102*

Aaron sit in his bed, scrolling through photos of his phone *

of him and Bobby. He eats chocolates out of a box. After *

looking through some photos, he looks down at the chocolates *

and has a realization. *

INT. AARON’S OFFICEB102 B102

Aaron sits across from his assistant ready to have a heart to

heart.

AARON

Hey. So, I’m sorry to spring this

on you out of nowhere but I’ve

decided to quit. The truth is, I

need to follow my passion. Life is

short and if I don’t do it now,

I’ll never do it. So I need to try,

no matter how scary that is. I hope

you understand.

ASSISTANT

Ok. Honestly I’ve worked here for 3

weeks so this really won’t have

much of an impact on me. I’m not

even sure I’m the one you’re

supposed to tell?

AARON

Ok. Well, thanks.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 118.

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 118A.

INT. BOBBY’S APT - NEXT DAY 102 102

Bobby looks at guys on GRINDR. He gets a text from Aaron.

AARON TEXT

GUESS WHO QUIT HIS JOB TODAY?

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 118A.

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 119.

Bobby starts to write back but stops himself. He throws his

remaining steroids and syringes away. ‘

INT. AARON’S APT. - DAY A103 A103

Aaron’s in his kitchen experimenting with making little

chocolates. The kitchen is covered in chocolate, ribbon,

bows, string and that sort of thing.

EXT THE CHOCOLATE SHOPPE - DAY103 103

Aaron walks into the small chocolate shop he and Bobby

visited together at Christmas.

INT. THE CHOCOLATE SHOPPE - DAY104 104

Aaron is talking to the OWNER of the shop and pitching him an

idea. Aaron seems very passionate as he pitches his vision.

INT. THE CHOCOLATE SHOPPE - LATERA105 A105

Aaron has been given a small corner of the Chocolate Shoppe

to sell his uniquely designed chocolates and treats. The

display is in honor of the LGBTQ Museum opening soon. Aaron

has created little chocolates and treats as a tribute to

various LGBTQ cultural icons, including a chocolate Billie

Jean King and cookies with very serious looking faces on them

made out of frosting including Rachel Maddow, Larry Kramer,

Frank Ocean, Laverne Cox, Kristin Stewart, Megan Rapinoe,

Wanda Sykes, Jim Parsons and a gingerbread Elliot Page. He

takes a selfie in front of the display and texts it to Bobby.

Aaron films a video on his phone to show Bobby his chocolate *

display. *

AARON *

Hey Bobby. So, I wanted you to be *

the first person to see this! *

Welcome to Aaron Shepard’s *

Chocolate Factory. I made some *

little chocolates. And these are *

some special treats I made to *

celebrate the opening of the *

Museum! These are Harvey Milk Duds; *

this is the first brick thrown at *

Stonewall made out of red velvet *

cake; *

(MORE)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 119.

AARON (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 119A.

instead of a Valentine’s Day heart *

filled with chocolates we have this *

Pink “Silence equals death” *

Triangle filled with chocolates. *

Plus we have cookies featuring *

LGBTQ icons, a gingerbread Eliot *

Page, and a tribute to my favorite *

gay character from TV, TiramaSusan *

from Friends. Ok bye. *

INT. BOBBY’S APT. - SAME DAY 105 105

Bobby gets Aaron’s text. He is shocked but puts the phone

down and doesn’t reply.

INT. AARON'S APARTMENT - NIGHT106 106

Aaron and Jason play a duck hunting video game together in

silence. Aaron is clearly upset but not saying much.

JASON

Dude thanks for letting me crash

here. I know Mom forced you to

invite me but...it’s cool of you.

AARON (CONT'D)

Pink Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 119A.

120.

AARON

Yeah. Sure.

JASON

You ok, bro? Aaron? Yo!

AARON

What? Yeah. Fine. Happy as fuck.

They play silently until a bottled up Aaron needs to talk.

AARON (CONT'D)

I mean, there was that guy but

whatever. It’s over. I’m fine.

Jason’s surprised Aaron’s bringing this up but plays it cool.

JASON

Oh. Yeah. Totally. Dude, these

ducks drive me fucking nuts!

AARON

That’s all you’re going to say?

JASON

What do you want me to say?

AARON

How about “Hey Aaron, how you

holding up? Have you seen him? Have

you spoken to him?” Or any of the